Will My Arms Be Strong Enough?
by Anduria Trianys
Summary: Oh, I hate these things! Right...About two months after Exit Wounds, Gwen and Ianto are injured in an incident with a group of Blowfish and Jack finally realises the team can't function without a proper medic. This is his story...
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Jack shook his head as he watched Gwen and John supporting Ianto into the autopsy bay. From what he had gathered, while he had gone out to try and capture a rogue Weevil (he'd failed), Ianto and Gwen had been called out to answer a call about a Blowfish attempting to rob a small charity shop. It had sounded like a relatively simple job; eliminate the threat (sedate the Blowfish and bring him back to the Hub where he could wait in the cells with Janet), liaise with the police and, where necessary, Retcon bystanders. A simple clean-up operation.

Unfortunately, the intelligence they had received had not been entirely accurate, to say the least. As soon as Gwen and Ianto had appeared on the scene, one Blowfish had quickly become five, two of which were severely intoxicated.

A Blowfish in itself was dangerous. A Blowfish with alcohol was even more so.

Oh, and, just to make things even better, they had been taking hostages.

Luckily, John had been at the Hub on standby and had been able to get to them fairly quickly once had had learned the gravity of the situation. Five bullets later and there were five very dead aliens at the former Time Agent's feet. Ordinarily, Jack would have been horrified, if not shocked, by his former partner's slightly over-aggressive techniques, but this time, he found that he was grateful for them. If those aliens had killed anyone...if they had hurt Ianto any more than he already was...just the thought made Jack shudder in anger.

But, whether he liked it or not, what the incident had also done was bring home an important truth - something that Jack knew he had been putting off for far too long.

~*~

After Gwen had given the team her report on the events, Jack asked Ianto to meet him in the hothouse. He saw a confused look on Gwen's face as they left - she must have noticed that his face was too serious for this to be about his and Ianto's private relationship - but he ignored it. Even if she was, strictly speaking, his second-in-command, what he was about to ask would concern Ianto far more.

He leaned on the table in the middle of the room.

"We can't go on like this," he stated. "What happened to you, both of you, today...it made me realise something that I've known for a long time, but never wanted to admit."

"We need a doctor," finished Ianto. "I know, Jack - and, as good as she is with alien autopsies, Andie can't be that."

Jack shook his head; Andrea, or Andie, Carlowe, was an old friend of his whom he had recruited to oversee the autopsies. She was a great employee, but she wasn't a medical doctor. "No, she can't." He closed his eyes. "I guess I just haven't been ready to let go of Owen," he admitted. "And, for what it's worth, I didn't want to have to replace Tosh, either."

Ianto blinked in surprise. "I - Jack, I never thought you did!" he exclaimed. "Listen, what I was shocked by was that it was Captain Hart - sorry, John - who you brought in. I know he's a good field agent, very good even - and I never had a problem with Tosh being replaced, never."

A brief smile flickered over Jack's face. "Thank you," he said quietly, reaching out to take his partner's hand. "You're the only person who's never asked why I could replace Tosh, but could never bring myself to replace Owen -"

"Until now," interrupted Ianto, wanting to get back to the original issue. "Who were you thinking of recruiting? None of the recommended doctors were right, and Martha -"

"I know," answered Jack. "But there is still one more who I think is right. However, I wanted to talk it over with you first."

Now, Ianto was confused. "Why?" Jack didn't speak; instead he motioned to a pile of notes. Curious, Ianto picked them up and started to look at them - and his heart stopped in shock.

"You can't be serious!" he exclaimed. "You can't be!"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Jack nodded. "Ianto, Nick is perfectly well-qualified and he knows both of us well. And…I know that he knows about Torchwood."

Ianto froze. "Jack, I swear…I didn't –"

"Hey, calm down." Jack pulled the young man close to him. "I know you didn't tell him – Nick collared me one day and told me how he found out. And, before you ask, no – I'm not going to Retcon him."

Ianto shuddered. "Jack…he's only twenty-five…" he whispered.

Jack nodded. "Owen was only twenty-three when I recruited him and look how brilliant he was."

"But he's," Ianto's voice was almost inaudible now, "he's my cousin and…my best friend."

"I know." Jack moved back and took Ianto's face in his hands. "And that's exactly why I won't approach him unless I know that you are going to be absolutely all right with it."

Ianto bit his lip. He couldn't deny that the thought of working alongside his best friend was a wonderful one, but at the same time, he was terrified of Nick being in danger – or worse, getting himself killed. On the other hand, a 'break from reality', as John Hart would often put it, could be just what his cousin needed in a twisted sort of way. His wife, Alison, had, two months ago, given birth to their second child, Estelle, and had been suffering terrible post-natal depression since. Ianto knew that Nick had been trying everything to help her, but she had only gotten worse.

He was about to ask Jack if he could have some time to think about it when his mobile rang. Barely even pausing to notice the surprised smile on his lover's face at the choice of ringtone ('Moonlight Serenade'), he answered it with a rather tense, "Jones".

Jack watched as his partner's face turned from thoughtful to confused. "Yes," he was saying now, "yes, this is Ianto Jones. What –"

But the person at the other end must have started talking over him, because suddenly his face turned white and he bolted out of the hothouse.

Jack sighed and began to thumb through the information the others had managed to gather about Nick Jones. There was no doubt about it; professionally, the young man was the best candidate for the job and Jack knew, from personal experience, that he wouldn't have trouble fitting in with the others.

Nevertheless, he also knew that he would keep his word to Ianto. No matter how good he knew Nick was and no matter how desperately he wanted him to work for them, the only way that Jack would even consider approaching him would be after making absolutely sure that his lover was completely comfortable with the idea.

Moments later, Ianto re-appeared in the doorway, his mobile still in his hand. He appeared calm, but after examining his face closely, Jack realised that he was severely shaken.

"What happened?" he asked, standing up and taking his hands so that he could stroke his knuckles gently. "Are you all right?"

"That was the police." Ianto's voice sounded strange – hollow – to his own ears. "There's…there's been an accident…a bad crash…they found a body…" He sank down onto the floor, the words from the police officer still echoing and running through his mind.

Cautiously, Jack kneeled beside him and pulled him close, still stroking his hands. "It's all right," he soothed, "just take deep breaths; you're all right, now." He sat and gently rubbed soothing circles over Ianto's back with his free hand. "Just take deep breaths…" he repeated, "and let them out slowly."

Gradually, Ianto did calm down and, with a supreme effort, he turned to look at Jack, trying to focus on the kindness and love in the older man's eyes. When he spoke, he found that he almost couldn't hear his own voice, but that didn't matter. All he wanted to do was drown in Jack's eyes.

But try as he might, he couldn't completely block out his own words.

"It's my dad's car. They want me to identify the body."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The crash site really was a mess. Bits of scrap metal scattered the road ahead and behind the scene. As for the car…all that could be clearly seen was the number plate on the front. No one could have survived, especially in such an old and battered vehicle.

PC Andy Davidson sighed as he got off the phone. This was the part of the job he hated; having to break the news to someone that a relative's car had been involved in a fatal accident. He had been the one to do it many times in his career, both to the victim's families and to the families of the ones who had caused the crashes in the first place.

And sometimes, he wasn't sure which was worse.

Not for the first time, the young officer found himself missing Gwen. She had always been good at this sort of thing; informing relatives and friends of a tragedy. It was one of the many qualities he had admired in her from afar during their days as police partners. He had, occasionally, teased her for being too soft-hearted, and she had teased him for being, as she put it 'clinical'.

How ironic it was; one of the last times he had seen Gwen had been when he had called her to help investigate the disappearance of Jonah Bevan. He had been quite shocked to find her so changed. She had said that he had become softer, and perhaps he had. But, at the same time, he couldn't help but think that she had grown…well, hard, would be the best way to put it.

"Bloody Torchwood," he muttered under his breath.

His colleague nodded sympathetically. "You're telling me, but this isn't a Torchwood operation. All we need is confirmation of the identification of the body and then it's back in our hands."

Andy nodded grimly. The other officer was right. All they needed was for Ianto Jones to confirm that the man who had been killed actually was his father and then that would be that.

He stopped in surprise. Had he really thought that? Had he really thought that that would be it? Even if Torchwood – and Jack _bloody _Harkness – didn't step in and claim the operation as their own, there was no way that Ianto Jones would want to let it go, if this man was his father. And, of course, there was no way that the police could let it go.

He shuddered. Bloody hell…even when you didn't work for them, there was something about Torchwood that had a way of turning you hard.

~*~

"I'll be right with you," Jack told Ianto as the SUV turned the corner onto the road where the crash site was. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"For God's sake, Jack, this is the fifth time you've asked me!" snapped Ianto. "And, for the fifth time, yes, I'm sure I want to do this, and yes, I know you'll be right there!" He rubbed his temples, feeling a headache coming on.

Jack nodded and turned back to the road. "I just want you to know that I'm here," he said.

"I'm sorry." Ianto closed his eyes for a second, breathing deeply. "I just want to get this over with." He grimaced as his shoulder throbbed from where the Blowfish had attacked him earlier.

Jack gave him a concerned look. "Are you in pain?"

Ianto was about to reply that he was fine, but after one look at his lover's face, he changed his mind. He knew that he had a stubborn streak, but he also knew when to stop.

"A little," he admitted. "It's not too bad, just a bit of throbbing, that's all. Andie patched me up pretty well, all things considered."

Jack shook his head. "I know she did. But it doesn't change anything. We still need a doctor."

"I know."

They drove towards the cordoned off area and saw their first glimpse of what had happened.

"Bloody hell," Jack whispered. He didn't even need to go any closer than they were to know that there was no way that anyone could have survived. Swallowing the lump in his chest, he parked the car and rested a hand on Ianto's knee. "You okay?"

Ianto had turned very pale, but he still managed to whisper, "Yeah." That one word seemed to snap him out of his daze slightly and he turned round. "I have to do this, Jack."

"Okay." Jack nodded and, leaning over, lightly kissed Ianto's forehead. "Just remember –"

"I know." Ianto was already getting out of the car. "I'll be fine, Jack."

If the crash had looked bad from a distance, that was nothing compared to how it looked once you actually got close up. Jack had to turn away for a few seconds to compose himself before he could join Ianto, who was deep in conversation with Andy.

"Is it him?" he asked.

"I don't know," replied Ianto, his voice eerily calm. "I'm just about to look." He bent down towards the car and, with Andy's guidance, managed to get close enough for a clear view of the body. A cold hand seemed to close over his heart as he recognised the familiar face. "Dad…"

At the sound of that heartbreaking whisper, Jack didn't waste a second, but bent down instantly and pulled Ianto into his arms. "I'd take that as a yes," he said rather brusquely to Andy.

"It's him." Ianto's voice was tense. "That's my dad…"

"You're sure?" pressed the other officer.

"Of course he's sure!" replied Jack angrily. "Do you think he wouldn't recognise his own father?" He calmed down when he felt his partner shudder. "Shh," he whispered, stroking his hair, "it's all right, Ianto; it's all right."

Suddenly, another officer, this one a young woman, jogged up to them. "Andy," she said, "we've found something." She showed them a small handbag. "It was found next to the bridge and the ID says that it belongs to a woman called," she checked the driver's license. "Alison Jones."

At that, Ianto sat bolt upright. "Oh, my God…" he whispered.

"Do you know her?" asked Andy.

"She's his cousin's wife," said Jack. "And she has severe post-natal depression." He stood up and took the small bag off the woman. "We'll take it from here," were his last words before he led Ianto back to the SUV.

Andy stared after them in astonishment. "Bloody Torchwood," he muttered, but found that he couldn't muster the usual rancor into the words.

~*~

"Are you okay?" Jack asked Ianto once they were back in the SUV.

"I'm fine." Ianto's voice was little more than a whisper. "Well…I will be."

Jack leaned over and kissed him softly. "I love you, Ianto…I really do."

"I know." Ianto squeezed Jack's hand. "Come on, let's go and see Nick."

***

_Next Time: Jack and Ianto have to break some bad news to a good friend, but all is not as it seems when Jack receives shocking news. _


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The SUV pulled up half an hour later outside a block of flats in an area of Cardiff that was, to put it mildly, considerably more dingy than the vibrant neighborhood where Gwen and Rhys lived. It wasn't quite the 'rat infested dump' that it had been made out to be, but it was certainly close. Dead leaves, bits of litter and things that could be animal carcasses buzzing with flies cluttered the pavement and the buildings were covered in strange stains and something that looked horribly like mould. An all-pervading stench of rotten cabbage, sweaty socks and something that didn't deign itself any identification was beginning to invade the car.

Jack retched slightly as it hit him. "This is where Nick lives?" he said incredulously. "I wouldn't expect a stray dog to live in a place like this!"

"Yet several still do," replied Ianto as he unbuckled his seatbelt. "Nick is only a very new junior doctor who's taken a lot of time off work after he's been ill and is also now on paternity leave; there was nowhere else he could afford." He kissed Jack quickly, sensing a protest. "Besides, it's better on the inside…well, for the most part. Just hold your nose until you're past the third floor."

"Which floor's Nick on?"

"The tenth – or at least he was the last time I saw him. I think he's trying to get a better place now that he's got the children – clearer air and more space, or something."

Jack nodded and stepped out of the car. He winced; the stench that faced him now made the experience in the SUV seem effortless. Nevertheless, he gritted his teeth and drew his coat over his mouth and nose, ignoring the slight huff from his right.

Ianto had been right about the inside of the building; it looked cleaner than the outside, but the smell on the first three floors was so pungent that it would have made Owen wince, even after his death. Despite what his partner had said, however, Jack didn't entertain the thought of speaking until they had passed the fifth floor, when he finally asked Ianto just what sort of a place this was.

"Don't judge a block of flats by the first floors," Ianto replied, and then dropped his voice. "To be honest with you, it's not really the flats as much as the tenants. Seriously, I think everyone on those first three floors is related to each other in some way, shape or form. Nick was on the fourth floor when he first moved here and he said that he could hear everything from the floors below – and that's taking into account how thick the walls are round here. You could drill through them and no one would notice until they found a gaping hole in the living room."

"Good thing he moved up six floors then," replied Jack with a chuckle. But then the reason why they were here came back to him and he turned serious. "This is going to devastate him, isn't it?"

"Yes." Ianto didn't mince his words. "But, believe me, it'll go down a lot easier coming from us than it will coming from the police."

Jack nodded. He knew from experience that, had it been him who was about to get this news, he would want to hear it from someone whom he knew and trusted rather than from the police.

Twenty minutes later, they arrived, somewhat breathless, at the tenth floor. As they'd gone up, Jack had been interested to note that the quality of the surroundings had improved floor by floor. Compared to what the first three levels had been like, the tenth was practically a palace. He made this comment to Ianto, who smiled.

"To be honest, I don't really know why that is either," he admitted. "I mean, there are a few real…" he let his voice tail off, "on the ninth floor and that was well-cleaned." He took a deep breath and tapped on the door. "Are you ready for this?" Jack looked at him and raised his eyebrows as if to ask 'Do we have a choice?' Ianto took the point and tapped again, a little louder.

The door opened a moment later and Jack was greeted by a familiar auburn-haired and hazel-eyed young man. He looked tired and stressed out, but when he saw them, his face lit up.

"Hey," he said, shaking both their hands. "Not seen you two for a while. Come in, come in – sorry about the mess, Alison's been a bit…well, you know." For a moment, the shutters seemed to come down over his face, but then he coughed and smiled. "Anyway…Catrin's staying over for a few days, you know, just to help out. I have to admit, I'm glad to have her help. It's not easy having a baby, you know!" He laughed, a little too long and a little to loudly, but no one commented on that.

Jack snorted. "You have no idea," he muttered, but only so that Ianto could hear him.

Nick led them through to the small sitting room, picking up baby toys along the way. His sister, Catrin, was sat in a chair rocking two-month-old Estelle in her arms and singing a lullaby. At her feet, three-year-old Trevyn was rolling a ball along the carpet. She smiled up at them as they entered.

"Good to see you both again – it's been too long," she said. "I hope you're both well."

"Yes, quite well," answered Jack, glancing around the flat. It was tiny, but warm and clean. "I'm sorry it's been so long since we've seen you, and under other circumstances, I'd say it was a pleasure, but…I'm afraid this isn't really a social call."

Nick came out of the kitchen at those words. "That sounds serious."

Ianto picked up the story. "It is." He paused for a moment to gather his thoughts and consider his words. "Nick…you might want to sit down." He looked at Jack, who nodded and squeezed his hand reassuringly. "There was…a crash, earlier today, a bad one. We were…called to the scene…to identify one of the bodies left there."

"That's terrible," Nick said. "But…why were you two involved? Couldn't the police handle it?"

Ianto closed his eyes and stared at his hands, forcing his emotions not to overwhelm his as he delivered the killing blow.

"It was Dad, Nick. Dad was the victim of the crash. There was no way he could have survived."

Nick turned white. "No…oh, no…"

"I'm sorry." Ianto knew that his father and his cousin had gotten along very well. "Believe me, I didn't want it to be him, but…I identified his body myself."

Jack reached over and slipped an arm around his partner's waist, rubbing his hip bone comfortingly, even though he didn't say anything. At the same time, Catrin gently laid the sleeping baby in the crib and came to sit beside her brother, squeezing his hand.

Nick, however, continued to look at Ianto, who was watching him closely. "I know that look," he said, his voice calm. "There's more, isn't there? Ianto…what aren't you telling me?"

Ianto gulped and for the first time in several years, cursed Nick's ability to read him so well. They had been good friends, right from when they were children, and, as such, had grown to know each other very well. Usually, Ianto loved having someone there who understood him like that, but this time, considering the terrible news he was about to break to him, he was feeling considerably less happy about it.

But he knew there was nothing for it. "Yes, Nick, there is something else."

"Tell me."

Ianto bit his lip hard, trying to focus on Jack's hand stroking his hip as he spoke. "We were directly over the Bristol Channel when we were overseeing the crash. One of the police officers noticed tire marks going towards the edge of the bridge – directly behind Dad's car. It looked like he'd seen something and hurried towards it…and then crashed…"

Jack, suddenly sensing that Ianto was starting to get upset, quickly took over. "Nick," he said gently, "we went to check out what could have made your uncle veer over there so quickly…and we found this." He reached into his coat and drew out the handbag. "Do you recognise it?"

Nick took it slowly and ran his fingers over the leather. He tried to speak, to ask what had happened, but the words wouldn't come. Finally, he settled on, "How…?"

"We don't know," answered Jack. "We just found the bag there, but…the police are going to be sending divers into the Channel. If they find anything, they'll let us know, and we'll tell you."

Nick didn't answer. Instead, Catrin leaned over and pulled him close for a hug. "Nick, it's not your fault," she insisted. "You couldn't have forced her to stay inside here, she'd have gone stir-crazy."

"Catrin's right," said Jack. "If you'd kept her here, she'd have just gotten more and more depressed and it would only have made things worse. You know that."

"Well, yeah, but…I should at least have been with her."

"She needed some space and time of her own." Catrin took a deep breath "Nick, you know how annoying it is to be stuck inside all day. Would you have wished that on Alison?"

Nick stared at his sister as if she had slapped him. "No!"

"Jack," Ianto said quickly, "can I talk to you for a moment?" He led his partner into the kitchen and shut the door behind them. "I want us to offer Nick the job at Torchwood."

Jack gaped at him. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." Ianto didn't hesitate. "I thought about it on the way over here and when he came to answer the door, my mind was made up. I know you didn't see it, Jack, because you didn't know what to look for. But the minute I saw him, I knew. Don't ask me to explain it, I don't think I can, but I knew. He needs a change, Jack. He can't keep working in that hospital. It's…" he paused for a second before adding, in a barely audible whisper, "I think it's breaking him inside."

"And you don't think that Torchwood will do that to him?" asked Jack. "Ianto, I'm scared that Torchwood has broken you. I don't want it to break your cousin as well."

"Torchwood did break me once," admitted Ianto, "in London. But then I came here and…you put me back together again – and I think you can do the same for Nick."

Jack was just about to speak when his mobile rang. "It's John," he said, "I'll take it outside while you talk with Nick." He gave Ianto a quick kiss before slipping back outside.

A moment later, Nick joined his cousin in the kitchen. "Jack said you wanted to see me?" The tired look that only a select few knew how to find was back, but his eyes were curious.

"Yes." Ianto took a deep breath. "Nick, do you remember me telling you that two members of our team were killed a couple of months ago?" Nick nodded. "Well, one of them was our medic, Owen Harper. Jack…I think he saw him like a son and he hasn't been able to replace him. So, up until now, we've been without a qualified doctor. But it can't go on any more."

He took a deep breath. "So, what I'm asking you is…would you be interested in the job?"

Nick gaped. "Me? You think…I could work for Torchwood?" He didn't sound revolted by the idea, merely astonished.

"Yes. Nick, you and I both know that you can't keep working in that hospital. It's killing you – slowly but surely, it is killing you."

"Just like what happened in London nearly killed you."

"Exactly – you saw what happened at Canary Wharf. You watched it burn; hell, you helped treat some of the people who were injured. At least ten of the survivors owe you their lives, Nick – well, ten of them and me. God, I owe you as much as I owe Jack."

"He helped you, put you back together. I may have fixed you physically, but Jack healed you mentally." It wasn't a question.

"Yes, he did. And I know that he can do the same for you." Ianto held out his hand. "What do you say, Nick? Will you come and be our official doctor?"

Nick hesitated. "What about Estelle and Trevyn? I can't leave them alone all day."

"You've got a sister who'll look after them!" Catrin shouted from the other room. "For goodness sake, Nick, Ianto's right. That hospital is killing you. You need a change of scene."

Jack, who had returned a second earlier, nodded. "Catrin's right. Just come back with us, Nick. Come and meet the team at least."

This time, Nick didn't hesitate. "Okay."

Later, when they stopped at a garage to refuel the SUV, Jack took Ianto aside. "John was on the phone while you were talking with Nick," he said quietly.

"What did he say?"

"He said that he'd been in touch with the police asking what time the crash happened. He noticed something on the system…something that happened at the same time that Alison disappeared."

For the first time, Ianto noticed how worn out his lover looked. "What was it?" he asked.

Jack looked around. "You can't repeat any of this to Nick," he said. "Not until we're sure."

Now, Ianto began to feel scared. "Jack, what happened? What did he find?"

Jack closed his eyes and when he spoke his voice sounded completely deadened, as if all his energy had been drained from him. But even that couldn't blot out the significance of the words.

"He found a Rift spike."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"But you don't work on a stone slab!" protested Nick as they drove up to the water tower.

Jack smirked. "You're right," he said. "We don't work on a stone slab." He hopped out of the car and held out his hand to the young doctor. "Step up."

Nick looked even more confused now, but he grasped Jack's hand and stepped onto the stone slab. "Where's Ianto going?" he asked as he watched his cousin drive away.

"He's parking the SUV. It's not good manners to leave it on the Plass. I tried that once before." Jack shuddered. "There really are some situations I can't flirt my way out of."

"But then," Nick started to say, "how is he going to – what the hell?!" He had cut himself off because the slab that they were standing on had started to move. With a rather undignified squeak of shock, he held onto Jack's arm in a vice-like grip, screwing his eyes shut. The occasional squeaking of the…well, he presumed it was some sort of lift, wasn't helping things.

Suddenly, they ground to a halt. He felt Jack walk away and slowly opened his eyes. But he'd barely had time to take in three confused faces when something huge flew past him, screeching wildly. He screamed loudly and fell backwards onto the slab, hitting his back hard.

Jack blinked. "Well, that's one reaction I don't remember anyone having to this place," he said, offering a hand. "And I've seen a lot of reactions."

Dazed, Nick took the hand that was offered to him and looked around, as if he was expecting the…whatever it was to come out and attack him. When it didn't, he straightened up and said, "What…what…WHAT?!!!"

Immediately, he felt himself cringing. _Great first impressions, Nick! _

Jack, however, didn't seem particularly fazed by this. "Oh, that's our pet pterodactyl," he said simply. "Ask your cousin for that story one day."

"A…what did you say that was?!"

"Like I said," smiled Jack. "Ask your cousin."

"Actually, it's a pteranodon," said Ianto as he came in through the hidden door. "But I've always thought that pterodactyl sounded a lot sexier."

A man with high cheekbones and green eyes then spoke, in a rather sultry voice. "And, believe me…we're a very sexy organisation."

Jack laughed. "Hey, enough of that," he said, wagging a finger, but didn't have the chance to say any more before Gwen interrupted him.

"Jack," she said, "not to kill the mood or anything, but…just who the hell is this?"

Jack looked at her for a second before turning back to Nick. "Right, yes…Gwen Cooper – black hair – Andrea, or Andie, Carlowe – blonde hair – and John Hart –"

John looked slightly annoyed at that and huffed, "Captain…_Captain _John Hart."

Jack ignored this. "Everyone…this is Dr. Nick Jones."

"And you might want to ignore John's sarcasm," put in Ianto, rolling his eyes at the other former Time Agent.

"Another Jones?" asked Andie, frowning slightly, though more out of curiosity than hostility.

"Yep," replied Jack.

"Oh…is he your brother, Eye-Candy?" asked John, not even attempting to conceal his appreciation of the man stood in front of him.

"No," replied Ianto, rubbing his forehead. "He's my cousin." Suddenly, for some reason, he felt absolutely exhausted.

"But…why is he here?" asked Gwen, turning to look at Ianto. "You lot weren't exactly happy when I brought Rhys here, remember? So why –"

Jack, sensing Ianto's exhaustion, stepped in to reply. "He's here, because what happened today made me realise that we can't carry on the way we have been. When you two were injured, I realised that…we needed a medic."

He took a deep breath. "Now, as you know, I researched several possible replacements for…" he paused, seeming to struggle for several minutes, "Dr. Harper. But I couldn't bring myself to replace him with someone who I didn't think I could trust completely – and who I didn't think would fit in with the team. Ianto introduced me to Nick several months ago and…I trusted him immediately. I also know that he'll fit in well with us."

"You trust him, then?"

"Ianto trusts him with his life. That's good enough – more than good enough – for me."

Nick had had enough. He didn't know why – she had the right to be skeptical – but Gwen Cooper's scrutinizing gaze was unsettling him, deeply. But then he heard Ianto whisper "I owe him my life", so quietly that everyone (except possibly Jack) missed it, and his control snapped.

"Will you all stop talking about me as if I'm not here!" he said angrily. "I haven't even given a definite answer yet – I only said that I'd come and meet the rest of the team."

Jack, John, Andie and even Ianto stared at him in shock. Jack nodded apologetically.

But Gwen still wasn't finished. "You haven't answered my question. Do you trust him?"

"Ianto trusts him," said Jack simply. "And that's good enough for me. And what's good enough for me should be good enough for you – for _all _of you." He was careful to include Nick in this, even as he moved away to walk up to his office. "But to answer your question, yes. I do trust him." He didn't wait for Gwen to say anything else, but instead he walked into his office and shut the door.

Ianto waited for a second and then said, "Andie, why don't you show Nick around while I go and have a word with Jack?"

"Oh, I can help too!" said John enthusiastically, but Ianto merely rolled his eyes and walked off. "What? I can keep my hands to myself!" Andie and Gwen snorted at that.

~*~

When Ianto entered the office (after spending ten minutes warning John to keep his hands to himself), he found Jack sitting on, rather than at, his desk, rubbing his chin. All the humour that had been in his eyes during Nick's introduction had faded and now he was looking into the face of a man who had seen so much and had no idea what to do. He had his mobile in his hand and he was staring at it as if waiting for it to tell him the answer to all the questions in the universe.

"Hey…" he whispered, coming to sit beside him and stroking his hand gently. Cautiously, he eased the phone out of his lover's grasp. "Jack…"

"We can't tell him," croaked Jack, without turning. The words seemed to break him, especially as he knew that they were true.

Ianto shook his head. "Jack, we don't know for sure if it even was her."

"I do." Jack's voice shattered. "I know it was her. Andy just called, said he'd checked the cameras at the time of the crash. He sent me the recordings...I saw her…" He swallowed. "We can't…not after last time. I'm so sorry, Ianto, I just…I can't do that again. I'm sorry."

Ianto didn't hesitate before pulling the older man into a tight embrace. "I know," he whispered, "I was going to say the same thing. I won't let you put yourself through that again, not after what happened with Nikki Bevan. And I know you don't want to put Nick through it either."

Jack tensed up. "No…no, I don't. But I still have to go and get her…"

"I know. But you're not going alone. I'm going with you this time."

Jack was about to object, but the words wouldn't come. He just felt too drained. "Ianto…"

"Hey, it's all right," soothed Ianto, stroking the soft fringe in front of him. "Come on…we'll go over there now…we'll go and wait, okay?"

Jack nodded and kissed him tenderly before lowering himself back onto the floor and half-stumbling into his greatcoat. "Do you want to drive?" he asked as he opened the door.

"I think it's important that I do," replied Ianto. To the others, he said, "We're just going out for a bit – John, you'd better behave yourself."

"When have I ever not?" asked John with an innocence that fooled nobody. He shook his head. "All right, Popsicle, it's time for the tour."

Nick raised his eyebrows. "If you're going to call me by a nickname – and don't even _think _about making that joke – then you could at least call me Squirrel."

Despite herself, Gwen was curious. "Squirrel?" she repeated.

"It's the hair," chipped in Andie, figuring it out immediately.

John raised an eyebrow. "Oh, come of it, Jonesy," he said. "Now…where were we? Oh yes – we were about to give you a tour of the Hub, weren't we? Well, what are we waiting for?"

~*~

_Several hours later…_

"So," said John, tossing his jacket carelessly onto the back of his chair and putting his feet up. "Now you know where we work. I imagine Jack's going to take you down to the shooting range and get you all trained up. He won't want you in the field until you know what you're doing."

Nick blinked at that. "Sorry, but…what do you mean, in the field?"

Andie stared at him. "You'll be going out on missions and Weevil hunts, of course! Do you really think that you were just going to stay here all day?"

John shook his head. "It's a rough job here, Jonesy. You're going to be needed a lot – we tend to get ourselves injured a lot more than we probably should."

He slapped his thighs. "So…do you want the job?"

Nick glanced around the…was it called the Hub? He took in the water-tower, the invisible lift, the computers with their blue screensavers, and finally the space where he knew the pterodactyl – _pteranodon _he quickly corrected himself – was nesting. It sounded dangerous…but at the same time, it sounded like a change. And if there was one thing he needed, it was a change.

"Yeah," he said slowly, pausing to savour the words. "I do."

A moment later, a loud noise echoed through the Hub and the cog door rolled back, to admit Jack and Ianto. Jack avoided eye-contact with all of them, including Ianto who was following him almost in terror, and went straight down to the shooting range. Ianto only paused for a second before following him.

John winced. "Best to leave them to it, isn't it?"

"Yes." Gwen nodded.

Nick was about to ask what was going on, when another loud noise shook the Hub. He almost felt the floor move under him as he realised what it was.

It was the sound of a gunshot.

_Next Time: Nick witnesses a tender moment and realises a painful secret._


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

The gunshot had echoed round the Hub like the closing of a tomb, leaving a deafening quiet in its wake. Gwen pursed her lips slightly and rubbed the bridge of her nose, while Andie closed her eyes and ran her hands through her hair.

Suddenly, Nick was on his feet. "That was a gunshot!" he exclaimed, before racing into the autopsy bay. He emerged a few minutes later, carrying nothing less than a hockey stick. Of course, had he known that the hockey stick belonged to Jack, he might have been more apprehensive about using it.

John eyed him warily. "Where are you going with that?"

Nick gaped at him. "Did you not hear that noise?" he asked. "We've potentially got an armed intruder in here and you're all just going to sit here and do nothing!" He turned on his heel and started to walk away.

"No!" John was on his feet in a flash, grabbing the young man by the arm and spinning him round, holding him close in a vice-like grip and staring straight into his eyes.

"Nick, listen to me. If there is an intruder or anything else down there, then the best policy is to let Jack and Ianto deal with it," he ordered, gently but firmly. "You go running in there, hell-bent and half-cocked and you will end up getting yourself injured or killed."

Nick wrenched himself free. "That is my cousin down there," he said fiercely. "If I can't even protect him – then what the fuck am I even doing here?" With that, he turned his back on the others and stormed away.

Gwen sighed. "This is not how Jack would have wanted him to find out."

"If he'd wanted him to find out," said Andie.

John didn't say anything. Once Nick was out of sight, he had sunk back into his chair, fighting to control the violent rhythm his heart was making in his chest.

He hadn't felt anything like this in a very long time. In fact, he could pinpoint the last time he had all too easily.

It had been when he had first slept with Jack.

~*~

Armed with the hockey stick, Nick crept stealthily towards the shooting range, keeping his ears out for any suspicious sounds. He was careful to stay in the shadows, so that any intruders wouldn't spot him before he had a chance to get to Jack and Ianto.

Now that he was alone, he had time to think, but his thoughts all kept coming back to one pair of green eyes boring into his. God, if any eyes could have seen straight into his soul…

As he almost walked into a wall, Nick blinked and shook himself. What was he thinking? Here he was, having only hours ago lost his wife and his uncle (Ianto's father, no less) and already he was thinking of someone else – and John Hart, no less; a man whom he barely knew.

He shook his head – now really wasn't the time to be dwelling on the tingling feeling flowing through him when John Hart had grabbed his arm and turned him round. His cousin, his best friend, was in potentially very serious danger. No, as attractive as John Hart undoubtedly was, now was definitely the wrong time to be thinking about him.

He took a deep breath – but he almost fell over as a strange, almost tangy, scent hit his nostrils. Puzzled, he moved out of the shadows, forgetting about intruders, and simply decided to follow his nose. His mind reeled as he recognised the scent. He'd never used it before, but he knew it instantly.

_Gunpowder! _

And it wasn't just the scent of long used gunpowder – it was the scent of newly fired powder.

Slowly, he continued on his way, only realising how close he was to the strengthening source of the smell when he heard voices coming from behind the closed door. Craning his neck, he was shocked when he realised that one of the voices belonged to his cousin.

"Why do you do this?" Ianto sounded...strange. "Why do you keep doing this to yourself?"

"What difference does it make?" Jack replied, his voice unusually hoarse. "Whatever happens, I'll just keep coming back, no matter what I do, so why does it matter?"

"Of course it matters!" shouted Ianto. "Jack, none of what happened is your fault! You've got nothing to atone for and yet…" his voice seemed to break, "yet you keep insisting on punishing yourself for it…and I just want to know why."

Nick leaned closer as he heard an indistinct mutter. "What's that?" Ianto asked then. "Jack? What did you say?"

There was a long pause. Then Jack spoke, his voice only fractionally louder than what it had been before, but this time the words were all to clear.

"The same reason you still punish yourself for what happened with Lisa," he said, attempting toneless speech, but failing miserably as his voice broke completely. "Even after all the times that I've told you that I forgave you…that I understand why you did it…you still do it…because you believe that you deserve the pain – even though I've told you, so many times, that you don't."

"Jack –"

"But that's the difference between you and me, Ianto. You don't deserve all the pain you put yourself through. I do…people have died because…because of me…Owen…Toshiko…Estelle…" his voice was lost in gasping sobs as he spoke.

Nick had heard enough. Taking a deep breath, he pushed open the door, just in time to hear Ianto's broken voice say, "Never mind what it does to the people who are still here who love you so much? Every time you…every time I see you do this to yourself, Jack…it kills me a little inside. I've tried not to let it, but it does. I love you so much it hurts…I can't stand seeing you do this…" he was sobbing all out by now. "I'm sorry, but…I can't…"

By this point, Nick had turned the corner and was now taking in a heartbreaking sight. There was an enormous pool of blood in the middle of the floor and, directly in front of it, Jack and Ianto were sat together, wrapped in each others arms as Ianto wept into Jack's shirt.

Jack held him close and rocked him gently. "I'm sorry…I'm so sorry, Ianto…I didn't realise." He paused as his own tears fell slowly. "Shh, shh, I'm here now, it's all right. I promise…shh…"

Nick swallowed as he watched the scene, feeling a huge lump burning in his throat. This was all too familiar; he could remember, as if it had only happened minutes ago, how he had spent weeks holding Alison as she'd wept in his arms, soothing her and comforting her, trying to tell her that everything would be all right…when, in fact, he couldn't believe that it was.

It was this, perhaps, that made him speak out so harshly.

"What the _hell _happened down here?"

Both men jumped at the sound of his voice. Jack visibly tensed up as he replied, "Nick…I swear…this is not the way I wanted you to find out."

"Find out what?" asked Nick. "What the hell is going on? I hear a gunshot from upstairs, the others aren't doing anything about it…and I had to come down here with a hockey stick that's all…sticky!" He caught the blush on Ianto's face at those words and dropped the offending item on the floor in disgust. "And then…I just…WHAT IS GOING ON?!!"

Jack sensed that his new employee was about to have a breakdown, so he stood up and helped Ianto to his feet. "We'll take this into the hothouse," he said. "Come on."

~*~

Once they were comfortable, with Ianto perched on Jack's lap, Jack took a deep breath. "Okay, Nick, here's the thing. I can't die."

"You can't…you…WHAT?!!!"

"Okay, let me re-phrase that. I can die…I just have…how did you put it, Ianto."

"A slight technical issue with mortality," his lover supplied. "I believe this is otherwise known as a problem with staying dead."

There was no reply. Jack smiled. "You can shoot me in the head if you don't believe me."

Ianto elbowed Jack in the ribs – hard. "He's joking – well, he is about the shooting comment, but not about the being unable to stay dead bit. We've all seen it."

"I…" Nick stalled. "I just…this is…impossible…it's…" He stopped as he suddenly realised exactly what he'd heard before he'd entered the shooting range. "Oh, my God…that is just wrong!"

He jumped to his feet, not even noticing Jack flinch at the words. "I just…this is crazy…it's…I need some air." With that, he raced out of the hothouse, through the Hub and back onto the lift.

Ianto sighed as he watched his cousin disappear. "I didn't think he'd take it that way…" he whispered. "I mean…I can understand him being shocked, but –"

"He doesn't know," said Jack quickly. "It's okay, Ianto, really. It doesn't matter." He chuckled darkly. "Just…history repeating itself, I suppose."

"What d'you mean?" asked Ianto.

Jack smiled. "Just those were the same words Owen used when he first found out about me."

~*~

Nick leaned on the railings, the wind whipping through his hair and making his eyes sting, but he didn't notice. His mind was racing with everything that had been thrown at him in such a short space of time. In a few hours, he had learned of the deaths, not only of his uncle, but also of his wife, been offered a new job, seen a prehistoric creature and found out that his new boss not only seemed to have a suicide issue, but also had a problem with staying dead.

Really, it was no wonder his head hurt.

"God, I need a drink," he muttered.

"I wouldn't be doing that," said a voice and Nick turned to find John walking towards him. He leaned on the railings as well. "You're not the first person to have reacted that way to Jack, you know," he added, bluntly, but not unkindly. "What made you say what you said?"

Nick stared at him. "I'm a doctor!" he shouted. "That just…it shouldn't even be possible!" He frowned when John turned away from him, closing his eyes slightly. "What?"

John sighed. "Okay, firstly, don't assume anything to be impossible with Torchwood, and secondly..." he hesitated, but only for a second before plunging straight in. "Do you know just how badly you hurt Jack with what you said?"

"But…I didn't mean –"

"I know, but whether you meant it or not, you still did hurt him, badly. Nick, the last person who said that to him was…someone he cares for...very deeply. I'd even go as far as to say that he cares for him as deeply as he cares for, and loves, your cousin…just in a completely different way. When that person said that, Jack felt like he'd been rejected…and now, to hear it again…" John shook his head. "Can you imagine what that's like?"

Suddenly, Nick felt terrible. "No," he admitted. "How…"

"He's not mad, that's the thing," answered John, instinctively knowing what the question was going to be. "Ianto's the one who's ready to rip your head off."

"I didn't want to hurt him. I was just…"

"I know. You were shocked, I understand that, but," John looked thoughtful, "I guess it was just too close to what happened last time for him, really." He patted the young man on the shoulder. "Just go and talk to him. He'll understand."

Nick snorted. "Assuming Ianto doesn't kill me before I have the chance." Sighing, he swung away from the water and made his way back down the lift. He swallowed hard as it juddered to a halt at the bottom, knowing that Ianto was going to be livid with him.

But that still didn't prepare him for the punch to the jaw.

He blinked and stepped back, taking in the fire in his cousin's blue eyes. Sighing, he held up his hands in a gesture of surrender.

"Okay, I deserved that," he said calmly. "Ianto, I swear, I didn't mean to hurt Jack. I didn't realise…it's just…this is all so new to me, you know? I'm a doctor, I mean…immortality isn't…" he trailed off at the icy glare Ianto was giving him.

"It's not me you need to apologize to," he said in a voice that matched his expression.

"I know." Nick sprinted back to the hothouse, where he found the man who would (hopefully) become his boss stroking the plant leaves. "Jack?"

"Hi," Jack's voice was quiet.

"Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just didn't realise…I didn't understand. I still don't, if I'm honest, but…oh, God, I'm really sorry."

Jack turned and smiled at him. "Hey, it's all right. I'm not angry with you. Ianto's the only one who wants to lay into you – I tried to tell him that you didn't know about –"

"About the last time someone said that to you?" Nick nodded. "Jack, I'm not rejecting you."

"I know you're not. Like I said, I'm not angry with you. I know you didn't mean to hurt me."

"But I did."

Jack sighed and came to the other side of the table. "Nick, listen to me," he said calmly. "If I let myself get upset over every time someone says something that someone else said, I'd be crying all day and all night. Believe me, it's all right. Like I said to Ianto, you didn't know." He ruffled the young man's hair. "So…do you still want the job?"

"Yes." Nick didn't hesitate. "Ianto was right. I do need a change."

Twenty minutes later, Nick was standing on the moonlit Plass, gazing up at the water tower. John was beside him and together, they watched as Gwen went home to Rhys and Jack and Ianto walked off to a small restaurant.

John smiled at him. "It is beautiful, isn't it?"

"Yes…yes, it is."

"And now you know the secret of what's underneath it." John slipped an arm around him. "You know…you're one of us now. One of Jack's Pack, I suppose you could say."

"Yeah," Nick smiled slightly. "I guess I am."

They stood in silence for another five minutes before John coughed. "Come on," he said. "I could do with a walk. Let me take you home."

***

_Next Time: Nick's training begins and he soon finds himself with a lot more than he bargained for. Meanwhile, Ianto is faced with the painful task of organizing his father's funeral. _


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

_Three days later…_

"Rift activity," Ianto called out, "The Newport Medieval Ship."

Jack was already on his feet and pulling on his coat. He peered at the CCTV that his partner had flagged up. "Okay – Gwen, Ianto, we'll go and check it out. Gwen, get in touch with the Newport police – anyone you know there – and tell them to keep the area cordoned off. Ianto, when we get there, you're with me. Let's go!"

He hurried the other two out of the door, and was about to leave himself when, as if he'd only just remembered, he turned back round.

"Oh – Nick!" he called out. "John's waiting for you in the shooting range." And then he was gone.

Nick frowned, but didn't say anything. He didn't even notice the sympathetic smile Andie gave him as he made his way down to the shooting range, his eyes watering as the now familiar smell of stale gunpowder hit him.

There was no one in sight. "John?" he called out, his voice echoing around the silent room. "Jack said you wanted to see me."

There was no reply. "Must've gone to get something," he figured and settled down to have a look round. He was just smiling at one of the targets in the shape of what looked like a Weevil, when a sound behind him caught him off guard. He made to turn around, but before he could, he felt something hard press into the back of his head. Seconds later, a body was pushing against his back, an arm wrapping tightly around his stomach, sucking the air out of him – and then a voice, harsh and yet sultry, spoke in his ear.

"Lesson one: when you're in the field, never _ever _let your guard down."

Nick swallowed as he was forcibly turned around and his breath hitched as he registered, not only the barrel of the gun now pressed to his forehead, but also that he was once again looking into the hard green eyes of John Hart.

Breathing out, he gasped out, "If you wanted my attention, you could have just called me."

John paused. "Oh, I certainly could have," he answered as he began to move his gun. "But at least this way, the point will be driven home." He emphasized his words by pausing to run his gun down Nick's cheek, neck and top of his chest, sending shivers down the young man's spine. "Of course…you won't be in the field for a while, not until you're properly trained, of course, so don't lose any sleep over that just yet."

"Right," whispered Nick. But before he could move, his arm was caught in a violent grip.

"Lesson two," John almost hissed. "When facing an enemy who has a weapon pointed at you, always treat anything that they say to you with suspicion. It would not be implausible for an enemy to be lying to you without you realising it and then they kill you stone dead – after imparting false information! Can you tell me the implications of that…if the rest of us received false intelligence and that led to hundreds of people being killed?"

He stepped away and laid his gun on the table, and then turned back, his face deadly serious. "Nick, even if you are here in the Hub, it is crucial that you know how to keep yourself safe. Just because you aren't in the field, there is no guarantee that you won't be attacked. You must always be on your guard, even when you are not alone, because you never know what might be about to happen."

Nick nodded. "Okay."

John's gaze softened a little. "Look Nick, I'm not saying these things to scare you. I'm saying them because you need to be on your guard _at all times_."

"Owen was on his guard and look what happened to him!" retorted Nick angrily.

He saw John falter and his face turned white. "I'm sorry," he whispered, feeling ashamed. "I didn't mean that – well, I suppose I did, but I shouldn't have said it. That was unfair."

John turned away from him. "But you're right," he admitted. "Owen was on his guard – and he was really good. And yes, sometimes things do happen that we can't do anything about. Of course they do, that's life. But there are also things we can do something about – and that's when we need to be on our guard." He turned back, his face grave. "And that especially means you."

"Why me?" asked Nick. "I'm not planning to fight on the front line. I'm a doctor, not a soldier."

"Exactly!" exclaimed John, coming up and catching Nick's hands. "You don't understand how important doctors are in this line of work, Nick! You're," he paused for a second, trying to come up with the right explanation. "To us…you're what Machaon was to the Greeks when they were at Troy. It's all very well being a great soldier like Agamemnon, or a master strategist like Odysseus. But without Machaon…without their healer…without their doctor…" he shook his head. "I doubt very much that they would have survived the war."

Nick nodded. "I…I never really thought of it that way," he muttered. "I guess you're right."

John squeezed his hands and pulled him closer for a second. They stared at each other for a few seconds, their noses only inches apart. John swallowed. Nick's hazel eyes were so deep…so large. It would be so easy to just lean forwards and…

He blinked and suddenly the scene swam back into focus. Quickly, he dropped Nick's hands, mentally cursing colourfully in every single language he knew. Normally, he wouldn't have hesitated when faced with an attractive and single human (or anything else, for that matter), but even he knew better than to do it right after the young man had lost his wife.

Clearing his throat, he stepped away. "And that leads quite nicely onto lesson three," he said brusquely. "Never allow an enemy to distract you."

Nick blinked. "Oh…right." He took a deep breath. "What happens now?"

John snapped his fingers. "Come here," he said. "Come and stand next to me." Nick did so. "Now…you've never used a gun before in your life, is that right?"

"Erm…no, I haven't."

"Well…which is your active hand?" The minute he said that, John cringed as his student's eyes nearly bugged out of his head. . "I mean, are you –"

"I'm right-handed," said Nick quickly, feeling his face heat up.

"Okay…in that case," John looked thoughtful for a moment. "Yes…in that case, I'm going to be training you on how to use a gun with your left hand. You will, obviously, learn how to aim and fire right-handed, but I'll be doing a lot of work on you left-handed as well."

"Why?" asked Nick.

"Why? Nick, does it never occur to you that you might be the one to get injured? Does it not occur to you that, just because you're a doctor, you're not immune to injuries and illnesses?"

"Of course it does!" snapped Nick. "I'm not stupid, you know –"

"Well, I'm sorry, but I think you're doing a rather good impression of it at the moment. Just…clear your mind for a few seconds and – think, calmly and logically."

Nick frowned. "How do I know you're not tricking me?" he asked.

That earned him a harsh laugh. "Ah, now you're getting it! Keeping your guard up – well done! But seriously, just think about what I'm saying and tell me – why do you think you'd need to learn how to shoot with both hands?"

"Because…" Nick's voice dropped as he realised he was being stupid, "because if something happens to me and my right hand gets injured…then I still need to…" he trailed off.

"Go on," urged John.

"Then I still need to be able to defend myself…and others as well."

"Exactly!" shouted John. "Now, tell me – was that really so hard?"

"No," admitted Nick. "But why not just tell me that? Why put me through all these mind games?"

John whipped round sharply at those words; a truly incredulous expression appeared on his face. He grabbed the younger man by the shoulders and stared at him.

"Do you really need to ask that?" he spluttered. "Good God, man, they told me you were intelligent!" He shook his head. "This isn't like school or university. This is the real world, Nick! This is serious! I can train you up, but I can't be there to hold your hand all the time!" He dropped his voice and said, calmly, but very seriously, "You've got to learn how to think for yourself. And, above all, you've got to use your own common sense. Otherwise people get killed."

It was then that, for the first time, Nick was hit by the very real nature of what was happening. So far, almost everything he had seen – prehistoric birds, alien plants, invisible lifts and, of course, a boss who couldn't stay dead – sounded like something straight out of a bad sci-fi film.

But now, standing here, surrounded by weapons and watching the stern face of the former Time Agent, he realised just how serious this all was. John was right. One wrong move could get him killed…and then where would his children be? They'd already lost their mother – he couldn't let them lose their father as well.

John nodded at him. "You understand now?" he asked. "Come here." He picked up one of the smaller weapons from the table and pressed it into Nick's hand. "This is the sort of weapon you'll be carrying around with you at all times when you're in the field."

"Okay."

"Good. Now…come and stand by me." He stepped up and pulled the young man close to him, pressing their hips together, and wrapped his hand around Nick's own. "Now, obviously, when you're in the field, you won't be able to do this slowly. You need to be able to move into position immediately. But, for now, since you don't know what you're doing, we'll go slowly."

He guided Nick's arm upwards, aiming towards the targets. "Slowly, slowly," he instructed softly. "Be careful…not too fast, you're not in the field yet…just relax; your arm's shaking. Just calm down; it's just us now…just us…in this room…for as long as it takes."

Nick swallowed and forced himself to concentrate on what was in front of him. He was all too aware that his arm was shaking and all too aware of the long fingers tapping his wrist and sending shivers through his body. He groaned silently; now was not the time to be thinking like that – he had to focus on the job. This may be a training exercise, but if he couldn't keep control now, he wouldn't have a hope of doing it once he got into the field.

He took a huge breath and let it out slowly, forcing himself to focus on the task in hand, just managing to draw himself back into the situation in time to hear John say "Right…aim for the Weevil and…pull the trigger."

How the man managed to make even that sound incredibly erotic, Nick had no idea, but he managed to get his finger into position and pull the trigger. He almost screamed when he heard the shot go off, slamming into the target and almost knocking him over backwards.

"Hey, easy there," said John, catching him and helping him up again. "Don't go knocking yourself out here, it's only firearms training. Although I suppose I am pretty special," he added roguishly.

"Er…yeah…" stammered Nick, as he managed to wriggle free. "Look, John, not that I don't appreciate all the trouble you're taking to show me how to shoot and everything, but…what happens if I ever find myself in a situation where I can't get my gun?"

John smiled and this time it reached his eyes, lighting up his entire face. "I was hoping you were going to ask that!" he said. "You know, Jonesy, you have got good sense inside that pretty head."

He moved to stand opposite him and clapped his hands. "There are, of course, going to be situations where you won't be able to get your weapons out or where you find yourself without your weapons. And you need to know what to do in such an event."

He paused for effect. "Can you think of what you might do in such a case?"

Nick frowned, suddenly realising where this could be going. "Well," he stammered, "you could…I suppose…you could always go for…physical fighting, I suppose."

John smiled even more. "Exactly," he said, dropping his voice slightly. "Now, Jack told me that you have a basic knowledge of martial arts, is that right?"

"That's right."

"And you've been learning since you were twenty?"

"Yes."

"Okay!" John clapped his hands and moved back several paces. "Now…show me what you can do. And remember – treat this as you would if you were in the field. Don't hold back. And most of all," he added, seeing a hint of apprehension in Nick's face, "Don't _ever _hesitate. If you hesitate in the field, you could be seriously injured." His voice had shifted and his smile had faded, leaving no doubt as to what he had actually meant.

He waited, watching the young man in front of him with a mixture of anticipation and apprehension. Part of him wanted to go hard on him, just to show him just how serious this job could be, but another part of him wanted to take things steady. There was something about Nick Jones that made him want to protect him, to make sure he wasn't hurt in a training accident.

However, it was this moment of indecision that cost him and the next thing he knew he was lying flat on the ground, staring into a pair of smug hazel eyes as a pair of wrists gripped his.

"What was lesson one again, John?" he taunted. "Never let your guard down, wasn't it?"

John growled and tried to move, but Nick had him truly pinned to the ground. He was impressed; the young man was slim, but he was very strong. Now, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't even flip him over; Nick hadn't just pinned his arms down; he'd also clamped his legs together using nothing but his knees.

"Impressive," he panted, "very impressive." Suddenly, an idea came to him, something so elementary he could hardly believe he hadn't thought of it. Nick had pinned his arms down…but his hands were still free – and the younger man's wrists were only inches away from his face.

"But," he added, feeling himself smirk, "there's one last lesson that you need to learn." With that, he tilted his head slightly to the right and, without even pausing to think, calmly wrapped his lips around Nick's wrist and began to suck on the skin there.

It worked; Nick jumped and moved his hands back as if he'd been burnt. John seized that moment to reach out and grab his former captor's wrists with one hand and sneak his other arm around his waist before deftly spinning him over onto his back. In the same move, he managed to pin Nick's arms underneath him, grabbing them so tightly that he was almost cutting off the blood supply, and forcing him to lie back on top of his arms, before finally landing on top of him, in almost the exact same position that Nick had had him in barely moments before.

"Do you know what that was, Nick Jones?" he whispered, allowing his face to fall straight over the other man's. "That is what is known as…" his voice turned sultry, "fighting…dirty."

He bent his face closer. "And sometimes," he hissed, their noses practically touching by now, "if you're going to defend yourself – and others too – then you are going to have to learn exactly –"

But the words died in his throat when he caught sight of the look on Nick's face. All the teasing fire had vanished from his eyes, replaced by a look of shocked despair. His mouth was slightly open and his breath was coming out in short bursts, his face a mask of confusion and fear. Suddenly, John started to feel bad and slowly started to get up, walking away quickly to conceal the strange feelings that were stirring inside him.

"I'm…sorry," he muttered, his eyes focusing on the ground. "I shouldn't have…I just wanted…"

"I should go." Nick stood up quickly and started to walk away. But when he reached the door, he stopped and turned back. "Thank you."

John watched him for a split second before he spoke again. "And…tomorrow…"

"Yes." Nick's voice was slowly regaining its usual calmness, although he still looked very shaken. "You're right; I do need to be able to defend myself…and if anyone can do it…you can."

John didn't say anything. Instead, he just let the young man leave; watching him until he was out of sight and the echo of the door closing had completely faded. Then, he took a deep breath and slowly began to tidy away the weapons.

~*~

"You're not alone in all this, you know," Jack said quietly, stroking the back of Ianto's hand.

"I know." Ianto's voice was almost inaudible, just as it had been since they had returned from Newport. "I do appreciate it, Jack, but this is something that I have to do as his son. It's nothing personal," he added, seeing that Jack was a bit hurt, "I just have to do this myself."

Jack nodded. "Okay, but…Ianto, you're not alone. You never will be. If you need anything, even if it's just a hug, I'm here for you."

Ianto paused in the act of looking through the phone book. "Thank you," he whispered, before leaning in and kissing his partner tenderly.

Jack squeezed his hand. "Come on. Let's go home and we can sort this out properly, yeah?"

"Okay." They walked out of the hothouse, hand in hand, and almost collided with Nick on the way to the cog door. Ianto blinked in surprise, but smiled. "Hey…how was training?"

Jack chuckled at the blush they received in response. "John's a bit intense, isn't he?"

"Just a bit," answered Nick. "How was the Rift activity?"

"Oh, nothing big," answered Ianto. "Just a few rather confused Arkans, but we managed to stop them before things got too messy."

"Although too messy is fairly relative when it comes to them," muttered Jack.

Ianto ignored this. "Look, Nick, I know it seems soon, but we need to organize Dad's funeral. Now, I know you were a lot closer to him than I was. No one can deny that, but I also know that, as his son, most of the planning falls to me by default. However, you knew him better than most of us, so I wondered if –"

"Yes," interrupted Nick. "Just before I got married, he gave me a letter that was only to be opened after he died. I read it the day after you offered me this job and I've kept it in my pocket since."

A strange look passed over Ianto's face at those words, but he quickly schooled his features into a calm mask. "Okay," he said. "Then…let's do it."

Nick looked a bit confused, but nodded and made his way out of the door, feeling a strange weight in his chest as he caught sight of Jack giving Ianto's hand a comforting squeeze.

***

_Next Time: Ianto buries his father._


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

_Ten days later…_

It seemed fittingly ironic, Ianto thought as he stumbled out of the shower, that the day of his father's funeral should have dawned to be so dreary. There had been no rain forecast, but huge dark clouds hung over the houses, shrouding them in what felt like a cloak of death. Even the steamed-up bathroom felt cold as he re-opened the blinds. Sighing, he stepped blindly into his dressing gown and stumbled out of the bathroom.

Unfortunately, he had forgotten to close the door behind him and, barely seconds later, an ear-splitting shriek surrounded him. Panicked, Ianto looked around for something to wave at the smoke alarm, but, when he found nothing, moved to open the window. Instantly, a gust of ice-cold wind blasted through the room, freezing him to the bones. Quickly, he shut it again and stepped back, only to collapse backwards into a familiar pair of arms.

He shivered. "I'm sorry…I just…I forgot to shut the door," he muttered, feeling the shivering taper away. The shrieking sound had been silenced.

Jack shushed him and turned him round for a hug. "Hey, it's okay," he soothed, running his fingers through his partner's hair and pressing his lips to his forehead as he held him for a few minutes. "I'm here."

He waited for Ianto to stop shivering and then tilted his chin back to look at him. "Come on, let's get you dressed."

In hindsight, Ianto would be profoundly embarrassed at the way that he had let Jack dress him as if he were a young child. But at the time, he wasn't really aware of anything at all and just let it happen. He didn't even remember getting down the stairs, but he must have done, because the next thing he remembered was sitting stiffly in the front of the SUV, Jack's hand occasionally squeezing his own.

~*~

The walk wasn't particularly long, but the coffin was rather heavy, even with six men holding it. Unlike his son, Carson Jones was a rather thickset man with strong muscles and heavy bones. He had also wanted to have his pine coffin lined with thick fabrics, just as things had been in the days when he and his brothers, Evan and Steven, had worked in their tailors shop.

However, unlike his father, uncle and cousins, Nick didn't notice the weight that they carried. His mind was constantly drifting; one moment he would be recalling what he had thought were long dead memories from his childhood, and then the next he would be recalling his uncle giving him away on his wedding day…he remembered the births of his children…his wedding anniversary and the huge party that had been held…the day he graduated from medical school…and then his father returning home after all those years…

He felt almost ashamed to admit it, especially considering that, at twenty-four, he was hardly a child anymore, but when Alison had led his father into their apartment, Nick had barely felt anything for him at all. He had barely even recognised the man as his father. Even now, even after they had spent some time together, all he could muster was a vague affection for him.

But with Carson, it was different…the man had been the only father he knew throughout his entire life and he had cared deeply for him…laughed with him…cried with him…_loved _him.

He turned slightly to his right and, in the midst of the haze his mind was in, saw Ianto, staring straight ahead, his jaw firmly set. The only hints at his true emotions were the way his teeth occasionally appeared, nibbling slightly at his bottom lip and the slight mist over his eyes. He didn't even seem aware of Jack's hand stroking his shoulder.

Suddenly, and for no apparent reason, Nick felt a burning anger blaze through his heart as he watched his cousin – well, really, the man was practically brother; they had lived under the same roof for over twenty years – forcing his emotions back, refusing to show that he was upset. Why was he acting so cold? Did he really care that much what everyone else thought about him? Even Jack looked more upset than Ianto did – and he barely knew the dead man, for God's sake!

A hand on his shoulder suddenly distracted him and he turned slightly to see John Hart standing next to him, watching him closely. He seemed to want to say something, but the words wouldn't come. He struggled for a few moments, but eventually turned back towards the front, though the hand tightened its grip on his shoulder. Behind him, he heard his youngest cousin, James (who was barely twenty-three) let out a loud sob. His heart burned; James had barely even known Carson and yet, even without looking at him, Nick could tell that the young man was more distressed than their uncle's own son.

~*~

The coffin sat on the raised platform in the chapel, now covered in a sheet of white velvet with red and green flowers on top forming the shape of the Welsh dragon walking across a strip of grass. A young priest, probably not much older than James himself, was speaking, but the words were lost in the atmosphere of the situation, until the final sentence.

"And now, to read the legacy of love, the two members of his family who were closest to Carson, and who he wanted to speak out on this tragic day. I call upon his son, Ianto Jones, and his nephew and adopted son, Nick Jones."

Jack gave Ianto's hand a reassuring squeeze, but Ianto barely noticed as he stumbled to his feet and almost blindly made his way up to the front. He barely even seemed to notice Nick beside him and when he looked up, it was like he wasn't seeing anything in front of him. Even when he spoke, his voice seemed totally wooden. It was as if he couldn't even comprehend what had happened enough to be able to grieve at all. His eyes were wet with unshed tears and there was an odd tremor in his mouth on occasions, but other than that, his face was expressionless – almost dead. On his other side, Nick's face was a picture of heartbreak and, when he took his turn to speak, his voice was almost completely broken. It looked to the entire world as though he wanted to cry, but…the tears just wouldn't fall.

Cautiously, Jack turned to look at John and was struck to see that, if only for a moment, his former partner had a look of utter devastation on his face, directly similar to the one that he knew would be on his own.

And then, in that exact moment, Jack finally knew the _real _reason why John Hart had agreed so readily to come to the funeral.

~*~

Once the coffin had been lowered into the ground and all the closest relatives had scattered soil and flowers on top of it, everyone began to slowly drift away and make their way to Catrin's house, where the wake was going to be held. Eventually, only Jack and Ianto were left, Ianto standing at the side of the grave and Jack stroking his hand gently.

"Come on," he said gently, "we can't stand here all day."

"Can't we?" Ianto's voice still sounded dead. "Can't we, really?"

Jack watched him for a few minutes. "Ianto, we've got to go. Everyone's waiting for you. And besides, it'll be better for you to be with your family than to be on your own at a time like this."

Ianto shrugged. "Okay."

"Hey," Jack turned to look at him. "We don't have to stay long. We'll just have a drink, mingle with the family and then I'll take you home and make love to you all night. That's a promise. We won't stay for any longer than a couple of hours, if you don't want to."

For a moment, Ianto's mask slipped and Jack saw for himself the sheer distress his partner was in. He was about to reach out and stroke his hair, when Ianto stepped back slightly, pulling the collar of his coat up around his mouth.

"Come on then," he said. "Let's go."

***

_Next Time: The wake is held, but tempers get frayed. Later, while trying to accept some comfort, Nick receives news that shakes his world._


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Due to having left the cemetery some time after the others, Jack and Ianto were among the last to arrive at Catrin's house. Nonetheless, even as they turned the corner, Ianto hesitated to the point when, just before they walked through the gate, Jack caught his arm and pulled him to one side.

"You don't have to do this, you know," he said gently. "I know I said earlier that it would make you feel better if you did, but if you really don't want to go, I can just take you straight home."

There it was again, just for a moment, but he noticed it anyway; the split second where the calm façade that Ianto had held all day cracked down the middle. But then it was gone and the young man spoke again, his voice flat.

"I need to do this," he said quietly, not looking at Jack. "It won't be for long, but I need to do this. It's," he paused, appearing to struggle for words, "it's what Dad would have wanted me to do."

_Never mind what you want to do, _Jack thought, but before he could say the words, Catrin spotted them and came up to sweep her cousin into a hug.

"You made it," she said, smiling, though her eyes were pink and swollen. "Come on and get inside; it's freezing out here."

"Thanks, Cat." Ianto smiled slightly as he took her arm.

"Ianto –" began Jack.

"Don't." Ianto shook his head. "Please, Jack; don't do this now, okay?"

Jack frowned as he followed them, but forced himself to hide the tear that was ripping through his heart as, for the first time that day, Ianto's voice broke.

~*~

Jack lingered near the window, watching everyone walking around the room, talking to various friends and relatives. But his eyes kept straying back to the small table in the corner of the room where Ianto had sat himself down and not stood up. He had barely said anything since they had arrived, and even then, he had been pretty short with everyone. Right now, he didn't even seem to notice that Nick had come to sit beside him; he was too lost in his new glass of Scotch. Either that, or he was simply ignoring his cousin (and team-mate, he reminded himself), who was trying to talk to him.

There was a moment's pause as Catrin went over to her brother and handed him a drink. She leaned over and whispered in his ear, patting him on the shoulder as he nodded, and then came over to join Jack.

"I put a sedative in his drink," she explained. "He's going to need it – especially after today." She turned and sighed as her father, Evan Jones, came and sat with them and Nick immediately stiffened. "I wish he'd start to see him as a father," she whispered. "I know it's been a long time, but…well, he is our father."

"What happened?" asked Jack.

Catrin sighed. "When I was almost eight, our parents split up. At first, we stayed with Mum when she moved to Cardiff, but Dad kept the house so he could get to work easily. But Mum wasn't very strong and she couldn't handle bringing both of us up and so she asked Uncle Carson to take Nick. I was old enough to know what was happening and old enough to recognise Mum as a mother. But Nick was only two and hadn't really bonded with Mum in the way I had. To be honest, he hadn't really bonded with either of them. Mum said that he was a really difficult kid."

"So, Nick went off to live with Ianto and his dad? Did you still see him?"

"Of course I did." Catrin looked almost angry at the question. "I loved my baby brother and I did everything I could to go and see him. I still went to school in Newport, so I'd often go and see him and Ianto." She smiled sadly. "At first, it was just like going over to a friend's house for tea, or to stay the night. But as I got older, things changed. It all started with Dad."

"What happened to him?"

"When I was ten, I found out that Dad had been diagnosed with chronic depression. He'd been taking medication for it since before I was born. At first, I didn't understand what that meant, but one day, I was playing with Nick and Ianto and Dad came downstairs. He looked a mess, Jack, he really did. I didn't even recognise him. Uncle Steven, you know, James' father, was running after him, crying; he was begging him not to do this. But Dad just ignored him. He just walked straight out of the shop, without a single word. Uncle Carson called the police and begged them to find him. But he was missing for two months. Eventually, the police said that he couldn't still be alive. They wanted to give up, but his family couldn't. Even Mum…oh, Jack, what's the matter?"

Jack suddenly realised that he was crying. "Nothing," he said quickly, wiping his eyes. "Just…old memories, you know?" He smiled. "Go on."

"Well, the police had all but given up on him, when one day he just…he appeared. Aunt Eira, Luke's mother, found him sitting in a bus shelter, cold, wet and his clothes all ragged. He'd lost almost half his body weight until he was thinner than Ianto. He didn't speak, didn't even seem to recognise us. The local doctors tried everything, but…it was no good. Two weeks later, he was committed to Providence Park."

Jack almost choked on his drink. So that was how Ianto knew about Providence Park.

Catrin continued. "He was there for twenty years," she said, her voice becoming reflective. "But it was only three years later, when I was thirteen, that I realised that Nick had a right to know who I was – that I wasn't his cousin, as he'd thought. So, the next time I went to see them, I sat him down and told him everything. He was only eight, so I knew he wouldn't understand everything I was telling him, but I knew that I would tell him those parts again when he was older."

"How did he take it?"

"Well, he was quite shocked, especially as the years passed and it started to sink in and he understood what had happened better. But he accepted me as his sister and he didn't turn away from me which, even at thirteen, I had been terrified of. However, he wouldn't come home. He was happy with Uncle Carson, he saw him as his father, even after he knew he wasn't. And Ianto…God, they were so close. They'd grown up together, they knew each other's secrets…they were more than cousins, more than friends…they were practically brothers."

She shook herself. "Even when Dad got out of hospital last year, Nick still looked to Uncle Carson as his father. Despite what he'd been told, he didn't really know any different."

Jack nodded and started to walk with her towards the two young men. "So, in a way," he said slowly and quietly, "I guess…Ianto's not the only one who's lost his father."

Catrin looked a bit surprised. "No…I guess not." She sat down and slipped an arm around her brother. "How are you doing?" she asked him.

Nick blinked and looked at her, seemingly dazed. But before he could answer, a loud and bitter laugh sounded from nearby. Jack turned round and was shocked to discover the source of it.

"Ianto?" he asked cautiously. "Are you okay?"

But Ianto didn't seem to hear him. Instead, he was looking straight past him, his eyes gazing directly into Nick's face…eyes that, even in his inebriated haze, were blazing with anger. His voice was slurred, but his words couldn't have been clearer.

"And here we go again!" he shouted. Everyone fell silent and turned to look at him, but he didn't seem to see them. "It's always the same, isn't it? Even when we were children…"

Nick looked surprised. "What are you talking about, Ianto?" His body language was calm, but his voice was heavy with shock and a hint of anger.

Ianto burst out laughing again. "Don't tell me you don't know," he growled. "You're not that stupid, surely? All the fucking time, it was always about you. You were the one with the brains, you were the perfect little angel – oh yeah! I know that's what Dad called you! You were the one who got the help when we were bullied at school! Everyone would always blame me even when all I did was try to protect you." He stopped, but only to breathe. "Tell me, Nick – is that fair?"

"Ianto!" barked Jack. "Stop it, you're making a scene!"

Calmly, Nick stood up and watched his cousin, his best friend…his brother. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Yes, Carson had sometimes treated him with more leniency than he had treated Ianto, but…well, really, that wasn't surprising. Ianto had been a terror as a teenager, even though he'd gotten good grades. Some of the things he'd done as a boy had been downright frightening. In fact, even now, Nick still had trouble reconciling the suit-wearing man before him with the rough-housing boy of their youth.

He spoke now, and everyone flinched at the coldness in his voice. "Can you blame him?" he asked. "You were a nightmare to deal with as a teenager, Ianto."

"Yes, well, according to your mother, so were you as a baby!" retorted Ianto.

"Maybe I was! But the difference is, I grew up. When are you going to grow up?"

"I have grown up!"

"Well, maybe you should start showing it. Can't you see that everyone here's grieving? Everybody's lost someone they care about very much – can't you see how much you're hurting them?"

"But he was my father!" screamed Ianto. "He wasn't your father! You weren't my brother!"

"We were brought up together for over twenty years!" shouted Nick, his voice rising to match. "You were – you are – my brother! He was my father!"

Ianto snorted. "Oh, well that explains a lot!"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Ianto…" warned Jack, but he was fully aware that the young man was too far gone to hear him.

And sure enough, moments later, Ianto spoke again. "Well, if he's your father, I guess that means that he was the one who got your mother pregnant with you! If that's the case, it's no wonder Uncle Evan had a breakdown – and it's even less wonder that your mother didn't want you!"

Jack knew what was coming then. He knew that Ianto had gone too far.

But that didn't prepare him for the violent sound of Nick's fist colliding with his partner's cheek, or for the sight of Ianto falling backwards and hitting the sofa hard.

The room went silent. Everyone was watching in terrified fascination as Ianto stood up and, without as much as a second thought, lunged forwards and, letting out a loud and violent scream, punched Nick just as hard, sending him flying backwards across the small table.

At that point, the noise erupted. The women started screaming and the men started swearing – and, in the midst of it all, a tiny voice whimpered.

But Ianto ignored it and, quite calmly, grabbed Nick by the collar and pulled him to his feet and then pinning him against the wall. However, he had reckoned without the training that John had been putting Nick through and quickly found himself flat on his back, with a bloody nose and a badly ripped shirt.

"Do you think you're the only person who's ever lost anybody?" screamed Nick, his own eyes blazing with anger and tears as he pulled Ianto back to his feet.

"Do you?" retorted Ianto as he pulled away and delivered a stinging right hook to his cousin's jaw. It was so hard that everyone in the room heard the bone crack and moments later, Nick's lip began to bleed heavily.

"Daddy!" whimpered a tiny voice, and the attention of everyone in the room (except for the two fighting cousins) fell on the tear-stained face of little Trevyn Jones, sniffling in his aunt's arms. "Daddy…" he whispered, "Daddy…please…stop."

It was that last plea that spurred Jack into action. Without even stopping to think, he jumped in between the two men, pulling them apart. Unfortunately, in the moment that he did, Ianto swung another punch at Nick – and missed. Instantly, Jack felt a searing pain rip through his nose.

Instantly, the room fell silent. Ianto blinked in confusion and then turned to find Nick being held back by John, both of whom were looking at him with expressions of horror on their faces. Slowly, Ianto turned and felt his stomach sink into his shoes as he took in the sight before him.

Jack shivered briefly and then opened his eyes. "Nothing to worry about," he said to the others, managing a forced smile. "Phew…déjà-vu is a funny thing, eh?" His remarks were greeted by a few strained chuckles, which couldn't have failed more as tension breakers if they'd tried to. Sensing this, Jack caught Ianto's arm. "Well, I'd better get this one home," he said to John.

John nodded and, once Jack and Ianto were out of earshot, he whispered, "Don't judge Ianto too hard, Nick. I know he hurt you, but…well, look how upset he is. He'll feel better in the morning."

Nick swallowed and nodded. "I know."

John sighed, knowing that Nick didn't really believe what he was saying – and, deep down, knowing that he himself didn't really believe what he had said either. "Come on," he said, helping him up, "I'll take you home."

~*~

"Now," said Jack as he sat Ianto on the sofa and found the first aid kit. "Are you going to tell me what that was all about earlier?"

Ianto winced as he felt the antiseptic hit his cut lip. "I can't." The drink was rapidly starting to wear off and he was now feeling not only embarrassed at having made such a scene, but also deeply ashamed. He just had no idea how to explain that. "But I am sorry I hit you."

Jack stopped in his tracks. "Ianto," he whispered, "I'm not angry with you for hitting me. I know it was an accident." He guided Ianto's hand towards his face. "See? It's healed already. I'm fine. Don't feel bad about that."

To his dismay, Ianto just bent his head. "But you are angry with me, aren't you?"

Jack rubbed his face thoughtfully. "At the time, yes, I was angry with you; no, at the time, I was furious," he admitted. "I just couldn't believe you said those things, especially when I'd have hoped you would have been able to see how upset Nick was. I thought he was your best friend."

"He is!" gasped Ianto, and then winced as his jaw twinged. "I just –"

"But then," interrupted Jack, "while we were driving back, I took the time to think about it and, while I'm still pretty shocked that you did it…I think I've sort of started to understand."

He helped Ianto onto his lap and started to gently clean up his bloody nose. "You were bottling your feelings up all day today, trying to stay strong, though I'm not sure what for. Maybe you felt that it was your duty to be strong, or maybe you were scared of what others would say – maybe you were scared of what I'd think. I don't know, although I can tell you now that, if you were scared of what I'd say, then you've got no need to be."

He smiled gently. "Anyway, when we were at Catrin's house, it was as if the drink just magnified your feelings, causing the mask that you were hiding behind to break, and you just lost control."

Ianto stared at him for a second, feeling his eyes widen in surprise. He tried to speak, but before he could get the words out, the phone in the kitchen rang. Jack sighed and, pausing briefly to press his lips to Ianto's temple, stepped into the kitchen to answer it.

As soon as he had gone, Ianto felt as if he was falling into himself. He wrapped his arms around his knees, ignoring the pain in his back from when Nick had knocked him to the ground during their fight, and screwed his eyes shut in a vain effort to stop the tears from running down his cheeks. He tried to breath normally, but found that his throat was too constricted and his heart was literally too heavy. It felt like a weight growing inside of him…threatening to pull him under…

It was too much and, almost before he knew what he was doing, Ianto was on his feet. Barely even pausing to think, but knowing that he was doing the right thing, he raced into the kitchen and threw himself into Jack's arms as he broke down completely, his slim form shuddering.

Jack looked astonished for a moment, but then his face morphed into an expression of sympathy. "Andie, I'll see you tomorrow morning," he said and hung up the phone before drawing his partner into his arms and cradling him tenderly.

"It's okay," he whispered, leaning over so he could stroke his hair and kiss away the tears. "It's all right…I'm here. I'm here."

"I just…I just wanted a chance to get to know him…" sobbed Ianto. "I just wanted what Nick had; I wanted to show him how much…he meant to me…and how much I loved him…"

"I know," whispered Jack, "I know you did." He pulled Ianto closer and rocked him, pressing his lips gently to his sweat-drenched forehead. "Just let it out, baby; just let it out."

~*~

"Well," said John, raising an eyebrow as he finished stitching the wires into Nick's jaw. "You're a very lucky young man to have someone here who knows what they're doing." When the only response he received was a raised eyebrow, he added, "Yes, I know you know what to do, but you could hardly have done that on yourself, could you?"

Nick managed a tiny chuckle. "No, I suppose not," he admitted, taking care not to open his mouth any further than he actually had to. "Hey…thanks, John."

John took a deep breath. "You're going to need witch hazel on your knuckles," he said stiffly.

"There's some there, but – I mean it. Thank you."

"Yeah, well," John muttered as he started to rub a soaked handkerchief over the young man's knuckles. "It's all part of my job."

Nick snorted. "I doubt that treating wounds when someone's been an idiot is part of your job description," he quipped. "Last time I looked, that was more my department than yours."

"Well, okay, maybe," admitted John, before he surprised them both by not only looking up, but also dropping his voice. "But taking care of my team mates and making sure they're all right is."

There was a long pause in which the two men watched each other closely and, instead of treating the bruises, John actually found himself stroking Nick's knuckles, running his fingers slowly over his hands and finally turning his own hand around and slipping it into Nick's own.

"_Are _you all right?"

"I…yeah," muttered Nick. Suddenly, he pulled his hand away and stood up. "I'd better just make sure the little ones are all right. It's been a long day for them." With a brisk nod, he turned on his heel and slipped into the nursery.

He swallowed as he looked over Estelle; his little girl looked so small in the dim light from outside the curtains. But even now, even at only two months old, Nick could tell that she was going to be the spitting image of her mother. Even now, she had Alison's long eyelashes, wide, curious eyes and her soft skin and high cheekbones.

Nick felt his throat constrict as he realised that his daughter would never know her mother or her true grandfather…well, she'd probably never really know her biological grandfather; even though he was out of Providence Park and seemed to be healing, he knew that no one would ever be truly free of depression. He'd never known the man who should have been his father because of it…and now, Estelle and Trevyn would never know their grandfather because of it.

"I'll protect you," he whispered. "I'll always be here to protect you. I…I pro –"

But the word wouldn't come. He wanted, more than anything, to reassure his son and daughter that he would always be there for them – to promise them that he would never leave them behind.

But he couldn't. He couldn't do it and mean it. He knew that his new job meant that he could die any day. He couldn't guarantee that he would be there for his children – he couldn't guarantee that he would see them grow up.

"But I won't run," he whispered, ignoring the crack in his voice. "I won't run from this. I will do whatever I can to protect the people I love. And if I die trying…then it will all be in the line of duty."

He swallowed and turned to look at his son, who was curled up on his side, sucking his thumb. Just as Estelle would grow up to look exactly like her mother, Trevyn was just like a miniature version of Nick; he had the same dark auburn hair and soft hazel eyes as his father. Where Estelle and Alison were pale skinned with clear bone structure, Nick and Trevyn both had round and rosy cheeks which made them both look younger than they were.

The boy suddenly stirred and his eyes flickered open. He blinked and looked up. "Daddy?"

Nick swallowed again. "Hey," he whispered, "what are you doing awake?" He reached over to stroke his son's hair, but the boy recoiled away from him, looking scared. "Hey, what's wrong?" But when he looked closer, he realised that Trevyn was looking at his jaw. At the same time, he caught sight of himself in one of the small mirrors hanging over the bed and almost swore out loud. His face was a mess of bruises; he looked like he'd just come out of a boxing ring.

"I'm okay, Trev," he said, hoping he sounded reassuring. "Daddy's fine." But the little boy was still shaking his head and, even worse, tears were starting to form in his eyes. "Hey…what is it?"

His son was trembling all over by now. "You no stop," he whispered. "When you…" he clenched his fists and mimed a small punch, "you…Uncle Ianto…no stop…" The tears were starting to fall over his dimpled cheeks now, his face a picture of distress.

Nick felt terrible as he remembered how, when they had arrived back, John had told him that Trevyn had been terrified by his fight with Ianto, the man he looked to like an uncle, to the point where he'd actually begged them to stop. But Nick knew that he'd been so furious with his cousin that he hadn't heard him; it had only been Jack cutting in that had stopped things from getting worse. Jack had been the one to hear Trevyn whimpering and had stopped them both.

Since returning home and getting himself treated, Nick had managed to calm down and think about Ianto's actions. And, now that he was calmer, he found himself, if not pleased, then more understanding of his cousin's actions – and more ready to forgive him.

"Shush, little one," he whispered, bending down to smooth away the tears. "It's over now. It's over. I won't fight with…Uncle Ianto again." He kissed the boy's forehead gently and tucked him back under the blankets, stroking his hair as he hummed an old tune to get him to sleep.

It wasn't until the hazel eyes were closed again that he remembered Carson singing to him and Ianto when they had been very young and he had been trying to get them to sleep. Now, seeing Trevyn and Estelle lying there, happy and peaceful, he felt his heart break over again and this time, he couldn't stifle the bitter sobs as they rose in his throat, even though the tears that had stung his eyes all day refused to fall.

It was several moments before he was aware of a hand on his shoulder, rubbing gentle circles around his collarbone. At the same time, another hand slipped into his and started to stroke his palm in an awkward but soothing manner. Cautiously, Nick turned round and found himself face to face with John, who was looking at him with barely veiled concern. He tried to speak, to thank him, but the words wouldn't come.

"Hey," said John, the gentleness in his voice shocking even him. "Hey, come on, it's all right." He glanced behind them, at the two sleeping figures. "They're beautiful," he whispered. "Your son, he…he looks just like you."

"I know," croaked Nick. He didn't even try to move away. "I know he does."

John smiled. "You can protect them, Nick. We all can. That's a big part of what we're fighting for; we're fighting to protect the people we love and to give them hope for a better future."

"I know," Nick said again. "And…if it's worth fighting for…it's worth dying for." He swallowed hard, suddenly conscious of his tears finally falling. "I can't stand the thought of leaving these two without a father or a mother, but if I die protecting them…at least I know they'll be safe."

"Of course they will!" John threw caution to the winds and pulled the young man into a hug. "I'm sure your sister will be happy to take them, but even if she can't, they will be safe and happy."

"I know," choked Nick, conscious that he was soaking the former Time Agent's shirt with his tears. "But it doesn't make it any easier…"

John shook his head. "I know it doesn't. But…that's the reality of the situation and there's nothing we can do to change it. All we can do is be prepared for when, or if, it does happen."

At that moment, the telephone in the other room rang, startling both of them. Nick blinked and quickly wiped his eyes before going off to answer it.

John watched him leave, frowning slightly. He didn't know how it had happened, but, slowly but surely, Nick had created something inside of him that he hadn't felt in a long time. He had tried to fight it before, knowing that he would only end up being hurt…but this time, it was no good. The feelings were just too powerful…too powerful, too quickly.

Sighing, he leaned over the crib where Estelle was asleep, intending to draw her blankets up closer (although he'd promise to deny ever doing such a thing later), when something caught his eye. It was a small picture set inside one of the circular objects hanging from the mobile. Slowly, the mobile turned and John gasped as he saw that the picture was of Nick's wedding day. He looked so much younger then, though John knew that he'd only been married for five years, if that. On his right, Alison's blue eyes sparkled, her face a picture of a woman in love as she wrapped her arms around her smiling husband. And, on his left stood Ianto, also grinning, and raising a champagne glass to the happy couple.

Suddenly, John realised why Nick looked so different. He didn't look that much younger at all.

He just looked…so much _happier. _Even though it was clearly raining in the picture and his shirt was clinging to him, the look of pure joy on his face made everything seem perfect.

_God, _he thought. _What wouldn't I give to see him smile like that again? What wouldn't I give?_

He was startled, however, when a floorboard behind him creaked. He was about to spin around when, to his surprise, Nick appeared beside him. His cheeks were still stained with tears, but there was a strange life in his eyes that had not been there earlier. When he spoke, his voice shook, but this time…it was with hope.

"That was the police."

~*~

Jack turned on his side and looked at his partner, who seemed to be trying to bury himself in the pillows, even as he slept. He didn't seem to be even aware that he was doing it – but then again, the same seemed to be true of the steady stream of tears that was running down Ianto's face. He didn't even seem to register the way his body was trembling as he cried into his pillow.

Sighing a little, Jack reached over to him and pulled him close, holding him against his chest and stroking his hair. He wanted to wake him up and kiss him and make love to him, just to show him that everything was going to be all right.

But he couldn't. Ianto had been too upset to even think about being intimate with him that night, and there was no way that Jack would take advantage of him now.

He was almost relieved when his mobile began to ring. Without even pausing to check the caller ID, he picked it up. "John?" he said wearily. "What've you got?"

He knew that Ianto was trying to snuggle closer to him, but he didn't move to do anything as he felt himself stiffen at what he was hearing. "Abbadon's horns," he whispered. "Thank you, John."

"Abbadon's horns?" Ianto whispered, as he opened his eyes. "What's that about?"

Jack swallowed. "The police called Nick this evening," he said carefully. "They told him that the divers have finished searching the water."

Ianto sat bolt upright at those words. "Oh, Jack, no…"

Jack nodded. "They told him that they've found no sign of Alison's body."

~*~

When John walked into the Hub the next morning, he was greeted by Andie, who caught his arm. "Nick just went up to talk to Jack about something," she whispered. "He looked really happy."

John looked surprised. "Really?" Andie nodded. "How long has he been in there?"

"Only about twenty minutes."

Gwen, who had been watching the office, suddenly spoke. "Nick's coming out." She craned her neck as the door opened. "He still looks happy. Jack looks…curious."

Jack did indeed look curious as he came down the stairs. Quickly, John and the girls turned back to their computers, pretending to look busy, while all the while trying to listen to what was happening.

"What are you saying, Nick?" Jack was asking now.

To John's surprise, Nick laughed. It wasn't a sarcastic or pain-filled laugh this time; instead, it was a laugh of pure happiness, as clear as a church bell on a Sunday morning.

"Don't you see, Jack?" he said, his grin shining through his voice. "The police didn't find a body or anything – and you and I both know that they looked for ages. So…if they couldn't find her body – isn't it possible that Alison might still be alive somewhere?"

The happiness in that final sentence broke John's heart.

***

_Next time: The Jones cousins sort out their differences while Jack tries to throw Nick off course. But the truth has a funny way of sneaking up on people and events threaten to spiral out of control._


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

The silence that followed Nick's words was almost deafening in its intensity. Nick was standing at the top of the stairs, looking happier than Ianto had seen him for almost five years. Actually, thinking about it, that was probably the first proper smile he had seen on his cousin's face since Estelle's birth. But he hadn't looked like this since…well, since his wedding day, really.

Just then, for one moment, Ianto found himself hating Jack, knowing that the older man was about to break his cousin's heart. But he pushed that thought away the moment he became aware of it. After all, none of what had happened was Jack's fault and he was doing everything possible to ensure that all of those people, Alison Jones included, were kept safe and were well-cared for.

In the middle of the staircase, Jack was watching Nick, his face almost passive, except for the tiny occasional grimace. Quietly, Ianto shifted slightly to the right, waiting to catch his lover's eye. His heart almost broke when he saw the haunted look in Jack's bright blue eyes and, with a small smile, he gave him a tiny nod, just to let him know that he was doing the right thing.

Jack gave him a tremulous smile before he spoke. "We'll do everything we can, Nick," he assured him. "I promise we'll do everything we can – but you've got to know that…"

"Jack, she's alive, I know she is. I don't know where she is, but I know she's alive."

"And I'll do everything in my power to find her. We all will, but we need you to be able to do your job, all right? So, just leave finding her to me and…well, keep doing what you do." He clapped the young man on the shoulder as he returned to his office.

Nick stood where he was for a few seconds before he walked down the stairs, sat down beside John and gripped his hand. "I knew she was alive," he whispered. "Or, at least, I never really believed she was dead."

John nodded and forced a smile. "I'm really happy for you," he said, hoping that his voice didn't break. "You deserve to be happy."

Nick smiled at him. "I…also wanted to say thank you, for everything. You've been really good to me and I want you to know – if there's anything you need, you can always come to me."

John forced himself not to swallow as he looked into those hazel eyes. He wanted to speak, to thank him, but the words wouldn't come, so he contented himself with a smile, hoping it concealed his true feelings.

Nick grinned back at him, seemingly oblivious and then went down to the autopsy bay, leaving behind two intrigued women and, though he didn't know it, one distraught former Time Agent.

~*~

"He's got a right to know," John said, quietly but firmly. "You know that. If it was your wife…if it was Gwen…or Ianto –"

"Don't!" hissed Jack. "Don't you dare say a thing like that!"

"If it was Ianto," pressed John, ignoring this. "Wouldn't you want to know that he was safe – and that he was alive?"

For a second, Jack actually seemed to think about it before the shutters came down again. "And go and see him, knowing that there was nothing I could do for him?" he asked. "No. Nick's going to see enough shit here; there's no need to put him through this."

"Jack –"

"No." Jack turned away. "After what happened last time, I told myself I would never do this again."

"But this time it's different," protested John. "Listen, Jack, you know that I agree with you about what happened with Gwen and that she shouldn't have pushed you about Jonah. But this isn't the same; this is Nick's wife we're talking about. You saw how happy he was earlier; he thinks there's still a chance that she's alive. We know the truth, Jack. If we tell him –"

"We could destroy him." Jack cut across him. "We could ruin everything we've done to help him heal. I didn't see it at first, but Ianto did – working in that hospital and dealing with Alison was slowly killing him. We got him out while there was still a chance. If we go telling him what happened…we might not be so lucky. Nick is a strong man, but…after everything he's been through – this could break him."

He turned back. "And I'd have thought that you, of all people, would be on my side here."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, come on, John. Don't think I haven't noticed the way you've been watching him and taking him home every time you get the chance."

"What?"

"I saw that look on your face at the funeral. I know you didn't think I was watching you, but I saw it. When he went up with Ianto, you…" he paused and then changed tack, speaking much more quietly this time. "John, I know why you actually agreed to come to the funeral…and it wasn't to prevent any incidents."

He waved away John's half-formed protests. "Don't try and deny it. We both know it's true."

"I wasn't going to try and deny it," answered John. "I just thought that…after everything that happened with us, you would know me better than to think that I would let my feelings for Nick stop me from telling him the truth about the woman he loves."

"Well, why wouldn't they? Think about it. With Alison safely out of the way, and Nick thinking that she's dead, you're free to pursue him. Isn't that what you want?"

John looked horrified. "After all that's happened…is that really how you see me?"

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't. I know you've changed in some ways, but I don't –"

"Jack! I admit it, in years gone by, I would have agreed with you without a second thought. Two years ago, if this had happened, I would have let Nick think that she was dead and then gone for him! I was selfish enough to do that, and I'm not ashamed to admit that."

He paused for breath. "And the reason why I'm not ashamed to admit it is because I'm not that man any more. Hell, twenty years ago, you would have slept with anything that moves. But you're not that man any more. Is it so inconceivable that I might have changed too?"

"No, but –"

"Jack, if there's one thing that seeing you and Ianto happy together has taught me, it's that…you have to do what's right, rather than what's easy, if you want to help people. And sometimes," he paused and looked down towards where Ianto and Nick were talking, "that means you've got to let them go."

He reached out and touched Jack's arm. "Jack, Nick is so strong. I know he looks shy and vulnerable, but underneath he's…he's just so resilient. He can get through this, I know he can. It will affect him, but, if he's got people who…" he couldn't say the word, "care about him by his side, he'll survive."

Jack rubbed his face. "I know Nick's strong, otherwise I'd never have recruited him. But this is different. This is really serious, John. Look, I hear what you're saying and I do understand what you mean. Believe me, I do. But for the sake of Nick's life, this is the only way forwards. You and I both know what a bad state Alison's in, much worse than the others. Not seeing her husband or children for the rest of her life will destroy her and I am sorry for that. But letting Nick know that she's alive will mean he'll want to see her again. Can you imagine what he'll think when he does? He'll be devastated and that will make things worse for Alison."

"Jack –"

"No. It's for both their sakes, John. You can't say anything to Nick. That's an order."

~*~

Ianto rubbed his eyes as the coffee machine whistled and hissed in front of him. His head was absolutely killing him and he silently resolved to never drink again. Still, at least the coffee he made could actually cure any hangover.

He smiled slightly as he picked up the cup, breathing in the heady scent of the fresh coffee beans. "Oh, that's better," he whispered, feeling the steam start to clear his head already.

"Your coffee always could cure anyone's hangover," said a voice from the doorway. Ianto jumped and turned to find Nick watching him, his eyes filled with amusement.

"How long have you been there?" he asked, more out of surprise than hostility.

"Long enough to know a killer hangover when I see one," answered Nick with a wry laugh. "How much did you drink yesterday?"

"A lot more than I should have," muttered Ianto as he took a swallow of the hot liquid and gathered his courage. "Nick, I said and did a lot of things I shouldn't have done yesterday…and I'm sorry. You're practically my brother and I just went and treated you like…" but he didn't get any further, because Nick came up and wrapped him in a hug.

"Shh," he said softly, stroking his cousin's hair. "It's all right, I understand. And, for what it's worth, I'm sorry too. All day, I thought that…I thought you didn't care…you just looked so cold. I was so wrong, Ianto…so wrong."

Impulsively, Ianto pressed a firm kiss to Nick's forehead. "I wasn't thinking straight yesterday," he whispered. "But today…when I woke up…God, I thought I'd lost you."

"Never," Nick shook his head firmly, "never. You're my best friend, Ianto – and my brother." He pulled away and took Ianto's face in his hands. Something upstairs had caught his eye. "Now…go and talk to Jack, yeah? He needs you."

Ianto looked confused, but nodded and pulled away from Nick, pausing only to squeeze his shoulder before he went up the stairs. He smiled vaguely at John, who was passing the other way, but gasped in shock when he realised that the man had tears in his eyes.

"John!" he exclaimed, trying to catch his arm. "Are you okay?" He had never seen Jack's former partner close to tears before and it scared him more than he thought possible. But John didn't even look at him; instead he just ran down the stairs and out of sight.

Ianto frowned, but when he opened the door to the office, the sight in front of him blew any thoughts of John out of his mind. Jack was slumped at his desk, his fists clenched over a bundle of notes and sobbing his heart out.

Ianto didn't need to look at the notes to know whose they were, but he ran straight up and pulled Jack into a hug, rocking him gently and kissing away the tears, desperately reassuring his lover that he was doing the right thing.

~*~

John flopped into a chair opposite the computer screen, trying hard not to scowl as he angrily brushed at his eyes. It was bad enough that Ianto had seen him in such a state, but now Jack was ordering him to lie to the man who had become so important to him…the man he might…

"Shit," he growled, glaring at the computer screen as if it had all the answers but refused to share them with him.

"You know, don't you? You know that she's alive."

He jumped at the voice and whipped round, instinctively drawing his gun. But he hastily replaced it when he realised that it was only Nick…although the young man looked dead serious.

He sat down next to him and looked him straight in the eyes. "You know where she is, John. Take me there."

"Nick, I –"

"Take me there," repeated Nick. "Please."

***

_Next Time: Will John agree to Nick's request? What does John know? And what will the consequences be?_


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Nick dragged himself out of the bathroom at the sound of the knock on the door, cursing slightly as he tripped over one of his trainers on the way to the door. He glanced round the corner as he passed the spare room, but Catrin was still fast asleep. Flicking on a light in the sitting room, he opened the door. His visitor made him gasp with surprise.

"John?" he whispered. "What are you –"

"Not now," whispered John. He looked furtively around. "Get your coat and come with me. Don't ask questions," he said when Nick opened his mouth to speak, "just do it."

Puzzled, Nick did as he was told, but, to his surprise, as soon as his coat and gloves were on, John seized him by the hand and half-dragged him out of the front door. He seemed to be in a terrible hurry for some reason or other as he hurried to the bay and pulled him onto a small boat. They sat in silence for a while, John constantly checking his watch, his brow furrowed in agitation. Finally, after almost an hour, Nick couldn't take it any more.

"John," he said, now feeling not only confused, but also a little scared. "What's going on? Where are you taking me?"

John took a deep breath and, when he turned, his face was grave, even more so than in their training sessions. "If Jack found out what I was planning to do, he would be furious," he said quietly. "But I think that you've got a right to know what happened to your wife."

Nick could hardly believe his ears. "You mean –"

"Yes." John nodded. "You've got a right to know." The boat juddered to a halt a moment later and they stepped onto the shoreline. "Do you know where we are?"

"Flat Holm Island?" asked Nick, looking confused. "You mean she's here? Why?"

John closed his eyes for a moment and then, when he spoke, it sounded as if his very words were causing him pain. "Nick," he said quietly, "I'm going to take you to see her now, but…but you have to know…Alison's changed. You won't recognise her by sight, but I promise it's her. But I'll be right here. I won't leave you. I promise."

Nick swallowed and nodded. "Thank you," he whispered.

They walked slowly across the island, John shining his torch in front of him, a frown of concentration on his face. Occasionally, he would tilt the light in the direction of his watch and frown slightly before quickening his pace. Eventually, he was running so fast, Nick had to sprint to keep up with him – when suddenly, the former Time Agent stopped.

"John," panted Nick, clutching his side, "what's the hurry? Why are we here at this time?"

Instead of answering, John merely cleared the way, revealing a door carved into the hill. He opened it and then turned to Nick. "Don't let go of my hand. These steps can get dangerous."

Nick nodded. "Okay."

The staircase wasn't especially slippery, but it was certainly steep and dark and their footsteps echoed in the empty passageway in a way that made the flesh on Nick's skin crawl, as if it was alive. When they came to the bottom, he could hear muffled noises…groans, whimpers. He shivered. "Where are we?" he whispered, fear permeating his voice for the first time.

John noticed and, about to press a button to open a second door, he turned round. "Nick, are you sure you want to do this?" he asked. "I mean, I think you've got a right to know the truth, but I am not going to force you to do this. It has to be your decision."

Nick didn't hesitate. "I am scared," he admitted. "But yes, I'm sure. I want to see her – I need to see her. I have to know the truth." He paused for a second. "But I won't ask you to come with me. If you want to wait here –"

"No." John's voice was firm. "I said I wouldn't leave you and I won't." He turned back to the machine on the door and spoke a random sequence of numbers into the intercom. There was a moment's pause and then the lock on the door clicked and the door opened. He turned round and stretched out his hand. "Come on then, if you're sure."

"I'm sure." Though he had never felt less sure about anything in his life, Nick took the other man's hand and let himself be led inside. He saw John whispering to a woman who he didn't recognise, but she gave him a quick look and led them down one of the corridors.

"John?" he whispered suddenly. "I…thank you." He waited for John to reply, but when he didn't, he turned away again, completely missing the single tear that fell down the other man's cheek.

Eventually, they came to a halt outside a closed door. The woman slowly ran a keycard down a panel beside it. The light flashed green, but before she opened the door, she turned to face the two men behind her.

"You know that she's changed a lot, Dr. Jones," she began slowly.

"Please," Nick waved his hand calmly. "It's just Nick."

She smiled. "Okay, Nick…your wife has changed a lot…she's aged considerably. But she's still the woman you love."

Nick swallowed. "I know. Please…just take me to her."

The door opened slowly at that. Nick saw a room, simple and rather dark, but with a strangely soothing quality to it. At the back of the room there was a desk and behind it, staring at the wall was a tall figure with long ragged black hair wearing a dark blue sweater and jeans.

With a final deep breath, Nick stepped in, his footsteps echoing on the cold hard floor, and cleared his throat. "Alison?" he whispered. "Is…is that you?"

"Who's that?" The voice that seemed to come from the woman was hoarse and strained, as if it had been overused already. "Who's there?"

"It's me." Nick's voice cracked. "It's Nick. Alison, please…look at me."

There was a long pause. Then, very slowly, and with an air of hope long lost, the woman started to turn round. When she had turned a half-circle, she paused. "Nick?"

"Yes." Slowly, Nick made his way closer. "Alison, look at me."

Another pause followed. Then, with a movement that seemed to take years to complete, one hand inched out of the pocket of her jeans and started to move her hair off her face, almost piece by piece. She peered in front of her. "Nick?" she whispered again. "Is…is that you?" She stepped forwards and gasped. "Oh, Nick…" she whispered, reaching out to catch his hand.

But Nick took an immediate step back, almost tripping over the doorframe in his haste. He could hardly believe what he was seeing. "No," he whispered, shaking his head wildly as he tore his gaze away from those empty, deadened eyes. "No…that's not her…that's not my Alison…" He stumbled backwards, almost collapsing in John's arms. "You're not my wife…"

"Nick," she gasped in response, "Nick, love, I swear…it's me…it is me…remember…"

"It is her, Nick," said John. "I know it's hard to believe, but…that's Alison. I swear it is…and I wouldn't lie to you." _And I don't say that to just anyone…_

"No!" Nick almost screamed, lunging forwards. "No…you're not the woman I love…you're not…"

She was crying now. "Nick, please…I…" but then her voice began to fade away and her eyes started to roll back in her head.

The nurse who had escorted the men in turned pale. "John…get him out. Now."

But it was too late. The tears had dried up on the aged woman's cheeks and her body turned rigid and began to shake violently. She seemed to be trying to speak, to utter her husband's name, but the words wouldn't come. Instead, even as she tried to fight it, her breath came out sounding almost like a death rattle and then a terrible sound filled the room; the sound that could freeze the blood of even the most stout-hearted soldier.

Nick barely had time to register that the sound was coming straight from the woman in front of him before John grabbed his wrist and pulled him out of the door. Before he could speak (though what he could say, he didn't know), the two men were running, through the corridors, up the stairs and out of the door before the cold nighttime air finally hit them.

~*~

John handed Nick a bottle of water. "Here, drink some of this – slowly, slowly, we don't want you making yourself ill." He stroked the hair at the base of Nick's neck as he waited for him. "You're all right now, just take your time. I'm here." For once, he didn't care how that sounded; all that mattered right now was comforting a friend – even if it meant using every ounce of self-restraint that he possessed.

It was well over an hour before Nick was calm enough to speak and, of course, the first thing he asked was "What happened to her?"

"The same think that happened to all the other people here," answered John. "You see, Nick, the Rift doesn't just drop things off – it also takes things…and people, away. Jack set this place up as a care facility for people who had been taken by the Rift."

"Jack set this place up?"

"Yeah. When he first took over Torchwood, there were two others who had been taken." John suddenly looked disgusted. "He showed me and Ianto the place where they used to be kept – God, I wouldn't have kept a rabid Weevil in there. So, he set this facility up for them. It may not seem like much, but at least they're kept safe and comfortable."

"How did you get involved in all this?"

"Shortly after I joined the team, I found out. It's usually Ianto who helps Jack with this, but at the time, they'd been fighting, badly. Anyway, that night, Jack went out on his own. Took the SUV. I followed him – right into the middle of Splott."

"Was he rescuing one of the victims?"

"Yes. When he helped her – it was a woman – to the car, I got out and spoke to him. He wasn't happy, but he took me here and told me everything – including that Ianto always waits with him when he answers these calls. After we got back to the Hub, the first thing I did was contact Ianto and tell him what had happened. When I came in the next morning, the first thing I saw was him sitting on the sofa while Jack cried in his arms. From that day onwards, Ianto and I agreed that Jack should never go and do this on his own. It's too soul-destroying for him."

"Why didn't he tell me about it?" asked Nick. "I'm a doctor; maybe I could have helped."

"You couldn't have," said John, firmly but gently. "There's nothing anyone can do for them; they're sick, some of them in ways that even Jack and I don't know about, even coming from so far in the future. The best that can be done is to keep them safe and comfortable."

"Didn't Owen know about it?"

"Owen did know about it, yes. But he also knew that there was nothing he could do. Seriously, Nick, even the best doctors from our time couldn't help them. Maybe one day there will be a way to help them, but until then, we've just got to make sure they're as comfortable as possible."

Nick leaned back backwards against the rocky mound behind him and closed his eyes, still attempting to process everything that he was being told. He managed to relax slightly thanks to John stroking his hair gently, but something was stopping him from completely letting go.

And then, he heard it again. He knew it had always been there, but he'd been so focused on John's story that he'd almost forgotten about it. But now, he remembered and it seared through his brain like a black fire.

"Does she always scream?" he eventually whispered.

"Yes," John sighed. "Nick, there was a reason why I brought you out here at this time of night. When you saw her earlier, you saw her in the only ten minutes of the day when she's even close to coherent. You saw her then at her best."

"You mean she screams for the rest of the time?"

"Apart from those ten minutes, fifteen if you're lucky, yes."

"And," Nick swallowed, hating that he had to ask this, but at the same time, knowing that he needed to know. "Are all the victims as…badly affected as her?"

He looked up and saw the shattered look on his companion's face. "John, I'm sorry to ask, but you promised that you wouldn't lie to me. Please. Tell me."

John sighed. "I won't lie to you and tell you that they're all that bad, Nick, because the fact is, they're not. In fact, Jack said that he doesn't think there's been a case this bad since he started running the place."

"Why? Why is she…" but he couldn't get the words out.

"She looked into the heart of a dark star," said John quietly. "What she saw there…it drove her insane. It's what happened to some of the other people here. You saw Jonah Bevan's name here?" Nick nodded. "The same thing happened to him. He screams for twenty hours a day. All the people in the unit you saw have long periods of nothing but screaming."

Nick shuddered. "But why…" but again, he couldn't finish the sentence.

"Because," and now it was John's turn to hesitate, "Nick, Alison was severely depressed when she was taken by the Rift and she has been for a long time. You know that."

"Yeah, I know." Deep down, Nick thought he knew what John meant, but he wanted to hear it from him first.

"Well…that's why she was so badly affected." John's voice was almost inaudible. He reached over and squeezed Nick's hand. "You have to understand, Nick; this isn't your fault. There was nothing you could have done to stop this. Jack's tried, believe me."

"So," Nick took a deep breath and prepared to speak the words that would devastate him, "there's really…nothing anyone can do for her…for any of them?"

"I'm sorry," said John, and he really was. "But, no…there's nothing." His voice said more than his words ever could and in that moment, Nick knew the full truth of the matter. His wife, the woman he had vowed to spend the rest of his life with…was dying.

He closed his eyes and spoke, as if every word was causing him pain. "Why did I come?"

"Maybe it's for the best," answered John, squeezing his hand a little tighter. "At least now…now, you know the truth and…maybe you can move on."

The mood changed in an instant. Nick pulled his hand away almost violently as he stood up and stared at John, his face a mixture of shock, anger, betrayal…and, somewhere underneath…guilt.

"For the best?!" he repeated incredulously. "My wife is in there dying and you're saying that it's _for the best?_! You're saying that I can just move on…just forget her like that?"

"No!" shouted John, also getting up. "I'm just saying…you can't grieve for ever!" He dropped his voice, but the words still carried the same impact. "And you couldn't have taken care of her for ever. Sooner or later, you would have lost her – she was going to go the same way as your father…and deep down, you know that."

"That's what a husband's supposed to do!" shouted Nick, spinning round. "I was supposed to love her, cherish her and comfort her…I was supposed to protect her from all this – give her a normal life with me and our children! It's my duty to care for her, not to give up –"

"Nick –"

"And you say that all this has happened for the best?" Nick's eyes were blazing now. "You're saying that now I know I can move on?" He flew forwards and started hitting John in the chest. "How do you expect me to do that? How do you think I can just move on like that – let the only woman I've loved that much go like this? You think that just by coming here and seeing what happened to her, I can let her go? You think I can just forget her like that?" He was barely even pausing for breath. "I can't do it…I can't…I won't do it…"

John didn't hesitate. He caught the young man in a fierce embrace and held him tight against his chest, not even flinching as Nick struggled and screamed at him. Instead, he just stroked his back and tried to calm him, tentatively pressing his lips to the top of his head.

He had seen this happen before; violent hysteria giving way to unbearable grief. But it didn't make it any easier when Nick collapsed against him and burst into tears. His body was trembling and his wild, almost animalistic sobs almost drowned out Alison's scream. Suddenly, and without any warning, his knees gave way and, barely a moment later, both men had sunk to the ground, clinging tightly to each other.

John pulled Nick in as close as he could and rocked him, rubbing soothing circles over his shoulders, just as he had seen Jack and Ianto comforting each other after a bad day. Now, more than anything else, John just wanted to kiss away Nick's tears and wipe away his pain…and show him that everything would turn out just fine in the end.

But he couldn't. He didn't even know what words to use. There was not a single appropriate sentence that he could speak to tell Nick that he'd be all right. And he knew perfectly well why. As hard as he tried, he realised that he couldn't convince himself that everything would be all right.

Because, deep down, he didn't believe it would be.

He shuddered slightly. _What have I done?_

Some time later, after the clock in the distance had struck three in the morning, Nick's sobs subsided and he was left breathless and drained, but calm now. Sighing, John leaned over and wiped away the tears.

"Come on," he said, pulling himself to his feet, "let's get you home, yeah?" When no response was forthcoming, he reached down and picked Nick up, carrying him as if he weighed nothing more than a pillow. For a moment, a flicker of surprise surfaced beneath the pain, but then it was gone, replaced by a terrifying blankness.

The ride back to the mainland seemed to take an eternity. Neither of them spoke; Nick didn't even seem to be capable of forming words. Instead, he simply stood at the rear of the boat, watching the island out of sight, his face a picture of loss.

John could barely see the beautiful hazel colour of his eyes now. It was like an impenetrable mist had settled over them. Even his bright auburn hair seemed to have faded to a mousy brown. The colour in his dimpled cheeks had faded, leaving him looking almost corpse-like. No, that wasn't right – he looked like…he looked like a ghost…a shadow.

Once they reached the bay, he touched Nick's hand and shivered at how icy cold he was, even through his thick gloves. "Hey, come on," he whispered, linking their fingers together. "Let's get you home; you need to see your kids and get some sleep, okay?"

Slowly, he helped Nick off the boat since the young man didn't seem to have regained any of his motor functions yet, and sat him down in a taxi. He gave the driver the address and sat down too, wrapping his hand around Nick's and holding it for the duration of the journey.

He grew increasingly worried when he saw that Nick didn't even react to the usual stench that pervaded the building. Even after living in the place for so long, each time they'd come here together, he would at least cringe. But this time, there was nothing. In fact, it wasn't until they were inside the apartment that Nick gave any hint of a reaction to anything – and even then, it was only a barely audible gasp.

"Can't have changed that much, can it?" asked John dryly.

"No…" Nick's voice was barely even there.

"Go on." John rubbed his shoulder gently. "Go and check those beautiful kids of yours and get some sleep. I'll be…right here if you need me."

He sank down onto the sofa with a small sigh, hating himself. Jack had been right. He'd taken Nick to that awful place and it had broken him. Now, even surrounded by his friends and family, it was going to be even harder to help him.

But what made it even worse was that, deep down, he knew that, given the choice, he would have done it all again. Because he knew that, whatever happened, Nick had the right to know.

~*~

The nursery was dark when Nick stepped in, only just managing to avoid the floorboard that creaked. He didn't want to wake them up, but when he realised that he couldn't see them in the dark, he quietly switched on the small nightlight by the bed. Trevyn stirred slightly, snuffling into his blanket, but he didn't wake up.

In the crib nearby, Estelle's eyes flickered open slightly and she made a strange growling sound in her throat as Nick got closer to her, but just before he could stroke her hair to get her back to sleep, she had managed to snuggle down under her blanket, her eyes closing again.

Sighing, Nick went to smooth her covers down, but stopped when his hand brushed over a lump at the foot of the crib. Frowning, he slipped his fingers under the blanket to find out what it was. He felt his throat constrict, however, when he saw what was in his hand.

He was holding the small blue teddy bear he had bought for Alison the day after their wedding. They hadn't had a proper honeymoon, since most of their savings had gone on the wedding itself, but there had been a fair in town and Nick, knowing how much she loved them, had taken her there in an effort to make up for the fact that they couldn't go away. It had rained again, heavier than it had on their actual wedding day, but that hadn't stopped them from having a good time and trying out all the different rides and games.

He remembered standing at the coconut shy for at least an hour trying to win the little bear which had caught his new wife's eye. It had been exhausting work, but he had been so in love with his new bride that he would have done anything for her, even walk over hot coals if she had asked him to – what was attempting to win a small bear compared to that? Besides, the look in Alison's eyes and the way she'd kissed him had made it all worth it.

Nick's eyes started to water as he realised that, even now, after Estelle had somehow managed to take possession of the bear, it still smelt exactly the same as it had the day he had won it…even after all these years…

He sank down onto the floor, breathing in the scent of the bear's soft fur, the memories of that wonderful day in the rain cascading over him, overwhelming him. Never before had he felt so safe and happy and…loved as he had on that day, seeing his beautiful wife smiling so brightly. At that thought, Nick's fragile control broke and he buried his face in the bear's fur and burst into tears.

~*~

John sat on the sofa, shifting uncomfortably as he glanced at the clock. It was still only half past four in the morning and yet he felt as alert as if he'd had twenty hours of solid sleep. Quite what he was waiting for, he didn't actually know, but he would know when it happened.

Or at least, that was what he kept telling himself. If he looked deep into his heart, he knew perfectly well why he was sitting out here alone in the darkness. He knew exactly what it was that had stopped him from following Nick into the nursery. He couldn't bring himself to follow him, to watch him with the children, knowing that he had broken up the family. No matter how many times he tried to tell himself that they didn't have the right to lie to Nick, and no matter how true it was, he couldn't deny that Jack had, once again, been right. His motives for what he'd done had, for the most part, been truly selfish.

His thoughts were interrupted as the clock chimed, signaling that it was now a quarter to five. Surely, Nick must be thinking about going to sleep now anyway, or at least getting some rest. Besides, he realised, he needed a drink.

Slowly, he got up from the sofa, ignoring the prick his conscience gave as he realised he was leaving when he'd promised Nick he wouldn't. But he couldn't take this any more – he knew that he couldn't stay. If he needed him, Nick had his number – he could call him.

He was halfway towards the door, when something stopped him in his tracks. He turned round and listened, frowning. Then acting on instinct, he drew his weapon, but didn't take the safety catch off yet. First, he glanced into the spare room, but saw nothing except for Catrin sound asleep, her chest rising and falling slowly.

Suddenly, it dawned on him that the strange sounds were coming from the nursery and he felt his whole body tense up. Something, or someone, was in there with Nick's children. He had no idea if it was alien or human, but one thing was for sure – he couldn't let a child be hurt under any circumstances. Jack would never forgive him for that.

_But they're not just any children, are they? _The small thought that had plagued him while he'd been sat down returned. _Nick's lost too much already. He's seen his family ripped to pieces…and you know that it's your fault._

Shaking his head to clear it, John crept across the carpet towards the nursery. He stepped inside the doorway and almost swore out loud as his foot caught on the loose floorboard. But then, in the dim light, he spotted the source of the noise and the words died in his throat.

Nick was slumped in a corner, clutching a small pale blue teddy bear as he rocked himself back and forth, sobbing inconsolably. Already, his dimpled cheeks were soaked by rivers of tears and his eyes (once you got a look at them) were so red you might think they were bleeding.

John swallowed. This was the third time he had seen Nick in tears and his heart ached as he realised that this was so much more terrible than the other two times. The first time, after Carson's funeral, it had been a moment of release, a time to let his grief for his adopted father go. The second time, on Flat Holm, there'd been so much anger…anger, confusion and, deep down, guilt. John knew perfectly well that Nick had been struggling to cope with Alison's depression and now that he knew she was safe, there was a part of him that was relieved…and he hated himself for it, even if the thought had only been there for less than a second.

But now…this was a complete loss of control that was already hanging by a thread. This was more than anger, more than grief…this was just pure helplessness.

And deep down, John knew that it was his fault.

Slowly, he replaced the safety catch on his gun and holstered it again, before he bent down and tentatively reached out to hug the young man. But the moment contact was made, Nick tensed and leapt up as if he'd been burnt. He didn't say a word, didn't even look at John; instead, he just walked out of the nursery as fast as he could.

John stood in shock for a few seconds before his brain switched back on. Quickly turning off the nightlight, he dashed out of the nursery. "Nick –" he started to say, but it was too late. The young man had already gone.

He stood where he was for several minutes, feeling his heart beating wildly, as though it was trying to free itself from his chest, the shock of what had just happened hitting him all at once. Then, barely stopping to think, he grabbed his coat from the sofa and ran out of the apartment.

He didn't even stop to check where he was going and it was quite a shock when he eventually looked up to find that he was standing in front of the water tower. The lights from the Plass and the bay were lit, sending an, amber glow over the flowing water, a devastating reminder of the blazing colour of Nick's hair.

_God, everywhere I go…I see something that makes me think of him…_

The second that thought entered his mind, he jumped onto the stone slab, briefly closing his eyes as it ground its way into their underground base before shuddering to a halt. With a deep breath, he stepped off the slab – and froze at the sight that now met his eyes.

Ianto was half-sitting, half-lying on the old sofa at the back of the room, his back supported by a cushion. At first, it looked like he had covered himself with a blanket, but upon closer inspection, John realised that the young man was cradling Nick in his arms and stroking his hair as the other man cried into his shoulder, still holding that little teddy bear as tight as he dared. They both started and looked up as he came in, and Ianto's eyes turned as hard as chipped granite.

John gulped. "Nick," he started to say, but he was abruptly cut off.

"Don't even think about it," Ianto hissed. "Not after what you've done to him." He shifted slightly and then spoke again in a much softer voice. "Shh, Nick, it's all right. I'm right here."

John sighed, but said nothing, he didn't really feel like arguing with Ianto at this time. Instead, he took another step into the Hub, only to stop as a door slammed above him. He jumped at the sound and looked up…straight into the flaming blue eyes of Jack Harkness.

***

_Next Time: John faces the consequences of his actions. _


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

There was almost total silence in the room, the only sound being Nick's barely restrained sobs. Very slowly, and with an air of total calmness, Jack walked down the stairs, each silent step as firm as a death knell. When he spoke, his voice was very calm, too calm in fact.

"Come to my office," was all he said before he walked away again, closing the door behind him.

John visibly forced himself not to swallow and started to walk up the stairs. But halfway up, he turned back. "I'm sorry, Nick," he whispered.

"It's a bit late for saying sorry," said Ianto.

"I know." The words were almost a whisper as he followed Jack.

"Shut the door behind you." Jack's voice was still dead calm. John did so, but started to speak before his leader had the chance.

"I know what you're going to say and maybe on some level you're right. I didn't think things through completely, I won't deny that. But, I will tell you now – given the chance, I wouldn't change what I did. In fact, I would do it all again if I had to."

That got Jack's attention. He spun round so fast he knocked a pile of papers off his desk. Suddenly, his eyes were blazing with anger. "What did you say?" he growled.

"Jack, I know what you're thinking, but this is completely different to what happened with Nikki Bevan. She was on her own, with no one close to support her. And in that case, yes, it would have been better for her not to know. But Nick isn't alone. He's got his family and friends – and he's got us. Together, we can support him. But he had to know."

"He had to know," Jack repeated. "He had to know." Suddenly his voice turned as cold as ice. "He had to know…never mind what would happen when he found out?"

"Jack!" John's anger was boiling now. "We had no right to keep this from him! You know that!"

"You had no right to go against me like that!" countered Jack. "You have no idea what you've done to that man. You know…sometimes I wonder if you've changed at all!"

John felt as though someone had slapped him. That was a low blow and both of them knew it. "I have changed!" he exclaimed. "You changed me!"

Jack shrugged. "I thought I had," he said, "I really did. But now, seeing what you've done to Nick, I simply don't know any more."

John couldn't help it; he gaped. Then, summoning up the last of his courage, he said, "Jack, I admit it, I didn't think it all the way through. I didn't want to hurt him and I'm sorry that I did." He reached for Jack's arm. "But just think, Jack. If it had been you – if you had been the one in Nick's situation…you would have wanted the truth. And you and I both know that."

~*~

Ianto sat up as the sound of Jack's raised voice hit him suddenly, drawing him from his daze. The two men had been in that office for almost twenty minutes and this was the first time that Jack's voice had been loud enough for him to notice it.

He jumped slightly and looked down just in time to see Nick stir and open his eyes, his face soaked with tears and his slim form still shaking. With a small smile, he reached over to brush the tears away from his cousin's dimpled cheeks.

"I thought you were asleep," he whispered.

"Sorry," muttered Nick, forcing himself upright and brushing his hair out of his eyes. He let out a low, trembling breath as he tried to pull himself together. It was bad enough that he'd cried all over his cousin's shirt without falling asleep on him as well. It didn't matter that, inside, he was falling apart – all he wanted to do was keep a little bit of dignity.

Ianto seemed to realise that. "Hey, don't worry," he said, calmly, but with that comforting undertone his soft voice carried. "Come on, get your coat and I'll take you home."

That proved to be a mistake. Nick stiffened and turned to look at him. "No!"

Ianto blinked. "What? Nick, look at you; you're exhausted, you need to rest."

But Nick shook his head. "No…I can't go home…don't take me there." His voice had dropped to a hoarse whisper and his eyes were rapidly filling with tears. "I can't…"

Ianto watched his cousin, his heart breaking for him. He and Jack had been halfway through a rather intense game of strip poker when he'd arrived in floods of tears. He had sobbed for almost an hour before finally managing to choke out what had happened. Ianto had been distraught, but Jack had been furious – furious and hurt – at John's betrayal of him…of everything.

"Nick," he said, slowly reaching out to touch his shoulder, but before he could, there was a sound of something hitting wood from upstairs. It sounded like Jack had banged his hand on the table.

Suddenly, Nick turned round to face Ianto, as if something had just occurred to him. "What's going to happen to John?"

Ianto looked surprised. "He'll probably be Retconned," he answered indifferently. "As much as I'd like him to, I doubt that Jack will kill him – hey, where are you going?"

But Nick was already halfway up the stairs to the office. He arrived just in time for Jack's furious voice to fill the Hub, echoing off the walls and causing the pterodactyl to squeal loudly. But it was what he said that shocked the young man to the core.

"You just give me one good reason why I shouldn't Retcon you back to the Time Agency!"

With only a moment's pause to think, Nick burst into the office, ignoring the door hitting the wall with a loud bang. "Jack, you can't!" he shouted out loud.

Jack, who moments earlier had been glaring at John, turned. "You broke my door," he said, sounding astonished.

"Oh, fuck your door!" snapped Nick. "Jack, you can't Retcon him. You can't."

Jack stared at him. "Why? Surely it's the least he deserves after what he's done to you."

"No." Nick shook his head firmly. "You can't, Jack. You can't punish him for something that wasn't his fault in the first place."

John shook his head. "Nick, it doesn't matter. After what I did to you –"

"It matters to me!" shouted Nick. "Jack, listen to me. Yes, John did take me there, there's no denying that. But he only took me there because I asked him to."

He waved away Jack's impending protests. "I wanted to go and see her, find out what had happened to my wife. If John hadn't taken me to her, I might have still believed that she was alive somewhere, just waiting for me. It would have sent the police on a wild goose chase…and would have slowly driven me insane from the false hope."

"Nick –" began Jack, but he was cut off again.

"No, Jack. I understand that you wanted to protect me, I really do. You see enough shit on this job as it is. But next time…just tell me." He turned to John. "I didn't want to admit this at the time, but you were right. As much as it hurts, it is better that I know the truth. I've got Trevyn and Estelle to think about too, and I can't be doing that if I keep thinking about her and wondering if she's ever going to come home. It's not fair to them."

His voice had cracked at the end, leaving no doubt that, despite his brave words, he was still deeply distressed by what had happened. But, even so, he didn't wait for either of the two men to speak. "I'm going for a walk."

He dimly heard Jack mutter something that might have been, "Don't worry about the door" after him, but he ignored him and continued on his way. It was only when he got to the bottom that he was stopped in his tracks by an exclamation from Ianto.

"What the _hell _was all that about?"

"Just telling the truth," he answered. "I need some air."

"Nick!" shouted Ianto.

"Don't start now." And with that, Nick walked calmly out of the Hub.

~*~

"I didn't ask him to say that," said John. His mind was reeling from everything Nick had just said. "Yes, he did ask me to take him to see Alison, but I never asked him to –"

"Go back downstairs." Jack's voice was hollow.

That was not what John had expected to hear. He blinked in surprise. "What?"

Jack sighed. "I'm going to give you one last chance," he said, never once looking at his former partner. "But make sure you know this. The only reason I'm not Retconning you as we speak is because I know how indispensable you are in the field. Now go."

John simply gaped for a split second before the words registered in his head. With a brusque nod, he turned on his heel and walked out of the office, wincing as he heard the sound of several things falling to the floor with a loud crash – louder than when Nick had thrown open the door.

He was just about to start to leave the Hub, when he was stopped by a hand closing around his wrist in a vice-like grip. He jumped and turned to find himself centimeters away from Ianto, who was watching him with the coldest eyes he had ever seen.

"I am warning you now," he said in a voice that literally seemed to be made of icicles. "You may be an essential ally in the field, but I swear to you…if you ever think, even for one second, about hurting him like that again, I will personally Retcon you back to your childhood. And don't think for a minute that I won't do it." He removed his arm, taking no pains to be gentle. "Now get out."

John didn't need telling twice. With a small shudder, he jumped onto the lift and clenched his fists as it began its shuddering journey upwards – a journey which, with Ianto glaring at him the whole time, seemed to take far too long. As soon as he reached the top, he jumped away, as if he was scared that the young man could actually take revenge on him, even now.

It wasn't long before he spotted Nick sitting on a bench and looking out over the water. Cautiously, he approached him, but he didn't touch him; instead, he just sat down beside him, giving him a little space and gathering his courage to speak.

"I'm sorry."

Nick shrugged. "It doesn't matter. What's done is done." He was still using the brave voice he'd used in Jack's office, but John could see damp tracks on his face and hear the tiny tremor underneath the calm façade and knew that he'd been crying.

He sighed. "There's no shame in getting upset, Nick. We've all been there before in some way, shape or form – and we're all here for you."

Nick sighed. "I know. But – and I mean this from the bottom of my heart – thank you, John…thank you for taking me there. I don't care what Jack says and I don't care what Ianto says – you did the right thing today. You were honest to me and in that way, you showed me respect. Thank you. It may not have been right for me to press them, but…I stand by what I said in that office. I needed to know…if only for Estelle and Trevyn's sake."

John shifted slightly. "There's still something I don't quite understand. It was me who Jack was angry with, because I was the one who took you there when he ordered everyone not to. But then you as good as told him that it was your fault for asking me to take you. Why?"

"Because it was my fault," answered Nick. "Jack had his reasons for not wanting me to find her and I just went and pushed him. I shouldn't have done that and I shouldn't have dragged you into it. I just…I needed to know – and I felt as though, in this at least, I could trust you."

"Do you feel better now that you know? I mean…really?"

"Yes…and no," admitted Nick, slowly. "I mean, on the one hand, I'm glad that I know the truth now, but on the other hand…I just…when I saw her, I knew. I knew she wasn't my wife. I knew she wasn't the woman I loved…

John blinked. "Loved…past tense?"

Nick looked ashamed. "Well…yeah, I suppose. I just…I didn't feel anything for her. No love, no…friendship – nothing. It was like…like I didn't even care about her. When I was crying like that…I didn't realise it at the time, but I think it was mostly the shock talking. And that scream…oh, God, that scream." He shuddered. "There's nothing there, John. There's nothing there to remind me of her."

"Do," John hesitated, trying to think of a way to word this without sounding like a jerk, but the feeling of his fingers running through the young man's soft hair coupled with his eyes gazing at him was making it very difficult to think. "Do you…can you think why that was?"

"Yes." There was no hesitation. "When I heard Jack yelling at you, when I realised that he actually could have Retconned you…it just hit me. I'd been living a lie for so long. I'd been fooling myself into thinking that Alison wasn't really gone. But that was wrong. She was gone a long time ago; I just didn't want to see it. But I can't do this any more."

"Do what?"

"Lie." Nick leaned closer to John's face. "I can't lie any more about…about how I feel…"

As he spoke, his hand edged out of his pocket and slid along the bench where they were sitting to rest in between them both, his eyes never once leaving John's face.

John started in surprise as his eyes flickered downwards and he realised what he was being offered. He glanced upwards, wanting to be sure he hadn't misunderstood the signs, and nearly choked when he saw the new intensity in the younger man's eyes.

"Nick…" he whispered, finding his own hand moving towards the middle of the bench as well. At the same time, he tilted his head forwards, closer and closer, until there was barely a centimeter between them. His breath hitched as their noses gently rubbed together and, a moment later, Nick's eyes fluttered closed, although the shallow breathing made it clear that he was still perfectly aware of his surroundings.

And then, as the morning sun rose over the bay, bringing a fresh new dawn, their lips finally touched. It was slow and tentative at first, just a soft caress, only as strong as a breath of summer wind. But slowly, almost in time with the rising of the sun, they allowed themselves to relax as the kiss deepened and they finally gave in, John shivering slightly in the cold as he ran his fingers through Nick's hair.

***

_Next Time: John and Nick may have turned a corner, but how will the others feel about this?_


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

"For what it's worth, I think you were right," Ianto said calmly as he began to sweep up the shattered glass from the floor.

Jack frowned. "Was I? And leave that, I'll clear it up in a minute." When Ianto rolled his eyes, Jack tried again. "Please, Ianto. I just…I just want to talk to you."

At that, Ianto stopped what he was doing in an instant. "Jack," he whispered, coming to sit on the edge of his desk. "Jack, what's wrong?"

Jack tried to speak, but before he could get the words out, he burst into tears, clenching his hands together and rocking backwards and forwards.

"Hey…" exclaimed Ianto, rushing round to pull him into a tight hug and bending slightly to kiss his forehead. "Jack, don't cry, please don't cry."

Jack didn't answer; instead he simply wrapped his arms around Ianto's waist, clinging to him as he sobbed against his shoulder. Every time he tried to speak, he found himself overtaken by a fresh flood of tears and he cried until his throat was raw and his eyes itched, at which point he collapsed against his lover, gasping and choking.

"Tell me," said Ianto softly, stroking the sweat-soaked fringe in front of him.

"It doesn't matter," mumbled Jack.

"Of course it matters. I'm here for you, Jack. I'm on your side; let me help you."

Jack sighed and wiped his eyes on the sleeve of his shirt. "I was just thinking…about what happened earlier…something that John said."

Immediately, Ianto's hackles went up. "What did he say?" he asked. "I knew he wouldn't change! It was bad enough finding out what he did to Nick, but now he's upset you as well!"

"It's not like that," said Jack, feeling himself tense up. "It's just…he said that we didn't have the right to keep what happened from Nick – and that, deep down, I know that, if it had been me in that position, I'd have wanted to know the truth as well."

"He said what?!" exclaimed Ianto, but before he could say anything more, Jack spoke again, his words stopping him cold.

"And he was right."

Ianto's hand dropped down. "You think he was right to take him there?" he asked incredulously. "After you saw what it did to him, after what it's done to you…you think John was right?"

"I don't think he was right to do what he did right now," amended Jack wearily. "I know that Nick didn't need that right now. However…" he bent his head with a sigh.

Ianto squeezed his hand. "Go on."

"Well, I just couldn't help but wonder…isn't it better that he finds out from us rather than by accidentally stumbling on it like Gwen did? Think how he'd feel if he found out like that…or if Gwen told him and let on that we knew all the time."

Ianto sighed. "He'd be really hurt," he admitted. "And…I've hurt him enough over the past couple of years." He shook himself. "But, Jack, we have talked about this; you've got no reason to blame yourself for this. It's not your fault. You're doing everything you can for those people."

"I just feel so guilty," murmured Jack. "John was right; he did have –"

"Maybe he did," answered Ianto. "And yes, he would have been hurt if he knew we'd kept it from him. But that doesn't make what John did right. It could have waited, just for a little while – just to give Nick some time to get his head around all of this."

He stroked Jack's hand gently and kissed him. "Come on, don't do this to yourself, eh?" he said, pulling his lover to his feet and drawing him into his arms. "Dance with me," he whispered, before starting to sing under his breath as they swayed together.

"_Come and leave the past behind,_

_Tonight we're on a journey to the stars…"_

As Jack let the soothing words of the song wash over him, he felt himself relax in Ianto's arms, eventually singing along with him. He smiled softly to himself; this was the way to dance…this was how they should have danced at Gwen's wedding.

He smiled and rested his cheek against Ianto's, only to find that the younger man had stopped moving and his body was suddenly rigid. Frowning slightly, he shifted and saw that he was staring at something behind him, his eyes wide with shock.

"Ianto?" he said, resting a hand on his shoulder. "You okay?" When he received no reply, he leaned over to get a closer look at what his partner was looking at. When he did see, however, his jaw dropped.

The camera was focused on the area surrounding the tourist office. There was a small bench beside the door, set back from the busy walkway. Even allowing for the dim light of the rising sun and the faint picture, Jack could make out two familiar figures sitting on the bench, locked in an intimate embrace and sharing a tender kiss.

"Well," said Jack weakly. "That's something you don't see every day."

~*~

As the sun began to warm his shoulders, Nick slowly moved backwards. "So," he whispered, his voice barely more than a breath, "you…you and me…"

"If it's what…" John's voice was equally quiet and suddenly he looked very apprehensive. Gently, he untangled their hands and walked over to look over the bay. "I – maybe I should go…just give you some time to think…"

"No." In a flash, Nick was on his feet and standing next to him. "Don't even think about it."

John looked at him and almost gasped out loud when he saw the look of complete control in the young man's face. He was waiting for him…something that had never happened before. Sure, he'd often made the first move, but then it had all been under his own terms, never under the terms of anyone else. This was new and strangely fascinating.

Nick smiled and absently began to brush his fingers over the top of John's hand, only to stop and frown when he spotted three red marks imprinted on his wrist. Frowning, he moved the other man's sleeve upwards and was horrified to discover a stark handprint on his skin.

"John," he gasped, "how did that happen?"

John shrugged. "Doesn't matter," he said easily. "Don't worry about it."

"Tell me," insisted Nick, his eyes flashing. "I mean it, John, tell me."

Seeing the determination in the young man's eyes, John gave in, even though he tried to explain it in a typically offhand manner. "You're very lucky to have someone who cares about you as much as Ianto does. He was quite stern with me when I came downstairs after you. He even threatened to Retcon me back to my childhood if I hurt you like that again."

Nick looked horrified. "He had no cause to do that!" he cried.

"Look, he didn't hurt me…well, not much anyway. And, he's just worried about you."

"But he doesn't need to be," insisted Nick. "I can take care of myself."

John looked uncertain. "You know that I would never force you into anything," he said. "But perhaps Ianto's right to be worried, especially now. You've been through a lot today and –"

"Look," interrupted Nick, "I won't deny that what happened today was rough and tiring, but I know my own mind and I can trust my own judgement." He leaned forwards, dropping his voice. "And, let me tell you now, exhausted or not, you could never force me to do anything. The only reason I'm here with you now is because I want to be here. If I didn't, you would know it."

John looked at him. "You do want to be here?"

Nick smiled at him. "Of course I do," he breathed and leaned in to claim another kiss, one hand reaching up to cup the back of John's neck and the other sliding up his back.

This time, John didn't hesitate for a second and he wrapped his arms around Nick's waist, pressing their bodies close together so that they were almost melded into each other. Slowly, his lips parted and he moaned loudly as Nick pushed a little further, tentatively probing his mouth with his tongue and letting out a loud groan.

It was only a sudden need for oxygen that caused them to eventually part, and when they did, they stared at each other, breathing heavily.

"Where do we go from here?" panted Nick.

"That's rather up to you," answered John, and he meant it. He liked Nick a lot and he didn't want to push him into anything and scare him off.

Nick smiled slightly. "Then, I think we need to go inside. I'm getting rather cold."

~*~

"Ianto, wait!" shouted Jack, racing after his partner. "You're overreacting!"

Ianto spun round. "Am I?"

"Yes." Jack took his arm. "Look, I get that you're worried, but you have to calm down. If you go in there all guns blazing, you'll only aggravate John – which, trust me, you don't want to be doing – and you'll upset Nick."

"I'm just trying to look out for my family!" snapped Ianto, but he didn't pull away. "I just want to make sure I can protect him."

"You can protect him," replied Jack. "No one's saying you can't. But you don't have to smother him. He's twenty-five years old and he's an independent young man." He leaned over and kissed him softly. "Just like you're so fond of telling me you are."

Ianto glared at him, but before he could say anything, the Hub's proximity alarm sounded and the cog door and the two men in question walked in, both looking rather pink.

Sensing that Ianto was starting to seethe, Jack stepped in quickly, "John, could I have a word with you for a second? It's important."

John looked confused, but didn't argue, pausing only to give Nick's hand a squeeze as he followed Jack into his office.

As soon as they were both out of earshot, Ianto rounded on his cousin. "You stupid git!" he hissed. "He's only going to break your heart! What were you thinking?"

Nick looked surprised and a little angry. "I was thinking that it was stupid to keep lying," he replied. "And I was also thinking that it's really none of your business and that I'm rather hurt that you seem to think that I can't take care of myself."

"I'm just looking out for you!" snapped Ianto. "I care about you, Nick, can't you see that? I don't want to see you get hurt. You've been hurt enough recently."

"I get that," said Nick. "I get it and I'm glad that you care, but I'm perfectly old enough to look after myself." He took a sharp breath. "And I'll thank you to let me trust my own judgement."

"Nick –"

"Come on, Ianto, do you really think I am going to let John break my heart? Please – give me some credit at least." And without another word, not even giving his cousin the chance to reply, he turned on his heel and walked into the autopsy bay, his auburn hair flying behind him. He rubbed his face with his hands and paced about, trying to calm himself down.

A few minutes later, he heard footsteps behind him and groaned. "Give it a rest can't you, Ianto?"

"He would if he was here," was the reply. Nick jumped and turned, only to find himself face to face with John, who looked extremely amused.

"I thought you were Ianto," he muttered, looking embarrassed. Then, seeing that John was about to give a sarcastic response, he cut across him. "I don't like that he doesn't want to trust my judgement, but I do wonder if he's got a point. How do I know I can trust you?"

John looked shocked. "Nick! I admit it, I wasn't always a good man and two years ago, you would have been well within your rights to ask that question. But I've changed. Believe me."

"Prove it."

"What?"

"You heard me." Nick set down the tools he'd been examining. "I've heard stories about how you used to be and they don't make for pleasant hearing, John. I want to trust you completely, but until I see for myself that you've changed…I'm not entirely sure that I can."

He walked up to him and took his hand for a brief second. "If you truly believe you've changed…then you can do it. If you can't…" he shook his head and, after giving John's hand a last squeeze, he walked out of the room.

John frowned as he watched him go. He hated to admit it, but he knew that Nick was right. The stories about him, while mostly true, had not made for enjoyable reading or hearing, and he was going to have a lot of work to do if he was going to put the damage right.

And he knew that, if he was going to get what he wanted, he would have to do this right.

***

_Next Time: John puts his plan into action, but will it work?_


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

_Nine days later…_

John was becoming extremely frustrated. Every day, for the past week, he'd been thinking about how he could prove to Nick that he was serious and, two days earlier, had realised that he would have to take him on a proper date. They had been out for drinks on several occasions and even had lunch together the previous day, but those could hardly count as proper dates.

The trouble was it had been so long since he'd _had _a proper date that he didn't know what to do. He'd had some ideas, but none of them had felt good enough and he didn't dare ask Ianto, knowing that the man was still angry with him for the Flat Holm incident. He couldn't even ask Jack for help – it went against fifty-first century dating customs.

"You look like you're trying to solve a very difficult equation and the answer's right there on the tip of your tongue, but you just can't get it out." Gwen had come up from the cells and was now watching him in amusement.

John snorted. "Something like that," he muttered.

Gwen chuckled. "I thought so." She raised her voice. "Andie, get up here!" Moments later, the blonde girl came up beside her. "It looks like Vera here could do with some help."

Andie tilted her head towards the table. "What's this?" She picked up one of the books that John had been looking at. "The Lonely Planet Guide to Wales…and it's open at restaurants and bars in Cardiff!" She smiled. "So…you're going to wine and dine him then, are you?"

"What?" exclaimed John, completely caught off guard.

Gwen sat down on his other side. "Oh, come on, we're not stupid; any fool can see that you've been interested in Nick ever since he got here."

John sighed. "What do I do?"

"Well…there's the usual things," mused Gwen. "You know…on our first date, Rhys turned up on my doorstep with a red rose and a bottle of wine and he took me to this beautiful restaurant; you know, candles, romantic music and – what?" She noticed that both John and Andie were staring at her with something akin to horror.

Andie rolled her eyes. "Gwen, I'm sure that was lovely for you and Rhys, but this is John and Nick we're talking about here. I don't think that's really their kind of thing."

John shivered. "No, far too traditional, too…twenty-first century," he answered. "And I think Nick would probably run away screaming if I did that on a first date."

Gwen looked offended. "Okay, well…you come up with a better idea."

"Why don't you just keep dinner simple?" suggested Andie. "I mean, if you're going by your dating customs, you'll have something pretty good planned for later, right?"

"Well, yeah," answered John. "I know one part of what I'm going to do next. It's just where to take him for dinner that's difficult, because I don't know –"

Andie waved her hand at him. "Well, you're lucky there," she said, "because I do." Bending over, she shuffled through the papers cluttering John's desk, occasionally grumbling at the mess. Finally, and with a crow of triumph, she picked up a handful of crumpled sheets which had been forgotten at the bottom of the pile. "Take him here," she said. "I overheard him talking about it to Ianto the other day – he said it looked like a really nice place."

John raised his eyebrow slightly. "Looks nice…and I've not had a good Indian in a while."

"So…you're going to take him there tonight?"

There was a long pause. "Yeah," John decided. "I am."

With a cheerful squeal, Andie leapt to her feet. She waited for a moment, listening to John call the restaurant and then turned towards the autopsy bay. "Oi, Nick!"

There was a loud crash, a curse and then Nick's auburn head appeared. "Yeah?" he asked, looking rather frustrated.

"You and him, eight o'clock reservations," said Andie, pointing at John.

"If that's okay with you," added John. Really, he had no idea why he was so embarrassed – Andie's feisty nature was one of the things that he found so endearing about her.

Nick's mouth twitched. "Eight o'clock would be fine," he said, before disappearing. "And tidy that desk up first!" he suddenly shouted back, but with a hint of laughter in his voice.

John smiled. It seemed like Jack had been right – he really was the wife.

~*~

_7:15pm, that evening…_

"You're taking Nick out on a date," stated Ianto. Jack was stood beside the cog door, waiting for his partner, but at the same time watching the exchange.

"Yes, I am." John reached for his coat, but was stopped when Ianto caught his wrist. He was much gentler than the last time he'd done that, but the hard look was back in his eyes.

"It's no secret that I tried to warn Nick off you," he said. "And, while I can't make his decisions for him, I can tell you this now – I meant what I said before. If you ever hurt him, I'llmake you suffer so much you'll wish you were never born. And then I will Retcon you back to your childhood." With those words, he let go of John's wrist, span on his heel and followed Jack out of the door.

John sighed slightly. He knew that, even if Ianto did come to trust him again, their relationship had been irreparably damaged. He couldn't blame him; if it had been his cousin –

But he was distracted from those thoughts by a sound from Jack's office. He turned around sharply; ready to pull his gun if he had to – only to be instantly distracted by the sight before him.

The only light was coming from Jack's office, but even then, he could see Nick's slim figure as if he was standing in the sun. His bright hair was tied back at the base of his neck with thin strands floating over his face and framing his rosy cheeks. He was dressed simply in a soft dark green shirt and well-fitted navy blue jeans with a studded belt at his hips and a black leather jacket tossed around his shoulders. He also had a piece of soft black leather at his throat and, as he came closer, John saw that there was a small silver dragon hanging from it.

"Hey," he said, his Welsh tones echoing through the empty Hub.

"Hey," stammered John, his brain finally making a return to its rightful place. "You, er…wow…you look amazing." He cleared his throat. "Shall we go?"

Nick smiled, lighting up his hazel eyes as he did so. "Lead the way, Captain Sparky," he said.

~*~

_8:20pm, Cardamom Indian Restaurant…_

"Oooh," said John with a smile, "I know what I like the look of**." **He leaned over and pointed.

Nick gaped slightly. "Careful there, those things can rip your mouth to flaming shreds," he said. "You have to have a very strong tolerance of spices to take it."

John raised his eyebrow. "Oh…and you think I can't take it?" He leaned forwards, his green eyes staring into Nick's brown ones. "Or is it that you can't take it?" There was a playful glint in his eyes, but his voice was decidedly sultry.

Nick cocked his head. "Are you challenging me?"

"Are you interested?"

"Bring. It. On."

There was a long silence. Then, John leaned back and laughed out loud. "Oh, you are so going to regret this!" he said and signaled the waiter, leaning over to talk to him. When he'd finished, he turned to find Nick looking at him in astonishment. "What?"

"Nothing. I just didn't know you could speak Hindi."

John smirked a bit. "Oh, there's a lot you don't know about me."

"So I've noticed." Nick took a sip of his drink. "So…what sort of dating customs are there in the fifty-first century then? Or do they even exist?"

"Oh, they exist," answered John. "And they were the bane of my life, believe me."

"Why?"

"Because one rule is that, if you're really serious, you have to do something amazing…something that you would never do with anyone else. And you're not supposed to ask anyone for help. They can offer, but you shouldn't ask – and you've got to get there yourself in the end. Otherwise it loses a lot of the value, because it's not a personal thing."

"So that's why you didn't ask Jack for help."

"The other big rule is that you always let your partner make the first move. If you ask them out, you wait for them to make the move. It's just good manners, see."

He leaned back in his chair. "And the reason why they were such a nightmare to deal with was because I haven't played the dating game for…a long time." His voice took on a slightly wistful tone when he said those words.

Despite his increasing curiosity, Nick knew enough not to push what was obviously a sensitive subject for the other man, so he admitted, with some embarrassment, that he had never been very good at the dating game either. In fact, he'd been so bad at it, that he'd even asked Ianto's father to ask Alison out on his behalf. It worked and within minutes, they were both laughing and swapping stories of disastrous dates, passing the time merrily until their food arrived.

At that point, John sat up straight. "Are you sure you're up for this?" he asked.

"Oh believe me," answered Nick, as a wicked thought crossed his mind. "I can be up for…" he paused, drawing the sentence out, "practically anything." _If he doesn't try anything now…then I'll hopefully have a better idea of whether he's serious or not. If he's really as bad as the stories said he is, he'll just go for it, dating customs or not. _

To his credit, however, John's only reaction was a slight heightening of colour in his cheeks before he started to dig into the curry. His eyes widened for a split second, but then he smirked. "What's the matter?" he asked. "Are you scared?"

"Scared?" Nick snorted. "In your dreams, Captain." Without further ado, he calmly started to eat, apparently relaxing as well. The only slight hints that anything was remiss were the hot flush creeping up his face and the slight perspiration on his forehead. Occasionally, he would look up to find John trying to act in an equally relaxed manner, but the effect was ruined by the way that his pupils had dilated almost completely.

But of course, the challenge had been issued and neither man could back down now – even if it did take them almost two hours to actually finish eating. Eventually, they stepped outside.

"Wow," muttered Nick, mopping his forehead with his sleeve.

"I know," agreed John, blinking rapidly to clear the sweat out of his eyes.

They walked in a companionable silence for a short while, exchanging small smiles, until they finally hit a small street lined with trendy bars.

"Holy shit!" gasped Nick. "I need a drink!"

John almost passed out from relief. "I thought you'd never ask!"

~*~

"So, how'd you find this place?" asked Nick, once the rush of fire from dinner had finally cooled and he felt able to speak reasonably coherently again.

"Oh, the fellow behind the bar nearly got mauled by a Weevil – was about two weeks before you joined. We…well, you know…became friends, as it were. Nice body, too."

The minute the words were out of his mouth, he cringed. _Never talk about a former conquest when you're on a date! Especially when it's a first date! _

Nick blushed furiously, but he was smiling. "I bet you did," he chuckled. It was a good thing he was looking around the bar at that point, because John was openly gaping at him. He thought he'd just royally put his foot in it and his date had just laughed it off! It was only when he looked a bit closer that he realised that the smile was slightly strained and that his eyes had lowered a bit.

He coughed. "He, uh, also said that if I needed a favour…I could ask him."

"Did he?"

"Yeah…and I took him up on it." With a wink at the Italian man, John stood up and walked away.

Nick sighed. He should have known better; some people would never change. Ianto had warned him that he was going to get his heart broken and he'd been right. What had he been thinking?

But before he could even think about getting up, he was surprised to hear John's voice echoing round the room. Curious, despite himself, he turned round and gasped when he saw the former Time Agent standing calmly on a small stage, microphone in hand.

"I've got to prove myself tonight," he was saying now. "And I really hope that this will go some way towards showing that, despite my past, I'm a better man now."

As the introduction to a very familiar song started up, he also started to tap his foot and swing his hips slightly, before speaking again. "This is for you, Nick Jones."

Nick couldn't stop himself; he openly gawped as John started to sing.

"_We're no strangers to love.  
You know the rules and so do I.  
A full commitment's what I'm thinking of.  
You wouldn't get this from any other guy_

_I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling  
Gotta make you understand…"_

"Oh, shit," muttered Nick. "What on earth is he doing? Doesn't he care that he looks…" but the words died in his throat. But he was hoping and praying that his natural blush covered the increasing pinkness in his face. 

_"Never gonna give you up  
Never gonna let you down  
Never gonna run around and desert you  
Never gonna make you cry  
Never gonna say goodbye  
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you."_

John stopped for a second. "Okay, I can't lie here. We've actually only known each other for about three weeks. But I really can't be bothered to change the words."

When he heard the stunned gasps around the room, Nick couldn't help it and laughed out loud. 

_"We've know each other for so long.  
Your hearts been aching  
But you're too shy to say it.  
Inside we both know what's been going on.  
We know the game and we're gonna play it._

_And if you ask me how I'm feeling  
Don't tell me you're too blind to see."_

By now, John was really giving this everything that he had, and clearly loving every minute of it. Even as he chuckled, Nick couldn't resist giving a patented Jones eye-roll.

"Oh, John," he muttered, but without rancor. "What am I going to do with you?" 

_"Never gonna give you up  
Never gonna let you down  
Never gonna run around and desert you  
Never gonna make you cry  
Never gonna say goodbye  
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you."_

A few people were staring at Nick (who was singing along) by now, but he didn't notice, because he was too busy staring at John. They locked eyes for a split second and that was when Nick knew…this was real…this was right…

"_We've know each other for so long.  
Your hearts been aching  
But you're too shy to say it.  
Inside we both know what's been going on.  
We know the game and we're gonna play it._

_  
I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling.  
Gotta make you understand."_

By now, much to his own surprise, Nick had started to tap his fingers to the rhythm as he started to sing even louder, ignoring the way the couple beside him cringed. He knew that he couldn't sing, but for once, he didn't care.

"_Never gonna give you up  
Never gonna let you down  
Never gonna run around and desert you  
Never gonna make you cry  
Never gonna say goodbye  
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you…"_

As the applause rippled through the room, Nick smiled at him. "I didn't know you could sing."

"Yes, well…now you can add that to your list of things that you know about me," answered John with a rather raucous laugh. "Come on. There's still something else to do."

~*~

_About an hour and a half later…_

"Oh, John…you didn't!"

"No, I didn't." John couldn't resist the obvious, but sarcastic, response. "I was trying to decide what I could do to make tonight really special for…well, anyway, I overheard Jack teasing Ianto, something about what happened the last time he dressed up in his RAF gear."

"Too much information!"

"Sorry. Anyway, I remembered you telling me that you liked flying and you were thinking about getting your pilot's license. So, I thought to myself…well, you know…"

"Yeah, I know. I just…I don't know what to say. Except," a thought occurred to Nick and he leaned forwards and brushed his lips against John's ear, before whispering, "Ianto lent me his jeans for tonight."

"Shit," gasped John, feeling himself shiver. "You really don't make this easy for me, do you?"

"Why? Did you think I would?"

John growled. "You really are a child of the devil, you know," he said, but he was grinning. He held out one hand. "However…would you care to accompany me?"

Nick would later deny it, but if anyone asked him at that moment, he would have had to say that he giggled. "I'd love to." Taking John's hand, he let himself be swept off his feet and into the cabin. The windows had been freshly cleaned and (he suspected) the glass replaced so that he could see out as clearly as if the view was right in front of him.

John came and sat down next to him and leaned over to look out of the window as the plane slowly began to rise. He tensed a bit, instinctively catching Nick's hand, as he felt them level out; that was the part of flying that he always hated. The young man turned round, a hint of surprise in his face, but it quickly melted into a smile as he squeezed back and together, they watched the view before them, smiling at the shimmering lights on the roads before coming to the amber shades of Cardiff Bay at night and the now familiar silver shine of the water tower.

Somewhere over the Plass, music had started playing, but in his awestruck haze, Nick hadn't recognised it. Now, though, the words washed over him, sending shockwaves through his heart.

"_Will my arms be strong enough to take you through the night?_

_Will my arms be strong enough to lead you to the light?_

_Will my arms be strong enough to dare you to seize the day?_

_Could it be love that gives the strength to wash our sins away?"_

At the same time, he became aware of John's hand playing with his hair, gently freeing it from its tie. Slowly, he turned around and smiled at him, showing him their hands, which were still clasped from the take-off.

"This could be our song," he said with a wry chuckle.

"Are you complaining?" asked John.

Nick shook his head. "Not in a million years," he breathed and leaned in to catch John's mouth in what soon became a lingering kiss.

They didn't see the rest of the view _that_ night.

~*~

"That was amazing," gasped Nick as they finally drove back onto the Plass. He stepped out of the car, walked a little way and then waited for John to join him. But the other man was watching him, a strange expression of shocked realization and amusement on his face.

"What?" he asked.

"You!" exclaimed John, looking rather miffed. "You called me Captain Sparky!"

Nick burst out laughing. "You've only just realised that now?"

John glared at him. "Oh, you are asking for it!" He leapt out of the car and caught the younger man round the waist and started tickling him mercilessly.

Nick squeaked in alarm. "Stop it!" he shrieked, just managing to break free and run away, even as he gasped for breath and laughed.

John growled a little. "Oh no…you're not getting away so easy!"

"You think that was easy?" exclaimed Nick as he raced out of sight and darted behind the water tower. A couple of young women watched him in amazement. "Don't worry, I'm not in trouble," he said with an easy smile. "Nope…you're only in trouble if you get caught."

"Got you!" John appeared and caught him round the waist. Nick jumped and promptly fell against the water tower. He let out an extremely unmanly shriek as the cold water soaked through his shirt (he was carrying his jacket over his arm) and leapt back against John's muscular chest.

As they gazed up at the water tower, John chuckled. "Look at that," he said, "it's after midnight."

Nick smiled slightly. "Yeah…so it is." He looked pensive for a moment and then shook himself. "Well…thank you for tonight. I…had a great time."

"So did I," answered John. "Come on, I'll drive you home." He started towards his car, but was stopped by a hand on his arm. Turning round, he saw Nick looking at him. "Hey, you okay?"

"I've not been at home," answered Nick quietly. "I've been staying at the Hub for the past week. It's just too hard to go home at the moment, even if it's just to see Estelle and Trevyn. I've just been crashing on the sofa down there."

"That can't be comfortable."

"It's fine; besides, there's not really anywhere else I can go."

John looked thoughtful. "You could stay with me," he blurted out and then, seeing the shocked look on Nick's face, he backtracked, "I don't mean…you know, I don't mean permanently…not that I wouldn't…and besides, it can't exactly be quiet down there with the lovebirds."

Nick blushed. "It isn't," he admitted. "Well…it would be nice to sleep in a proper bed again."

"I know. I saw you twisting your neck around while we were flying. Besides, I have to admit…I would really…love the company…" John finished, shifting uncomfortably.

Nick couldn't help it; he laughed out loud. "Oh, John," he said. "I love seeing this side to you. And I have to say, I could really do with some intelligent conversation. Unfortunately, that doesn't really tend to come…unlike the other participants!" He stopped short and gaped. "Did I just say that out loud?" At John's nod, he blushed harder than ever. "I'll go and get my stuff."

John smiled and watched him disappear – well, not disappear, just jump onto the lift. There had been heartache and tears along the way, but he'd finally made Nick Jones smile.

***

_Next Time: When it becomes clear that Ianto is not happy with his and Nick's relationship, John introduces a new form of training to the team and Jack organizes a team-building trip – but where will he take them?_


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Ianto leaned back against the sofa, a cup of steaming coffee in his hand, enjoying the moment of peace in the Hub. He closed his eyes, listening to the sound of…the sound of silence.

He tossed his jacket over the back of the sofa, but as he did so, a piece of folded paper fell out of the pocket. Frowning, he unfolded it and sighed when he saw that it was the list of food that he needed to restock the fridge with – with 'special cream' at the top of the list in Jack's handwriting. He groaned, remembering that he still needed to find a way to stop his lover from getting his hands on these lists. At least, this time, he'd caught it before it was too late.

The silence was suddenly broken by a small yelp coming from the autopsy bay. Quickly, Ianto was on his feet, but any panic he might have felt vanished when the yelp deteriorated into soft giggles and a voice said, "Oi, give it a rest, can't you!" before also dissolving into giggles.

Ianto shuddered slightly and sat back down again, deciding that he really did not want to know what was going on down there. With John Hart, it could have been anything…as Ianto had seen for himself two weeks earlier…

* * *

_The coffee machine gurgled loudly in the empty Hub. Jack was asleep in his bunk under his office, seemingly tired out, although whether it was from the Weevil hunt earlier or the mind-blowing sex that followed, Ianto had no idea. It didn't matter; it was so rare that Jack slept nowadays, and even rarer that he slept when he was alone, so it was nice to see him relaxed for once. The man had seen and suffered so much…_

_Ianto was suddenly snapped out of his maudlin thoughts by the sound of someone humming a tune. Smiling, he stepped outside, about to tell Jack that he was just coming. But it wasn't Jack at all. Instead, his hair windswept and his cheeks pinker than usual, stood Nick. He was clicking his fingers to an invisible beat and smiling all over his face._

_With a smirk, Ianto cleared his throat loudly, causing his cousin to jump almost six inches in the air, before turning around to glare at him._

_"Jesus, Ianto!" he spluttered. "You nearly gave me a heart attack!"_

_Ianto snickered and flopped on the sofa, picking up one of the magazines that lay on the table. "Shouldn't that be a 'Hart' attack?" he asked._

_Nick cringed. "Ianto, that was worse than the ones you came up with when you were twelve!"_

_Ianto grinned and gave him a 'couldn't resist' look. "So," he added finally, his smile now turning into a wicked grin. "Were you humming Rick Astley?"_

_Nick ignored him and wandered into the kitchen. "Have you got any water? I still haven't recovered from that bloody curry." He rummaged in the fridge for a few seconds before emerging with a shout of victory and a bottle of cold water in his hand. "I'll just run and get my stuff and then I'll be right out of your hair."_

_"Get your stuff?" repeated Ianto. "Where are you going? What do you mean, you'll be right out of my hair?" He followed his cousin down to the autopsy room. "Nick, what's going on?"_

_Nick stood up at that point. "I'm just going to stay at John's for a while, just until I get back on –"_

_But he never finished the sentence. "What?!" exclaimed Ianto. "You're going to – what? What's wrong with just staying here, for God's sake?!"_

_Nick turned round. "You think I should stay here?" he asked. "Well, as much as I love working here…no offence, mate, but it's not exactly easy to sleep with you two lovebirds down there." He took a sip of water. "I don't think you guys quite realise how easily sound carries in this place and I really don't want to hear Jack screaming at you to 'ride him harder' in the middle of the night."_

_Ianto blushed harder than he'd ever blushed in his life. "Okay, so we're a little…enthusiastic at times. But seriously, you're going to stay with John? I thought he'd at least give it three dates."_

_Nick looked at him in amazement before bursting into fits of laughter. "Three dates…oh, Ianto, was that what you thought?" He shook his head. "No, he just said that I could stay with him for a while…it's just so I can get back on my feet." A strangely dreamy smile flittered over his face. "He was so sweet about it, really…he was so romantic…"_

_"Now you're turning into a teenage girl, Nick," said Ianto a bit sourly as he flopped back on the sofa and dug out the magazine again._

_Nick grinned and flipped his hair into two fake bunches. "I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world…" he sang in a high-pitched voice. When that didn't garner any response, he rolled his eyes. "Oh, come on, Ianto, what's wrong with you?"_

_"What's wrong with me?" repeated Ianto, finally looking up. "What's wrong with you? Come on, Nick, how dense can you be? Don't you know what kind of man John Hart is? He's only going to hurt you – look at what he's already done to you!"_

_Nick threw his hands in the air. "Oh, God, don't tell me we're back to Flat bloody Holm again? I've told you already, Ianto; he took me there because I asked him to! Yes, it was horrible, and yes, going there was devastating for me. But what about what it did to him? He only did it because he respected me enough to be honest – which is more than you or Jack did!"_

_"We would have told you in the end!" retorted Ianto, getting up. "There was no need for you to know straight away – you've been through enough shit as it is!"_

_"You would rather have had me live in false hope and then find out the truth later?" asked Nick incredulously. "Yes, I have been through shit, but we all have. Let me ask you now – if it had been you, what would you have wanted?"_

_He nodded when Ianto turned away. "You can't answer that, can you? And do you know why? Because you just can't accept that despite his past, John might actually have changed. He's a good man, Ianto – I thought you knew that –"_

_"Okay, so maybe he was right!" hissed Ianto. "But how do you know he's changed in other ways? How can you be sure that he's really serious? How do you know he won't treat you the way he's treated everyone else he's been with?"_

_"Because I know that he can love," answered Nick. "Look at the way he is with Jack. Come on, Ianto; even you can see how he felt about him. But he's done the noble thing and bowed out gracefully…he's let Jack go and he's moving on. Give him a chance, can't you?"_

_Ianto laughed out loud. "How do you know that?" he asked furiously. "How do you know that he's changed?" In a sudden fit of temper, he burst out, "For all you know, as far as John's concerned, you'll just end up being his part-time shag!"_

_Silence followed. For a split second, Nick stared at his cousin as if he'd been slapped. Then, quite suddenly, he set his face and started to walk away. "I've got my mobile," he said calmly. "If anything happens, just give me a ring."_

_Ianto sighed. "Nick, I'm sorry…I didn't –"_

_But Nick had already gone back to the autopsy room, picked up his things and, without a backward glance, disappeared back onto the Plass.  
_

* * *

Ianto closed his eyes and breathed out. He and Nick had hardly spoken since that day, and even then it had been strictly professional. It wasn't that he didn't want to talk to him, to explain, of course he did, but he knew that it would just end in a row. Stubbornness seemed to be a trait in the Jones family and Nick had inherited it in buckets.

He was distracted, however, by a soft 'flump' beside him and turned to see Jack looking at him. "Hey," he said, wearily. "Sorry, I was miles away."

"I noticed." Jack smiled and edged a little closer. "Where is everyone?"

"John and Nick are in the autopsy room and the girls are out chasing a Weevil."

Jack's smile grew even wider. "Oh…is that what they're calling it now?" Chuckling, he edged a little closer and slipped his hand inside Ianto's left leg, stroking his thigh.

"Jack!" Ianto tried to move away. "Not with my cousin in earshot!"

Jack snorted. "Oh, come on, I hardly think he's going to care," he said as he moved upwards and, faster than blinking, he had Ianto's trousers open and his fingers stroking him inside his…"Oh, hello," Jack suddenly crooned, a truly dirty smile lighting up his face. "Ianto Jones…I do believe that you are wearing silk boxers."

Ianto wriggled and hissed. "I would have thought…you'd…" but the last part of his sentence was lost as Jack calmly removed his hand and fastened his trousers up. Smirking, he planted a kiss on his partner's lips and walked – no, skipped – towards one of the computers.

Ianto barely had time to think something extremely uncomplimentary about his Captain when a loud crash from the autopsy room distracted him. Quickly, he jumped up and, with Jack hot on his heels, raced towards the balcony…only to be greeted by a rather surprising sight.

John was sat, quite calmly, on the autopsy table with his shirt off and an enormous dressing on his shoulder. That wasn't too surprising; the wound had been pretty nasty.

However, what was surprising was the small silver tray of medical equipment that was lying on the floor…and the fact that John also had his trousers open. Equally surprising was the fact that Nick, usually the professional, was totally ignoring the mess and was blushing profusely and giggling as John caught him by the waist and whispered in his ear…and that his shirt was only half-buttoned.

Jack snorted again – loudly – but Ianto scowled. "Don't you two ever stop?" he asked crossly, before turning on his heal and stalking away.

"Ianto!" shouted Nick, but the only answer he received was the slam of Jack's (newly repaired) office door. This was followed by another loud crash.

Jack sighed. "I'll talk to him," he said, racing off after his lover. He sighed when he caught sight of the glass on the floor. "What is with you Jones boys and breaking my door?" he asked.

Ianto shook his head. "Sorry. I'll clear it up."

But Jack caught his arm. "What's gotten into you, Ianto?" he asked him, his voice stern but calm. "Why are you treating them this way? Is it because you don't want to see your cousin with another man?" He kept his voice steady, but couldn't stop a pained expression from flickering over his face.

Ianto whipped round fast. "Jack, no!" he gasped out. "I knew Nick was bisexual before I figured I was – I probably figured him out before he did. No…no, it's nothing like that."

"Then what is it?"

"It's that it's John!" shouted Ianto, spinning around.

Now, Jack was confused. "John?" he repeated. "What…you want John? Well, I can always ask –"

"No!" yelled Ianto. "No, I don't want to be with John! You know that you're the only one I want!"

"Then why –"

"Because he's going to break Nick's heart!" exclaimed Ianto. "I know you think he's changed, Jack, and I admit, to a degree, he has become a better man. But I just…" he paused, "I don't trust him with my cousin's heart. Nick's like me, Jack; when he falls in love, he falls in love completely. He needs someone who he can trust to understand that – like I eventually found that I could trust you. And I don't think that John's the one to do that."

He turned back to his partner. "I just…I don't trust him."

* * *

"Okay, don't try and lift anything heavy for the next few days," said Nick as he helped John with his shirt again. "If you get any pain or bleeding, come straight here…and chances are I'll yell at you for doing something stupid."

John chuckled slightly and hauled himself upright again. "Nick?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you mind when I...you know…touch you?"

Nick laughed out loud, the sound filling the empty room. "If I did mind, you'd know," he said. "Chances are, if I did mind, you'd have your balls ripped off faster than you could blink."

A small grimace flickered over John's face before it was replaced by a smirk. "Oh, no, you wouldn't! My balls are like oranges of steel!"

Nick chuckled and rolled his eyes before turning serious again. "Ianto doesn't trust you."

"No, I know he doesn't. And, to be fair, he's not got much reason to trust me. I might have changed, Nick, but…I know I still broke you with what I did…"

Nick sighed. "I'm not going to lie to you, John – yes, you did. But you're also making it up to me," he said, turning to smile at him. "And that's what matters. What Ianto thinks isn't important, okay? Yes, I care about him and yes, I always will. But, ultimately, I have to make the final choice. And this is the choice I made. I can see that you've changed; these past two weeks have shown that. Sure, you're not perfect, but no one in this world is. And," he paused and leaned over to kiss the side of John's neck, "I…don't…care…"

John smiled and let himself get lost in those kisses, but all the while knowing that, somehow, he was going to have to make Ianto trust him.

And he had a plan.

* * *

_Two days later..._

"All right," said John, standing in front of them. "Now, as I see, you've all taken my advice and come in old and comfortable clothes today, which is useful – and I must say that some of you look very dashing indeed."

He tipped a huge wink towards Nick, who blushed. Jack snorted, the girls giggled, and Ianto barely refrained from rolling his eyes.

"Okay!" John clapped his hands together and then drew out six pairs of what looked like earpieces. "Take these."

"What are they for?" asked Andie, turning them over in her hands.

"Well," said John, slowly. "This is a new technology that I've been working on for a while, now. And it may well save your lives." He looked at all five of them with no hint of laughter in his face. "You see, as accomplished as you all are as field-workers, we all know that you don't know how to handle yourselves in a proper battle. Now, I'm not saying that such a thing will ever happen. It might not. But then again, it might. You never know. And you have to be prepared for if it does."

He indicated the earpieces. "When you wear these, they will give the impression, through sounds, that you are actually in a battle. You're going to hear sounds of…breaking, screaming, shooting – all sorts. Things will be breaking in the Hub too. What I've done is made some arrangements so that the Hub will apparently be falling around you. You'll have the lights going on and off and illusions of breaking glass, among other things. Then, you've also got targets all around the base, but you won't always know exactly what they are. Some will be moving and some will be still. What I'm going to do is give each of you one of these paintball guns which you will use to shoot as you find. Obviously, the targets won't be real, but they will have weapons, just the same as yours. They are also programmed to shoot as they find. And, while they may not be out to kill you, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't take this seriously. You have to at least have some idea of what to do in case you should ever find yourself in the middle of a real life-or-death war."

"Like what happened at Canary Wharf," muttered Nick.

"Exactly," agreed John. "Now, I mean no disrespect to the dead, but…tell me, Ianto, when the Cybermen and Daleks invaded, could you say that you and your colleagues knew what you should do in such a situation?"

"No," replied Ianto. "We didn't." He looked up. "And because of that, hundreds, maybe thousands, of people were killed. Only twenty-seven made it out alive, myself included…because no one knew how to react. We hadn't been properly trained for if such a thing should happen."

John nodded. "So…are you all ready for this?" He waited for the other five people in the room to nod, although he did notice that Ianto did so with some reluctance, before he handed each of them a large gun that could have been mistaken for being real until he said, "Now, like I said, these are paintball guns. You do need to know what to do in this situation, but I'm not going to send you into a falling Hub with real guns when you won't necessarily see what's happening."

"Wouldn't make much difference for me," quipped Jack.

John ignored his former partner. "Now, as you see, there is a timer on the weapons. The timer will run for forty minutes from when we leave this room. You will have half an hour in which you will essentially be on your own. Then, exactly ten minutes before the end, you will see three flashing lights ahead; one will be red, one will be yellow and the last will be blue. You will also note a white band around your weapon handles. At this time, you will feel them heating up – not enough to burn, but enough so that you notice it. When that happens, look down and you'll see that it will flash in one of those three colours. When you follow corresponding light, you will hook up with a partner, who you have to trust to get you out of here. Hopefully, by the end of this exercise, we'll end up on the Plass after forty minutes."

He led them all out of the shooting range and pressed a button on his wrist strap. "Good luck."

The moment that he said the words, it started. The lights started to flicker and spark before finally going out altogether. Then, silence followed…but only for a second. A sound, easy to miss at first, began to fill his ears; a strange, ear-piercing whistle, slowly growing louder and louder, even as other different sounds began to filter through…screaming…heavy footsteps…gunshots.

As the atmosphere darkened, John took a huge breath, squared his shoulders and readied his gun, placing his finger on the trigger as he started to move.

* * *

Andie Carlowe, in all her years of knowing the two former Time Agents, had never been involved in anything quite like this. She had known how to fight – growing up in dangerous climates, she'd had to – but she had never found herself in the middle of a battle before. It was terrifying, so terrifying…and yet, there was also something wonderful, something…something exhilarating about it all. It was something she never wanted to lose.

She suddenly recalled reading Tolkein's Lord of the Rings as a girl and remembering the story of Éowyn, the beautiful shieldmaiden who had ridden to war in disguise and had been a hero in battle. Her bravery had at once been a source of delight and terror, but something that Andie had never thought she herself would have the chance to show. But now, hearing the sounds of destruction and death, she realized just how real this was. This was her chance to show what she could do – to do what she had been trained to do.

Squaring her shoulders, she took a deep breath and fired.

* * *

Nick jumped to the floor again and rolled out of the way as soon as he registered the weapon being pointed at him. Once he was out of the way, he crawled onwards and fired, until he was out of sight. Gasping, he mopped his brow and checked himself over. He was stiff and tired, but, as yet, not too badly injured. A grim expression of satisfaction crossed his face; he'd had to push himself to the limit, but he knew he was doing the right thing. While sometimes, injuries in battle were unavoidable, there was no sense in walking right into any more danger than was necessary. A battle was bad enough; the last thing the team would need was to have their doctor out of action in such a situation.

It was strange; John had talked about how serious this job was and how you had to be prepared for anything that could happen. But, even despite what he had seen before, it was only now that Nick realized just how right he was. When you were in a battle, you couldn't take your eyes off your surroundings even for a second, not even to check if your partner was all right. You had to rely on your instincts and keep going. A split second's indecision could cost lives – and, unlike when he had worked at the hospital, that didn't just mean the life of your patient.

It could mean the lives of your friends, of people you barely knew…of everyone around you.

* * *

Ianto shuddered as he fired at the shape advancing on him in the flickering lights. He could hear the Hub crashing around him, could see the bricks falling even through his watering eyes. From behind him, he heard a loud crash and then a bright flash exploded from somewhere. With a yell, he flung himself to the ground, moments before a sparking cable hit the ground in front of him.

Even though he knew that panicking was the worst thing you could possibly do in this situation, he found that he couldn't help himself. No matter how hard he tried to tell himself that he was only at the Hub and this was only a training exercise, his mind would keep going back to Canary Wharf, with the Daleks and the Cybermen bearing down upon him and it terrified him. Every time he heard a sound, he would freeze for a moment, expecting to hear their mechanical voices.

In fact, he was shaking so badly, it was a moment before he realised that his gun was growing hot in his hand. When he did realise, he was so shocked he nearly dropped it, before remembering exactly what was happening. Quickly, he looked down and saw that the tape on the handle was flashing red. At the same time, a loud siren echoed through the Hub and, moments later, three spots of light started flashing around him, moving all the while. Barely even stopping to think, Ianto took a huge breath and followed the red light, not even caring where it led him. Unfortunately, in his haste, he was barely looking where he was going and tripped over a cable that was lying on the ground. He swore loudly and threw out a hand to break his fall – but at the last moment, he felt himself being pulled upright and, at the same time, he realised that the red light had stopped moving and that he was being bathed in it. Twisting slightly, he looked up – and almost fainted when he found himself looking into a pair of very familiar green eyes.

"I'm going to get you out of here!" John shouted over the noise. "But you're going to have to trust me. Come on – this way!" He grabbed Ianto's arm and half-dragged him across the Hub, keeping his gun out as he went. "Don't let go of my hand! I don't want you falling back in there alone!"

He pressed a button on his wrist strap and immediately they started to move. Ianto, still shaken by what had just happened, screamed loudly, causing John to wrap his arms around him and hold him close. He tried to get away, but the hold was too strong, and he eventually gave in and slumped against him, trembling. It seemed to take forever, but eventually they stopped – and Ianto gasped in relief at the feeling of cold air on his face.

John untangled himself and sat down on the step. "Are you okay?" he asked. "Look, I know that was tough, but you do need to know what to do when you're in this sort of situation. You don't want a repeat of what happened in London, do you?"

Ianto shook his head. "No." He still didn't look the other man in the eyes, but before either of them could say anything else, two other figures raced up to them. Once he'd identified them, Ianto rushed up and pulled the young man in front of him into a rib-cracking hug.

"I'm sorry," he gasped out. "I'm so sorry…I didn't mean…I mean, I just…" but the rest of the words wouldn't come.

Nick looked surprised, but then smiled. "Hey, Ianto…can't breathe." He gently pushed his cousin back slightly so that he could look at him. "Look; I'm okay. It's only paint, yeah? I'm fine." He smiled, forcing back his own feelings; Ianto didn't need to know that he was pretty shaken up as well; he'd never stop fussing over him if that happened.

"You okay, Ianto?" asked a voice. Jack came round and rested a hand on his lover's shoulder. Slowly, Ianto looked round and, blushing a little, nodded and smiled.

"Well, I thought that was quite useful," commented Gwen.

"Yeah, it was," agreed Jack. "John's right, guys. We all know how to fight and how to defend ourselves. But that's not enough. You have to be able to use those skills in battle. You have to know what to do in this sort of situation."

"Otherwise you'll have another Canary Wharf on your hands," said Nick quietly. He turned away when he saw John looking at him sharply.

Jack cleared his throat. "Listen, the Rift activity predictor says that we should have a few days of quiet starting from tomorrow, so I want you all here, with enough clothes and provisions for four days, at ten o'clock. Go home, get some sleep and relax and I'll see you tomorrow." Turning around and making sure to allow his coat to swish in the air, he offered his arm to Ianto, who took it, blushing and led him up the Plass to a nearby restaurant.

John cleared his throat. "Shall we go?"

"I was there," Nick blurted out, surprising himself more than anyone else.

John blinked. "What?"

"I was there." Nick turned to look at the other man. "When Torchwood One fell. I was there, John…I watched it burn…I heard the screams…saw the survivors coming out; God, they were so broken…it was awful, just seeing them and…knowing that, no matter what they said in the end, there was nothing I could do for them."

He swallowed hard, tears pricking his eyes. "It was worse than going to…to Flat Holm."

John watched him for a split second before he moved over and caught his shoulders in a firm, protective grip. "That was a terrible day for everyone," he said slowly. "But it doesn't do to dwell on the past, Nick. Learn from it, but don't dwell on it. Learn from the past…and live for the future."

They stayed where they were for a few seconds before John smiled. "Now, come on. Let's go home – I'm going to be cooking tonight, if you don't mind."

"You cook?!" spluttered Nick, his eyes widening. "You actually know how to cook?"

"Hey! While Jack was off parading his award-winning rear, I was quite the Naked Chef in my day!" retorted John with mock indignation.

"I hope you don't mean that literally."

"Oh, wait and see, Nick. Wait and see."

* * *

_The next day..._

"Jack, we've been in the car for over two hours and the new lovebirds are driving me insane!" complained Ianto, giving his driving lover a glare. Every time he happened to accidentally glance into the rear view mirror, he could see John and Nick tickling each other and squealing with laughter, before settling down for a series of long kisses.

"You're just jealous, Eye Candy!" snorted John. "And besides, it's hardly any different to when I'm driving and happen to see you and Jack shagging in the back seat!"

"Tell me about it," added Gwen.

"Oh, I don't know," put in Andie. "It's really hot once you get used to it."

Ianto groaned. "Jack…exactly where are we going?"

Jack turned a corner, not even pausing to look at him. "Why?"

"Well, it's just that the last time you insisted on us all packing tents, I ended up almost getting eaten by cannibals." Ianto frowned. "Jack, I swear, if you've brought us back to the Brecon bloody Beacons again, we are so –"

"Oh, come on!" interrupted Jack. "Do you really think I'd do that again? No, this is completely different and, I promise you, there's nothing Torchwood-y about it at all. It's just a short trip away. You see, I felt as though the fun wasn't there any more – yes, our job's serious, but we've also got to have fun too – and I am taking this opportunity to bring it back! So relax!"

Ianto rolled his eyes, but allowed himself to lean back in his seat, conscious to glare at John and Nick occasionally, even when he was only rewarded by Nick poking his tongue out at him ('How mature', he thought) and John giving him a smile that could best be described as suggestive.

He must have fallen asleep though, because the next thing he remembered was his eyes fluttering open as Jack kissed his way slowly down his neck, his fingers gently unbuttoning his corduroy shirt.

"Hey, you," he said with a smirk.

"What the – Jack, it is freezing!"

Jack's grin only widened. "Well, it woke you up." He leaned over and pulled him out of the car. "Well, we're here now."

Gwen smiled. "I love this place. I used to come here when I was a girl."

Nick grinned. "We did too, remember, Ianto?"

John, however, frowned as he glared at a muddy puddle that had dared to get in his way. "Where are we? I mean…where are we, apart from in the bloody countryside?"

Jack forced back a smile as he remembered Owen saying something very similar. "Team," he said, clapping his hands. "Welcome to Fishguard, Pembrokeshire."

***

_Next Time: The team share silly stories at the campsite. What's this, a trip to the countryside that goes off without a hitch? You've got to be joking; this is Torchwood we're talking about! What will the team face on their time off_?


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

No one spoke for a long time. They all stared around in shock at their surroundings. Then Ianto coughed. "Well, here's one consolation; we're a long way away from the Brecon Beacons."

Jack clapped his hands. "That's the spirit, Ianto!" Everyone stared at him; after all, Ianto's comment had been thick with dry humour. "Oh, come on, guys!" pleaded Jack. "I'm sorry, but…no one else had spoken for seven minutes!"

"Well, I think it's a great idea," piped up Andie as she and Nick started to unload the tents from the SUV. "Jack's right. We all need a break and this place is perfect."

"Oh, it's a good idea, that's for sure," said Gwen. "I love this place, but I can't help but think that there's a slight ulterior motive…remember what happened last time we went to the countryside?"

"If I do have an ulterior motive, it's only to share a sleeping bag with my partner," answered Jack with a smile that caused Ianto to blush softly. "Trust me, kids; there are no cannibals or anything to do with Torchwood out here. I've checked already."

"Oh!" Ianto's soft voice rippled around the campsite. "So, that's what you were doing when you were spending all that time on the computer!"

John, meanwhile, was cursing in every single language he knew as he wrestled with the tent. Every time he came even close to anything resembling a tent, it would tumble around him.

"You know, some of us just aren't made for tents!" he growled when he saw Jack sniggering.

"Need a hand getting it up, John?" asked Nick with a small smirk, which quickly turned into a shocked gape when everyone stared at him. "Oh, come on! I meant the tent!"

"I'm sure you did," answered Jack, his face perfectly straight.

"Oh, please!" spluttered Nick. "I was just asking John if he needed a hand to get his tent up, since he can't seem to do it himself! It's a decent thing to –"

"Nick," said Andie, through her giggles. "I'd just shut up now."

Ianto chuckled rather sadly. "Do you remember the last time someone we know had trouble with tents?" he said to Jack. "God, it seems like ages ago that Owen was sniping at Tosh…"

"Yeah," murmured Jack. "Yeah, it was." He sighed. "Why does he remind me so much of Owen?"

Ianto looked puzzled. "John reminds you of Owen?"

"No, Nick does," answered Jack. "I mean…he's just so young, but he's lost so much, just like Owen had when I first brought him here."

He turned to look at his partner. "I know it's probably too late now, but…did I do the wrong thing in bringing him into Torchwood?"

Ianto smiled. "Jack, look at him," he said, pointing over to where his cousin was laughing with Andie. "I can tell you now; I've not seen Nick this happy since…well, probably not even since his wedding day, if I'm honest. And it's because of you. You gave him a chance at a new life."

He squeezed Jack's hand gently. "Jack, my cousin was a broken man when you first approached him. And, while I still stand by my belief that he wasn't ready to find out about what happened to Alison when he did, I've had some time to think and…I admit that John was right. Nick did have the right to know the truth. He couldn't have even started to heal if he hadn't known the truth. It's like I said to you; I was broken when I first came here, but you put me back together…starting with the day that you killed what was left of Lisa."

"Ianto –"

"No, Jack. I won't let you do this to yourself. You put me back together…and now you're doing the same for Nick. I can't thank you enough for that."

Jack shook his head. "No. John did most of that. You may not trust him, Ianto, but you know it's true. He's done just as much to help Nick as I have, maybe even more."

Ianto sighed. "I know he has. It's just…I'm scared. I know Nick's strong, but…after everything he's been through, I'm just worried that it won't take much to send him spiraling downwards again. I don't want to see that happen, Jack, not again."

"I know. But look, Ianto – John's definitely serious. I know the man better than he knows himself and I know the signs that he's serious."

"How do you know?"

"I know," Jack hesitated, "because the last time I saw him like this was with me." He waited for Ianto to comment, but when he didn't, he changed the subject. "We should get some firewood."

Ianto nodded, seeming to come back to earth. "I'll give you a hand."

"Oh, you will, will you?"

"I meant with your wood – oh, for God's sake, just get going!"

~*~

"Oh, look at them," Andie whispered. Jack blinked slightly and looked back from where he'd been gazing at the stars. He almost laughed out loud at the sight that met his eyes.

On the other side of the fire, Nick was linking his gloved hands with John's as he helped the former Time Agent hold a skewer with a pink marshmallow on the end of it over the flames. He was smiling softly as John's face lit up like a child's as the pink sweet started to turn brown and crispy on the outside. It was one of the most beautiful things Jack had seen in a long time (not counting Ianto, who was currently wrapped up in his RAF coat) and he couldn't resist hunting for his camera and taking a picture of them.

"Aren't they adorable?" he muttered to Ianto, who merely rolled his eyes.

With a small chuckle, John eased the skewer out of the flames and pulled Nick closer to him, sharing their body heat and offering the skewer to the young man. However, he had pulled back, teasingly, at the last moment, meaning that, when he leaned forwards, Nick ended up with a sticky coating of melted marshmallow on his nose. He blinked in shock for a second and then laughed as well, the sound reverberating around the silent campsite.

John rolled his eyes fondly at him and shuffled closer, before leaning over and kissing him on the nose, slowly licking off the marshmallow. Nick squeaked in shock, before reaching out and tickling him and laughing as the other man was caught off guard and fell backwards onto the grass, Nick tumbling on top of him moments later.

"Oh –" John started to say, but stopped when he saw that the young man's hazel eyes were burning with a lustful fire that he'd never seen in them before.

"Shut up," hissed Nick, before catching his lips in a fierce kiss and slipping one hand under his shirt. "God, you…you smell so good…"

"Oh, come on!" shouted Ianto. "Do you have to do that now?"

"Ignore him," panted Nick, who was now slowly undoing John's buttons. "Just ignore him…"

But Gwen seemed to agree. "Come on guys, Ianto's right," she said. "There's a time and a place for that and I don't think everyone here wants to see you two –"

"Oh, I wouldn't mind!" laughed Jack. Ianto promptly smacked him round the head.

"Guys, seriously," continued Gwen. "You're both very good-looking, but…save it for the tent, yeah? Seriously, Nick; if it was you, would you want to watch Jack and Ianto doing that?"

Nick groaned. "Okay, okay, fine," he muttered, forcing himself to sit up again, but not bothering to do anything about the mud stains on his jeans.

Jack quickly stepped in before Ianto could comment. "Why don't we play a game?"

"No!" shouted Ianto. "We are not telling everyone who our last snog was! Besides, I really don't think anyone round here needs to guess who my last snog was with!"

"Who said anything about who our last snog was with?" asked John. "We could play…" he trailed off when he realised that he didn't know many twenty-first century campfire games…well, he didn't know any clean ones, anyway.

"I've never had sex on the beach," said Gwen rather randomly. When the others looked at her, she smiled. "What? It's a good game – and it helps us find out a bit more about each other." She looked around as Jack, Ianto and Nick each calmly ate a marshmallow.

John, however, looked completely lost. "What?"

"It's a game called I've Never," explained Nick. "Basically, you say something that you've never done and anyone who has done that has to…well, in this case, has to eat a marshmallow." He waited for John to nod and show he understood and then smirked. "So…have you ever had sex on the beach?"

John smirked and then, quite calmly, and never once taking his eyes off Jack, who was blushing furiously, ate a marshmallow. Nick blinked. "Well, that answers that. Okay, erm…I've never cheated on a test at school."

Ianto scowled and took one of the sweets. Jack gaped at him. "You cheated on a school test?"

"Once and it was a Latin vocabulary test when I was fourteen," answered Ianto sourly. "Okay…I've never dressed up as a baby for a contest."

Nick cringed, but took one of the marshmallows, blushing furiously. "Do not ask."

John went next. "I've never gotten myself stuck in a hole that's too small for me." He smirked lewdly, only to blink when Jack ate a marshmallow. "What did you do?"

"Got very drunk and tried to, as Nick once put it, 'fuck his door', thinking it was me," replied Ianto, who was barely holding back a laugh. "There's a reason why he doesn't drink, you know."

Jack scowled. "Now, is that never talking about it again?" he asked.

Andie went next. "I've never been pregnant. Oh, and yes, Nostrovite pregnancies count."

Gwen blushed and pulled out a marshmallow. But, to Nick's surprise, she wasn't the only one to do so – Jack and John also followed suit, the former with a small shudder.

"Please tell me you're joking."

"I could," answered Jack. "But it won't make it any less true."

"Same here," chimed in John.

"But…but how?" Nick looked ready to cry from shock.

"Pheromones aren't the only things that tend to run wild by the time you get to the fifty-first century," joked Jack. "Seriously, physiology changes a lot over time, to the point that men can carry children by the forty-second century."

Ianto gave his cousin a comforting smile. "Don't worry Nick; if it could happen you would know. If it could happen, Jack and I would have probably had at least ten children by now."

~*~

"You're not freaked out by the pregnancy thing, are you?" asked John as he tossed his coat carelessly to the back of the tent. "Look, if it could happen, I would have told you."

Nick shrugged. "Not freaked out, just trying to picture you carrying a child…and finding that I really can't do it. I can't see you with a big pregnancy bulge."

John laughed and sat down on the sleeping bag, only to be taken by surprise when Nick grabbed him round the waist and dragged him next to him, before pinning him to the ground and pulling him close for a heart-stopping kiss.

"Are you sure?" gasped John, feeling shivers run down his spine, shivers that had nothing to do with the cold weather outside. He almost squeaked out loud when he felt Nick's hand grab his wrist and show him _exactly _how sure he was. "Oh…"

"Oh, indeed," growled Nick. "I think the girls are the only ones who'll be getting any sleep tonight," he added, his soft voice causing the temperature inside the tent to increase, even as he worked at John's shirt, casting it carelessly behind him and then running his cold hands over the man's firm chest. "Oh, _yes_…"

That was all the encouragement John needed and he grabbed the bottom of Nick's shirt and, neither of them even bothering with the buttons, sent it flying over his head and into the far corner. He groaned in appreciation at the young man's tanned torso and leaned up to kiss the tiny sprinkling of dark hair up near his collarbone.

Nick grinned. "Like what you see?"

John glared at him. "Shut up and do me."

That only got him a slap on the arm. "Ooh…do you talk to your mother with that tongue?" asked Nick, before he finally worked his way to the top of John's jeans and, bypassing the button and the zip, slid his hand down until he found what he was looking for.

"Oh, hello…" he crooned, smirking again as his movements caused John's body to jerk violently and his breath to come in wild gasps.

"Shit, Nick!" shouted John. "I'm not going to last if you don't…" but he never finished his sentence, as, at that precise moment, an intense chill swept over them, hitting their bones hard. He jumped as it hit him, accidentally banging his head against the floor.

"What is that?" asked Nick, leaping up and hastily pulling his shirt back on, not even minding that he was fastening the buttons wrong. "If it wasn't real life, I'd say it was like a Dementor attack!"

"A what?!" asked John, also pulling his shirt back on. "Never mind; now's not the time to explain." He blinked hard, trying to clear his vision, his eyes watering, not only from the cold, but also from the pain brought on by that bump to the head. He could feel his heart beating harshly, so hard it almost hurt. Then, suddenly, out of nothing, the torch by their bed went out.

Nick swore loudly. "But…that battery was newly changed today!" He was clearly annoyed and confused, but there was no mistaking that he was also terrified. Trembling, he fumbled around in the darkness and opened the zip of the tent, just in time to see an equally disheveled Jack and Ianto appearing, both of whom looked intensely distressed.

"I don't think it's anything to do with the battery, Nick," said John quietly as they stumbled out of their tent, joined moments later by the girls.

"What's going on?" asked Andie. But before anyone could answer, Jack suddenly turned pale.

"No…" he whispered. "No…oh, no…"

"What is it?" Gwen's high-pitched voice cut through the cold. "What's going on?"

Jack tried to turn to look at her, but before he could speak, a high-pitched, terrified scream ripped through the air…before everything turned to blackness.

***

_Next Time: You didn't seriously think that nothing was going to go wrong, did you? Come on, this is Torchwood we're talking about! But what has caught up with the team now?_


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

When Andie opened her eyes, she actually had to blink just to make sure that she had. It was so dark; darker even than the blackest nights. And the cold – even the bitterest nights in Cardiff could not be this freezing. Her blood felt as though it had been turned to ice and her bones…she was so cold she almost couldn't feel them.

She tried to call out, but the words wouldn't come. Her voice was frozen in her throat and all that could be heard was a harsh rattling sound. If she'd been able to think properly, she might have laughed at herself for sounding somewhat like Darth Vader. But right now, she wasn't thinking about classic film villains. Right now, she was just plain scared.

Ignoring the protest from her tense muscles, she forced herself to her feet and looked around, trying to adjust to the darkness surrounding her. Slowly, very slowly, the impenetrable blackness began to fade, revealing a strange grey mist directly in front of her with a tiny flickering blue light somewhere behind it that reminded her very much of a flame. It seemed to be calling out to her…and she was powerless to resist it.

Like a puppet on strings, Andie found herself moving forwards. She hadn't even realised that she was until she heard the noises. Very faint and slow at first, but gradually they became faster and louder…and they shook her to the core.

She wanted to turn back, but when she tried, her body stiffened and froze, forcing her to stay facing the way she was and then she found herself being pushed forwards, only to fall flat on her face again – only, when she looked up, she was lying on the other side of the mist. She tried to get up again, only to find that something was holding her down and all she could do was twist her head slightly and wriggle her hands.

Frantic with fear and worry for the others, she shifted her hand downwards so she could reach for her gun – only to feel something cold close around her chest when she realised it wasn't there.

A moment later, she heard the sound of footsteps and looked up to see a pair of highly polished black shoes standing in front of her. She swallowed hard as her eyes travelled upwards and met the hard gaze of a very familiar man.

"Hello, Andie," he cooed, his voice deceptively soft as his blonde hair blew over his face. "Long time, no see, isn't it?"

"Not long enough," she growled, hoping it masked how scared she really was.

She received a raised eyebrow in response. "You haven't changed, have you?" The man turned away, his long coat blowing behind him. "You're still just as…hard as you always were…" He laughed; a sound that chilled Andie's blood. "Well, tell me something…how does it feel to be…completely and utterly…powerless?"

Andie tried to glare at him. "What do you want?"

But barely a moment had passed before the answer came to her. There was a flare of light and then, she saw the man she had trusted for so long standing in the middle of what looked like a Greek temple. In his hand, he held a smoking pistol. And, at his feet, was a pool of blood.

Slowly, he bent down and picked up the shivering figure, the only one alive amongst the carnage. He ran one hand down her face and smiled as she cried, the sounds echoing pitifully.

At once, Andie knew that this was what she had heard earlier on and she tried to get up and help the woman she had loved. But, once again, the invisible chains kept her on the floor. She couldn't move…in fact, she could hardly breathe. Even her eyes seemed forced open.

All she could do was watch…watch, and do nothing as she realised that she was truly powerless.

~*~

Gwen looked around as she registered her vision clearing. She frowned in confusion as she realised that she was stood in the middle of what looked like an enormous field. It was empty, but at the same time, it wasn't. She could hear things…footsteps and voices.

"Gwen…Gwen…"

She span round at the sound of her name, instinctively drawing her gun, walking slowly as she followed the sound of the voices. At first, she could see nothing, but slowly, a grey shadow started to follow her, coating her like a shroud.

She looked around wildly, trying to see past the grey shapes. "Jack?" she called out. "Ianto? John? Andie? Nick?" Nobody answered her. "Anyone?"

"Gwen…Gwen Cooper…"

At that point, she couldn't resist any more. "Okay, if anyone's here, show yourselves!" she yelled, hoping she sounded more confident than she felt. "Come out here!"

For a moment, nothing happened. An eerie silence fell, sending a chill over the field. Then, almost imperceptibly at first, a wisp of grey smoke began to float towards her. It was slow at first, but the closer it came, the faster it moved. As it appeared in front of her, Gwen realised that it wasn't shapeless after all. Instead, it had a very familiar form to it.

"Hello, Gwen," said the familiar voice.

Gwen swallowed hard. "Tosh…"

"Hello, sweetheart," added a second, equally familiar voice from behind her.

She didn't even have to turn around that time. "Owen! What – but I thought –"

"You thought we were dead?" Tosh's voice sounded suddenly from behind her. "Oh, we're dead all right, but we felt it our duty to pass on a message to you."

Gwen swallowed. "You've got a message…for me?"

"Yeah," Owen's voice suddenly became a lot sharper. "You should be here too…you didn't save us…it's your fault…"

"What?!" shouted Gwen. "I haven't done anything wrong!"

"But you have." Tosh's reply was sad. "You failed us, Gwen…you failed us."

Gwen shook her head, almost violently. "Look, I am sorry for what happened to you, both of you, and I do miss you so much. But what could I do?" She wet her lips slightly, trying to psych herself up a little more. "I had to liaise with the police, you both know that. I had to do my duty for the sake of everyone living in the city. There wasn't time to think about the smaller picture."

When no reply was forthcoming, except for a heightening of the cold atmosphere, she felt herself panic even more. "Tosh, Owen, I'm sorry, but I had no choice!" she screamed out. "Can't you see that? I'm devastated about what happened to you, but there was no other choice!"

She sounded desperate and she knew it. Tosh's spirit – was that what it was? – seemed to fade away. But Owen stayed by her. She turned round and could almost feel him looking at her. When he spoke, his voice was cold.

"There's always a choice, Gwen," he said. "There's always a choice. And you made yours."

~*~

Ianto opened his eyes and found that he was stood in the middle of a bright and clean room. He looked around, hoping to see some sign of where he was. But there was nothing. Everywhere was totally silent.

"Hello?" he called out. "Anyone there?"

The moment he spoke, it was as if everything had changed. Where there had previously been silence, there now came the most terrible sounds; screaming, crying…sounds of death.

Quickly remembering John's battle exercise, Ianto whipped out his gun and moved very slowly towards the door. "Jack?" he whispered, careful not to draw too much attention to himself. "Nick? Gwen?" He paused at the door and dared to raise his voice a little. "Anyone?"

No one replied, but the sounds kept up. Feeling his heartbeat rise, Ianto pushed open the door and dashed into the new room, slamming the door shut behind him.

But it was only when he turned round that he realised where he was. And the sight that faced him made his blood run dry until he almost couldn't breathe.

He realised that he was standing in a line to…"Oh, my God…no way…oh, no…"

He could hardly bring himself to look, but the screams and tearing sounds told him more than enough for him to know where he was. As he tried to tear his eyes away, he felt a grip on his arm that was so strong that he could almost hear his bones snap. He tried as hard as he could to resist, but the clasp was stronger than a vice and eventually, powerless against the pounding of steel on the floors, he surrendered.

However, the moment he did so, his captor stopped and forced him to turn around. Ianto's eyes watered, but he knew that he couldn't do anything – but then he saw what he was being forced to look at and he lost his breath completely.

"Oh, no…no, not again…" He could barely say the words, but he knew that Jack had heard them, because he looked up, his face shattered like a broken plate. "Oh, God…Jack…Jack, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…"

"Hey," Jack shook his head, the only part of his body that he could move, "don't. It isn't your fault…you didn't ask…it just…don't worry…"

Suddenly spurred on by the sight of his lover, Ianto began to struggle again. "No! I am going to get you out of here…I'm going to save you, Jack."

Jack shook his head. "You already did." He gave another tiny smile and then relaxed and leaned back, closing his eyes. "And…I love you…"

"No!" shouted Ianto, feeling tears pricking his eyes. "I won't let you give up! Please don't do this!"

But Jack simply smiled again. "I swore once that if I died for this planet…then it would all be in the line of duty," he said. "But never forget that I love you…and I always will. Goodbye, Ianto Jones."

Ianto shook his head, ignoring the tears that were beginning to fall. "No…no! Jack, I – you can't…" but he knew it was hopeless as, moments later, the bitter voices ripped through the air.

~*~

When John sat up and looked around, he was shocked to see that he was lying in a very soft and very luxurious king-sized bed. He blinked and stretched slightly, only to frown as he caught sight of a lump in the covers next to him…and a very familiar-looking head lying on the pillow. Sitting up slightly, he reached out, only for his companion to turn around and open his eyes.

"Hello again, John."

"Okay," said John, frowning. "I know I enjoy self-pleasure, but…I didn't think that – what?!"

His doppelganger smirked at him, a familiar arrogant shine in those green eyes. "Oh, come on. I know it's been a long time, but I can't be that seriously…" he stopped and leaned forwards, whispering the word, "_changed…_can I?"

He scowled when the only response he received was a sidelong look. "Aw, come on…there were some good times and some great times and –"

John shook his head as he stood up. "I don't know what the hell you are doing here, but you are not me," he said with more conviction than he actually felt. "I've seen things that you would never believe. I've learnt things that you could never understand. I'm not the man –" he stopped as his past self began to laugh at him, openly taunting him as he sprawled himself over the bed.

"You're not the man I think you are?"

"No, I'm not."

"How can you know that?" The laughter was completely gone by now, replaced by an expression that was terrifyingly sober. "I know you better than you know yourself, John Hart. And that's a good name, by the way, but…a name can't change a person's soul. I know what you did…I saw it…you with that broken man…and the way you punished my partner…"

"Leave Jack out of this!"

"Oh, I seem to have touched a nerve, do forgive me." That drawl, that all-too-familiar drawl, which John had slowly grown to hate was back. "Oh…look at you now, you're raging. I bet you'd like to shoot me now, shoot me right here in the head. I can see your hand moving to your gun right now…at least I'm pretty sure that's your gun."

"Shut up!" shouted John, hating that his voice was cracking. "Just…just shut up!"

The reflection raised an eyebrow at him. "But that's not all you want is it?" he said. "Jack may have dropped you like a hot brick for that pretty little boy of his –"

"It was the right thing for both of us! And yes, it wasn't easy for me to come to terms with that, but it was the right thing to do! I had to let him go!"

"Oh…but you moved on quickly didn't you?" The smirk had vanished, replaced by a rather pensive look. "Oh yes…you moved on to the young boy's cousin…Nick Jones, am I right?"

His voice then took on a tone of mocking sorrow. "Oh, that poor young doctor…he was so broken and now he thinks that you're going to help him, be there for him –"

John didn't even pause to think. "You don't know what you're talking about," he insisted as he pulled out his gun and removed the safety catch, pointing it at the reflection.

But that didn't stop anything. Instead, his past self merely laughed and said, "So tell me…why did you really take him to see what had happened to his poor sweet wife?"

"What?!" The word hissed through the air like a poisoned dart.

"Oh, come on. You and I both know he's a very good-looking man. And you didn't waste a second in realising that, did you?"

"I've changed, but I'm not blind!" snapped John. "I know he's good-looking, but…I don't want to hurt him any more. He's been through enough."

"Oh, really?" The skepticism in the voice almost made the room reek. "So…you don't want to get into his pants then? And you aren't remotely glad that his crippled little wife is out of the way?"

John wanted to reply, to deny the stinging words, but the answer wouldn't come. No matter how hard he tried, something would always stop him before the words got to his throat. He wanted to say that his feelings for Nick hadn't been brought from lust or from a desire to jump him. He wanted to say that more than anything.

His past self gave a satisfied smile. "I know what you want to say. But you can't, can you? You know that I'm right. Because it's all you know, isn't it? All you know is how to love them and leave them." The smile became twisted. "I would say you disgust me…just like you disgust Jack –"

"Shut up!"

The words shocked them both. "What did you say?"

"I said shut up!" John turned round and threw himself back towards the bed. "Don't you dare presume you know me! You just know one side of me! No one could face the things Jack and I have seen and not changed!" He paused for breath, not even paying attention to his gun dropping to the floor with a bang as one of the bullets fired. "You know nothing about love!"

He received a loud scoff in response. "And you do? You say you let Jack go because it was the right thing to do – but was it? You've certainly moved on and gone after Nick quickly enough! Now, why could that be? Oh, I know! You never loved Jack in the first place!"

John didn't stop to think. With a bestial roar, he lunged forwards and punched the smirking man firmly in the face. But the moment his fist connected with his reflection's jaw, he was greeted by a blinding light and the sound of thousands of crystals shattering. Then, the world seemed to shake as a blood-chilling scream ripped through the air.

And then – it was over.

***

_Next Time: In the aftermath of these events, truths are told and rifts are healed. _


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

"John? You okay?"

The voice seemed so far away; and yet so close and so…concerned. But the moment he felt a hand catch his shoulder, he jumped to his feet and grabbed the sword that lay at his side.

"Don't touch me!" he shouted, his voice hoarse. "Just…just stay away or I'll kill you!"

The response was an amused laugh. "You can try. But we both know that it won't make any difference at all." A moment later, two firm hands were placed on his shoulders and a pair of familiar blue eyes gazed at him.

John blinked a little as the world began to swim into focus. "Jack?"

"Well, yes." Jack looked a little bemused. "Who did you think it was, you?"

"I…" but the words wouldn't come.

Jack frowned as he looked around him. "Why is your gun smoking?" he asked. "And…what have you done to your hand? It's bleeding."

"It doesn't matter." John tried to pull away, but his leader wouldn't let go of his shoulders. "Jack, let me go. I'm fine."

"No." Jack stared at him. "You're not fine, John. You're shaking all over, but more importantly – how did you break the Chimera's spell?"

"How did I what?"

Jack sighed. "I was just about to explain – we were attacked by a Chimera. It tracked us down tonight by smelling fear – fear that we didn't even know we had. I guess Gwen, Ianto and I were, deep down, a little scared about being in the country after what happened last time. You have to either use the special mixture of drugs to defeat it – or you have to have incredible mental strength."

"So…we each saw the thing we fear the most?"

"Yes, we did. And…" Jack stopped short. "John, what did you see?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Hey." Jack's voice softened. "It's gone now; it's over. And whatever it was, you were strong enough to beat it." He reached out and touched John's face cautiously and frowned when he found that it was wet. "Hey, come on, don't do this. Just tell me."

"I can't." John stepped away, angrily brushing his uninjured hand over his other cheek. "It's not important, all right? It doesn't matter."

"Don't walk away from me." Jack caught his arm and spun him around. "Look, you might think that this isn't important, but if it's gotten you in such a state then it is important. Sit down."

He waited until they were both sat on the grass before he said, "I know I might not be in the same place with you as I am with Ianto, but you mean a lot to me. I do care for you. I care for you very much, and I don't want you to ever think that I don't."

John shifted and cleared his throat. "Yeah, of course…you mean a lot to me too," he admitted, trying to ignore how hoarse his voice was.

Jack smiled. "And…about Nick…I think I owe you an apology. You were the one who said that we couldn't keep what happened to Alison from him and you were right. I know what you're thinking," he added quickly as John tried to speak, "and…all right, maybe it was a bit soon after Carson's funeral. But I don't know when else we could have told him. If you hadn't said anything and he'd found out from someone else…his relationship with Ianto could have been ruined."

"That's what I was trying to say."

"I know. I'm sorry I was so harsh with you." He laughed self-deprecatingly and started to clean the blood off John's hand with a handkerchief. "I guess I just let a little bit of the old me slip out – what?" He interrupted himself when John flinched sharply. "John, what is it?"

"Nothing," muttered John as he tried to get up, but Jack caught his wrist and turned him around, a look of dawning understanding in his eyes.

"That was what you saw." It wasn't a question. "You saw yourself – your past self…didn't you?" There was no reply, but Jack didn't need one; the lowered eyes were confirmation enough. Without pausing to think, he reached over and scooped his former partner into a hug.

"You're not that man any more, John," he said firmly, stroking the back of his head. "The fact that you had enough strength to break the spell shows that."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. And do you know why I'm sure?"

"Why?"

"Because," Jack hesitated for a second, "you showed…you proved that you changed…not just because of how bad you feel now, but…because you loved me."

John pulled back sharply and then, for the first time, Jack saw him without the mask that he had held in place for so long; he saw him after the walls had fallen down and he realised that it was true. Whatever kind of man he had been when they had been together at the Time Agency was gone. Now, while he wasn't completely changed, John was certainly different – a better man.

He spoke now. "I think that there's a part of me that will never stop loving you," he admitted. "You will always have a special place with me. It's thanks to you that I'm able to move on – and I won't ever forget that." His voice was calm, but his eyes were filled with tears.

Jack sighed. "I know. And you will always have a special place here with me too. After all," he managed a small laugh as they stood up, "we did share some amazing times. It's just that –"

"Your heart belongs to Ianto." John nodded. "I know that now. And I'm happy for you." He shook his former partner's hand. "I wish you, both of you, the best of luck together."

"Thank you. I wish you the same." With a last smile, he kissed John lightly on the cheek and moved on to check on the girls.

John watched him go for a second, smiling slightly as he bent down next to Andie and slipped an arm around her. He knew that there would always be a part of him that would love Jack until the end of his days. But he also knew that that wouldn't stop him from loving again.

Sighing in contentment, he turned round, only to find himself face to face with Nick, who was smiling gently at him.

"That was beautiful," he admitted.

"It just had to be said." John's voice was slowly turning back to calm nonchalance, although he still looked rather pale. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

John stared at him for a second. "No, you're not. You've just seen your greatest fear played right before your eyes. You're not fine at all."

Nick shook his head. "No, really, I'm fine. I'm all right, I just need to –" but the next thing he knew, he was almost choking as he sobbed into John's shoulder. "I'm just…oh, God…"

"Just breathe," interjected John, forcing himself to remain calm. "Just relax. It's over; it's over now…it's done. You're all right." He stopped and frowned. "Well…no, you're not all right. Come on, we'll go back and get you warmed up, you're freezing."

Normally, Nick would have protested and insisted that he was all right. But right now, he realised that he just didn't have the energy and so, with a choked sob, he let John wrap his coat around him and take him back to the tents.

~*~

"Do you want to talk about it?" When no reply was forthcoming, Jack sighed. "Come on, Ianto, tell me; you'll feel so much better for it. Just get it out in the open, okay?"

Ianto shifted slightly in his lover's embrace as he started to speak. "I was in this room, an empty room," he said. "There were no windows, but it was all painted white and it was just…so blindingly bright. It was completely quiet, until I called out to ask if anyone was there. Then I heard them."

"Heard who?" Jack's arms tightened around him. "What did you hear?"

"Screams." Ianto's voice began to shake. "I heard people screaming, crying – trying to get away from there. I did what I could to remember John's training and opened the door and went out. But I was there, Jack; I was back there…"

"Back where?" asked Jack. But then he saw Ianto's eyes contract in pain as if he was remembering the worst day of his life – and, suddenly, right at that moment, he knew where his partner had been.

"Oh, Ianto," he gasped, pulling him so close he was almost crushing him. "It's all right. It's in the past now. It's all over." _He must have been so scared, _he thought as he rocked him gently.

"One of them grabbed me," gasped Ianto. "It…he…she…grabbed me and dragged me through the conversion chambers. I tried to resist, but it was too strong. Then, we stopped and…I was…I was right in front of the unit where Lisa had been…but it wasn't her."

He looked up through water-filled eyes. "It was you, Jack. They were trying to convert you…but you fought it. I don't know how, but you didn't let them convert you." He paused for a second, trying to get his breathing under control. "But that didn't stop them. I saw you, Jack…you were bound there and in front of you…there were six Daleks. I heard one of them saying stuff…about the Game Station and at that moment…I knew…"

"You realised that they were going to be – oh, Ianto!" Jack pressed a firm kiss into his hair. "Is that your greatest fear?"

"I thought I was going to lose you," cried Ianto. "When…when you died after Abaddon, it was like…it was as if I'd lost everything all over again. I can't lose you…and when I saw you in there…I was determined to save you."

"But you have!" cried Jack. "You have saved me, more often than you can imagine. You gave me the second chance I never thought I deserved. You've taken the time to understand me and get to know me like no one else I've been with."

He paused and swallowed, trying to compose himself. "And I want you to know, whatever happens with us, wherever our relationship goes…you'll always be in my heart. I don't think I could ever not love you."

"That's what you said then," gasped Ianto, looking up. "That's what you said just before…you said that, whatever happened…that I should never…" but his words were lost in a storm of tears.

"It's okay," soothed Jack, running his hands through the young man's hair. "It's okay, it's over now. Shush, shush, you're safe. I've got you." He held Ianto tight and kissed his forehead gently, rubbing soothing circles over his back and humming a lullaby in his ear.

After the crying had subsided a little, Jack leaned over and cupped Ianto's wet cheeks in his hands. "Do you know what I saw?" he whispered. "I saw…everyone I've ever loved and cared about…Owen, Toshiko, Gwen, Estelle, the Doctor, Rose, Martha…all of them, and so many others, turning against me, cursing me. They hated me…said that I was worse than Saxon…"

Ianto sat bolt upright. "Oh, Jack…"

"But I could have handled all that," he continued. "I could have handled all of that…if only I'd had you by my side. But you were stood at their head, the only one who was alive. I called out to you, but you didn't want to know me…you said I'd caused everything…all the people there…they were dead because of me. Even the Doctor was dead…sacrificed for…"

"For the greater good," whispered Ianto. "Jack, listen to me. I will never turn against you again, never. Whatever happens, the one thing you can guarantee is that I will stand by you. You said that I saved you, but before that…you saved me. You've done more for me than anyone ever could. Every time something knocks you down, I'll pick you up again…because I love you."

Jack was stunned. That was the first time Ianto had ever said those words to him; they'd been said by him before, but this was the first time that they'd been said to him. And right now, he didn't know what to do. Saying 'I love you too' suddenly seemed so trite and insignificant, especially after Ianto's tender vow to always be there for him.

"Ianto…" he whispered, before lightly brushing away the last of his tears.

"Jack, don't worry. It's okay," whispered Ianto, stroking his hand. "It's all right now. It's over." They sat together for a few minutes, holding each other and kissing occasionally, Ianto's hand gently brushing Jack's damp fringe over his warm forehead. When he felt the older man start to relax, he gently laid him down inside the sleeping bag and eased a soft pillow under his head.

Jack smiled at him. "Thank you," he whispered. "I just…I just need a few minutes…"

"I know." Ianto pressed a soft kiss to his temple. "I know. I'll just be outside." Giving Jack's hand a last squeeze, he opened the flaps and stepped outside to sit at the flickering campfire.

However, to his surprise, he quickly saw that he was not alone. John was sitting on one of the logs, calmly tending to the fire. He looked up and started in surprise when he heard Ianto approach, only to smile sheepishly when he saw that it was him.

"You want to sit down?"

Ianto nodded and perched himself on the log. "Where's Nick?"

"He's fine; he just wanted to be alone for a few minutes. I think," John hesitated, "I guess he just didn't want me to see him upset."

Ianto nodded. "Jack used to be that way with me; he didn't always want me to see him break too much. But, with time, he opened up to me more and…well, you know. Things changed."

John sighed and turned back to his tent. "I've never seen Nick like this," he admitted. "Even after…Flat Holm, he wasn't this upset." His face was calm, but his voice was full of concern. "You don't know what he could have seen, do you?"

"No," admitted Ianto. "The one thing Nick and I never told each other was our greatest fear."

"Why not?"

"I don't know. It's just one of those things, I guess." Ianto shifted slightly on the log. "John?"

"Yeah?"

"I…I'm sorry. I got you completely wrong. I thought that you were just after Nick for…well, for your part-time shag, I guess."

"He told me you said that."

"I know. I was wrong to say that. I was just scared and, to be honest, I think I was a little jealous. I knew what you'd had with Jack and, as much as I wanted to, I just wasn't sure whether I could trust you. But then I saw you two earlier and I realised that, while you do care about him, you've let him go gracefully. And then I saw you with Nick and…I saw just how stupid I'd been. I judged you prematurely and I didn't give you the chance to show that you have changed." He turned and looked John straight in the eyes. "I was wrong and I'm sorry."

John gave a small chuckle. "We've had an odd relationship, you and me, haven't we? From you considering that orgy – and don't try and deny it – to us finally working together and me ending up dating your cousin."

Ianto smiled slightly. "Yeah, I guess it's not been the most functional relationship. But…I would like us to be friends, if that's what you're asking." He held out his hand and waited for the former Time Agent to shake it. "You are a changed man, John. Don't ever think that you're not."

He stood up and started to wander back to his tent, but halfway across the field, he turned back. "Oh, and I'm sorry it's taken so long, but…I hope you and Nick are very happy together."

"You mean –"

"Yes. I saw you two earlier and I realised just how much you do care for him. I should have done this sooner, but…I'm giving you both my blessing."

"You mean that?"

"Yeah, I do. Like I said, now that I've had time to think, I've realised how stupid and judgemental I was. Besides," and here he added a small grin, "if a former Time Agent's good enough for me…then a former Time Agent's good enough for Nick."

John shook his head and chuckled as he watched the young man walk back to his own tent and clamber back inside. Then, with a small shrug, he stood up, dusted off his jeans and started to crawl back into his own tent. Unfortunately, he tripped over something at the foot of the mattress and toppled onto the sleeping bag. Mentally cursing, he started to get up, only to find himself staring down the barrel of a gun.

"Woah!" he exclaimed, raising his hands in the air. "Okay, I know that bed-head and a gun makes you look really hot, but…it's only me!"

"Well, in my defence, I hardly expected you to fall on top of me!" snapped Nick, quickly storing his gun and turning away to try and hide his blush.

"Well, is it my fault that you look so damn hot?" retorted John, before rolling his eyes good-naturedly. "How're you feeling?"

"I was fine until you startled me half to death," answered Nick with a dry smile and an eye-roll of his own. "No, I'm all right now. I'm sorry I lost it earlier; I was just…"

"Scared?" John smiled and sat down. "It's okay. It's over now."

"Yeah…yeah, it's over."

There was a long pause as they both shifted into more comfortable positions. Then John cleared his throat. "You know, I…just had a chat with –"

"I know. I heard you both. And I want you to know that, even if he hadn't…you know it wouldn't have made an iota of difference as far as I'm concerned."

"It wouldn't?"

"No. Look, I get that Ianto's just looking out for me and I'm touched that he is. And, obviously, I'd do the same for him. But I've got to make some choices myself. He can't protect me from everything. I've got to take risks and make my own mistakes. Otherwise I'll never learn."

John nodded. "I hope that what we have doesn't end up being a mistake though," he said as he ran his finger down Nick's shoulder. "I don't want to lose you, Patch."

"Patch?!" repeated Nick incredulously. "Since when have you called me that?"

"Well, it's all part of your job. You know, you patch people's injuries up. And, you know, with you calling me Sparky, it fits; Sparky and Patch."

"You mean like Starsky and Hutch?"

"Yeah, why not?" chuckled John. "Also…you know, you've got this little patch of hair right here…right near your collarbone." He smiled as he found his fingers slowly brushing over Nick's jaw, smoothing over the joints which were still healing after the fight with Ianto at his uncle's wake. "And you've got a little bruised patch right here," he added, caressing his way up Nick's face. "And –" but he stopped abruptly when something caught his eye, causing him to smile.

"You're going to need contact lenses," he murmured.

"Contact lenses?" repeated Nick. "What do I need them for?"

"Just for when you're out in the field," John answered quickly. "I mean, as gorgeous as I think you look with those glasses on…you don't want them to get lost or broken, do you?"

Nick smiled slightly and turned around. "Okay…and what about when I'm not working?"

"Well," John's voice dropped. "Then, I'd love to see you wearing them…"

"Except for when I'm asleep?"

"Except for when you're asleep," whispered John, leaning across to brush their lips together in a gesture that was reminiscent of their first kiss that morning by the bay. Slowly, he wrapped his arms around Nick's waist, drawing him close and slowly unbuttoning his shirt, hoping that they could warm up and share their body heat as they lay down inside the thick sleeping bag. He smiled when he saw the young man's eyes start to close.

"Nick," he whispered, readying his courage, "I –"

But there was no sense in continuing, because Nick was fast asleep, his face half buried in his pillow and his shining hair flopping over his slowly pinking cheeks. Smiling sadly, John leaned over and brushed a kiss over his hair and lay down beside him.

~*~

The next morning, Jack woke up to the sound of raindrops and shrieks of laughter from outside. He blinked and rubbed his eyes, only to notice that he could see clearly without the need for inside lamps. And the first thing he saw was a messy-haired Ianto smiling up at him, his face alight with happiness, even though his eyes looked tired.

"I reckon we're the only two who didn't get much sleep last night," he whispered. "But I wouldn't have changed that for anything."

Jack smiled and leaned down to nuzzle his neck, all the while running his hand up one side of his lover's naked body. "Neither would I," he whispered as he peppered him with kisses.

"Jack…" murmured Ianto, feeling himself start to lose control. He was just moaning over the amazing things that the older man could do with his tongue, when a call from outside distracted them both.

Jack sighed. "I suppose we'd better get up," he said, reaching into his bag and pulling on a shirt. He tossed another one over to Ianto. "We don't want them causing too much havoc."

Ianto smirked. "We could…or we could just stay here and leave them to their own devices…"

"Tempting," admitted Jack. "Very tempting…but we should go. We don't want them traumatising any of the locals. Besides," he was fastening his shoes by now, "it sounds like they're having fun."

"Oh, fine," sighed Ianto, also pulling on his trainers as he opened the flap. "This had better be good, otherwise you're sleeping on the sofa," he warned, but his eyes were twinkling.

Jack slapped him playfully on the backside and together they stepped out – to be greeted by the sight of Gwen and Andie, both wrapped in their raincoats and standing under an enormous umbrella, laughing at what was going on in the middle of the park.

It looked as though John and Nick were playing a one-on-one game of touch rugby in the rain and the mud – only without the ball. Actually, it just looked as though they were constantly trying to force the other to the ground every time they got the chance. Needless to say, both of them were very wet and covered in mud, but they seemed to be having too much fun to care.

"What _are _they doing?" asked Jack, in a voice that managed to be at once amused, surprised and thick with innuendo. "Apart from the obvious, I mean."

"John muttered something about physical training," answered Gwen.

"Is that what they're calling it these days?" Jack smirked. "Well…when I said mud-wrestling, I never expected anyone to have taken me literally."

A moment later, John let out a growl as Nick crept up behind him and shoved an enormous handful of mud down the back of his shirt. "Ianto!" he shouted. "Your cousin is a menace!"

Ianto smirked and bent down to re-tie his shoelace. "It's a Jones trait," he said calmly and, without changing his expression once, he twirled around and threw a handful of mud at Jack's face.

***

_Next Time: Christmas is coming and the boys want to do something special. Obviously__, Jack has a plan…what could it be? A few chapters of Christmas-filled fluff, folks…but don't expect it to last!_


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

_One week later, five days before Christmas…_

Jack was completely exhausted as he staggered up the stairs and gently tapped on the door of Ianto's flat. In his haste to hurry back to his partner, he had managed to leave his keys to the flat at the Hub and now he was going to have to wake Ianto up and beg to be let in. He hated having to do that; Ianto got little enough rest as it was.

He smiled endearingly as the door was opened to reveal a bleary-eyed Ianto dressed in a red hooded sweater and a pair of black running trousers, opened the door. His hair was rumpled and his eyes were only half-open. Yet, even so, he still managed to fix Jack with an incredulous glare that the older man's smile slipped.

"Okay," he said slowly, tiredness making his Welsh accent stronger, "let me get this straight. You didn't manage to remember your keys to the flat, but you managed to remember to buy some half-dead chrysanthemums?"

Jack looked nervous. "Does this mean I'll be sleeping in the car tonight then?" he asked, actually backing away slightly in the face of his lover's glare.

Ianto sighed and stepped away. "No," he said wearily. "Come on in, I'll get us some coffee." He stepped away and into the flat. Jack followed, waiting for the young man to take his coat as he always did after a late night. However, when Ianto showed no signs of doing so, Jack frowned.

"What's going on?" he asked. "Not that I mind or anything, but…you haven't tried to take my –"

"Tried to take your coat?" Ianto turned round again. "Jack, how do you expect me to do that when I've got my hands full?"

Confused, Jack looked properly at his partner for the first time and felt his mouth drop as he realised that he was carrying a small bundle in his arms.

"What?" he whispered.

"Noticed, have you?" asked Ianto a little bitterly. "Nick asked us to look after them while he went to talk to Catrin about…organising some sort of memorial for Alison."

Jack closed his eyes and sighed heavily. Now that he thought about it, he did remember Nick asking them if they could look after the children when he went to talk with his sister. Obviously, he had been more than happy to help out, but then, just as he had been about to leave, the Rift had decided to explode around them. No sooner had one problem been sorted out than another one decided to materialise. Now, it was gone midnight and Jack had forgotten all about it.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, throwing his coat over the sofa. "It was just that…the Rift wouldn't stop. It was throwing things out as far as the other side of Splott and I couldn't get away." He rubbed one hand over his face as he walked away. "Look, I'm covered in alien mess; perhaps I should go and get a wash and then we should go to bed."

"Jack, wait." Ianto laid Estelle in the portable crib that had been set up for her in the sitting room. "I didn't mean it like that. I know you were only doing your job. It's just…"

"I know." Jack turned round. "I know we haven't had a night in together in ages and I really wish there was something I could do about it."

"But there isn't," answered Ianto. "I'm sorry, Jack. I shouldn't have overreacted like that. I was just so frustrated and….I thought you'd forgotten."

"It doesn't matter," answered Jack quietly. "Let me get cleaned up and then we'll go and get some sleep, yeah?" He brushed a soft kiss over Ianto's hair before spinning around and disappearing into the bathroom.

Ianto sighed as he heard Jack start to sing over the running water, his melodious voice resonating throughout the flat. Quickly, he turned towards the cot, but Estelle was still fast asleep, her tiny hands resting on top of the thick blanket and her face completely relaxed. It seemed as though she was being rocked to sleep by the sound of the music.

Smiling, Ianto pressed a kiss against her forehead and smoothed the soft baby hair back from her tiny forehead, blinking in shock as she shifted, leaning comfortably against his hand, a tiny smile appearing on her lips even as she slept.

He swallowed hard, trying to force down his guilt that his best friend's daughter was so comfortable with him when she had never been that way with her own father. Even though she was only two months old, she seemed to know exactly who she wanted and who she didn't.

Shrugging, he stroked her hair again and turned away, just in time to see Jack appear behind him, smiling at the tender scene. His hair was wet and he had changed into clean clothes.

"She does seem to really like you," he remarked, taking care to keep his voice low. "When you answered the door, she was all snuggled against your chest."

"Yeah, I know," answered Ianto quietly before flopping down onto the sofa.

"What's wrong?" asked Jack.

"Nothing; it doesn't matter. It's just been a long day and I'm tired." He turned away and rested his head on the arm of the sofa, letting out a small sigh.

"Ianto…"

"Okay, fine!" Ianto turned back to his partner. "I was just thinking about how…I don't know, close I am with Estelle. I mean you saw us just now and…it just freaked me out a bit, because she's never once been that close with Nick and he's her father."

"Ianto, she's a two-month old baby," Jack replied.

"I know, but…she cries so loudly every time Nick tries to hold her. Even John manages better with her. Nick's never made a big thing out of it, but I know that every time he sees his daughter peaceful with everyone else…it breaks his heart a little."

"How did he get on with Trevyn?"

"No problems at all. He and Trevyn just clicked like…like that." Ianto snapped his fingers. "You can tell that they're father and son, easily."

"Hey, listen, don't worry so much," answered Jack, dropping another kiss into Ianto's hair. "Like I said, Estelle's only two months old. It'll be fine. I'm sure it will."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Let's go to bed. You look exhausted."

Jack chuckled. "I am, actually – and, listen, I'm really sorry about tonight. It wasn't that I forgot…in fact, while I was working, all I could think about was coming back and being with you."

Ianto smiled and kissed him softly. "It doesn't matter, Jack. You're here now."

~*~

Jack wasn't sure how long he had slept when he realised that the other side of the bed was not only cold but also empty. He opened his eyes and frowned when he realised that, not only was there light coming in through the opened curtains, but also that Ianto wasn't lying beside him. As he sat up and rubbed his eyes, he gasped as he noticed that the light wasn't just coming from the daylight, but also from the blizzard that was raging, covering the streets below with a thick blanket of snow.

Groaning slightly, he jumped when he realised that the flat wasn't silent. Instead, he could hear singing and music coming from the rest of the flat, occasionally muffled by rustles and thumps and frequent shouts of laughter.

Curiously, he quickly pulled on some trousers and a white T-shirt, before leaving the bedroom. If nothing else, he figured he could at least wake himself up with a cup (or four) of Ianto's coffee.

But the sight that greeted him as he entered the sitting room blew all thoughts of coffee straight out of his mind.

Ianto's wide and spacious living area was now covered, from wall to wall, with tinsel, cotton wool, bundles of holly and mistletoe, and bits of coloured paper, some of which had been stuck together in a way that could represent paper chains. In front of the window, surrounded by yet more decorations (including what looked like at least five different sets of Christmas lights) was a huge mass of greenery which Jack soon realised was an over-sized Christmas tree.

To his increased surprise, Ianto was calmly hooking lights and strings of silver bells around it, while singing along to "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree", which was blaring out of the radio.

"Deck the halls with boughs of holly!" he sang out loud as he finished off with the lights.

"I think we already did!" a cheerful voice answered and Nick's head appeared from the back of the tree, his hair wild and his cheeks pinker than usual. He was, however, wearing a pair of reindeer antlers and an enormous grin. "Hey, Jack," he called out, waving.

Jack, however, was so shocked that he could only stammer out, "What?"

Nick was right – the room was indeed decked out with boughs of holly hanging from every corner of the ceiling. So, quite what the holly and mistletoe on the floor was for, he had no idea.

Ianto, however, upon seeing him, grinned wildly and grabbed a bunch of mistletoe off the floor before bounding up to his partner and kissing him soundly on the lips.

"I know you were wondering what that was for," he said, before fixing the white berries over the bedroom door. "Now, every time we meet under the door, we kiss. It's tradition, you know."

"No, I didn't know," admitted Jack with a small chuckle. "But it is a tradition I could get used to!" he added before hastily stealing another kiss. "Mind you…what's with all the decorations?"

"Oh, Ianto always decorates his flat for Christmas," explained Nick, brushing his hair off his face. "We used to do it all the time when we were children, too. Although, when we were younger, I think we got more glitter on ourselves than we did on the actual tree. I remember when we were both eight…we looked like we'd entered a firework look-alike competition and won!"

"What about when we were twelve and you decided that you wanted to play the Virgin Mary in the window display?" retorted Ianto good-naturedly. "I remember you ransacked the old dressing-up box until you found that old blue dress and then you put a pillow up it!"

Jack blinked. "I think that might be just about the most disturbing image to ever enter my mind."

"Oh, you'd be surprised by what I'm open to, Captain," replied Nick, raising one eyebrow.

"Really?" replied Jack, his posture showing that he was certainly interested by this.

"Nick, stop flirting with my boyfriend!" shouted Ianto, throwing some tinsel at him. "And you!" he added, turning to Jack. "Stop encouraging him; he certainly doesn't need it!"

"Hey!" protested Nick. "I'm not that…" he trailed off under the look that Ianto was giving him. "Okay, okay, fine, but…well, I'm flirting for two, here! And…did you just throw tinsel at me?"

Ianto raised his eyebrows. "Why yes, I believe I did. And I'd do it again if I could."

"Really?" asked Jack.

Nick smirked. "Oh, really, indeed!" he said, grabbing the tinsel from where it was calmly lying around his neck. "We'll just have to see about that."

"Oh, you're going down," replied Ianto.

"So are you," added Nick. "You're going…down-_town…" _Before Ianto had the chance to reply, he leapt forwards and wrapped the tinsel around his waist, pulling him on top of him.

"Oh, you do not play fair!" whined Ianto.

Nick raised an eyebrow. "Play fair, what are you, a girl?"

"You know, I have sometimes wondered," replied Jack. "He certainly spanks like one." He then had to duck as a stuffed stocking flew past his ear.

"Oh, really?" asked Nick, his smirk showing that he was not at all bothered by the fact that his boss was talking about his sex life with his cousin.

"You're sleeping on the sofa, Harkness!" growled Ianto.

"Your fly's open, Jones!" countered Jack as he ducked into the bedroom (closely followed by a small white stuffed teddy), found his phone and quickly dialled a number.

"John, get over here!" he panted. "You have to see this!"

"This had better be good, Jack," John replied wearily. "The girls are driving me crazy; Gwen's just switched the Rift alarm to play some song about kings and cars!"

"Oh, God, the silly version of 'We Three Kings'," muttered Jack, grimacing. "Well, come to Ianto's…him and Nick," he glanced out of the door, "are in the middle of a tinsel fight."

He knew it had worked, because the next thing he heard was the sound of someone running before the call was abruptly disconnected. He chuckled and started back towards the kitchen, only to be distracted by the sound of the doorbell ringing. The chuckle quickly became a full-blown laugh as he answered it to find a very excited John on the doorstep. He didn't even pause to greet Jack; instead he just hurtled inside. Moments later, his overjoyed cheer drew Jack back into the lounge, where he was greeted by the sight of Ianto tickling Nick with the old paper chains. Both of them were covered in tinsel and glitter and having the time of their lives.

John frowned. "Okay…I should probably ask a few questions, but right now, I'm just thinking – is there room for one – or maybe two – more?" He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Ianto groaned. "Oh, not again, John!" he cried, turning to look towards Jack for help, but only receiving a smirk in return. "Don't even think about it, Harkness!"

"Your fly's still open, Jones," replied Jack.

Nick seized the opportunity to straighten up. "Okay, firstly, did I miss something and secondly," his grin turned decidedly naughty, "can I get in on it?" He openly eyed Jack and John up.

"You're sure you can handle two Time Agents?" asked Jack, frowning.

Nick burst out laughing. "What do you think I am, a girl?"

"Believe me, he's not," answered John, waggling his eyebrows.

"I do sometimes wonder," growled Ianto, his face pink as he fastened up his trousers. "And no, we are not having an orgy, if that's what you were insinuating – which it was."

"What's the matter?" asked John, treating him to a leer. "Are you scared?"

"No, I am not scared. But I am also NOT participating in something that means I have to see my cousin having sex with…well, anybody – or that means he has to see me naked!"

Nick snorted. "Ianto, we lived together for over twenty years. I have seen you naked before."

Jack and John stared at him. "Really?!"

"Shut up!" shouted Ianto, whose face now matched the red tinsel at his feet. "Nick, I don't care, it's just…" He shook himself. "Never mind, let's get back to decorating." He turned away and found the enormous gold and red star for the top of the tree.

Nick rolled his eyes. "Fine." He turned back, pausing only to give Jack another quick once-over and tap John a heavy wink, before turning away – though not without presenting the other two men with a very fine view of what was underneath his tight black jeans. He chuckled under his breath as he heard a familiar sharp intake of breath.

"Did it work?" he whispered to Ianto.

"Oh, yeah!" Ianto giggled. "John couldn't take his eyes off you." He chuckled again and turned back to the box of decorations. "You're such a teasing slut, d'you know that?"

"That's what university does to you," answered Nick airily.

~*~

"He's worse than you," Jack was whispering.

"I know," muttered John. "It's not the first time he's done that either; he's driving me insane. I barely left the bathroom last night because I couldn't stop thinking about the last time he did that." He looked helpless. "Has he always been such a tease?"

Jack shrugged. "Ianto said that university did to him what the Time Agency did to me," he said. "And stop staring at his arse!"

"I can't help it! Every time he wears those jeans…God, he's killing me here!"

"So I see." Jack couldn't resist a smirk. John groaned. "Actually, there was something I wanted to ask you…Andie offered to watch over the Hub tonight, Gwen's going out with Rhys and I thought the four of us could double-date – you know, make it a Christmas meal."

"Sure. I may not know what on earth's going on, but if it makes those boys act like that, then I could easily get used to it."

Jack smirked. "I bet you could. So, I'll make reservations for tonight, then?"

"Sounds great."

***

_Next Time: Continuing with the Christmas fluff – where will the boys go on their double-date?_


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

"John, have you seen my hairdryer?" Nick shouted from the bathroom.

"You have a hairdryer?" John asked, only to give a very unmanly shriek as a wet hand towel hit him in the face. "Hey, come on, I was just joking! It's in the right hand side of the cabinet."

He waited until he heard the familiar roar of the hairdryer before turning away and muttering, "Just don't ask me to help you find your hair straighteners."

That, however, earned him a toothbrush to the back of his head. "How did you hear that?" he demanded, but at that moment the doorbell rang, so he went to answer it with Nick's teasing laughter ringing in his ears.

He almost passed out with relief when, instead of Jack and Ianto, a snow-covered Catrin was stood on the doorstep. But his relief quickly faded at the first words out of her mouth.

"Why do you have a wet towel on your shoulder?"

"Your charming brother threw it at me when I teased him for having a hairdryer," grumbled John, but without a hint of malice.

The bathroom door clicked open. "John, who's out there?" shouted Nick, before coming out wearing nothing more than a pair of dark grey trousers and with his hair still damp. Water droplets were shining and dripping over his bare chest, but he didn't seem bothered that his sister was standing in front of him. Instead, he merely tossed out a cheerful smile and a wave, fighting back the urge to giggle when he saw that John's eyes had almost bugged out of his head.

Catrin, however, turned pink enough for both of them. "For God's sake, Nick, put a shirt on!"

"Really?" asked John once he had managed to get his voice back. Catrin rolled her eyes and fixed her brother with a glare as he grinned at both of them.

_My God, _John thought. _He's worse than I am._

And that certainly seemed to be true as Nick smirked and, tipping him a huge wink, walked away with the slow strut of a catwalk model, flaunting himself for all he was worth.

"Bloody tease," he grumbled.

"That's what going to university can do to you," answered Catrin with a sigh. "He used to be the angel that he looks like before that."

John nodded. "I know exactly what you mean," he answered. "I used to be a sweet and innocent lad before I went away to university." He ignored the laugh that came from the bedroom.

Catrin chuckled. "Right, well…you two have fun tonight."

"We will – if the other two ever get here," answered John with a wry smile. "I bet they're actually just having sex on the floor of Ianto's flat at this very moment."

"Most probably," answered Nick as he emerged again, this time wearing a royal blue shirt and running a brush through his hair. "Where's my jacket?"

"Your leather one?" asked John.

"No! I may clown around a bit…oh, okay, a lot, but I'm not stupid. I'll freeze to death if I wear that one. No, I meant the blue denim one with the sheepskin lining."

"It's in the cupboard, then; I seem to recall you dumped it on the floor when you came back from Ianto's. I think it's still covered in bits of tinsel."

Catrin laughed out loud. "You two are getting very domestic," she said.

"Oh, I don't think anyone could domesticate me," answered John, laughing. It was true; not even Jack had been able to truly domesticate him. "And, from what I've seen of him, I seriously doubt that anyone could really domesticate your brother."

"No, I guess not. I don't think even Alison and the kids could have domesticated him. I mean, he was totally besotted with her, but he could never really do domestic. He still hasn't completely learned how to cook."

"Well, cooking can be a no-go area for us too," answered John, hoping to steer the conversation away from uncomfortable topics. "It starts off fine, but…well, come on, have you seen the guy? How do you expect me to keep my hands to myself? He just makes me lose control!"

"I didn't need to know that."

"Sorry."

~*~

"Mmm…Jack," moaned Ianto, struggling to fasten the buttons on his shirt, "Jack, come on…we've got to go…they'll be wondering –"

"Not if I know John, he won't," smiled Jack as he leaned over to slide his hand further up Ianto's shirt, pressing him back into the car seat. "He takes ages to get ready…"

"Yes, but…" Ianto groaned as Jack's hand started to massage his chest. "Jack…we've got the reservations…we really…oh, God…we should…ah…"

"You like that, do you?" asked Jack. "You like feeling me touch you and –"

"No!" shouted Ianto. "I mean, yes, but…your mobile is on the seat and it's vibrating under me."

"Oh!" Jack reached out and slipped his hand underneath Ianto's body, drawing out the item in question. "It's John," he whispered, still teasing Ianto's chest as he answered. "Yes…what? Oh…right, yeah okay." He hung up, looking annoyed and surprised.

"They're ready aren't they?" smirked Ianto.

"We'll finish this later," growled Jack, before leaning over to steal another kiss. Ianto responded for a few minutes, before quickly realising that, if this carried on, they would never get out of the car. Quickly, but gently, he pushed Jack away and opened the door, wincing slightly against the gales of snow which clung to his hair and coat.

Jack looked disappointed for several moments, before finally admitting defeat and climbing out of the car. However, his expression shifted to one of pure bliss as the snow began to swirl around him, coating his eyelashes in a thick dusting.

Ianto stared at him and laughed. "Jack, what on earth are you doing?"

"I like snow," answered Jack. "It's cold and…fluffy."

"Fluffy?" repeated Ianto, raising an eyebrow. "Jack, Persian cats are fluffy, furry rugs are fluffy, hell, even tinsel can be fluffy. But snow?" He shook his head. "Jack, what time are you from?"

Jack's eyes snapped open in surprise. He and Ianto stared at each other incredulously for several minutes before bursting into slightly hysterical laughter and collapsing in each other's arms. They held each other close, rubbing their cold noses together, and were still laughing when John and Nick came downstairs and joined them.

"Should I even bother to ask?" chuckled John, raising his eyebrows.

"You wouldn't believe us if we told you," replied Ianto. He smiled broadly at them, only to frown slightly as he took in the two men in front of him. "Nick, where's your scarf?"

Nick blinked. "What? Oh…I had to get rid of it after the trip to the country. I couldn't get the mud out of it to save my life."

"Nick!" shouted Ianto, looking exasperated. "I thought you, of all people, would know better than to do that, especially after how ill you were! And why have you got your hands in your pockets?"

"Oh…I had to get rid of my gloves as well," answered Nick sheepishly. "They were a right mess. And for goodness sake," he added as Ianto looked ready to start ranting again, "will you give it a rest? It was a long time ago and I'm fine now. Now, can we just go before this stupid snow gets permanently glued to my glasses?"

Jack nodded. "Come on then," he said, holding the doors open. John smiled and stepped aside, allowing Nick to go in first, before sitting next to him and brushing snow off his sleeve.

Ianto rolled his eyes as he sat in the front passenger seat. "Do you two reckon you can keep your hands off each other for one night?" he asked.

John and Nick looked at each other. "Sure," they said in unison, although the blazing look in Nick's hazel eyes said something completely different.

Jack, who was watching in the rear view mirror, chuckled silently.

~*~

_Two hours later…_

"It's nice and warm in here," remarked John, staring at the roaring fire beside their table. "You almost wouldn't think that there's a blizzard outside."

"Well, that is the idea," replied Ianto as he snuggled against Jack's chest, chuckling as the older man fed him a bite of his enormous slice of chocolate cake. "Oh, God, that's amazing…" he murmured, giving a deep sigh of contentment as he let his arm trail around Jack's neck, gently rubbing his fingers against his lover's shoulder, smiling at the deep moans he received in return.

John watched them, shaking his head in amusement. He also smiled as he realised that he could finally watch them happy together without feeling a hint of jealousy. Now, all he could feel was happiness that Jack had finally found someone who understood him as well as Ianto did – someone who could give him what he needed; love and, most importantly, support. Sighing, he leaned backwards against the wooden bench, feeling content for the first time in years.

But he was quickly jerked back to earth when he felt something warm resting on top of his thigh. Frowning, he straightened up slightly and started to look around to find out what was going on. Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, he caught sight of Nick giving him a tiny, but very cheeky, smile before turning away again quickly. And at that moment, he realised that their hands were no longer linked under the table…but surely he wouldn't…

"You okay, Nick?" asked Jack. "You just twitched."

"I'm fine," answered Nick, calmly. "Just got…pins and needles, that's all." He smiled cheerfully, but under the table, his hand began to calmly trace patterns up John's thigh, patterns which the former Time Agent soon realised were actually words.

_If they can't keep their hands to themselves, why should we?_

"Pins and needles?" he said, impressed that his voice didn't squeak. "Well…just shake them off, can't you?" he added as he calmly removed Nick's wandering hand and squeezed it in his own, possibly a little harder than necessary.

"That's a good idea," answered Nick, not flinching at all. John breathed out a sigh of relief, only for it to turn into a gasp when he felt something sliding up his leg and stroking his calf – something he quickly realised was the young doctor's foot. Flicking his eyes downwards, he saw that, while Nick's hand was still firmly ensconced in his own, he had managed to kick off one of his shoes and he was currently twitching his foot (still in its sock) up John's calf and smiling.

"There, that's working," he said. "Thanks for that."

"No problem," said John, forcing himself not to grit his teeth. Unfortunately, he had been so focused on the problem of that wandering foot that he had completely missed the fact that Nick's hand had slipped free again. Now, however, that hand was calmly moving over his thigh once again – and again, it was tracing a message.

_But you know I've not got pins and needles…not in my feet, anyway…_

Sighing, John fumbled in his pocket and drew out a small notepad and pen. He scribbled down a message of his own and showed it to Nick under the table. _What is up with you?_

Nick raised his eyebrows a fraction and, with only the barest hint of a smirk, he wrapped one arm around John's waist and pulled him close until John was practically sitting in his lap. In slight desperation, the former Time Agent looked around, but Jack and Ianto were too busy feeding each other to notice the torment he was in. And he knew that his troubles were only going to increase when he heard Nick laugh quietly from behind him. Sure enough, a moment later, his hastily scribbled question was answered as the young man showed him exactly what was up.

"Shit," whispered John, feeling his self-control slowly diminishing. He took a deep slow breath, which instantly turned into a gasp when Nick's wandering hand slipped beneath the table and began to slowly unfasten the button at the top of his jeans, before slowly creeping inside and –

At that point, he leapt up as if he'd been burnt. "I'm just going to the gents," he panted before bolting down the corridor. He located the right door, burst inside and leaned on the sink, panting heavily to try and ease the throbbing pain in his trousers.

"Fuck!" he cursed, slamming his hand against the sink and closing his eyes as he tried with all his might to rid himself of his not-so little problem. Unfortunately, he quickly realised that was not going to be happening when a pair of arms snaked their way around his waist. He groaned as he breathed in a familiar scent.

"You are a right pain in the ass, Nick Jones," he ground out.

"So I can see," answered Nick with another smirk as he leaned over and cupped the front of John's trousers. "So I can see indeed…"

John squeaked and wriggled away. "You are not playing fair!" he snapped.

"Of course I'm not playing fair. I'm a Jones."

"Come on, Nick," implored John. "I can't believe I'm going to say this, and you'll probably never hear me say it again, but…can you just take it easy for tonight?"

"Where would be the fun in that?" asked Nick. He was still smiling, but there was a slight edge to his voice. "Come on, you can't say you don't want me."

"I do!" exclaimed John. "God, Nick, I've wanted you since the first moment I looked at you!"

"Then why wait?" asked Nick, raising his eyebrows. "Look, if you're worried about Jack and Ianto, then…well, fuck them, is all I can say."

"Don't tempt me," answered John, as his mouth twitched and his eyes sparkled.

Nick chuckled. "That's my John!" he said, before he mentally cringed. Since when had he started thinking of the man as _his _John? They'd barely been together for a month, far too short a time for anyone to be making sweeping statements like that.

John, however, didn't seem to have noticed. "Don't make this harder than it already is, Nick."

"Make what harder than it already is? Come on, John; it's so simple. You want me, and I know for a fact that I want you. It is," he pushed John up against the sink, before pressing himself against him as well, "as simple," he was now unbuttoning John's shirt and nipping at his neck, "as that."

~*~

"Is it just me, or have the others been gone for a while now?" asked Ianto. "I mean, we finished eating the cake about," he checked his watch, "twenty minutes ago."

Jack shrugged and finished paying the bill. "Don't worry about them, I'm sure they're fine," he said. "And besides, it gives me more time to do this." With a small giggle, he wrapped his arms around Ianto's waist and continued to dust his face liberally with kisses.

Ianto, however, managed to wriggle away. "Jack, look outside. The snow's getting heavier and heavier; in another twenty minutes, we might not be able to see to drive safely. I'm going to –" but his sentence was interrupted as the two men in question arrived, with Nick looking around as he hastily tucked his shirt into his trousers, looking down to hide the increased colour in his cheeks.

"Where have you two been?" asked Ianto, frowning at them.

"We were just getting a few drinks," said John smoothly. "But Nick got a little sidetracked when he saw this really hot guy there. I had to distract him before he did something really stupid."

"How did you distract him?" asked Jack, fighting back a smirk as he saw Nick smiling – no, leering was a more accurate description.

Ianto groaned. "You two…you can't keep out of each other's pants for one night, can you?"

The two men looked at each other. "No!" they replied in unison.

~*~

"Well, it certainly was a good night," said Jack as he dusted the snow off his coat and tossed it onto the hook beside the door. "And, between you and me, I think that John's finally got it into his head that Nick's more than a match for him."

Ianto chuckled. "Nick could be more than a match for anyone – including you and John together." He blushed slightly at the shocked expression on Jack's face and quickly added, "But you're right; tonight was a good night. In fact," and here, he paused, thinking. "I don't want it to end."

"What do you mean?" asked Jack. Instead of answering, Ianto merely took his hand and led him into the middle of the room. Then, without a word, he bent down and there was the soft 'click' of a plug being switched on. Moments later, the room was bathed in the soft flickering glow of hundreds of tiny fairy lights, white ones decorating the walls and coloured ones on the enormous Christmas tree, illuminating the decorations and the thickly falling snow outside the window. Moments later, soft music began to play and the next thing he knew, Ianto was standing in front of him, his eyes shining with love.

"Dance with me."

"Always," whispered Jack as he wrapped his arms around his lover's waist and breathed in the scent of his hair, swaying softly in time to the music.

"_Sleigh bells ring, are you listening._

_In the lane, snow is glistening._

_A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight._

_Walking in a winter wonderland." _

"Thank you for tonight, Jack," Ianto whispered. "It was…it was perfect."

"_Gone away is the bluebird.  
Here to stay is a new bird.  
He sings a love song,  
As we go along,  
Walking in a winter wonderland."_

Jack smiled. "It's what I'm here for," he whispered.

***

_Next Time: With only two days to go until Christmas Day, two members of the team are panicking when they realise that they haven't found the right gift for their other half! __What madness could take place when Jack and Nick go Christmas shopping together?_


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

_Two days until Christmas…_

Jack had to admit, the Hub did look a lot brighter now that Gwen, Nick and Ianto had insisted on putting up some decorations around the place, especially the softly lit Christmas tree in the hot-house. He was, however, thankful that Ianto had insisted that they leave his office untouched. For one thing, he really didn't like people invading his personal space when he wasn't there, and, for another thing, it was quite nice to watch everything from his own secluded little area. He had, admittedly, allowed Ianto to fix a bunch of mistletoe over his (finally fixed) door, which did look pleasant – and meant that Ianto never had an excuse not to kiss him.

He was distracted from these happy musings by a tap on the door and, after receiving the call to come in, Nick poked his head around the door.

"Jack, we've got Rift activity," he said. "Scanners are showing something small and non-sentient on the second floor of Queens Arcade."

Jack sighed as he pulled on his coat. "Gwen, Andie, stay here!" he called, and then stopped and frowned. "Wait, John and Ianto have gone to a Weevil alert, so we haven't got the SUV."

"That doesn't matter," answered Nick, tossing his lab coat over one of the desks and slipping into his outdoor coat. "We'll take my car. You go and wait on the Plass and I'll drive round."

Jack nodded and let the lift carry him back onto the Plass, where he almost fainted when he saw that it was almost ankle deep in thick snow. The SUV wouldn't have had any trouble getting through it, but there was no way that Nick's little Mini Cooper would manage it. Sighing, he tapped his comm. "Nick, I think we're going to have to walk. There's no way your car's going to get through all this snow. Plus, it's still falling pretty –" but he was cut off as a familiar small blue car pulled up in front of the water tower. He blinked in surprise.

Nick rolled down the window and smiled, not noticing that he was getting himself covered in snowflakes as he did so. "Never underestimate how sturdy these little cars can be," he said, leaning over to open the door. "Now, get in, and make sure you don't –" but he was cut off by a loud bang as Jack's head hit the door frame. "And for the record, walking would have probably taken us twice as long."

Jack blinked hard several times. "Why?"

"Because with the way this snow's falling, and with the annoying habit it has of sticking to my glasses, I wouldn't be able to see after about five steps," answered Nick as he turned on the radio and started up the engine. He chuckled as the radio blared back into life with the opening of 'Last Christmas'. Suddenly, he frowned. "Jack, what date is it today?"

"December twenty-third," answered Jack, not looking up from where he was checking his wrist strap. "Only two days to go until…" but then he trailed off.

"Please tell me that pause means you've not finished Christmas shopping too!" Nick groaned quietly. "I knew I shouldn't have left it until now, but I just kept getting stuck! It's our first Christmas together, but…what on earth do you get someone you've only been with for a month?"

Jack chuckled. "If it makes you feel any better, I have no idea what to get for Ianto," he admitted, looking sheepish. "I mean, it's not our first Christmas together, per se…but I guess this is our first Christmas as an official couple."

"Okay, so, we'll go pick up whatever it is that the Rift's decided to spit out and then get some shopping done. How does that sound?"

"Sounds great, now let's go!"

"You got it, Captain!"

~*~

_Twenty minutes later…_

"Okay, the signal says that the Rift was active at these co-ordinates about –"

"Second floor, next to New Look," interrupted Nick who was already running for the escalator. He laughed at Jack's dumbfounded expression. "Hey," he said, "I'm a Jones."

Jack rolled his eyes slightly. "You're worse than Owen," he said, but fondly. He received a chuckle in response as the two men made their way over to their destination, which was right outside the trendy clothes store. It didn't take them long to find what they were looking for; a small sphere lying harmlessly outside the door, slowly turning a variety of different colours.

Jack's eyes lit up when he saw it. "Oh, yes!" he cried out, almost laughing from glee. "Are you seeing this thing, Nick?"

"Yeah," replied Nick, who had picked the thing up. "It looks…kind of futuristic."

"Futuristic?" Jack laughed out loud, causing several passers-by to stare at him. "This, my friend, is from the fiftieth century, no less. No one managed to figure out its name, but it didn't take anyone long to figure out what it does!" With a grin, he clapped his young doctor on the back.

Unfortunately, Nick was completely unprepared for this, and in his shock, he accidentally squeezed the sphere in his hand. Equally unfortunately, he wasn't looking where he was pointing it and, almost instantly, he heard a series of loud and horrified shrieks. He looked up then, fully intending to ask Jack what on earth was going on, but before he could open his mouth, he saw, quite clearly, what had happened.

Minutes before, the area had been filled with customers, all talking and laughing and exchanging comments about the various Christmas presents they'd bought for friends and relatives. Now, the place was still packed, but the shoppers were panicking as they suddenly realised that their clothes had unexpectedly disappeared.

"Oh my God!" cried Nick, jumping back in fright. But as he did so, he stumbled and accidentally pressed the button once again, causing another group's clothes to vanish as well. With a cry of embarrassment, he tossed the device towards a smirking Jack, who turned it around, examining it with a raised eyebrow and a truly lecherous smirk.

"What the hell is that thing?" he shrieked.

"It doesn't really have a name," answered Jack, who was almost choking with laughter. "But I have to admit, I like what it does."

Nick groaned, but before he could speak, he caught sight of a handsome brunette with a very well-defined chest and piercing green eyes. "Although," he muttered, raising one eyebrow, "I have to admit…there probably are some advantages…"

"Nick!" Jack shouted, trying to look chastising, but the twinkle in his eyes gave him away. "While I see what you mean, a bit of professionalism would be useful here."

"Oh, right." Nick dragged his gaze back to his leader. "What do we do?"

Jack was turning the device over in his hands. "Well, these things were perfected over time, so that, by the fifty-first century, while there wasn't a name for them, they did at least have a reverse button. Unfortunately, I think this model is one of the first to be created, so…they hadn't gotten to the stage of adding a reverse button to it."

"So, we just…wait?"

Jack nodded. "We just wait…and we also just watch." Suddenly, a naughty glint appeared in his eyes. "Well…or unless you –"

"Not the time, Jack." Nick rubbed his eyes. "I can't believe I did that."

Jack, realising that, even despite the appreciation of the sights in front of them, the younger man was genuinely upset, leaned over and squeezed his arm. "Hey, look, don't worry about it," he said. "Everyone's made mistakes and, let me tell you, compared to some of the ones the rest of the team have made in their early days, this one's not that bad. It certainly wasn't as bad as Gwen releasing an alien gas that feeds of orgasms on her first day, for instance."

Nick gaped. "You're joking!"

"No, I'm not. But do you see what I'm saying? Yes, you made a mistake, but everyone does. And, you know…at least nobody died," he added comfortingly. "It'll wear off shortly."

"What happens then?"

"Then, we take care of the clean-up. We get this thing," he indicated the sphere, "into your car so we can get it back to the Hub for Ianto to archive it. If anyone needs Retcon, we do that too. With something small like this, it shouldn't take too long."

~*~

_One hour later…_

"What happens when they wake up?" asked Nick, looking round at the dozing shoppers (and security guards) around the place. He had just come back from storing the sphere in the boot of his car – after making sure it was safely secured in a box first.

"They'll go back to what they were doing," answered Jack. "They'll have no memories of what happened. As far as they were concerned, it was just a normal day of last minute Christmas shopping…oh, God!" He clapped a hand to his forehead. "I still haven't got Ianto's present."

"What did you give him last year?" asked Nick.

"A set of silk scarves," answered Jack with a tiny blush. "But we weren't really an official couple last year, plus I was…well, sort of distracted; there was a lot going on. I can't just get him something like that this year – not for our first official Christmas."

He looked a bit helpless. "I mean, what do you do at Christmas?"

Nick took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose, a thoughtful expression crossing his face. "To be honest, Jack, we've usually just gotten each other something a bit silly like…oh, last year, I got him this book of card tricks and he gave me a model dragon. And one year, when we were teenagers, we both got each other sewing stuff. I suppose, being sons of a tailor, it made sense." He shook himself. "But I'm guessing that's not the kind of thing you're thinking of."

"Not really, no," admitted Jack. "It's so stupid; with women, you can get them bath stuff if all else fails, but…we're difficult to buy for."

Nick chuckled. "Yeah, and it's quite fun in a twisted way. Well, it is until you get a boyfriend and it comes round and bites you in the ass."

"I take it that means you don't know what to get for John, then. Well, don't worry – he's easy."

"Jack, I am not getting him something to do with sex."

"I wasn't going to suggest that you did. When we were together, John hated it when I did that. He likes picking those sorts of things out himself. I never figured out why."

Nick shook his head at the enigma that was Captain John Hart. "So, what do you suggest?"

Jack held out his arm. "Come with me and I'll show you."

~*~

Half an hour later, they were stepping out of the little shop, when Nick suddenly stopped. "Hey, d'you mind if we just go in here for a bit? I've been looking for this book for ages and I just want to check if it's arrived here."

"Sure," answered Jack, easily. Contrary to what some people seemed to think, he loved to read and lose himself in the pages of a book. The only pre-requisite was that it wasn't a science-fiction book; they saw enough of that sort of thing at work.

He stopped in front of one of the shelves and cast a discerning eye over the titles, frowning at some and smiling at others as he recalled the ones that he'd read. Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a title that he didn't recall seeing before. Reaching out, he plucked it off the shelf and started thumbing through it, raising his eyebrows in contemplation as he did so.

"Huh," he muttered. "I never knew that…or that…hmm, I wonder…"

An idea suddenly occurred to him and, after mulling it over for a few minutes, he walked up to the cash desk and, without blushing, without even taking his eyes off the pretty cashier, he handed the money over, his smooth smile firmly in place.

"It's for my partner," he explained. "I'm thinking that he could…learn something. I know I have."

He tipped the girl an enormous wink and strode away, letting his coat billow behind him as he re-emerged into the swirling snow. A moment later, Nick joined him, an amused sparkle in his eye.

"You are incorrigible," he said, but he was grinning.

"You'd have done it too." retorted Jack, brushing a handful of snow off his coat and straight into the young man's hair.

Nick stared at him. "Did you just throw snow into my hair?"

"Why yes, I believe I did."

There was a short pause and then, quite calmly, he picked up a handful of snow as well. "You are so asking for it!" he cried as he dumped it straight down Jack's neck.

Jack let out an extremely undignified shriek at the cold sensation. "Is that the proper way to treat your boss?" he asked with his eyebrow raised.

In response, Nick gave him a look that could be interpreted as repentant, were it not for the laughter in his voice. "I'm terribly sorry, Sir," he squeaked. "I suppose you'll just have to punish me, won't you?"

"Oh, I will!" shouted Jack. He slipped the book into his backpack and, never once pausing, he grabbed an enormous handful of snow which he aimed at Nick's jaw. Unfortunately, the young medic ducked at the last moment, meaning that an elderly woman directly behind him got hit full in the face instead. He started to apologise, but before he could, a handful of freezing snow hit him square in the face. Everyone around him laughed and he could just see Nick smirking at him.

"Oh, you are asking for it!" he shouted, running up to Nick and pinning him to the ground where he started to tickle him mercilessly, scattering snow over him at the same time. "You are so asking for it!"

Nick shrieked. "Jack, stop it!" he gasped, wriggling as he tried to escape from the man's clutches. "Seriously, stop it – I can't…I can't breathe…you're killing me…" but he couldn't say any more, because he was laughing so hard.

Jack smirked. "Well, maybe you'll think twice before you go disrespecting your –" but he was cut off as, without noticing, he found himself flat on his back in the middle of the snow-covered street, with Nick watching him and grinning wickedly, his eyes lighting up. At the same time, the former Time Agent suddenly became aware that a certain part of his lower body was becoming colder and colder by the second…and that something wet was slipping downwards.

Slowly, he sat up and managed to look down, where, to his astonishment, he saw a wet (and cold) patch slowly spreading across the front of his trousers, when it had certainly not been there before. Frowning, he looked up and found himself staring straight into Nick's smug face.

"You didn't," he whispered.

"Oh, I think I did," answered Nick, standing up and brushing snow off his jeans. "Oh, and by the way? You scream like a little girl."

Jack leapt up and worked his mouth a few times. "You…you are just so…"

"What?" asked Nick, his eyes wide and innocent. "I'm so what?"

"You are so…" Jack stood up and looked at him, shaking his head in what the younger man soon realised was amusement. "You are so much like me, just thirty centuries too early!" He grinned and ruffled Nick's hair affectionately, sending sprinklings of snow flying everywhere.

Nick shifted. "Stop it!" he yelped, but with a smile on his face as their fellow shoppers started to drift away from the scene, some of them talking amongst themselves, but all of them laughing quietly amongst themselves at the two grown men who were acting like children.

Jack smiled. "Smells like Christmas spirit," he said, breathing in deeply. "And speaking of which, I still need your help finding something nice for Ianto."

"I thought you already got him a book."

"Yeah, I did, but…" Jack paused. "I just, I want to get him something else, you know? Something more…more personal, something I can give him in private."

Nick paused for several minutes, a small frown creasing his forehead. Jack looked at him, almost watching the wheels turn in his head as he considered various ideas and rejected them in turn. Suddenly, his eyes lit up and a broad smile crossed his face.

"I've got it!" he cried, grabbing Jack's hand. "Come with me!"

~*~

_Two and a half hours later…_

"I don't know why you wanted to go round the entire shopping centre just for some boxes of crackers," grumbled Jack as he threw his coat off.

"You were the one who wanted them in the first place!" retorted Nick, brushing yet more snow out of his hair. He smiled at Ianto. "It's crazy out there – it's like being in the Arctic."

"Oh, because you've been to the Arctic!" replied Ianto sarcastically.

Jack chuckled. "Ianto, I need you to put this in the safe," he said, handing him the sphere that they had picked up earlier.

"And don't squeeze it!" spluttered Nick.

John appeared then and his eyes lit up. "Jack, is this what I think it is?"

"Yes, it is," replied Jack, smiling. "But I think it's one of the earlier versions that was made – it doesn't have a reverse button."

John frowned. "What are you talking about? Of course it has a reverse function. Look." He indicated a small black circle on the bottom of the sphere. "Obviously, it does wear off after a while – the one we had wore off, remember?"

"What does it do?" asked Ianto, curiously. John leaned over and whispered in his ear, fighting the urge to laugh as the young Welshman turned pinker by the second. "And you pressed it, Jack?"

"I didn't," said Jack. "Nick did."

"What?!" exclaimed John and Ianto at the same time.

"How did you know what it does?" asked John.

"I didn't," snapped Nick. "It was an accident – and I didn't know it had a reverse button either. I mean, come on, do you really think I wanted to see all those shoppers naked?"

"Well, you were checking out that brunette," answered Jack as Ianto snorted loudly. "And quite a few of the others too; you need to be careful, John, this one's got a wandering eye."

Ianto rolled his eyes. "Welcome to Torchwood Three," he said dryly. "Who's on Rift duty?"

***

_Next Time: It's finally Christmas Day! What have our heroes bought for each other?_


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

_Christmas Day…_

Ianto was woken up by the sound of singing coming from the kitchen. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, sighing when he realised that it was still dark outside. The only light was from the street lamps illuminating the still falling snow. Nevertheless, he eased himself out of bed, wrapping the duvet around himself as he made his way into the sitting room.

To his surprise, Jack was flipping pancakes in the air as he sang and danced around to 'Silent Night', working only by the lights of the Christmas decorations, which had grown to include a row of tea lights on the worktop and a single white candle on the table in front of the tree, set in the middle of a wreath of red and white flowers. He was wearing jeans and a thick green sweater with silver threads that sparkled in the light as he worked and sang along.

He turned round and spotted Ianto and, all at once, his smile broadened as he swept him in his arms and twirled him around, before planting a kiss onto the tip of his nose. "Merry Christmas."

Ianto stared at him. "Jack, it's seven o'clock in the morning. What're you doing?"

"I'm cooking you Christmas breakfast. Look – pancakes with chocolate and cherries. I would have used raspberries, but I couldn't find any that were good enough for my Ianto." He smiled at the look of incredulity on Ianto's face. "I just wanted us to have some time to ourselves before we have to go into work. After all, it is Christmas."

Ianto smiled. "Yes, it is Christmas," he whispered. "Jack, it's lovely, thank you. I just don't…really know what to say, besides that." He helped Jack carry the plates over to the table. "You must have been up for hours doing this; how did you get all these flowers?"

"I contacted a friend who's a florist and she got them for me," answered Jack. "Although, I have to confess…I do have a sort of ulterior motive for doing this."

Immediately, Ianto looked up from where he was making the coffee. "Jack, I've told you before; I am not having sex with you on the kitchen worktop."

Jack stared at him. "No! No, that's not what I meant. Come here." He waited for the younger man to come over (armed with two mugs of steaming coffee) and then took his hand, lightly caressing the skin. "I got you something," he said slowly, "that I didn't want to give you in front of the others. It's…well, it's sort of a personal thing, I guess. And I know that you got me something you wanted to give me privately too, because…well, that's the kind of amazing man you are. So…I thought that, we could…you know…do that now…I mean, if you want to."

Ianto grinned. "I'd love to," he said quietly. "But…you go first."

"Okay." With a smile, Jack reached down and picked up two presents, one slightly flat and oblong and the other a small square box. "Don't worry," he said hastily, seeing Ianto's bemused look, "it's not anything huge like a ring or anything like that."

Ianto smiled slightly and unwrapped the present slowly and carefully, taking care not to tear the paper too badly. "We can use it next year," he said as he revealed a sleek black box. He opened it slowly and his mouth dropped open. "Jack, how did you know I wanted these?"

"I didn't," Jack answered, honestly. "I was really struggling for ideas, so when Nick told me you were looking for a pair of cufflinks and I saw these and I thought of you." He reached over and brushed a kiss over Ianto's knuckles. "I just saw these and realised how gorgeous you look in red…" he trailed off slightly. "I didn't realise that you'd already seen them; I just thought they were so beautiful and that you'd like them."

"I do," whispered Ianto. "They're beautiful, Jack. I just can't believe you got them."

Jack lowered his eyes a little. "Okay, open your other present. Now, it isn't much, but I was passing the shop and I couldn't resist."

Ianto laughed softly. "'Timeless Beauty'," he whispered, tracing the silver lettering at the top of one of the sheets of personalised stationary. "Thank you." He squeezed Jack's hand and held his gaze for a moment, taking in his lover's face as the candlelight flickered over it before he bent down and retrieved his gift. "This is for you," he whispered, suddenly feeling painfully self-conscious and staring at the table as he watched Jack slowly open the present and swallowed at the small gasp he heard from across the table. Then, to his surprise and apprehension, Jack suddenly stood up and walked away from the table.

"Where are you –" he started to say, but before he could finish the sentence, he felt himself being pulled to his feet and into a pair of strong arms. He gasped and breathed in his lover's familiar scent for several minutes, before realising that the older man was trembling slightly. Pulling back, he saw to his distress that Jack's eyes were slowly filling with tears.

"What is it?" he asked, reaching out to cup the time traveller's face. "Jack, what's wrong?"

Jack didn't answer with words; instead, he reached out and pulled Ianto close before caressing his lips with an almost unbelievably soft and tender kiss, into which he poured all the feelings and words that he just couldn't speak out. He was so overcome by Ianto's gesture that he could feel tears slowly working their way down his cheeks as he held his young lover tight in his arms and thanked the stars above that he had been given this chance for happiness.

After a few minutes, when he felt he could trust himself to speak again, he pulled back and smiled. "Come on," he said quietly, "let's eat; we've not got all day, unfortunately."

After breakfast, which went down a treat, Ianto started to go and get dressed, but Jack caught his arm and turned him around. "You're not wearing a suit today," he said, quietly, but firmly. "Just wear something casual today, for once." When Ianto looked reluctant, he added, "Come on…seeing as it's Christmas. Just for me?"

Ianto sighed, "Okay, all right – but I'm only doing this for you, so you can give me that red sweater with gold threads that I know you got me."

Jack chuckled. "You're partially right, but only partially. You see, Ianto…you know more about me than the rest of the team put together, including John. But there are still some things that you don't know about me – one being that…I know how to knit."

Ianto blinked. "Jack! Are you telling me…are you saying that you knitted that jumper you're wearing yourself?"

"Not just that one. I also," at this point, the former Time Agent plucked a thick red sweater from off a nearby chair and handed it to his partner, smiling as the gold threads sparkled in the lights, "knitted this one for you." He gave Ianto a quick kiss and smiled. "Now, go and get dressed."

~*~

When they entered the Hub two hours later, both shaking snow off their jackets, they were greeted by Andie who kissed them both on the cheeks and whispered, "Merry Christmas". However, before either of the two men had the chance to burst into Christmas songs, she pressed a finger to her lips and pointed at the scene behind her. Jack glanced behind her and gasped softly.

"Ianto, look," he whispered, catching his partner's arm and pulling him closer. John was resting on the sofa, leaning against one of the cushions, a sheaf of reports in one hand and a tender smile on his face as he gazed down at Nick, who was lying fast asleep with his head resting in the older man's lap. The former Time Agent seemed oblivious to the new arrivals; instead, he looked completely relaxed, one hand absently stroking Nick's bright hair off his face.

"I was on Rift-watch with Nick last night," explained Andie. "It was a pretty tough night, but nothing we couldn't handle. He was cheerful, as usual, but he looked really tired. We finally got it all sorted out at about midnight and then he just sank back and in ten minutes, he was asleep. He didn't even wake up when John came in." She turned to Ianto. "I think he's tiring himself out, trying to balance his job and looking after his kids."

"I know," sighed Ianto. "But that's Nick. He's as stubborn as anything."

"It's a Jones trait," remarked Jack dryly.

"So is taming rogue Time Agents by the look of it," retorted Ianto, as sharp as tack, but with the air of someone wanting to change the subject. He shrugged off his coat and tossed it towards the sofa. It landed right where he intended it to; covering Nick's sleeping form like a blanket. At the same moment, John jumped and looked up, dropping the papers he was looking at and spotting them for the first time. A light blush covered his face, but he didn't move an inch. A moment later, however, Nick started to stir, his eyes slowly flickering open. He blinked and looked up, staring at a pair of sparkling green eyes. At the same time, he also realised that something was digging into the back of his head and shifted a little so he could see exactly what it was…

"Oh…" he murmured, looking up again, an extremely dirty smile crossing his face as it dawned on him exactly whose lap he was lying in. "Hi."

But he was distracted by a cough from behind him and turning round, his mouth dropped when he saw the rest of the team, minus Gwen, watching them with raised eyebrows. "Oops?"

"Hey, Gwen's not here and these two have only just arrived," said Andie.

"Happy Christmas, sleepyhead," said Jack with a smile.

"You too." Nick leaned backwards, brushing his hair out of his eyes. "And where have you been, Ianto? Slacking on the job – that's not like you. Is Jack keeping you _up all night_?"

"Fuck you," retorted Ianto, but good-naturedly.

The other three men looked at each other for a split second before replying, in perfect unison, "You wish!" Of course, Jack was the only one close enough to get slapped round the head.

Gwen chose that moment to arrive in the Hub, brushing snow out of her hair and throwing her coat over her chair. "Morning," she said, "and Merry Christmas. So…shall we get down to work?"

Jack nodded. "Okay, John, I need you to finish those reports you were working on. Ianto…you stay with him and correct him when he does something wrong."

"Hey!" protested John, pouting a little when everyone chuckled.

"Gwen," Jack continued. "I want you to help Andie log the results from last night."

Gwen looked surprised. "Why can't Nick do that?" she asked. "He was on duty with Andie; surely he'll have a better idea of what was happening."

"True," agreed Jack. "However, I need to have a word with Nick for a few minutes, so you're helping Andie out. Nick, come with me."

Nick swallowed. "Okay," he said, before hastily slipping his glasses back on and flicking his hair off his face. With a quick smile towards Ianto, he sprinted up to the hothouse where Jack was sitting perched on the table, looking thoughtful.

"You wanted to see me?" he said, trying to keep the anxiety out of his voice.

Jack looked up and smiled. "Come in, you're not in trouble," he said. "I just wanted to talk to you and see how you're doing. It's not easy coming into a job like this."

Nick blinked. "What?"

"It's just," Jack tried again, "you've been pretty tired recently and I just want to know if anything's bothering you." He leaned forwards slightly. "Is everything okay?"

"Jack, I'm fine," answered Nick with a smile. "I mean, yes, I am a little tired, but we've all got to do our jobs, you know."

There was a short pause. "Okay," Jack said eventually. "Well…if you need anything."

"I know. Thanks."

Jack shook his head and watched the young doctor disappear down the stairs before going to sit beside John and rest a hand on his shoulder. A moment later, he turned back to find Ianto standing directly in front of him.

"You know, you should really start coming up with better excuses than asking me to help John with the reports," he said dryly. "Jack, you know what Nick's like. If we keep pushing him, he'll just clam up completely. He's stubborn, but he's not stupid."

"I know," sighed Jack. "I'm just worried about him."

"I know you are, and so am I. But it's Christmas. Let's not ruin it by fretting, okay? Let's just enjoy today while we can. Look, the Rift's quiet and it's Christmas day – who knows when this is going to happen again, eh? Let's just relax and enjoy it."

Jack nodded. "Yeah…yeah, you're right," he said. "We should enjoy today. Thanks, Ianto." He reached across and placed a kiss on his partner's cheek before throwing open the door. "Everyone, come up here!" He pressed a button on his wrist strap that caused the lights in the Hub to dim until only the lights from the Christmas tree remained. Then, once everyone was in the hothouse he said, "All right, it's Christmas so, come rain or shine –"

"Or snow," added John, which made everyone laugh.

"Or snow," agreed Jack. "Or, you know, whatever kind of weather – we're going to have fun for a change. In the past, Christmas hasn't been the best time of year here for one reason or another, but this time we are going to change that. We're going to celebrate today the way it should be celebrated – with tidings of comfort and joy. Do you understand that?"

"What about the Rift?" asked Ianto.

"Oh, fuck the Rift!" laughed Andie. "Look, if anything really important happens, at least we're here to deal with it. Otherwise, Jack's right; we should enjoy today and we should get some time to relax." She flicked a sidelong glance at Nick, who was holding hands with John, as she spoke.

"Okay," said Jack, clapping his hands. "Well, thanks to the two who were on Rift duty last night, we've got all the presents safely under the tree. So without further ado…" and here, he reached into the back pocket of his jeans and pulled out a Santa hat, which he quickly donned. "Let's do the presents!"

Ianto smiled and looked round. To his surprise, the first thing he saw was Nick with his head tilted in Jack's direction and a calculating look on his face, his eyes flicking up and down Jack's body.

"Nick!" he hissed, leaning over. "Stop picturing Jack in nothing but that Santa hat! I know that's what you're thinking and firstly, that's my boyfriend you're checking out and secondly…whatever you're thinking can't do justice to the real thing!"

Jack, overhearing this comment, laughed. "Oh, really?" he said. "And just what are you thinking then, Dr. Jones?"

To his credit, Nick didn't even blush. "Wouldn't you like to know, Captain?"

For a moment, even Jack looked caught off guard, but then he smiled. "Oh…I see what you're getting at," he said. "How about…a Jones sandwich with a Captain –"

"Don't even think about it," interrupted Ianto. "Or you!" he added, turning to John, who was watching the action with undisguised glee.

Jack rolled his eyes a little. "I'm dating the wrong Jones," he muttered. "I'm joking!" he added quickly as Ianto smacked him round the head again. "Right, well…presents?" Without waiting for an answer, he dove under the tree and came out with armfuls of brightly wrapped parcels. "All right, there's one here for each of us, so…when you're ready."

Gwen went first and unwrapped a silvery silk scarf with tiny beads hanging off it. "Oh…Ianto, it's beautiful!" she gasped, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek.

John went next and found himself holding a book with a dark cover on the front. He laughed softly. "Only you, Jack!" he gasped. "Only you!"

"I didn't even realise I'd kept it," admitted Jack, blushing.

"What is it?" asked Ianto.

"I think the closest way to explain it would be to call it the fifty-first century version of the _Kama sutra_," explained John. "It's very useful, I can tell you."

"I bet it is," answered Nick, his eyes twinkling.

Once everyone had recovered from that remark, Andie opened up a large box of bubble baths. "Oh my…Nick, how did you know I'd been looking for these?"

"Andie, I'm a Jones," answered Nick, flipping his hair off his face. "I know everything. And you had a picture of them stuck to your computer screen."

"It's true," replied Ianto. "It is something of a Jones trait to know everything."

Twenty-five minutes later, everyone had opened at least one of their presents and they were now resting underneath the large tree, occasionally eating the chocolates which Gwen and Rhys had bought the team and surrounded by bright paper. Jack was almost half-asleep, the Santa hat having dropped over one eye. Ianto was sat beside him, absently picking threads on his jumper.

Suddenly, John stood up. "I know what's missing!" he cried and hit one of the buttons on his wrist strap. Immediately, music started blasting around the Hub. With a blazing smile, he caught Nick's arm and pulled him up, dancing him around the room as he belted out the words.

"_Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle-bell rock._

_Jingle bells swing and jingle bells ring._

_Snowing and blowing up bushels of fun._

_Now the jingle hop has begun!"_

"Oh, now it feels like Christmas morning!" laughed Gwen. "Just takes me back to when I was a little girl and my parents would dance around to all those silly songs."

"Jack!" shouted Ianto. "Where's my camera?" But Jack wasn't paying attention; he had managed to find his own camera somewhere in amongst the mess and was frantically recording the scene.

"Look at them," Andie whispered to Ianto as John twirled Nick around, still belting out the lyrics. "You have to admit…they do look good together."

"Yeah," replied Ianto. "They really do."

"_Mix and a-mingle in the jingling feet._

_That's the jingle-bell,_

_That's the jingle-bell,_

_That's the jingle-bell rock!"_

On the last word, John swooped down and dipped Nick to the ground so that their faces were only inches apart. They were both breathless from laughing and dancing and, in John's case, singing, but the former Time Agent, still managed to gasp out, "Merry Christmas, Dr. Jones."

"Merry Christmas indeed, Captain Hart," replied Nick as he pulled himself upright and wrapped his arms around John's neck before kissing him deeply.

Jack tapped Ianto's arm. "Hey, while they're…otherwise engaged," he drew another parcel out from behind him. "Martha sent this for both of us," he whispered, a teasing smile crossing his face. "And I wonder…" he waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Ianto rolled his eyes at him. "You are insatiable," he said, but the grin on his face took any heat out of his words. "Save it for New Year's Eve. And," he added, raising his voice, "when you two have _quite _finished – we've still got reports to finish."

He ignored the grumbles from the others as he sprinted back down the stairs. "I know it's Christmas, but, even if the Rift doesn't spit anything out, the work won't do itself. Having said that" and he ran back up the stairs again, "there's no reason why we can't still enjoy the day when we're working. In fact, things will go so much quicker if we're having fun as well." He set the pile of reports in the middle of their little circle and a couple of boxes of crackers and bags of food on the table behind them and began to unpack them. "Is that a fair compromise?"

Jack stared at his partner for a few seconds. "Ianto?" he eventually stammered.

"Yes, Jack?"

"Work us some coffee magic, could you?"

"I thought you'd never ask!"

~*~

_Two and a half hours later…_

"Damn it!" cursed Nick, who was rubbing the side of his wrist hard.

Ianto looked up and raised an eyebrow. "Wrist cramp?" he asked with a note of smugness in his voice. "I'd have thought that you, as a doctor, would be more than used to paperwork."

"Yeah," replied Nick. "But I've never done it for this long without a break!"

"Don't be wearing that wrist out, Dr. Jones," remarked John. "You're going to be needing it in fully functioning order tonight!"

Nick snorted and threw his pen in the other man's direction. Unfortunately, John ducked theatrically to the side and the pen hit Ianto square on the shoulder.

"Sorry!" he spluttered. "I was aiming for –" but he never finished his sentence as a rubber smacked him square in the middle of his forehead. "Oh, you did not just do that."

"Oh, I think I did," replied Ianto. "And John, get your head out of my crotch!"

"Oh, you are asking for it, now!" shouted Nick and, without a pause, he picked up a pencil sharpener and emptied the contents of it straight into Jack's hair.

"So that's how you're going to play it, is it?" asked Ianto. "Well…you mess with my boyfriend; I'm going to mess with yours!" He reached out for the box of paper clips and, while apparently working on his pile of reports, started to flick paper clips at John's head. As John attempted to bat them away (occasionally sending them across to the other side of the circle), Ianto gave Gwen a tiny wink, which went unnoticed by the others, until she sprang into action.

"Hey!" shrieked John, who had been distracted by the paper clips. "Stop…stop putting paper down my trousers!"

At this point, Andie cut in. "Guys, come on!" she shouted and then leapt to her feet and raced down the stairs. "Let's take this outside!"

The other five team members looked at each other for about a second, before they followed her down the stairs, racing outside like a herd of elephants.

Once they were outside in the whirling snow, Andie spoke again, "All right, Jack and Nick you're with me. Ianto, you, John and Gwen are going to work together."

"Work together on what?" asked Gwen.

There was a long silence as Andie bent down. "Well, since some of you clearly can't keep your hands to yourselves, I suggest we work off some of this energy through –" but she was cut off when a snowball flew past her ear and hit John square in the chest.

"Team snowball fight!" shouted Jack, before sending off an attack which caught Ianto and Gwen at the same time.

Andie raised her eyebrow. "Very mature, Jack," she said. "But yes."

As the boys all started to rush at each other at those words, the blonde woman caught Gwen's arm and whispered, "And he's our boss?!"

Gwen nodded as she aimed a snowball at Nick. "Tell me about it," she muttered, only to reel backwards in shock as Andie calmly shoved a handful of snow down her shirt and ran away, laughing loudly.

Jack rolled forwards in the snow, ignoring the cold, and launched two snowballs, both of which hit John right where he had intended them to. "Oh, snow-balls!" he cried.

"You're going down, Harkness!" shouted Ianto.

"Going down?" repeated Nick, who had finally cleared the snow off his glasses for the fourth time in ten minutes. "You are such a girl at times!"

"Oh, you have no idea," replied Jack. However, he soon found himself flat on his back as Ianto tackled him and shoved snow straight down his shirt.

"Now, who's the girl?" asked Ianto as he tickled Jack mercilessly, scattering him with snow.

"Okay!" Jack shrieked. "I give! Now let me go – I can't feel my ears!"

Nick paused in the middle of pelting John with snow. "Can you ever feel your ears?"

Jack looked thoughtful, but didn't say anything. Instead, with a well-practiced air, he grabbed Ianto's wrists and flipped him over so that the young Welshman was now lying on his back.

"I think the answer is still you," he said, before leaning down and giving him a kiss.

"Jack!" shrieked Ianto, pulling away. "Your lips are freezing!"

"So, you give in?"

"I don't know about him," butted in John, who was mopping his forehead in exhaustion. "But I certainly give in. Nick Jones, you are just too…" but he couldn't finish the sentence before he collapsed to his knees, gasping. "He's too much," he eventually panted.

"Thank God!" breathed Andie. "It was getting ridiculous seeing him beat you so easily, even with snow all over his glasses. Besides," she mopped her forehead. "I'm hungry."

***

_Next Time: More Christmas fluff with presents and Torchwood's version of Christmas dinner! Well, they're hardly going to cook a turkey in the Hub, are they? A pterodactyl on the other hand…don't worry, I'm only kidding!_


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

"Well, you were right about one thing, Andie," remarked Jack as he led his snow-covered team back into the Hub. "That certainly did work off a lot of energy."

"Yeah, although now my wrist is really killing me!" grumbled Nick, throwing off his coat and rubbing his hand. "Never throw snowballs with a cramped wrist…or without gloves on!"

John, who was selecting a box of crackers from the hothouse, came down when he heard that comment. "Someone got cold hands?" he asked. "Well, never fear – Time Agent-turned-Captain John Hart is here!" He swooped down the stairs, caught Nick by the waist and started spinning him around the Hub. Unfortunately, he was spinning slightly too enthusiastically and, in his excitement, he tripped over one of the chairs, sending them both flying onto the sofa as the crackers flew everywhere.

John sighed and untangled himself. "Okay, so the grand entrance didn't really work," he said sheepishly, plucking a fallen cracker from Nick's hair.

"You could say that," replied Ianto, raising an eyebrow as the others laughed helplessly. "However, since you've brought the crackers…well, I could do with a few jokes."

"Me first!" shouted Jack, lunging forwards. But he hadn't noticed that, during the snowball fight, Ianto had untied one of his shoelaces. He stumbled, grabbed onto something and toppled rather ungracefully onto the floor. Moments later, a heavy weight on his chest told him that the thing he had grabbed had actually been Nick's ankle and now, there were a pair of strong hazel eyes staring directly into his blue ones.

"Well, hello…" he drawled, raising his eyebrows slightly.

"Jack!" shouted Ianto. "That's my cousin who's lying on top of you!"

"What's your point?" asked Nick, but he stood up and brushed his hair out of his eyes. "Damn it, where did I put my –"

"They're here and intact," said John, handing the doctor his errant spectacles. "And I am telling you Nick – for the millionth time, you need contact lenses."

"I know, you've said so three times in the past four hours," replied Nick, perching his frames onto the bridge of his nose.

Ianto rolled his eyes. "And the married couple of the year award goes to –"

But Gwen interrupted him. "Oh no, that's got to be you and Jack. Come on, you're wearing matching hand-knitted sweaters!"

Jack sighed. "Are we pulling the crackers or not?" Then, without waiting for an answer, he plucked one of the crackers off the sofa. "Would you care to pull, Dr. Jones?"

Nick grinned. "I'd love to," he replied, using the same coy voice as Jack had. Everyone shrieked as the cracker split with a loud bang and out spilled a joke, a silver paper crown and a tiny screwdriver on a key ring.

"What does the joke say?" asked Gwen. John bent down to pick it up, flipped it over and scanned it, a large grin forming on his face. "Well? What does it say?"

John cleared his throat and said, "A man goes to the doctor and says: 'Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum.'"

"What?!" exclaimed Jack. "How did he –"

But John waved at him to be quiet as he finished the joke. "And the doctor said –"

"Don't worry," interrupted Nick, with an extremely dirty smile on his face. "I'll get you some _cream _to go with it." He turned and looked at John, eyeing him up and down. "Oh, sorry," he muttered at the sound of someone clearing their throat – and he turned his attention towards Jack. "Hmm…"

Ianto worked his mouth a few times, but then realised that there wasn't anything he could say. Instead, he just laughed and pulled his cousin into a hug.

"You're completely incorrigible," he said. "But I hope you never change."

"It's all John's fault," said Nick, his face completely serious. "He's rubbing off on me."

"And I'm also hungry," put in John. "Snowball fights really give you an appetite."

~*~

_Twenty minutes later…_

"I know it's not exactly traditional Christmas dinner," said Ianto as he arrived with a large tray of re-heated Chinese food, "but I doubt we could cook a turkey in here."

"I agree," smiled Jack. "Now, a pterodactyl, on the other hand…with Weevil and sage stuffing…I'm just kidding!" he said hastily at the look of horror on Ianto's face.

Gwen rolled her eyes and sat down next to Andie. "I've been here for over a year and I'm still not used to it," she admitted with a laugh.

"I don't think you ever do get used to it," answered John.

"You said it," agreed Ianto, who was digging into his noodles.

Jack suddenly straightened up. "Although, now I think about it…" He pressed a button on his wrist strap and the pterodactyl soared over their heads with a loud screech. "Family should be together at Christmas, be they bird or beast."

"I am never going to get used to that!" exclaimed Nick, ducking as the prehistoric animal nudged him with her beak.

"You say that now!" answered Gwen. "Cracker, Andie?"

~*~

_Two hours later…_

"Okay!" said Jack, reaching underneath the tree. "We've all got our paperwork done and now we've each got one gift left to open." He passed one over. "Andie, you go first."

The young woman looked surprised. "Okay." She unwrapped the small parcel, trying to ignore the constant flash coming from Jack's camera as he took a series of pictures. "Oh!" she cried as she revealed the pair of silver and stained-glass earrings in her hand. She checked the card. "Thank you, Gwen, they're beautiful." Suddenly, she blushed. "It makes what I got you look a bit stupid."

Gwen raised her eyebrows. "I think I'll be the judge of that," she said, accepting a parcel of her own from Jack. She opened it and her eyes widened as the wrapping fell away to reveal a book. "Andie, how did you find this?"

"You like it?"

"I love it!" Gwen gushed. "I've been dropping hints at Rhys for months, but he loves cooking so much – oh, Andie, thank you!" Impulsively, she leaned over and hugged her friend tightly.

John and Nick went next, showing a display of shyness uncharacteristic in both of them as they exchanged gifts, neither of them looking at each other, instead preferring to focus on their hands, which were clasped as they unwrapped the paper.

"How did you know I like painting?" asked John.

"I didn't. I was panicking like mad and Jack told me," muttered Nick, looking embarrassed as he stroked the new gloves and scarf in his lap. "I won't ask how you knew that I needed these, but…they're perfect."

"Oh, just kiss, you morons!" exclaimed Andie, who was now wearing the new earrings. She giggled a bit as Gwen sighed appreciatively as the two men did as she suggested.

Ianto chuckled. "Does that make it your turn?" he asked Jack.

"Oh no," Jack shook his head and handed his partner the package with no small amount of trepidation. Admittedly, he wasn't as nervous as he had been that morning at the flat, but, when it came to Ianto, he just wanted to make him happy, whatever it took.

However, he needn't have worried, because Ianto flicked open the book and chuckled. "You thought I could learn something from the sex lives of the Roman Emperors?" he asked. "Well, on some counts, I have to admit, you're not wrong."

"Oh, he certainly isn't," put in John, who had finally looked up again.

Ianto rolled his eyes, but fondly. "That sounds like a story I need to hear one day," he said. "But not right now; now, Jack, it's your turn." Smiling slightly, he handed Jack a large box. "It isn't much, but I just thought you deserved it."

Jack smiled and slowly eased the paper off the box. "Oh, Ianto," he gasped as he revealed a large box of new massage oils. "I don't…" but then he realised that there were no words that he could use to convey his feelings, and so he said it in the best way he knew – with a kiss.

~*~

_Ten-thirty that evening…_

"Okay, team," said Jack. "Ianto and I are on Rift duty tonight, so you can go home and spend what's left of Christmas with your families and friends." He smiled. "Don't forget anything that belongs to you and…have a wonderful evening."

Gwen was the first to leave. "Merry Christmas," she said, enveloping them both in a hug. "Just remember to have some fun as well!"

Jack chuckled slightly as he waved the others off, pausing to watch as Nick grabbed his coat and left with John, a small smile on his face.

As the cog door rolled shut, Ianto came over and smiled. "The Rift monitor's quiet," he said. "Perhaps we should start to –"

"Ianto," interrupted Jack, "just…come here a second." He reached out and caught him round the waist before leaning over and kissing him deeply.

"What…what was that for?" he asked breathlessly. For answer, Jack looked up, indicating the single sprig of mistletoe over the door. "Oh…"

"I said when this went up that now you'd have no excuse not to kiss me," Jack explained. His tone was light, but his eyes were shimmering in the soft fairy lights. "Come with me," he whispered, leading Ianto onto the lift and drawing him close, wrapping his coat around them both.

Barely a minute had passed before they were standing on the Plass. It had stopped snowing by now and the snow was bathed in soft golden light. Jack pressed another button on his wrist strap and music began to fill the air. He took Ianto in his arms and lifted him in the air, planting him in the middle of the Plass, before joining him and wrapping his arms around him and swaying him in time to the music. And then, he started to sing, his rich voice setting Ianto's heart on fire.

"_Fly me to the moon.  
Let me play among the stars.  
Let me see what spring is like  
On Jupiter and Mars._

_In other words, hold my hand__.  
In other words, baby, kiss me." _

Ianto melted in Jack's embrace, breathing in his intoxicating fifty-first century scent as he was led around the Plass in swirling movements. At the same time, he found himself singing in time to the music, the words just flowing from his lips as they danced. __

"Fill my heart with song.  
And let me sing for ever more.  
You are all I long for.  
All I worship and adore. 

_  
In other words, please be true__.  
In other words, I love you." _

Jack smiled and pressed a kiss into Ianto's hair, feeling his heart swell with love. He took a deep breath and started to sing again, feeling a shiver run through him as Ianto's sultry voice joined in. __

"Fill my heart with song.  
Let me sing for ever more.  
You are all I long for.  
All I worship and adore. 

_  
In other words, please be true__.  
In other words, in other words, I love you…" _

As the song ended, Jack stepped back slightly and cupped Ianto's face in his hands. "I never thanked you properly for the album," he said quietly. "I was just…overwhelmed."

Ianto shrugged and smiled. "I know there have been people who have meant more to you than you'll ever tell," he whispered, brushing snow out of Jack's hair. "I wanted you to be able to remember them – all of them. And," he paused, "I know how you feel about me; you don't have to say the words for me to understand. But I also know that you'll fall in love again after I'm –"

"Ianto, please…don't say it."

"No, Jack, please listen. I know that you'll love again and I wouldn't expect anything different. I know that you'll lead new teams and find new friends after we're gone. And, when you do, I want you fill those blank pages with their pictures. Fill them with photographs, sketches, newspaper cuttings; anything that reminds you of the people who've touched your heart, even for the most fleeting of moments. I don't want you to miss anything, not one thing."

Jack watched him for a second, before taking his hand. "Come here," he said, pulling his camera out of his pocket and holding it up. "Say cheese," he whispered as he leaned in for a kiss and pressed the button on the top.

With that picture having been taken, Jack stroked the front of the camera and smiled softly. "You know, this time of year has always been hard, but I think that may be changing."

"I know. Today has been one of the best Christmases I've had in a long time."

"Yeah," Jack sounded sad. "I know there's no sense in having regrets, but I can't help but wonder what a normal Christmas with Owen and Toshiko would have been like. That's the one thing that we never really got the chance to do with them."

Ianto shook his head. "Jack, don't have regrets. Owen and Tosh wouldn't want that. If they could see us now, they'd be happy to see the six of us having fun. Owen would probably be making some comment about how he was so good it took two people to replace him."

Jack chuckled. "Yeah, he would. I still miss them, Ianto, I really do."

"I know. And John, Andie and Nick understand that too. We're all in this together." He linked their hands together. "And, whatever happens…we always will be."

***

_Next Time: It's New Year's Eve! _


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

_The afternoon of __New Year's Eve…_

Ianto flopped back against the sofa with a groan as he looked at his stopwatch. "Wow," he whispered, "it's been five minutes since the Rift alarm went off…five minutes of peace."

"And in those five minutes, I see you've managed to shower and get changed," remarked Jack, running his hand over Ianto's hair. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, a blissful smile crossing his face. "And whatever you did, it's made your those pheromones of yours even stronger; you smell absolutely heavenly."

Ianto giggled. "Jack, that's my new shampoo. But I'm glad you like it."

John came over and gave Ianto's hair a very over-exaggerated sniff. "Wow!" he gasped. "I don't know what that is, Eye Candy, but I want some of it!"

Ianto rolled his eyes and pulled something out of the pocket of his jeans. "Here's the name of it and don't call me Eye Candy," he said, thrusting the paper at John. "I thought you already had shampoo and conditioner anyway; I remember you and Jack going shopping together."

"I do," answered John. "I'm just thinking of getting something new, because I'm getting sick of the stench of the stuff that Nick uses. It makes the bathroom smell like a mint factory."

Ianto's eyes widened. "He's not still using that awful stuff…is he? God, he was using that when he was at university. Said it helped when he got a cold and kept his hair free of dandruff. I said that it stank the place out. I once went into his bathroom when I was visiting him and I thought someone had been spraying menthol spray around the place."

John nodded. "Yeah, and while it does make his hair look gorgeous, I've found myself going off mint because of it. I'm having to use strawberry-flavoured toothpaste!"

Ianto and Jack both opened their mouths to reply, but before they could, there was a scream and a curse and a yell coming from the autopsy bay, followed by an explosion of hysterical laughter. The three men leapt to their feet and ran to the autopsy bay, where they were greeted by the sight of Andie leaning against the railings as she attempted not to collapse from laughing at Nick, who was stood beside her, covered in a strange silvery jelly-like fluid with green lumps in it. The strange creature they had been examining, which had once looked spider-like, was now lying on the autopsy table like a puddle of oil.

"It exploded all over me!" exclaimed Nick. "And I'm starting to think John's right; I do need contact lenses." He tossed Andie his glasses with a groan of disgust. "I need a shower, this stuff stinks."

"It can't stink as badly as your shampoo does," muttered John, watching him out of sight. "I'm telling you, Nick; that stuff is putting me off mint!" He rolled his eyes in mock irritation, but yelped as a handful of the fluid hit him in the face, making him twitch. "Okay, you're right," he growled, wiping it off. "This stuff really does stink. What does that thing eat?"

"Any form of excrement it can find, judging by what's going on down here," answered Andie.

John blanched. "Nick, wait for me!" he shouted, tearing off in the direction of the showers.

"Jack, where are you going?" asked Ianto, watching in confusion as his partner raced back towards the computers. "Don't you want to oversee the autopsy?"

Jack stared at him. "Two hot guys in the shower and you're asking me if I want to oversee an autopsy?!" He shook his head. "I'm going to watch and save the CCTV!"

Ianto groaned. "You're a sick man, Jack."

"You wouldn't watch that?" asked Andie, wrinkling her nose as she looked over the creature. Hearing the incredulous gasp from above, she laughed. "Oh, sorry…I guess you wouldn't when one of them was your cousin."

Ianto stared at her for several minutes, working his mouth a few times. But Andie's broad smile and sparkling eyes were truly infectious and he only found himself smiling at her.

"You're a weird lady," he stated. "But don't ever change."

~*~

_Twenty minutes later…_

"You could have at least used the same shower," grumbled Jack.

"Tell me about it," grumbled John, glaring at the front of his trousers. "You are a cruel breed, you Jones boys, d'you know that?"

"Why thank you, Captain," replied Nick, with a smile that could be described as nothing less than absolutely filthy. "I will take that as a compliment."

John sighed. "Take it however you want, but if you do something that evil again, I am going to take Ianto's tie and strangle you with it," he said. His voice was serious, but his eyes twinkled.

"Oh…" purred Nick, leaning over to lick the other man's ear. "I had no idea you had such a kink for…erotic asphyxiation." The last two words sent shivers down John's spine.

Jack chuckled. "Oh, it's like free porn," he muttered to Ianto, gently stroking his thigh.

Ianto groaned. "For you, maybe," he said, removing the older man's wandering hand. "For me, it's just plain disturbing. I know I said John was cute, but not when he's harassing my cousin! Although," he added, seeing John's eyes nearly pop out of his head, "I think Nick's giving as good as he gets…as usual."

Gwen sighed. "I don't know about you lot," she said, "but I'm hungry. And not for that!" she added, seeing the twin expressions on John and Nick's faces. "I'm hungry for proper food."

Ianto leapt to his feet. "I'll go and order a pizza."

~*~

_Two hours later…_

"Well, that was the slowest pizza order I've had in a while," remarked Gwen, licking tomato sauce from her fingers. "Mind you, it is New Year's Eve."

"Oh, but it was worth it," said John, who was licking strands of thick melted cheese from the dimpled creases next to Nick's mouth.

"How on earth do you two manage to make eating pizza look pornographic?" asked Ianto.

"The same way that you two manage to make it look married couple-ish," answered Andie. Ianto and Jack had been sat in each other's laps and feeding each other pizza, much to the amusement of everyone, especially when Ianto had gotten tomato sauce on his nose and Jack had kissed it off.

"I don't know how they did it," answered Jack. "But one thing is for sure; I am keeping the CCTV of this! That way, if anything were to happen, Ianto could live by selling porn on the Internet."

"It's the stuffed crusts," explained Nick, once Ianto had finished hitting Jack for that remark. He gave out another suggestive smile, which everyone saw, except for John.

Jack snickered to himself as he remembered something very similar happening to him. _If I'm right in making that connection…oh, John's going to get it tonight…_

~*~

_Later that night…_

"Look, I don't care if it's tradition, I am not singing!"

Ianto agreed. "Jack, I don't think you quite appreciate just how tone-deaf Nick actually is. Trust me; it'll be better for the masses here if he doesn't sing."

Nick nodded. "Besides, we've got all these people who are going to sing. Does it really matter if I do or not?" He squeezed John's gloved hand. "Now, let's just watch the fireworks, eh?"

Jack pouted, but he didn't have time to answer, because Gwen suddenly let out a shriek. He whipped round in alarm, but laughed when he realised who it was.

"Well, I have to say, that Eskimo style looks pretty good on you, Rhys," he remarked, shaking the man's hand with a smile and dragging him into the circle.

Rhys grinned. "Yeah, Gwen got it me for Christmas – said it made me look sexy as hell."

"Well, it does!" laughed Gwen, kissing her husband on the nose.

"Hold up!" Rhys said suddenly. "Who's the Ronan Keating clone there?"

Jack chuckled. "Rhys, this is our new medic, Dr. Nick Jones. And, before you ask, yes, we've got another Jones. He's Ianto's cousin, as it happens."

"Pleasure to meet you," said Nick, shaking the other man's hand.

The fireworks started and the seven friends huddled together for warmth, wrapped in each other's arms. In the middle of the huddle, Jack and Ianto found each other and kissed softly as the colours and sounds surrounded them.

Somewhere in the middle of it all, about twenty minutes before the stroke of midnight, as a few small crowds of watchers around the Plass started to sing, John suddenly realised that Nick was nowhere to be seen. Slowly, he disengaged himself from the group and looked around curiously. "Must've gone home," he reasoned with himself.

A few minutes later, Ianto realised that someone else was missing and, looking up, he saw a familiar figure wearing a long coat walking across the Plass, apparently oblivious to the snow swirling around him and the men, women and children surrounding him.

"Jack," he whispered, also stepping away. But he didn't follow him, not yet. Instead, he decided to take a walk himself, just so he could decide what to do.

~*~

John dropped his keys on the table and tossed his coat onto the sofa. He sighed deeply, only to stop abruptly as a sweet scent hit him. His nose twitched as he made his way towards the kitchen, eventually stopping in the middle of the doorway. His jaw dropped as he took in the scene in front of him.

The kitchen was lit only by a wall of Christmas fairy lights, creating a soft red glow throughout the room. There was a heavenly smell of chocolate hitting his senses as he slowly walked in. But it was the sight in front of the stove that almost consumed him in the end.

Nick was leaning against the worktop, wearing nothing except his tight black jeans. He had obviously taken a shower, and now his bright hair was falling in thick and lustrous waves around his shoulders, sending drops of water down his chest and sparkling in the light. His eyes were almost as black as night as his long fingers caressed the sides of a wooden spoon, seemingly oblivious to the melted chocolate that was dripping slowly onto his skin.

John's caught his breath as he felt his blood flow southwards, causing his head to spin. "Wha…" he stammered out, not even blushing as he realised he couldn't form coherent sentences.

Nick chuckled softly, picking up the bowl full of melted chocolate, and gliding smoothly towards the former Time Agent. He dipped his finger gently in the bowl, coating it in the sweet substance, and ran it slowly down John's cheek, letting it drip onto his neck.

John groaned loudly as he felt the younger man's smooth tongue working its way down his cheek, pausing at the small dimple by his lips, before slowly nipping at his jaw line.

"God Almighty," he gasped, feeling himself shivering. "What on earth are you doing to me?"

Nick grinned. "If I can do that with my tongue, just imagine what I can do with the rest of me."

"You mean…"

"Yes." Nick pulled away, looking serious. "I want it to be tonight."

"Are you sure?"

"I've never been more sure about anything in my life," whispered Nick, letting his hair fall smoothly onto John's neck, tickling the skin beneath it. "Besides…we would have done it in the tent if we hadn't been…interrupted, and you know it."

John swallowed; the young man's thick hair was doing things to him he hadn't even thought could be possible. "And the," his voice cracked, "chocolate?"

The cheeky grin was back in a flash. "Oh, you'll see…you'll see."

~*~

Ianto finally caught up with Jack lying on the grass outside the little white church, staring at the stars. He seemed almost oblivious to the bangs and bright colours from the fireworks, as well as the thick snowflakes that were falling on his face. He seemed lost in thought, listening to the sound of the bells echoing across the still water.

Ianto bent down beside him, stroking his hair gently and linking their hands. "Hi."

"Hi." Jack's voice was almost a whisper. He blinked and turned his head slightly. "I thought you'd gone home."

Ianto rolled his eyes. "And leave my lover alone on New Year's Eve?" he said with a laugh. "Now, come on; how likely is that?" He laughed sweetly and helped Jack to his feet, kissing him softly and spinning him around on the snow-covered ground, before stopping and stroking his cheek.

"I know New Year isn't an easy time for you, Jack," he said softly. "I won't offer you pity, because that's not what you want. But I will say this – Alex and the others wouldn't want you to mourn them. They'd want you to keep living – keep doing what you do."

Jack smiled and kissed him gently. "I know," he admitted. "It's hard sometimes, especially when you lose people you love. But you're right; I can't grieve forever. That wouldn't be fair on them…or on you kids who are with me today."

"Exactly," replied Ianto, taking his hand. "We're working together here, Jack; to build for a better and brighter future. It's best to keep the past there. Don't forget the people you loved, but, at the same time, don't let the pain hurt you until it breaks you." He kissed Jack again.

Jack grinned and wrapped Ianto up in his coat. "You're right, thank you," he whispered. "Now…it's getting rather cold; why don't we go home and…see the New Year in."

Ianto grinned. "I'd love to."

~*~

John smiled softly as he ran his hands through the soft hair of the beautiful man sleeping beside him. The (stained) sheets were crumpled at his waist, exposing the smooth skin at his back and the small Welsh dragon tattooed on his shoulder blade. Smiling softly, he dropped a kiss in the middle of his spine and spooned in beside him.

"Happy New Year, Dr. Jones," he whispered before closing his own eyes.

***

_Next Time:__ You knew that the fluff wouldn't last forever, right? This is me, after all! The team have had a nice break, but it's a bump back to earth as a Weevil attack brings difficult choices and bad memories for Torchwood Three's newest recruit. _


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

_Two weeks later…_

The cog door rolled back as the team entered, supporting the wounded man. John helped Nick carry him down to the autopsy bay, with Jack and Ianto following them

Gwen stared, open-mouthed, at the sight. "What happened?"

"One of the Weevils basically ripped his throat out," Jack answered bluntly. He tossed the man's drivers license towards her. "I need you to contact the police and find out what you can about our victim; if there's anyone we can contact. Andie, there's a Weevil body in the back of the SUV. I want you to conduct an autopsy on it and see if you can find anything that might have made it react in that way."

"Meaning more violently than usual," amended Ianto.

Gwen leapt to her feet. "You could have just taken the man to the hospital?" she asked, rushing to look down into the autopsy bay where John and Ianto were helping Nick. "Couldn't you?"

Andie came to join her, grimacing as she caught sight of the convulsing and bleeding man, and shook her head. "The Hub was closer and the SUV was with them. Waiting for an ambulance would have cost time – time that he doesn't have."

Gwen watched her leave, not fully placated, but this time not having the energy to argue. Instead, she hacked into the police database, something first Toshiko and then John had taught her how to do and ran a search on their victim. Quickly, she printed off the information she had found and passed it to Jack, while hastily reeling off the relevant information to the others.

"So, his nearest relative is his stepbrother who lives in Brisbane?" panted Nick as he applied more pressure to the still-bleeding wound. "Thanks, Gwen."

She nodded and started to walk away, but suddenly turned back. "You will save him, won't you?"

Nick looked up for a split second. "I'll try," he promised. Only John saw the faint flicker of pain in his eyes before he went back to business. "Ianto; how's the pulse?"

"Faint, but steady," answered Ianto.

"Okay. John, get the anaesthetic ready. I've got to get this blood to stop flowing and get this wound closed up fast if he's going to have a chance."

"Wouldn't he have had a better chance if we'd taken him to the hospital?" asked Gwen again.

"Aside from the awkward questions, by the time we'd waited for the ambulance and got him there, he'd probably have been dead," answered Jack. "Come on, Nick; you're doing great."

"Okay," said Nick, his voice calmer than he felt. "John, as soon as I get all these cloths away, you inject the anaesthetic." Very slowly, and taking care to keep the pressure on, he started to move the cloths and towels away.

"Nick, his pulse is dropping!" shouted Ianto.

"I know. I'm going as fast as I –" but suddenly, he stopped. Something underneath the cloths had been moved. At the same time, the man started convulsing even more violently.

"What was that?" asked John. But Nick didn't answer; he had turned as white as a sheet as the wound started to bleed again, thicker and faster than ever, soaking the towels in seconds.

Jack came over to look and his eyes widened. "Oh my God…" he whispered. "Did you know that there was a Weevil tooth in there?"

Nick shook his head. "No…" He was shaking all over, but managed to control himself enough to see the man struggling in pain. "Shit, he's going into cardiac arrest!"

"His pulse is dropping way too fast!" shouted Ianto. "It's almost gone."

Nick swallowed hard and grabbed a handful of sheets from underneath the autopsy trolley. Without pausing to rip them, he pressed them on top of the wound, applying as much pressure as he could. But it didn't stop the flow, or even slow it.

And all the while, the convulsions never once stopped. In fact, they seemed to be growing worse by the second. Ianto was fairly sure that, if the man could be making proper noises, he would be screaming in agony by now.

Nick caught his cousin's eye and nodded. Then, in a voice that seemed so far away, he said, "All I'm doing now is causing him pain."

Gwen's eyes widened as she realised what he meant. "Nick, you can't!"

"There's nothing else I can do," said Nick, his voice breaking. "He's going to exsanguinate – sorry, bleed out – anyway. It's better that we let him go peacefully." He looked straight at Jack when he spoke the next words. "I can't let him suffer."

Jack shook his head. "No, you're right." To Gwen, he said, "Just look, Gwen. I know you want to save people and I'm pleased about that. But there's nothing Nick can do and you know it. It would be wrong to let this man suffer unnecessarily."

"Owen wouldn't have done that," put in Ianto quietly.

"No," replied Nick, equally quiet. "No, he wouldn't." He took a deep breath and prepared a syringe which he slowly injected into the dying man's veins. "I'm sorry," he whispered as he stood up.

Ianto came over and gripped his shoulder. "You did the right thing," he said, his voice calm, though his eyes were bright with tears. However, he was distracted by a noise from above them. He looked up to see Gwen watching them, an expression of shock on her face.

"Just leave it, Gwen," he said wearily.

Gwen raised her eyebrows. "So, you just let him die?" she exclaimed. "You're a doctor!"

Ianto took a deep breath, forcing himself to stay calm. "Don't start, Gwen," he almost pleaded. "Can't you see that he's already upset?"

Nick pressed his hands to his forehead. "Contrary to what you might think, Gwen," he said slowly, "doctors don't always have the answers. And even if we did, I don't think it would make things much easier. I mean, I know this isn't a particularly fair question, since you're not a doctor, but…what would you have done?"

"I would have at least tried!" answered Gwen, her voice rising steadily.

There was a long silence. Then, very slowly and calmly, Nick stepped away from Ianto and came up the stairs to stand in front of her. "I did try," he said quietly. "I really did. I'm sorry I couldn't do more for him, I really am. No doctor likes losing a patient. But sometimes you have to stop…for the greater good; when you know that all you're doing is causing your patient unnecessary pain. It's not an easy decision to make, but sometimes you have to do it."

"It looked easy from here!" shouted Gwen, her voice rising by the second and her eyes becoming wild. "'Oh, it's only one person, never mind, quick injection. Sorry about that, now let's go home!'"

In that moment, everyone knew she had gone too far. Ianto worked his jaw a few times, his eyes blazing with anger. But before he could move, Jack squeezed his shoulder and went up to Gwen.

"Why don't you go home now, Gwen," he said, gently, but everyone could hear the edge in his voice. "We've had a rough few days. Go home – remind Rhys what you look like," he added, forcing a small laugh to his voice.

Gwen looked around the room and then, with a muttered goodbye, she turned on her heel and raced out of the Hub, feeling extremely ashamed of herself. She hadn't meant to lash out at Nick like that and she knew that it would take a lot for the others, especially Ianto, to forgive her.

Once she had gone, Jack turned to the others, who had come to stand beside him. "You guys can take yourselves home now if you want to," he said quietly. "I'll wait for Andie to do her autopsy and deal with the paperwork."

"I'll just go and clean up downstairs first," said Nick, his voice strangely level, though his usually rosy complexion was very pale. He adjusted his glasses and, with a flick of bright hair, he disappeared back down the stairs.

Ianto lingered for only a moment before following. He watched for a few seconds from the middle of the stairs as Nick folded his white lab coat up and stored it in one of the cupboards and, setting his face, started to tidy his things up.

"Nick…" he whispered softly, descending the last few stairs.

"I've just got to tidy up," said Nick, almost tripping over his words. "Just give me a few minutes and I'll be out of your hair." He picked up the tray with the two used syringes on it, but his hands were shaking so badly, he promptly dropped it.

Quickly, Ianto pulled on a pair of surgical gloves and picked up the tray, disposing of the syringes. "Nick, what's wrong?" he asked, coming to stand next to him.

"Nothing..."

Ianto sighed. "Nick, the only person I know who's a worse liar than you are is our James. Please, don't do this to me. I know you better than that." He slipped an arm around his cousin's shoulders. "What's wrong, mate?"

"I'm fine!" Nick pulled away angrily. "Just leave it, Ianto!"

"No!" snapped Ianto. "Not until you tell me what's wrong!" When the only reply he received was an attempt at a stubborn glare, he folded his arms. "Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?" asked Nick, in a fierce voice that would have been a lot more convincing if his glasses hadn't been misting up.

"Like you want to rip my eyes out of their sockets…or at least you would if you weren't on the verge of tears," replied Ianto dryly.

Nick almost dropped the instruments he was holding at those words. "God, Ianto!" he exclaimed. "I'm not angry with you…"

"Really?" Ianto's tone was almost dripping with scepticism.

"Really…" Nick's voice broke. "I'm not…I'm just…" he turned away again, blinking hard.

Ianto felt a flare of pity spark inside him. "Hey," he said, gently easing the instruments out of his cousin's hand and stroking his fingers. "Talk to me," he whispered.

Nick looked at him sharply for a few minutes, but when Ianto's arm slipped back around his shoulders, he collapsed against him with a tired sigh. "I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice breaking a little. "I didn't mean to snap at you."

"It's fine," said Ianto gently. "Besides, who else can take it? Who else can you take it out on?"

Nick dropped his glasses on the table as he turned round in horror. "That's not how you see yourself, is it?" he asked. "Just…just as a sort of punch-bag after I've had a bad day? God, Ianto…you're so much more than that. You mean…" he stopped and swallowed, his eyes fixed on the floor, "you mean the world to me…"

Ianto squeezed his shoulder and held him close. "And you mean the world to me, Nick. So…stop doing this to yourself and talk to me." He waited for Nick to speak, but when he didn't, when he didn't even look up at him, he reached over and pulled him into a hug, smoothing his hair gently. His heart ached when he felt something damp hitting his shoulder. "Hey, come on…just calm down, yeah? I'm here."

"Sorry…" Nick twisted his head slightly so he was looking at Ianto. "I didn't mean to snap at you. It's just…doing that brought back something…something I've never told anyone…"

Ianto stroked his cheek gently, thumbing away the tears. "What?"

"I can't…"

"Hey…yes, you can. There's nothing you can't tell me, Nick." Ianto was worried; Nick wasn't someone who broke down over nothing. He passed his cousin his glasses and stroked his hair gently. "Come on, talk to me."

At that moment, Jack peered over the railings. "Are you two still here?"

Nick jumped and stepped away from Ianto. "Just tidying up," he said, hastily dragging one hand over his eyes. "Why, was there something you needed?"

Jack shook his head. "No," he whispered, "nothing." When he became aware of Ianto following him, he turned and gripped his shoulder. "Take him home," he whispered. "I'll finish up here."

Ianto sighed. "Jack, Nick is worse than I am for being stubborn."

"And I know how bad you are," Jack teased, but his heart wasn't in it. "Seriously, Ianto, get him out of here and get him home. He doesn't need to be here right now. I'll wait for Andie to come back and clean up here. You two get yourselves home. That's an order." He gave Ianto a quick kiss and then turned into his office.

Sighing, Ianto trailed back into the autopsy bay, where Nick was covering the man's body with a sheet. "Jack's ordered me to take you home," he said without preamble. "I don't think you should be alone, so I'm taking you back to my flat for a while."

To his surprise, Nick didn't resist this time; instead, he simply took Ianto's hand and let himself be led out of the Hub. He didn't say a word throughout the journey back to Ianto's flat, but kept on staring straight ahead. It was only when they actually pulled up outside, that he called Catrin to say that he'd be late picking the children up.

"No, I'm all right," he said wearily as Ianto let him inside. "I've just had a really long day."

"Are you sure?" Catrin sounded anxious. "You sound as if you've hardly slept for days."

"I haven't."

She sighed. "Look, let me take the kids for tonight, so you can get some sleep. And I'm not taking no for an answer."

For once, Nick didn't have the energy to argue. "Thanks." He snapped the phone shut and sat down with a small sigh, leaning back into the sofa.

Ianto came and sat down next to him. "You did the right thing, Nick," he said quietly, rubbing his shoulder and squeezing his hand. "Now, come on; talk to me."

Nick blinked. "What?"

"You said that today brought back some memories for you – something happened before that really affected you, didn't it?"

"Ianto…" Nick's voice was breaking.

"Hey, come here," said Ianto gently, shuffling closer and wrapping an arm around him. "Tell me what happened."

***

_Next Time: Nick tells his story. _


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

Nick paused and chewed his fingernails. "Ianto," he said slowly, "I need to know that what I'm about to tell you stays between the two of us. I'm not ready for everyone else to know yet."

Ianto squeezed his hand tight. "Of course," he assured him. "You don't even have to ask."

With a deep sigh and a returning squeeze, Nick began to talk. "I was a new intern at the Royal Gwent, you know, back in Newport. I was in a team led by a very well-respected consultant; he'd worked there for a very long time. Crap bedside manner, but boy, he knew his stuff." He smiled a bit, even though his eyes were still shimmering with tears.

Ianto managed a small chuckle, recognising the tension breaker.

"Anyway, one of the patients he was treating had a terminal illness. I knew straight away; God, Ianto, it hurt seeing him like that. He was only about our age, but he'd been in and out of hospital for I don't know how long, but I could tell that he was in serious pain and he didn't have much time. When I gave him his morphine dosage, I used to sit and talk with him, you know, just to try and take his mind off things. We became really good friends."

Nick paused, trying to pull himself together. "One day…I was just sitting and reading to him when he stopped me and told me that…that he knew he wasn't going to recover and that he didn't have a lot of time. He asked me too…" but his voice trailed off as he looked at Ianto. "God, he was only our age…and he was ready…ready too…"

Ianto's eyes widened. "Oh, Nick," he whispered, "you didn't…"

"Of course I didn't. I knew I couldn't. But I really did want to…I hated seeing him in so much pain and I knew he was right; he wasn't going to live much longer. I felt terrible; he was in so much agony and I couldn't even give him the one thing he wanted…the one thing he deserved more than anything." He pulled off his glasses and rubbed angrily at his eyes. "Anyway, one night, I went to give him his medication and talk to him for a bit, as usual. Just as I was about to leave, he took my hand and said…" but he couldn't get the words out.

Ianto had a funny feeling he knew where this was going. "Something like…goodbye?" he ventured, lightly stroking Nick's fingers.

Nick nodded. "Yeah…that was the last thing he said to me. In the morning…"

As the realisation hit him with a jolt, Ianto reached over and wrapped his cousin in a hug, rubbing his shoulders. "Nick, you know that wasn't your fault," he whispered. He held him close and rocked him gently, so engrossed in trying to comfort him that he almost missed the next words.

"I didn't realise that what I did was what killed him…"

Ianto almost fell off the sofa, pulling back sharply. "What?!" he exclaimed. "Nick, how –"

Nick's eyes widened as he realised what Ianto was asking. "God, Ianto!" he gasped. "I didn't mean…I didn't know…I only found out later…after the post-mortem…"

"Found out what?" pressed Ianto.

"That," Nick's voice cracked, "one of the consultants – might even have been the man leading my team; I never found out – had given him an extra dose of morphine in the middle of the day…and hadn't recorded it or told me…"

Ianto swore under his breath. "Oh, Nick, that wasn't –"

Nick interrupted him, his voice cracking. "It didn't matter, anyway. Even after the truth came out, everyone still blamed me, even though they never said. I mean, think about it; it's easier to blame the new intern than to blame the guy who's worked there for twenty-seven fucking years!" The last words were said with an almost hysterical laugh before he collapsed against Ianto's chest and burst into tears.

Ianto let his mind catch up with him for a few minutes before the words sunk in properly and he reached over and wrapped Nick in a hug, stroking his hair gently.

"It's okay," he whispered as he rubbed his back. "Just…" but his voice trailed off as he thought of something. "Was that how you ended up here?"

Nick nodded against his shirt. "Yeah; I couldn't take it there any more. Even though everyone knew the story, they still blamed me. I could have gone to work at one of the other Newport hospitals, but I knew I needed to get a change of scene, so I transferred to St. David's." He choked back a sob. "Your dad was the only one who knew the truth about why."

"Oh, Nick…"

"You won't tell anyone, will you, Ianto?"

"I won't." Ianto's voice broke a little; he hated seeing his best friend so distressed. "I promise."

~*~

Rhys watched as his wife played with her spaghetti, twirling it around her fork and then letting it fall back onto her plate. Her eyes seemed to be focused on a point light years away and her face was almost completely unreadable. She had been that way since she'd walked in the door and, while he had learned not to ask too many questions, he couldn't bear the silence any longer.

"Gwen?" he said softly.

She looked up at him, seeming to only just register him. "Oh, sorry," she said quietly, her voice as far away as her gaze. "I guess I'm just not very hungry."

Rhys raised an eyebrow slightly. "What happened?"

Gwen sighed. "Just had a rough day," she muttered, pushing her plate away from her and walking towards the window. "There was an incident today…a man was attacked by a Weevil. He nearly had his throat ripped out."

Rhys winced. "Was he all right?"

Gwen shook her head. "He…" but the next thing she knew she was sobbing into Rhys' shoulder.

"Shh," he whispered, stroking her hair and kissing her forehead. He led her to the sofa and held her for a few minutes, giving her time to calm down, before he spoke. "He died, didn't he?"

Gwen nodded. "Nick did everything he could for him, but he had to put him out of his misery in the end. He said he would have bled out." She sighed. "I know that's true, Rhys, but somehow…I can't make myself believe it. I lashed out at him…said some really terrible things."

"Why?"

"Because…every time I see him, I keep thinking of Owen. Nick's integrated into the team really quickly and I just feel as if we're doing some sort of injustice to Owen's memory by letting him. I don't know why; I don't get that feeling with Andie, or even with John."

Rhys looked thoughtful. "You still miss Owen a lot, don't you?"

"I do. I don't know why, but I do I know it's not fair; I mean, Nick is a good doctor and a nice guy. But I just can't warm to him, because I can't stop thinking about Owen."

"Well, you know what people say; we appreciate people the most when they're gone." He paused to stroke his wife's hair. "Gwen, I know that Owen meant a lot to you – to all of you. But, as crass as this is going to sound, life moves on. There was no way you would survive without a doctor. Andie's a nice girl, but you said yourself, she couldn't handle it all."

"I know."

Rhys smiled gently. "And do you know what I think Owen would say if he saw you now? He'd say," he mock-scowled and faked a strong Cockney accent. "You mean I was so good it took two people to replace me?"

Gwen laughed. It was true; Owen wouldn't want them to grieve for too long. She would always miss him and Tosh, but Rhys was right. Life would go on.

Rhys became serious again. "And, though I can't believe I'm going to say this, what would Jack do? He's going to see everyone he loves die, not just Owen and Tosh, but you…that John Hart character, Andie, Nick and –"

"Ianto," breathed Gwen, feeling a cold hand clench at her heart. She'd been so wrapped up in her own thoughts that it hadn't even occurred to her to consider what Jack went through every time something like this happened.

"He'll always miss them," she whispered, almost to herself. "But he won't mourn them for ever; it'd drive him insane." She turned round and kissed her husband gently. "Thanks, Rhys."

~*~

"Jack!" called Andie as she came in carrying a body bag. "I've finished the autopsy on the Weevil. Apparently, it was a pregnant female."

"Oh," replied Jack quietly. "Thanks, Andie."

She looked at him curiously. "Where's everyone else?"

"John's in the armoury tidying up the guns and I sent the others home." Jack sighed. "Andie, the man that Weevil attacked…he didn't make it. He was bleeding out as it was and…"

But Andie understood. "Poor Nick," she whispered. "That's one of the hardest decisions a doctor has to face. Is he all right?"

Jack shook his head. "He was really wrecked by what he had to do, and then Gwen lashed out at him as well. I'll have to have a word with her tomorrow." He looked at his watch. "John's been down there for hours. He went down when Ianto and Nick left and hasn't come up since."

"Maybe he's brooding," suggested Andie and, without waiting for her leader to answer, she made her way down to the shooting range, her small heels clicking on the stairs.

Sure enough, John was standing in the middle of the room, staring at the rows of heavily polished guns. He turned around when Andie approached him and smiled weakly.

"You shouldn't be here."

"Neither should you," she replied. "Jack sent the others home hours ago. I'm only here because I'm on Rift duty with him." She rested a hand on his arm. "Why are you hiding down here?"

"I wasn't," answered John, stepping away from her. "I was actually polishing the guns."

"Is that what you're calling it now?" Andie raised an eyebrow, attempting to break the tension. "Come on, John; you can't lurk down here forever. Jack's worried about you – and so am I."

"Okay, okay," snapped John, turning towards the door. "I'll go up and show my face, if only to prove that I haven't choked on polish fumes."

Jack looked up as they came back up again. "Why don't you go home, John – get some sleep. It's been a tough day and we need you alert to do your job."

"Okay."

Jack came down and studied him intently, seeing right through him. "It's going to be all right," he said. "I'll sort this out. You just get some rest."

"All right, I'm going!"

Andie raised an eyebrow as the cog door rolled shut. "That went well."

Jack stared at her. "What else could I do? John can be even more of a closed book than I am at times! Pushing him wouldn't have achieved anything." He rubbed his eyes. "I know he doesn't always seem like that, but…he is. And if anyone would know that, I would."

~*~

Ianto eased himself off the sofa and answered the door to find John standing on the doorstep, looking unusually apprehensive. Hiding his surprise he stepped out of the way to allow the former Time Agent inside, sighing a bit when John's face took on an intensely tender expression.

"He cried himself to sleep in the end," murmured Ianto, trying to hide his amazement at the other man's reaction. "But…he did the right thing."

John nodded and sat down on the sofa, absently running one hand through Nick's hair. "I know he did," he whispered. "I just don't know how we can make him believe it."

Ianto shrugged and perched himself on the arm of the sofa. "I don't think we can," he admitted. "We can be there for him, but he's got to believe he did the right thing." He sighed softly. "I think, deep down, he does believe it, but he just can't admit it…well, can't or won't, I'm not sure." He gave a small chuckle. "You'd never have caught me going into medicine, believe me."

"Me neither," agreed John. "This is crazy."

"I know, but what can we do? Nick's worse than me when it comes to stubbornness. When he gets an idea into his head, there's practically nothing that can shift it."

"So, we just wait for him to come round?"

"Have you got a better idea? We can't force him to open up; believe me, the more we push, the more stubborn he gets."

"Has he always been that stubborn?"

"Yes I have, as a matter of fact," replied a hoarse voice.

Ianto jumped. "I thought you were asleep," he whispered.

Nick shrugged, brushing a hand over his face. "Yeah, well, you know me."

John leaned over and touched his cheek. "Nick, you did the right thing today – and everyone knows that. And, if you're honest with yourself, you know it too."

"Owen would have done exactly the same thing," added Ianto. Then, his mobile rang and he went into the other room to answer it. "Hey, Jack…"

"Hey." Jack's soft voice floated down the phone. "Are you at home?"

"Yeah; I told Nick that he could crash on the sofa. I don't want him to be alone right now."

"That's fine. How is he?"

"Wrecked," said Ianto bluntly. "He cried himself to sleep. John's sitting with him now."

"John's with you?"

"Yeah, and I'm glad he is. Nick needs all the friends he can get."

Jack sighed. "Why is he taking this so hard? He must know that he did the right thing."

"Well, how would you be taking it?" snapped Ianto. "Jack, this is one of the hardest decisions a doctor will ever have to make! It's something I wouldn't wish on anyone!"

That got Jack's attention. "Has something –"

"All I can say is that we talked. What he told me was in strict confidence. Don't ask me to go behind his back. And don't push him to talk. He'll tell you when he's ready."

There was a long pause. "All right," answered Jack. "You're right. I won't push him."

"Thank you. I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"

"Yeah, okay."

~*~

_The next day…_

When she entered the Hub the next morning, the first thing Gwen did was make her way down to the autopsy bay. She took a deep breath and steeled herself. "Nick –"

But the doctor held up a hand to stop her. "Gwen, it's okay," he said softly. "I know you still miss Owen and you always will. The only way I'll be taking his place is professionally. I know I can't replace him and I'm not going to try to."

"Thank you," Gwen whispered, tears sparkling in her eyes. "I'm sorry I lashed out at you yesterday; you did everything you could for that man. And Ianto was right; Owen would have done the same thing." She smiled. "You're a good man, Nick Jones." And then she was gone.

Jack watched his second-in-command return to her desk and chuckled gently at the relieved look on her face. It seemed like he might not need to have that talk with her after all.

His soft laugh turned into a sigh and a relaxed smile spread over his face as he felt a familiar pair of hands soothing the knots in his shoulders. "You're too good to me, d'you know that?"

Ianto laughed softly against the base of his neck. "You deserve it," he whispered. "With everything that you do for us, we should give something back to you."

"You do enough for me as it is."

"And you do more than enough for me." Ianto came round and touched Jack's hand. "Jack, I'm sorry if I was a bit harsh with you last night. I was just…"

"Worried?" Jack smiled. "I know. I'd have done the same if it was me."

Ianto sighed. "Nick did tell me something, Jack. But he asked me not to tell anyone. He's not ready for us all to know about it. The only other person who knew was my dad."

~*~

"Are you okay?" asked John, trying not to sound too concerned.

Nick paused and looked at him. "Just give me time," he said quietly. "Give me time and I will be." He smiled rather dryly. "Time…time heals all wounds, they say. But they also say you can have too much of a good thing…too much time." His eyes flickered towards Jack's office as he spoke.

"When did you get to be so wise?"

"Around the time I moved to Cardiff," answered Nick dryly, but he didn't elaborate any further, and that flash of pain appeared in his eyes once again, though just for a moment.

John came over and stood beside him, resting one hand on top of Nick's and stroking it gently. He took a deep breath. "Nick," he began slowly, knowing that now was as good a time as any to tell the young man what was on his mind.

"Yes, John?"

"I –" but he was cut off by a very strange sound that echoed round the walls of the Hub. "What the hell is that?!" he almost shrieked.

Nick grimaced. "Someone switched my ringtone and I can't change it back," he growled. "Oh, it's my sister; hang on, I'd better answer this." He sprinted up into the hothouse.

John watched him go and sighed. He'd been trying to talk to him since the trip to Fishguard, to tell him something that had been on his mind since their night in the tent, and even more so since New Year's Eve. But every time he got close enough, something always interrupted them and he was starting to think that he would never be able to tell him.

Jack appeared a few moments later. "So apparently, our own doctor would still pay to have the Crazy Frog ringtone on his phone." He shook his head.

"He didn't," said John. "I would bet my life Ianto put it on his phone and fixed it so he couldn't change it. He's the only one who knows Nick well enough to cover his tracks."

"It seemed like a good idea at the time," said Ianto, who was coming down from Jack's office. "Where is he?"

"His sister called," answered John, forcing himself to hide the bitterness in his voice.

Ianto smiled sympathetically at him. "Still can't tell him?" he whispered

"I was so close just then! I thought –" but before he could finish the sentence, Nick came downstairs again, running one hand through his hair and looking thoughtful.

Ianto turned to look at him. "Are you okay?"

"That was Catrin." Nick's voice was oddly quiet. "She just wanted to tell me that…Alison's memorial is going to be on Friday."

Ianto shuddered. He and Nick were the only two members of the family who knew that Alison was actually alive; just housed on Flat Holm. He hated that he had to lie to them, but he also knew that there was no other alternative.

"Nick, you know I'll go with you," he said gently.

"Thanks." Nick squeezed his cousin's hand and looked up at John.

The former Time Agent's eyes widened. "You want me to go with you too?"

"Yes, I do. If it's too strange, I understand, but…it would really mean a lot to me." Nick took a deep breath. "What do you say? Will you come?"

John looked at him for a second and then made his decision.

***

_Next Time: Alison's memorial takes place – but what did John decide? __And what else will happen at the service? _


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

_Two days later…_

Nick sighed as he drove back to his old apartment, Trevyn and Estelle sound asleep in the back and John sat beside him. He could see a familiar silver Porsche following his little blue car into the car park and noticed Ianto giving him a reassuring smile. The sight gave him no comfort at all. Even with the bright blue sky and the fierce sun above him, he still felt as cold as the snow underneath his feet.

"This is so strange," he murmured to himself, absently stroking his hand over the steering wheel.

"I know." John's voice resonated through the small space. "It must be odd coming back to this old place after such a long time. When Jack and I were sent on a mission to the forty-second century, we were there for two years and when we finally got back to the fifty-first –"

"I don't mean that," interrupted Nick, not even taking his eyes off the building in front of him. But before John could ask him any more questions, he slowly unbuckled his seatbelt and stepped out of the car, pulling his coat around him as the cold air ripped through him, sending his hair flying around his face, scratching at his skin and slapping against his glasses. He didn't wait for the others, but simply made his way into the building, not even noticing the stench around the area due to the biting wind.

John caught up with him a few minutes later, the children safely dozing inside their pushchair, snuggled up in a thick cocoon of blankets. Suddenly, Trevyn let out a large yawn and his eyes flickered open, blinking sleepily in front of him. He breathed out and looked up, his owlish brown eyes suddenly appearing too large for his face as they widened at the sight in front of him.

"Daddy…" he breathed out, his mouth breaking into a large smile.

Nick almost burst into tears. He had barely seen his children since Christmas and yet his three-year-old son still looked up to him as his father. Some children that young would have forgotten what their father looked like if they had been left for so long. But not little Trevyn; he was still gazing upon his father's face, a beautiful expression of love and delight covering his own.

"He looks just like you, you know." Nick jumped when Catrin appeared beside him, wearing a knee-length emerald-green dress. She wrapped her brother in a hug. "How are you?"

Nick swallowed a bit as he hugged her back. "I'm…I'm okay," he whispered. "It's just…all this is a bit strange, I suppose."

"I know," Catrin whispered. "I've wondered about whether we should have waited so long to do this, but I didn't want to push you too hard. You need time to get your life back on track."

"I know. Thanks for everything, Cat; especially for looking after the little ones." He stepped back and held her hands. "I was so happy just now when Trev recognised me. I honestly thought –"

"Nick!" exclaimed Catrin, her eyes widening. "Don't ever say a thing like that! You know that David and I love looking after those little ones, but I would do anything to make sure they don't forget you! You're their father, Nick – and, whatever happens, you always will be!"

"She's right." Catrin's partner, David, had come out to see what was going on. "Nick, whatever happens, 'Stelle and Trev will always be your kids. You raised them from the moment that they were born. We're just here to help you get back on your feet."

"Thanks." Nick rubbed his head. "Sorry, guys. It's been a long week and I'm a little tired. I guess I'm also a bit stunned that Trev would still call me Dad; I've hardly earned –"

"Hey, enough of that," interrupted Ianto, who had arrived a moment earlier without anyone noticing. "Listen to the people who love you; they know best. Besides, I agree with them and you know me - I'm always right!"

"Yeah, I know." Nick was starting to feel uncomfortable. "Are the others here yet, Cat?"

"Not yet, you're still pretty early. We'll wait for them and then we'll go. Alison's mum and sister are meeting us at the church."

~*~

_An hour later…_

It was bitterly cold on the grass outside the small white Norwegian church. The sun was shining brighter than ever, but the wind had picked up again, racing through the snow-covered grass blades and whipping stinging dust into everybody's eyes.

John shivered, cursing his decision not to wear his warmest coat to the service. Looking around, he wouldn't have looked as ridiculous as he had thought he might have; everyone was dressed in fairly normal clothes. It looked like an everyday gathering, not a formal service. Even Ianto was wearing simple corduroy trousers, a red sweater and his thick coat. He was speaking now, but the wind was so strong, it was hard for anyone to hear what he was saying. At any rate, he wasn't really paying much attention to what was being said because he was so busy scanning the crowd, not stopping until he spotted a flash of familiar auburn hair.

The sun was flashing repeatedly over Nick's glasses, but in the rare moments that his dark eyes were visible, John could see a myriad of emotions flying through them, very few of which he could identify. Right then, however, those eyes were flickering in all directions, seemingly unable to focus on Ianto as he spoke, but it looked as though there was a mist over them, locking his feelings away, although his jaw was set and he was biting his lip so hard it was almost bleeding. Catrin and David were stood beside him, Catrin's hand gently rubbing his shoulder. But Nick didn't seem aware of them. In fact, he didn't seem aware of anything at all. Every time his eyes looked in another direction, they seemed to be fixed on some point, far away from the church and everything that was going on around him. Even when Ianto came down and wrapped an arm around his waist, he didn't give any sign that he'd noticed it.

John watched as Nick took the stand, moving as if he was on autopilot. When he spoke, his voice was only slightly louder than Ianto's had been, but this time, the words rang clearly across the stretch of grass, sending arrows straight through his heart. The quiet pain in his voice was all too real, even though his face was so calm. But even then, his eyes still roamed in all directions and he couldn't seem to focus on anyone or anything. When he caught sight of Ianto, watching him with an expression of intense pity on his face, his mouth twitched and he shifted his gaze immediately towards someone else. But even then, he couldn't seem to linger for more than a few seconds. It was as if he was trying to find someone who could understand him…someone who could see what he was really feeling and thinking.

Slowly, not wanting to attract too much attention, John stepped closer to the group, drawing his coat closer to him, trying to hide the fact that he was shivering. He took a deep breath and concentrated on the younger man, watching his face intently for any clue to his thoughts and almost jumping out of his skin when Nick looked straight at him.

He had no idea what it was, but there must have been something there that wasn't there with the others, because Nick's eyes never left his face for the rest of his speech. Even when he finally stepped down to allow one of Alison's sisters to speak, he still watched John, as if he was taking in every detail on his face and reading every emotion in his eyes.

~*~

_Half an hour later…_

Ianto came over and leaned on the railings outside the tourist office, looking across the water for a few minutes before he spoke. "I thought you'd be here." His voice was quiet.

Nick shrugged. "At least I can get a few minutes peace from the others. If I have to hear anyone else say "I'm so sorry for your loss", or "It wasn't your fault", I swear I am going to explode."

"But it –" Ianto quickly cut himself off.

"I don't want pity, Ianto. I don't want people constantly looking at me as if they're worried that I'm going to fall apart at any second. Yes, I'm going to miss her and yes, I'm sad that she's…" he stopped, frowning slightly. "Oh, God, this is so wrong."

"What is?"

"We're having a memorial service for her as if she's dead."

"Nick, she's not coming back."

"I know she's not. But she's not dead, either." Nick turned round for the first time. "It's just…having what essentially amounts to a funeral for someone who's still alive…don't you find that really weird? And don't you find it hard that you, me and John are the only ones here who –"

"We're the only ones who know the truth," said Ianto quietly. "I know, Nick, I know. And yes, I understand what you mean. But –"

"But do you really want to have to explain what really happened?" asked John, who had come to join them. He raised a sceptical eyebrow.

"Do we have the right to keep telling lies to her family?" retorted Nick. "Do we have the right to just let them think that Alison's dead while we know that she's stuck in that awful place?"

"Nick!" exclaimed Ianto, but he was cut off by John, who spoke quietly, but whose words had an immediate impact.

"Would they have believed us if we told them? And would you want them to go there?"

Nick's eyes widened at the former Time Agent's voice. "No," he admitted. "I wouldn't expect them to go there, but…you're right, they wouldn't believe me." He sighed. "You're right. I just really hate having to lie to them."

John looked him in the eye. "I know you do," he said. "But you tell them where she is, and then what? You think they're just going to accept that without question? Come on, Nick."

"I know, I know. But it doesn't make it any easier."

Ianto nodded. "I know it doesn't, but we're all here for you."

A woman with long black hair tied up in a high ponytail joined them then. "Nick, Aunt Diane is looking to have a talk with you," she said. "She's been looking for you for a while now; I'd go and find her before she comes over here and starts making a scene or something."

Nick groaned. "Okay, thanks Carrie; I'll go over now."

John watched as his lover followed the other woman back to the church. "Who was she?" he asked Ianto.

"That's Alison's cousin, Carrie," answered Ianto. "Diane Carter is Alison's mother."

John's eyes widened. "So –"

"Yep." Ianto looked grim. "She's Nick's mother-in-law."

***

_Next Time: The reunion with the mother-in-law never goes well, does it? Add that to the secrets that her son-in-law is hiding and t__hings are bound to get awkward! _


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

Nick closed his eyes and pressed his fingers against his forehead as he followed Carrie back into the church. She gave him a small smile and mouthed 'Good luck' at him before disappearing into the middle of a large cluster of people.

With a deep breath, Nick cast his eyes upwards and pinched the bridge of his nose, psyching himself up for what was sure to be one of the hardest talks he'd had in a long time. Whatever happened, he knew that he could not afford to fall apart now. He couldn't let everyone else's grief weigh him down. Alison wouldn't want that.

"Took you a long time to realise that, Nicky," said a familiar voice and the young doctor turned round to see his youngest cousin standing behind him with an amused look on his face.

"Hey, James," he said, managing a small smile. "Was I just talking to myself?"

"More like to the ceiling, really." The younger man sighed. "Nick, I've been meaning to talk to you for a while now."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. I don't know why you left the Royal, or why you left St. David's and I'm not going to ask. I know that if you wanted to tell me, you would. But I do know one thing."

"And what's that?" Nick really didn't have the patience for James' cryptic remarks at this point. The answer, however, completely threw him for a loop.

"Everyone you've worked with has loved you very much; they've always been very impressed with your work ethic and the way you've been able to connect with your patients and how you've treated all of them with respect and love, no matter who they are. But…they all agreed that you had one weakness." He took a deep breath. "You care too much, Nicky."

"I'm a doctor. I have to care. And don't call me Nicky; you're not twelve any more."

"Of course you have to care. But you've also got to think of your own self-preservation. It's great that you've got so much empathy and love to give, but you can't keep getting so emotionally involved with everyone."

"Just because you've got the emotional height of a piglet," said Nick rather nastily.

"I'm serious, Nick. If you keep getting so dragged into cases, everything will drag you down. Like now," he dropped his voice, "I can see that you're trying to think of the best way to handle this discussion with your monster-in-law –"

"James!"

"Sorry, mother-in-law…but the point still stands! You're so worried about pleasing her, no matter what you have to suffer for it. You always have been. Well, screw her, Nick. She's not worth your affection and you know it."

He looked over to where a very rich, middle-aged woman was making her way into one of the back rooms, firing an appraising look back over her shoulder, and muttered with some slight disgust, "Who on earth wears what's practically a wedding dress to a memorial service anyway?"

"I think we can forgive her, just this once," growled Nick. "I'll see you –"

James caught his sleeve. "Nick, I'm serious. You have been nothing but kind and respectful to that woman, and she has treated you terribly. You've got such a big heart and so much love to give. Don't waste it on someone who doesn't deserve it."

Nick looked at the young man sharply before he turned away and walked in the direction that the formidable woman had left in. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door and stepped into the small room, readying his courage when he saw the richly dressed woman before him.

"It's been a long time, Dr. Jones," she said, without turning round, but the slight Scottish brogue her voice had once held was now replaced by a clipped Cambridge accent.

"Yes, too long," agreed Nick, giving her as genuine a smile as he could manage and reaching forwards to shake her hand. "I hope you've been well?"

His mother-in-law accepted the handshake with her usual disdainful sniff. "I'm as well as can be expected, thank you," she said, turning her back on him again. "Yes…as well as can be expected, given the circumstances."

"What circumstances would they be?" asked Nick, a little too quickly.

"The loss of my daughter, of course," said the woman, very coolly.

"Oh. Yes…yes, of course. You must have been devastated."

He received a raised eyebrow in response. "Clearly a lot more devastated than you are, considering that you seem to have forgotten why you're here in the first place." She brushed some imaginary dust off her dress. "But then again, I suppose that's no surprise. You do have a very…" she paused for a second, "_intensive_ job at St. David's, don't you?"

Nick blinked. "Oh," he said, "I don't work at St. David's anymore. I left about two months ago."

There was a long silence. Mrs. Carter turned round to face him completely, her face carefully blank, but her eyes utterly incredulous. "You left?" she exclaimed. "Which hospital are you working at now?"

"Oh, I'm not working at a hospital. I've got a position working as a specialist medic in a Special Ops team. The work's intense, but it feels…it feels right."

"I see." She sniffed again. "And where are the children while you're away at this…new job?"

Nick shuffled awkwardly, scuffing his shoes against the floor. "My sister and her partner are helping me take care of them, just while I get settled again. I don't want to subject them to too much upheaval when they need all the stability they can get. I can't take them to work, especially when I'm still trying to get a feel for the place." He pushed his glasses back onto the bridge of his nose. "It would be ridiculous."

That gained him a chipped glare. "I see. It seems you have very little room for making mistakes."

"Oh, there's no room for mistakes," agreed Nick. "There's never any room for mistakes."

His mother-in-law snorted. "That's interesting. It seems that you have learned something."

Nick looked confused. "What d'you mean?" he asked, genuinely curious.

The response was a small smile, which lacked any warmth. "Just that, as you rightly said, you can't afford to make mistakes. It's just a pity you didn't learn that when you were in Newport." She smiled again. "Good day to you…_Doctor Jones_."

"But –" stammered Nick, but the sound of the door slamming shut told him that he was alone. "How did you know?" he whispered, his voice echoing around the empty room.

With a small sigh, he leaned against the wall, pressing the heels of his hands to his forehead and groaned loudly, not hearing the door open again. "God…"

"He won't help you, you know," said a voice behind him.

Nick jumped and turned round. "Who won't?"

"The big guy in the sky," answered John, tying his sweater around his waist. "Are you okay?" When the only reply he received was a raised eyebrow and a grunt, he nodded. "Mother-in-laws are always the same. You know, I almost got married myself once. She had a smile brighter than the sun and hair curlier than a poodle's fur. Wasn't averse to the odd dog-collar either…" He trailed off, lost in the memories, before he noticed Nick looking at him incredulously. "And then I met my future mother-in-law. Man, that woman could obliterate my sex-drive – me, the intergalactic playboy of the Time Agency! Seriously, she did this thing that could make me feel about _this _small, and believe me –"

"John," interrupted Nick, "if you can't say anything useful, just shut up."

"But I am saying something useful!" protested John, his voice rising. "I'm telling you that you're not alone in the circle of having a monster-in-law!" He nodded wisely, waiting for Nick to crack a smile, but when he didn't, his exuberant manner dropped like a hot brick. "Come on, she can't be that bad…can she?"

"I can introduce you if you want," answered Nick quietly. He turned to stare at the ceiling again, not registering the movement behind him until he felt a pair of arms slip around his waist. Slowly, he turned his head to find John looking at him with barely veiled concern. He tried to speak, but no words came out, only a small murmur of exhaustion.

"Wow," he whispered. "So she really _is_ that bad."

Once again, Nick couldn't find the words to express what he was thinking, so he simply leaned back and rested his head on John's shoulder, closing his eyes as a deep sigh rippled through his body as the former Time Agent gently rubbed circles over his neck and shoulders.

He was so comfortable, he didn't even hear the door creaking open or the sound of high heels clicking on the floor, echoing through the room. In fact, it was only when he felt John's body tense that he looked up and felt his stomach lurch at the sight of the familiar woman stood in front of them, her eyes wide in disbelief.

***

_Next Time: __What havoc did the monster-in-law – sorry, mother-in-law – wreck? Later on, Catrin makes an offer to Nick, but will her brother accept? _


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

"Why does Alison's mother seem to hate Nick so much?" asked Catrin, drumming her gloved hands on the railing in front of her. "She was looking at him like he was a sea slug or something during his speech."

"Seem to hate him?!" exclaimed Ianto, spinning around. "Catrin, she doesn't seem to hate him – she actually does hate him."

"Why?"

"Why? Catrin, she has never thought that Nick was good enough for her daughter. She knew about your dad and his depression and she was afraid that her family's reputation would be tarnished because of that."

Catrin looked outraged. "That's crazy!" she shouted. "There is nothing wrong with our father!"

"I know, I know," interrupted Ianto. "But she's never thought Nick was good enough for her daughter, never. She had always hoped that Alison would marry the son of a rich accountant, someone who the family had known for years." He sighed. "To be honest, I think the only reason she didn't stop Nick and Alison getting married was because of Alison's father. He got on really well with Nick and he could see that he made Alison happy. But after he died…" Ianto trailed off and shuddered.

Catrin sighed a bit. "You see? Nick tells you these things when he never said a word about any of it to me." She bit her lip and focused on a distant point. "Sometimes, I wonder if you know my brother better than I do." Her voice was quiet, but the resentment was all too clear.

"I know," Ianto said gently. "I know, but – Catrin, Nick and I have grown up together. He's my brother in all but blood and he didn't even know he had a sister for a long time."

"Yes, but –"

"Also, don't forget, he's a man…and I guess he just finds it easier to confide in other guys than he does with women, you know?"

Catrin nodded. "I guess I understand that."

Ianto nodded and then laughed. "You know the ironic thing, though?"

"What's that?"

"She always said that Nick was never good enough for Alison, but…as far as I'm concerned, Alison was never good enough for Nick." He dropped his voice. "And I'm not saying that out of dislike for her – she's a nice girl. But she wasn't good enough for him. She would never have given him the love that he deserves. There was only one person who could have that."

Catrin was about to ask what he meant, when she was distracted by footsteps coming towards them. She turned her head, just in time to see John and Nick approaching. John's face was a picture of guilt and shock, but Nick was almost completely calm, even if he was very pale. But Catrin knew better. Her brother was very good at keeping a calm façade, but there was a lot more to it than that. She at least knew him well enough to know that.

"What happened?" she asked, barely restraining the hysteria in her voice. She ran to hug him, but Nick stepped aside and, touching John's shoulder, walked away from the group.

Ianto caught her arm before she could follow. "I'll talk to him," he said softly and turned, following Nick at a distance as he walked away from the loitering group of people and towards the damp railings. "Hey," he said, keeping a careful distance and not touching him.

"I thought you'd follow me." Nick's voice was quiet and without anger, but he didn't turn round. He rubbed his forehead slowly and sighed. "God, I hate her."

"I think we all do," said Ianto, stepping a little closer. "Something happened there, didn't it?"

"Just the usual," answered Nick, but then he laughed. "Well…no, it wasn't just the usual. Ianto – she knows…she knows about what happened in Newport…"

Ianto gripped the railing to steady himself. "How did she know about that?"

"I have no idea. I certainly never told her about it. I never even told Alison about it – in fact, the only person outside the hospital who knew, before I told you the other day was your dad." He shook his head. "But I know that he'd never have told her."

Ianto tilted his head slightly. "That's not all, is it?" he said quietly. "Come on; I know you, Nick – I know something else happened there."

Nick turned his head properly this time. "Yes," he whispered, but he was looking at something behind Ianto. "Yes, something else did happen."

Ianto followed his gaze, about to ask what had happened, but then he saw what, or rather who, his cousin was looking at, and it suddenly clicked. "She saw you with John, didn't she?" When Nick's eyes dropped down, he bit his lip. "Was it bad?"

"Bad?" Nick laughed incredulously. "Ianto…well, let me put it this way. I'm starting to see that James was right when he said that she wasn't worth my affection."

"Nick, I've –"

"Been telling me that for years," interrupted Nick. "Yes, I know you have. But I was so desperate not to cause a rift between Alison and her mother that I never listened." He laughed a bitter, self-deprecating laugh. "Ianto…the things she said to John…I couldn't believe what I was hearing."

Ianto shuddered; he could imagine the things the woman would say about the former Time Agent only too easily. And yet…"What else happened?"

Nick shrugged. "She didn't really say anything else that I didn't already know – just that I wasn't a good father to the children, if I had to leave them with my sister all the time." He waved away Ianto's half-formed response. "She also said that I wasn't good enough for Alison, which I –"

"Don't you dare say you already knew that!" interrupted Ianto angrily. "If anyone's not good enough for anyone, Alison was never good enough for you!"

Nick whipped round and glared at Ianto. "What're you saying?"

"I'm not saying that because I don't like Alison," Ianto hastily backtracked. "You know I thought she was a nice girl. But she never gave you the love you deserve. The only person she gave that to was her mother. I'm telling you, Nick – if that woman had suggested that Alison divorce you and take the children, she would've done it like that!" He snapped his fingers.

For a moment, it looked as though Nick was going to argue, but then his shoulders slumped and he dropped his gaze towards the railings. "I didn't have much," he murmured. "In fact…all I really had to give her was my love."

"I know," said Ianto quietly. "And you gave her all the love you had."

"But in the end…it just wasn't enough, was it?"

"I'm sorry." Ianto touched his hand gently. "But it's not always like that, Nick. Sometimes, you find someone and then…you find that love is enough – that sometimes, love is more than enough. Sometimes, just being by someone's side is enough." He let his eyes linger on the water tower for a few minutes, allowing his cousin to take in the words and then squeezed his hand. "Come on. Catrin's invited us to her flat for a late lunch. She's cooking spaghetti…and her own homemade garlic bread," he added with a grin.

That got Nick moving. "Well, what are we waiting for?"

~*~

_Catrin's flat, two hours later…_

"I'll tell you one thing, Catrin," remarked Nick as he and Ianto helped her wash the dishes up from lunch. "When you're cooking, everything feels right with the world."

"Thanks," smiled Catrin. She turned a little pink, the way she always did when someone complimented her on her cooking.

"He's right, you know," chimed in John. "You ever consider setting up a catering business? I'm telling you, you'd be very popular. That was the best meal I've had in a long time!" He dropped his voice. "It's a pity your brother didn't inherit your cooking ability."

"Oi!" protested Nick, reaching over to slap the other man with a wet towel. Unfortunately, John dodged, causing Nick to lose his balance slightly and stumble backwards, landing flat on his back. When he sat up and realised what he'd tripped over, his eyes widened in surprise. "Catrin, since when have you owned a dog?"

"Since two days ago," answered David, who had been settling Trevyn and Estelle down for a nap. He picked up the squirming ball of black fluff. "His name's Woodie."

"Nice," answered Ianto, helping Nick up again. "Just don't leave him around clumsy doctors."

"Hey…" Nick started to protest, but then saw the look that John was giving him and gave up. "Yeah, okay, I'll give you that one."

Catrin smiled and turned around. "Speaking of which, I think Woodie needs his walk, David," she said, giving her partner a meaningful look. He nodded and, kissing her on the cheek, clipped a thick blue lead on the dog's collar and left.

John had also noticed the look and grabbed Ianto's arm. "We're going to go and get some drinks and nibbles," he said, nodding at the young woman.

"We are?" asked Ianto. "Oh, yes, we are," he hastily added as John dragged him out of the door.

Catrin took off the rubber gloves she was wearing and dropped them on top of the now empty sink. "Well, now that it's just us," she said. "Nick, come over here and sit down."

"Okay," Nick seated himself on the plush sofa, steadying himself before he sunk into the cushions completely. He accepted a glass of cold water from his sister. "What's up?"

Catrin gave him a hard look. "I don't pretend to know you as well as Ianto does, Nick," she said calmly, but her eyes were full of conviction. "But I know you well enough to know that you're a shadow of yourself at the moment. You've just started a new job and, while I'm very pleased for you, you're clearly very tired as well." She reached over and tapped his cheek with her long fingers. "You've got circles under your eyes and you've lost a lot of your colour – and John said you've not been eating properly recently."

Nick pulled away from her. "What are you suggesting, Catrin?" he asked.

"I'm going to suggest that I take care of your kids – just for a few weeks," she said. "I can see that you're struggling – and don't you dare try and deny it. I'm your sister, Nick – I want to help you. Will you let me be there for you?"

Nick stared at her for a few seconds and shook his head. "No," he whispered, getting up. "I appreciate the thought, but they've just lost their mother, Catrin. I can't abandon them now."

"You wouldn't be abandoning them," insisted Catrin. "It wouldn't be a permanent thing, Nick – just until you get back on your feet."

"But –" Nick started to speak again, but his sister was in no mood to listen.

"Nick, those children need stability. Right now, you can't give them that."

***

_Next Time: What will Nick eventually decide? _


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

"_Those children need stability. Right now, you can't give them that."_

The words echoed round the flat, bouncing off the walls and the ceiling, before they finally reached Nick's ears. He stood, shocked, for a few minutes, the words rushing and roaring through him, before they finally reached his brain. As they sunk in and he realised the true meaning of what his sister had said, Nick turned round and slowly walked towards her, his mouth moving, but no sound was coming out. He stood in front of her for several seconds, trying to speak, only to end up sinking back onto the sofa, his hands gripping his hair as all his energy seemed to seep away.

"I'm a terrible father," he murmured.

Catrin shook her head. "That would only be the case if you didn't put your children's needs first," she said. "And what they need now is something that their father is in no position to give them." She looked straight at her brother. "Nick, I can't tell you what to do and I would never force you into anything. At the end of the day, they are your kids, so this has to be your decision. But just take a moment and think. Can you look me in the eye and honestly say that you are in any position to raise two young children in your current state?"

Her voice dropped slightly and she touched his hand, masking the hurt she felt when he flinched away and stood up as if he'd been burnt. "And…how are you going to do your job properly if you're worrying about your children?"

Nick turned round and opened his mouth to reply sharply, but the words wouldn't come. Instead, he suddenly found himself remembering the day of his uncle's funeral where he had sat with his sleeping children and made a promise after returning home and seeing how peacefully his young family – or what was left of it – was sleeping.

"_I won't run from this. I will do whatever I can to protect the people I love. And if I die trying…then it will all be in the line of duty...I can't stand the thought of leaving these two without a father or a mother, but if I die protecting them…at least I know they'll be safe." _

Wasn't that what he was doing by working at Torchwood? Wasn't half the reason why he agreed to work for Torchwood so that he could protect his children and the world around them? He wanted Estelle and Trevyn to have a better world – a _safer_ world.

"And that's what I want to play a part in building," he whispered. "Whatever it takes, I will do everything I can to protect the people I love…even if it means I can't always be there."

He turned to Catrin and took a deep breath. "You're right," he said, his voice calm, but his eyes betraying what the words were costing him. "When Alison passed away, I promised myself I would protect Estelle and Trevyn, no matter what it took. I'm not in a position to do that right now."

Immediately, Catrin's face softened. "It wouldn't be a permanent thing, Nick," she said quietly. "I'll take care of them for as long as you need me to, just to give you some time to clear your head." She touched Nick's hand and squeezed it when her brother didn't pull away. "What do you say?"

Nick thought for a moment. "Can you take them for…ten days?" he suggested.

"As long as you need," she affirmed. "If you need any more time –"

"No, just ten days," he interrupted. "Otherwise they'll forget who I am." He meant it as a joke, but the moment he caught sight of Catrin's face, he knew it had fallen flat. "I mean –"

Catrin sighed. "Nick, those children are never going to forget you. You heard Trev call you Daddy earlier – he idolizes you. And so he should." She reached up and stroked his cheek gently. "You're doing the right thing, Nick. You need this break."

~*~

_Three weeks later…_

Jack was facing the autopsy bay from one of the windows in the hothouse, ostensibly flicking through a book, but really watching the activity going on down below. Earlier that day, the team had been called to deal with a pack of Weevils in Bute Park, and Nick had ended up in the path of one of them, resulting in an injury to his left arm. It wasn't serious, thankfully, but it brought home another frightening realization for Jack.

Setting his book aside, he finally turned round. "I don't understand," he said. "Two weeks ago, he seemed to be so much better; he was looking refreshed, cheerful and happy. But now…" he sighed and turned back. "He could have been seriously hurt today."

"I know," replied Ianto, coming over to join him. "I'm going to go down and talk to him." He smiled slightly at the older man and trailed down the stairs, mentally preparing himself. But as it turned out, he didn't have the chance to say anything.

"I know what I have to do," said Nick quietly, not turning around. "It's just…I'm afraid to do it."

Ianto nodded. "I know," he said, stepping a bit closer, but not so close that he was overshadowing the other man. "I understand, Nick. Believe me, I do. Giving up someone you love isn't easy –"

Nick turned his head sharply. "I'm not giving them up!" he exclaimed, his eyes widening, but then his voice dropped to a broken whisper. "I can't…"

"But sometimes it's for the best," Ianto ploughed on regardless, knowing that he had to make his cousin see that he was doing the right thing. "Listen to me. You always said that you wanted to protect your children, whatever the cost. It doesn't matter who they live with, Nick. You are always going to be protecting them – and the world they live in – by doing this job. You're giving them hope for a better and a safer future." He stepped slightly further forwards and touched his hand. "You've already said that you know what you have to do. And I know that you can do it – I know that you have the courage to do it."

Slowly, Nick turned round properly and looked at his cousin's hand on top of his before looking straight into Ianto's stormy blue eyes. Just watching them gave him strength and made him realise that he could do this…that he knew what he had to do…

"For the greater good," he whispered, absently stroking Ianto's fingers. "I made a promise to protect the people I love, even if it meant dying." He sighed softly. "Every night, for a week, I've heard those same words in my head, calling me in my dreams…telling me that if there's any way that I can keep Estelle and Trev safe…then I must do it, even if –"

"And you can stop that thought right there," interrupted Ianto. "You're not abandoning them and you're not leaving them alone. They will be loved and safe, Nick, whatever happens." He gripped his hands tight. "I will make sure of that, even if it's with my dying breath."

He paused to let those words sink in. "And what's more, you will not be going through this alone. I've had lots of practice at supporting people." He chanced a glance up to the hothouse and smiled slightly when Jack raised an eyebrow at him, before turning back and looking straight into Nick's eyes. "It's high time I started to do that for you."

Nick felt his heart almost stop as Ianto's heartfelt words washed over him. Three times, he tried to speak and three times the huge lump in his throat choked him, cutting his voice off. A sharp pain shot through his nostrils and his vision began to blur and shimmer as tears stung behind his eyes. When he tried, without success, to speak again, he grabbed Ianto and enveloped him in a fierce embrace, ignoring the few tears that spilled down his face.

From his vantage point in the hothouse, Jack smiled and wiped away a few tears of his own as he saw Ianto wrap his arms tightly round his cousin, holding him close and protecting him.

~*~

_Two days later…_

Nick leaned against the railing and watched as his sister walked away, Estelle sound asleep in her pram and Trevyn skipping along, waving behind him all the way. Occasionally, Catrin would also turn around and give her brother a small smile. Once they were out of sight, however, the young man dropped his hand back to his side and turned round, gazing up at the sky and ignoring the feeling of metal pressed against his back.

Gwen came outside a moment later and looked out at the water in front of her. "It really gets to you, doesn't it?" she mused. "Doing this job, I mean."

"Yep," answered Nick with a small and rather ironic laugh. "It really does."

Gwen smiled. "You're doing the right thing, Nick," she said. "Whether or not Estelle and Trevyn are living with you, just by doing what you do, you are protecting them."

"I know. It's just hard, knowing that they might never know their father properly if I die young. But I said I would give my last breath to protect them and I will stand by that."

"I know you will…because you're a good father to them, even if they're not with you."

Nick turned and looked at her sharply for a minute before he spoke. "I just wish I didn't have to lie to Catrin about what I did," he murmured. "I mean, I know she wouldn't believe me, but it doesn't make things easier, that's for sure." He smiled a little bitterly. "It must be easier being able to tell Rhys the truth now."

Gwen looked thoughtful. "Well, in some ways, it is, but in other ways it isn't," she admitted. "I mean, it's nice not having to lie all the time and it's nice having someone to talk to after a hard day. But on the other hand, I hate the thought that he knows how dangerous this job, because sometimes I can just see him wanting to protect me from it and it breaks my heart a little knowing that he can't…and knowing that I'll die young and probably leave him alone."

Nick nodded. "Yeah, I understand that. At Alison's memorial recently, I wanted to tell her family what really happened to her, but I knew that I couldn't because they'd never believe me." He gave another dry laugh, but then caught Gwen's confused look. "What is it?"

Gwen blushed. "I'm sorry, but…I thought Alison…you know, passed away. I mean, one day, you were so convinced that she was alive and then –"

"Then I seemed to have given up?" Nick nodded. "That's because I found her. She's…still alive, but…she's not here." Quickly, he turned back, his eyes drifting across the water.

Gwen's eyes widened as the meaning behind that look hit her. "Nick, I'm sorry," she gasped. "I didn't realise…"

"Doesn't matter," Nick said quietly. "She was…well, she was gone a long time ago. It wasn't until John took me there that I realised it."

"John took you there?"

"Yes…because I asked him to!" he said hastily, seeing the shocked look in his colleague's eyes. "I knew that he knew what had happened to her and I asked him to take me there – no, I more or less demanded that he did. He gave me the chances to back out, but I insisted. I had to know."

"And do you feel better for knowing?" Gwen asked, but when Nick didn't reply, except for a shrug, she nodded. "You do, but then again you don't, right?"

"Something like that," answered Nick, wearily. "Can we talk about something else now?"

Gwen nodded. "Sure. Hey, d'you fancy going to grab some lunch? We've not really gotten to know each other very well yet, which is a bit silly considering we'll be working together." She held out her hand. "It's my treat."

Nick laughed gently and accepted her hand. "That would be lovely. I know just the place."

***

_Next Time: __John and Nick mix business and pleasure, with good results…until unforeseen circumstances see John's past suddenly coming back to haunt him._


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

_One week later…_

Nick rolled over on the wet grass, just managing to grab his gun before the creature lunged for him, attempting to pin him to the ground. But, thanks to the rigorous combat training that John had insisted on putting the entire team through, Nick was a second too fast for the animal and the sharp claws ended up only sinking deep into the soaking wet ground.

Quickly, ignoring the way the rain was soaking his glasses and the lumps of mud in his hair, the young doctor rolled forwards and leapt to his feet, readying himself to shoot if he had to. But then John came up to him, brushing his hair back and panting.

"Our guns don't work!" he panted. "I just emptied a whole round of bullets into that thing, but it's only getting stronger." He tried to pull the trigger on the creature for emphasis, and hissed through his teeth when nothing happened. "You see?"

Nick swore under his breath. "Is this thing related to Gwen's old friend, the Nostrovite wedding crasher, by any chance?" he asked, wiping his glasses.

John shrugged. "I've not seen it shift shape or do any of the other weird stuff that those blighters can get up to," he said. "Well…apart from this. But I wouldn't rule anything out."

Nick scratched his head. "Hey, have you got a can of Weevil spray on you?" he asked suddenly.

"Weevil spray?" repeated John, his eyes widening.

"Have you got any or not?"

"Yeah, there are two cans in my coat, but what on earth –"

But Nick had already fished out one of the cans. "On my word, we spray it," he said. "It's a long shot, a very long shot, but sometimes the longest shots are the best ones." He flipped open the lid. "Okay – spray it, now!"

John had absolutely no idea what the young man was hoping to achieve by doing this – he had admitted that it was a very long shot – but something in those hazel eyes made him trust him enough to follow his lead, whatever it would bring.

He was astonished however, when the alien did actually seem to stop moving in the seconds that they saw it before white smoke began to engulf it. He blinked. As far as he could recall, Weevil spray had never done that before. Curiously, he began to step forwards, his eyes watering as the stench of the spray invaded his sinuses, and tried to investigate what was going on.

However, he quickly realised that this was a mistake, as he couldn't see anything past the end of his nose, because the smoke was so thick. Swallowing hard, he took a deep breath and lunged forwards. Immediately, he felt a sharp pain in his knees, and heard a clanging sound reverberate around the countryside as he fell flat on his back, blinking heavily.

Gradually, the smoke began to clear and John sat up slowly – only to find that the creature they had been tracking was stood, frozen in its tracks, the moonlight shining over its skin. Frowning, he reached out and touched it, expecting to feel matted fur, but instead feeling hard and cold –

"Stone?!" he exclaimed incredulously. "The Weevil spray turned this thing to stone?"

Behind him, Nick shrugged and clipped the lid back on top of his now almost empty can. "Well, someone's going to find a rather interesting garden ornament if they come out here," he remarked, helping the former Time Agent to his feet. "What is it, anyway?"

John, who had begun a scan using his wrist strap, shook his head. "I have no idea," he said. "I've never seen anything like it before and my scanner doesn't recognise it."

Nick walked around the statue and tapped it cautiously, his gun still ready. "Do you think Jack might be able to work out what it is?"

"He might." John shrugged. "Come on, help me lift this thing; we'll get it back to the Hub."

Once the statuesque creature was safely in the back of the SUV, John turned to him. "By the way, that was clever thinking with the Weevil spray."

Nick shook his head. "Nope, it was just a lucky shot." He grinned and placed a small kiss on John's lips. "Hey, do you want to go get some food? I don't know about you, but I've not eaten since lunch and I'm starving."

John raised his eyebrows. "Have you looked at us? We're covered in mud and soaking wet."

"Then we'll say that we just went for a walk in the countryside."

"Is that what we're calling it these days?"

"Come on! If nothing else, we could at least grab a few chips. I'm starving."

John felt a small smile spread over his face at his partner's excited expression. _It's times like these that I actually remember how young he is_, he mused to himself. "Oh, all right, you've twisted my arm," he growled, hopping into the driver's seat. "But then we go straight to the Hub."

"You got it," agreed Nick.

~*~

_Later that night…_

"It's been too long since we've done this, you know," remarked John, chewing on his piping hot chips and skipping around the large puddles that the rain had left behind.

"Yeah," answered Nick who was following at a more sedate pace, gazing at the sky. "Yeah, it has been a long time since we've walked down this street," he added with a twinge of sarcasm.

At that, John turned round and looked at him. "Okay, what's eating you?"

"Nothing's eating me. I'm actually eating chips."

"Yeah, yeah, very funny. Seriously," John came over and looked at him, "what's the matter? You've been quiet ever since we came off that hunt."

Nick chewed on the end of a chip he'd been holding for the past few minutes, considering how best to phrase what he had been thinking. "It's just," but then he trailed off.

John sighed. "Hey, you're not still beating yourself up over your kids, are you?" he asked. "Look, Nick, I know it was a hard choice, but you did the right thing. With what we do, you're not in a position to give them the stability that they need, but you're doing your job and protecting them every day when you come into work."

"I know," said Nick. "I still miss them, but I know that I did the right thing in the end. Besides, it's not like I'm never going to see them again." He shook his head. "No, it's not that. It's just…and I know this is going to sound mad, but," he dropped his voice a bit. "Well, what with all this stuff that the Rift spits out – or takes in – and all these aliens like Mr. Garden Ornament in the back of the car…I've almost started to forget what it feels like to have a normal life."

John paused to let this sink in. "So, walking down this street like two ordinary people feels –"

"Incredibly weird?" Nick nodded. "Yeah, it really does."

John gave a small laugh. "I guess that's what Torchwood can do to you," he mused. "It's certainly what the Time Agency can do to you. Makes you forget who you are, sometimes." He looked up at the parting clouds, and breathed out, before realising that Nick was looking at him curiously. "Ah, never mind," he said. "Don't listen to me. You'll find yourself soon. All you've got to do is stop looking." He suddenly laughed properly and slapped the younger man on the back before gently taking his hand. "Come on. Let's go take our mutant garden gnome back to the Hub."

They walked slowly and in companionable silence for a while, John's fingers gently stroking the hairs on the back of Nick's hand, soothing all his fears away. Suddenly, the former Time Agent stopped in his tracks and turned around, and gave him a tremulous smile, apparently nervous.

"Nick," he began softly. "There's something I've been meaning –"

But what John had been meaning to do was not to be revealed, as, a moment later, a burning pain shot straight through Nick's head with a loud bang, and, a moment later, he was lying face down in the middle of the road. Puzzled and shocked, he tried to sit up, but before he could focus, something heavy slammed into his stomach, knocking the wind out of him. At the same time, a heavy fist crashed into his jaw, almost knocking him out. He could hear coarse voices shouting, but he couldn't recognise them or make out the words. He could barely even see in front of him – the punch must have knocked his glasses flying. But in the midst of all of it, he could just recognise John's voice, shouting, half in anger and half in terror.

How long his attackers continued, he didn't know. But then, as suddenly as it started, everything stopped. Slowly, Nick tried to stand up, but his back screamed in protest and his head swam. He blinked rapidly, but he couldn't see; he must have lost his glasses. He coughed loudly and spat out blood, panting and wheezing. "John…"

The word was barely a whisper, but it must have been too loud, because a second later, there was a loud yell and he felt himself being held down hard against the floor. He struggled to break free, but the only response was a searing pain as his head was slammed against the road again, almost knocking him out. His blood chilled as he felt a pair of hard hands curling around his throat, cutting off his air supply and heard a hard voice cackling above him. A moment later, however, he felt his heart lurch when he heard a pair of heavy boots behind him. He managed to twist his head slightly to look, wondering if it might be Jack. But even in the dim light of the street, it only took a second for him to realise that the figure behind him was nothing like that of his boss. And if that hadn't been enough, then the harsh laugh would have confirmed it.

He stepped forwards, scrutinizing Nick, his slate grey eyes turning colder by the second and an ugly smile started to spread over his face as he eyed him up and down, the way a snake would eye up its prey. Nick shuddered and struggled again, fighting to breathe against the cold hands which were still clasped tightly around his throat. Tears pricked his eyes as he fought for air and he wondered if this was the end. Suddenly, and to his astonishment, however, the hands were removed and he was able to gasp loudly as air entered his lungs again. He gasped in surprise and tried to stumble to his feet, hoping that he would be able to find his glasses and call for help.

"Nick, look out!"

The words distracted him and, as he turned round in the direction of the anguished voice, a fist swung out of the darkness and knocked him back to the road. His head hit against something hard – a lamppost? – before he slid down onto the tarmac and everything went black.

~*~

"I think he's coming round."

"Yeah…he's lucky to be here. One second later and –"

"I know. You don't have to paint me a picture."

The voices seemed very close and yet so distant. Nick could feel his head throbbing as his eyes slowly opened, only to recoil back in protest as a flash of blinding white hit them. He cringed back with a loud groan and instantly a pair of blurred figures appeared in front of him.

"Well, it looks like Sleeping Beauty's finally woken up!" said a teasing masculine voice, but with a heavy undercurrent of concern there. "Hey…how many fingers am I holding up?"

Nick blinked again, trying to clear his vision. He knew that voice… "Jack?" he croaked, trying to focus on the dark shape in front of him.

He was rewarded with a gentle laugh and a cry of, "Well, he knows who I am, at least!"

"I don't think I could forget you," croaked Nick as he struggled to sit up, blinking the whole time and trying to ignore the protests his head was making. "Where are my glasses?"

"They're here, love," answered a soft female voice. "But I've had to put them back together. They snapped after what happened earlier and the glue's got to dry properly. We can't have them sticking to your hair now, can we?"

There it was again, that tone that tried to sound light, but that couldn't hide the concern underneath. Nick frowned slightly. "Jack? Andie?" he said, trying not to sound as groggy as he felt. "What happened? And," he paused, frowning. "Why am I wearing my tracksuit?"

Even without his glasses, he could see Jack hesitating and only coming forwards after casting his gaze up towards the main part of the Hub. When he was stood in front of him, Nick could see only too clearly how shocked the older man was. He looked as if he'd aged a hundred years in less than two minutes. When he spoke, his eyes were fixed on a point behind Nick's head and his voice was quiet, as if not speaking could make what had happened untrue.

"Nick," he said slowly, pausing to choose his words carefully. "You and John were attacked by a bunch of thugs. They were," he gulped, "really laying into you and restraining John when he tried to stop them. But when they…" his voice trailed off and his eyes drifted towards a table beside him. "Well, John got free and…knocked them out," he murmured, but his eyes didn't move.

Twisting his head slightly, Nick almost jumped off the autopsy table when he saw a pile of his old clothes there, his battered and ripped jeans on top. He frowned and squinted, trying to see better, but instantly wished he hadn't when he realised that, not only was the top button missing, but the zipper was also broken in several places as if someone had tried to…

The next thing he knew, he was shaking and throwing up into a plastic dish, gripping Andie's hand with one hand and Jack's with the other. It was several minutes before he realised that someone was stroking his hair, but when he did, he leapt off the table in alarm, toppling straight into someone else's arms. He didn't need to ask who was holding him; the heady scent slowly penetrating his mind was completely familiar and he slowly turned round to face the man behind him – and almost screamed out loud when he saw him.

"John!" he cried out, jumping away in shock. "What…what the hell happened to you?" Even without his glasses, he could tell that John looked a mess; his face and hands were literally a mass of bruises and his hands were stained with blood. In fact, Nick would have wagered that John looked easily as bad as he himself did.

He didn't wait for an answer, but, after doing nothing more for himself than swallowing a couple of strong painkillers, he motioned for John to sit down and take his shirt off, which he did (though not without an obligatory dirty comment). Then, he started to clean and bandage the former Time Agent's wounds as gently as he could. As he bandaged his hands, he couldn't help noticing that one of the guns John always carried was missing. However, when he saw the pained look on John's face, he decided that now wasn't the best time to ask what had happened. Instead, he was about to ask something else, when he was distracted by Gwen, who looked very unnerved.

"Jack, Detective Kathy Swanson's just called. Three men have been beaten up and…"

"And she's wondering if we had anything to do with it," Jack finished, before sprinting up the stairs two at a time. The others followed him to the boardroom and cringed when they saw the images that Gwen had managed to obtain from her former colleagues.

Now, she was relaying what she had been told to the others, but Nick barely heard her. He had been drawn towards the pictures of the three dead men and his heart started to pound so loudly, he was amazed that no one else in the room had heard it.

The bruising on their faces…the imprints of hands around one of their necks…the blood staining their hair…the sinister black gun wrapped in a cold, dead hand…making it look like suicide…

Nick didn't know when he had started to attract everyone else's attention, only that he suddenly felt Ianto touch his shoulder and then saw him standing in front of him, a concerned look on his face. However, Nick stepped away from him; he only had eyes for the man stood behind him. And, as he looked at him, the pieces slowly started to fit together in his mind…

_I bandaged his bruised and broken hands…cleaned the blood off him…_

And then there was that missing gun…_the missing gun that I'm seeing right now…_

Almost before he knew what he was doing, Nick ran out of the boardroom and back down the heavy stone steps to the autopsy bay, his mind racing as he leaned against the wall. _No…no, it can't be true…it can't be…he didn't…_

"Nick, wait! Please, just let me –"

"You did do it." Nick's voice was almost toneless in its coldness. He didn't even turn round when he heard John's familiar footsteps behind him. "You killed them."

There was an audible wince behind him, but then John said, "Yes, I did. And I almost regret doing it, because it means I can't go back and hurt them again."

There was a long pause as Nick finally turned round, still holding onto the table, and straightened up, turning all his focus onto the man stood in front of him. "What did you say?" he breathed out, unsure if he was more shocked or angry.

John's mouth went slightly dry at the tone, but he stood his ground. "I said that the only reason I regret killing them is because it means I can't go back and torture them again." He stepped forwards. "I did it for you, Nick."

"For me?" exclaimed Nick, his control finally breaking. "How can you say that? You…murdered three men…and you did it for me?!" He waved aside John's half-formed replies and carried on. "How can I believe you've changed when you turn around and do something like this? There was no need for it – no need at all!"

Jack and Ianto had heard the argument by now and had come down to see what was going on. "Nick," said Jack quietly. "I understand that you're upset and that you're very confused, but is now really the time to be doing this?"

"Oh, I think now is the perfect time to be doing this, Jack!" answered Nick, his eyes blazing almost as bright as his hair. He turned back to John, focusing all his anger on him. "I don't want to know how you could do it, John – I know perfectly well how you could do it! But I do want to know why!"

"Nick, please!" exclaimed John. "Jack's right, now isn't –"

"Tell me!" screamed Nick, slamming a tray of instruments onto the table with such a loud crash that everyone in the surrounding area jumped. "Tell me why you did it!"

"Because I love you!" shouted John.

***

_Next Time: __Well, John has finally blurted out something he's been meaning to say for a long time, but could his earlier actions spell the end of the road for him and Nick?_


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

The silence that followed John's outburst was so thick it was almost visible as a shimmering haze settling around the room, tense, palatable. It seemed to hang around them before settling over them like a dusty covering on a mirror. Nobody moved; nobody even appeared to breathe. No one seemed to want to break the tension created by those four simple words still silently echoing around them. Even the two girls waiting upstairs in the boardroom seemed frozen in their positions at the table, though they had no idea what had been going on.

Jack's eyes were fixed on John, a strange mix of emotions on his handsome face. The predominant one appeared to be shock, though he also appeared to be at once relieved that the other man had managed to move on after him, but at the same time, he was sad that it had come to light like this. At the same time, there was a flicker – a fast-fading flicker, but a flicker nonetheless – of amusement that Captain John Hart, the Lothario to his Casanova of the ages, had fallen for no one less than a twenty-first century Welshman (and a Jones to boot!) Not only that, but he had also announced this to the entire Hub!

Next to him, Ianto's eyes were fixed on Nick, his back arched as he leaned over the railings. Again, astonishment was flashing in his eyes, but at the same time, he looked concerned and, even as his eyes stayed on his cousin, his head would occasionally turn in John's direction and flashes of guilt would cross over his face as he remembered how he had treated the former Time Agent with such suspicion. John may not have always been the most pleasant character, but right now, at the end of the day, he was, and he had always been, simply a man in love.

Down below, unaware of Jack's scrutinizing eyes, John was breathing heavily as the impact of his words had started to hit him. It was true; he had loved Nick for a long time, but saying it out loud and actually hearing the words ringing through the air made it even truer, just as saying them out loud to Jack had.

_And look what happened then!_

He bit his lip hard, trying to calm the emotions raging inside him, before taking a deep breath and finally decided to look up. He didn't even register Jack or Ianto, instead his eyes focused on the man right in front of him, even as his heart clenched just from looking at him.

It wasn't just the bruises and blood covering his soft cheeks that affected him, or even the tiny pricks of blood dripping from his lip. Instead, it was the frozen look of disbelief and anger burning out of his beautiful dark eyes. He swallowed hard at the sight, the anger that he had felt slipping away like water running through his fingers.

Slowly, he stepped forwards, but before he could even open his mouth, Nick stepped sideways and stalked out of the room and up the stairs before breaking into a run.

When he heard his footsteps fade across the Hub floor, Ianto sprinted down and picked something up. "He left his glasses behind," he said by way of explanation.

John blinked and stepped forward, shattering the tension that had been suffocating them until then. "I'll take –" he began, but before he could finish, Ianto had already disappeared. Quickly, he moved to follow him, but was stopped by Jack pressing a hand against his chest. "Jack –"

"No," replied Jack, firmly, but not unkindly. "You need to give him time and space."

"Time and space?!" repeated John, his voice rising uncontrollably. "Jack, we've got an entire Rift in time and space here and look how much good that does anyone!" He pushed hard against Jack's hand, his eyes wild as he tried to force him away. "Get out of my way and let me go!"

The next thing he knew, however, he was being slammed against the wall, his arms pressed either side of his head and Jack's flaming blue eyes boring into his face. He tried to wriggle away, but Jack only pressed against him, literally pinning him to the wall. "Knew you'd want me now that I'm taken," John tried to joke.

Jack glared at him for a second, but, try as he might, he couldn't stop a small chuckle from escaping his lips. He closed his eyes and sighed. "Come into the hothouse and we'll have a talk," he said, loosening his grip on his former partner and steering him up the stairs. He swallowed hard, feeling his heart ache a bit when he looked around the Hub and realised that Nick was no longer anywhere to be seen. Ianto looked up and nodded sadly.

Once they were upstairs, Jack sat down on the plant table. "Just give Nick time," he said. "This is a big thing for him to take in. He's probably just –" but then he stopped when he saw the look that John was giving him; a look of pure incredulity. He bit his lip; he'd hoped it wouldn't come to this.

"And he'll be shocked by what you did earlier," he said, letting out a breath. "And I can't lie to you – I know better than most what you're capable of, but I was shocked as well. I honestly thought you'd left all that behind you when you met Nick."

John stared at him. "Yes, well…I thought I had too, but I'm not so sure any more," he muttered. "When I saw what those…_animals _were about to do to him…I just…" He shook himself. "Hey, how can you have a go at me for what I've done? Are you honestly telling me that you wouldn't have done the same thing if it had been Ianto?"

"Yes, I –"Jack stopped and took a deep breath. "John, I can't deny that, if it had been Ianto, I would've been angry, furious even. But I wouldn't have gone off hell-bent on revenge, because…" he hesitated and then nodded. "I know Ianto wouldn't have wanted me to."

He shook himself. "Now, come on; you need to give Nick some time before you try talking to him. There's a huge pile of paperwork that needs doing."

~*~

_Two hours later…_

Jack sighed as he looked up into the window from where he was sat on the sofa. He had left John alone to do the paperwork, wanting to give him some space and some time to think things through. But he could see that the younger Time Agent was flagging; his mind was elsewhere.

"Jack," Ianto had come up behind him. "Look, I know we were supposed to go out tonight, but…I think you should let John go home. He's clearly not focusing on what he's doing and he looks exhausted. I'll take the Rift watch tonight with you, but John needs to get home and talk to Nick."

Jack nodded. "Yeah, you're right." He gave Ianto's hand a light squeeze and made his way up the stairs. "You can go home now, John," he said quietly. "Ianto's taking over your shift tonight."

The words were barely out of his mouth when John was on his feet, hurtling down the stairs, calling a quick goodbye to Ianto and then gliding up the invisible lift. Once out of the Hub, he started running and didn't stop until he arrived at his block of flats. He took a series of deep breaths before he turned the key to his front door and stepped inside.

At first glance, the flat seemed empty, but he soon became aware of noises coming from the bedroom and hastened inside to see what was going on. When he arrived, he stopped in his tracks, the sight that met his eyes shocking him to the core.

There was a familiar black sports bag lying open on the bed and half-filled with clothes. A messy heap of books sat beside it with a small blue teddy bear on top. Various small items were also spread liberally over the bedcovers. For a second, John wondered if there were burglars around, but then Nick came out of the bathroom and the reality hit him. And it was a hundred times worse.

"What are you doing?" he asked, not wanting to believe it.

"Packing," answered Nick, without turning around.

"But you're packing…everything?"

"Yep." The reply was almost brutally blunt.

John felt his eyes widen as he stepped into the room. "But…_why_?!" he blurted out. "I…God, Nick, where are you going?" he exclaimed, almost breathlessly.

"I'm going home," answered Nick, his voice equally quiet as he piled everything that wouldn't fit into his sports bag into a small rucksack, zipped it up and made his way out, not even looking at John as he did so. At the door, however, he stopped and sighed.

"I was so stupid," he whispered. "I really thought you'd changed."

"I have changed!"

"I thought you had. But there's still a bit of the old you left in there, isn't there? I can't live with someone who tries to prove their love for me by using cold-blooded murder." He paused. "Because that's what it was John. It was murder, pure and simple. I can't be with you if I don't know if I can trust you."

"Nick…"

"No, John. It's over." And with that, Nick picked up his bags again and started for the door.

"Well, fine!" John didn't know why, but when he heard Nick say those words, something inside him snapped. "Just go then; go – take your stuff and go! Just forget about us! Forget about the memories we shared! In fact," and he grabbed a picture and threw it at him, not even flinching when it smashed against the wall. "There you go! Just to show you that you're welcome to them! They're not our memories now – they're just your memories! I don't need them!"

He waited for a response, but when Nick didn't say a word and just carried on walking, he shouted out, "Go on, leave then! Just walk away like what we shared was nothing!" When Nick was about to shut the door, he shouted, "But mark my words, Nick Jones – you'll think of me!"

But the door just slammed. Sighing, John flopped into a chair, staring at the broken shards of glass from the picture frame. "You'll think of me…"

~*~

Nick ran down a few flights of stairs, not even bothering to look where he was going, until he finally collapsed against the wall in the lobby, panting heavily as he clutched at his side.

A middle-aged man who lived in the building frowned at him. "Don't be giving yourself a heart attack at your age!" he said. "We need fit young men like you today!"

"Yeah, thanks," muttered Nick, easing himself back up again. "Just had a bad break-up, that's all." Before any more awkward questions could be asked, he stumbled to his feet and made his way back out into the night.

It had started to rain, but he didn't notice. He didn't even seem to notice where he was going. Everywhere he looked all the streets looked the same…

He didn't even flinch when the stench hit him. He barely even noticed it. Instead, ignoring his hair flopping damply in his face, he staggered up the stairs, fumbled for his keys, unlocked his door and sank down on the old saggy chair by the window, dropping his face into his hands as he tried to get his head around what had just happened.

How long he sat there, he didn't know. He just watched the rain attack his window panes, falling harder and harder until he couldn't even see anything beyond the water. It was only then that he started to pull away and only then that he realised that something was stroking his cheek gently, wiping away small drops of water from his face.

Nick blinked in surprise – he hadn't even realised that he was crying – and turned his head slightly, almost jumping out of his skin when he saw someone sat next to him. When he realised who it was, however, he breathed out deeply.

"How…how long have you been there?" He didn't need to ask how the other man had gotten in.

"Long enough," Ianto answered, wiping away the last of the tears. "Come on."

"Come on what?"

Ianto responded by picking up Nick's sports bag. "Come with me. I won't leave you alone while you're in this sort of state. You can stay at mine and Jack's for a while."

He forestalled any protests Nick might have made. "We'll even keep things quiet at night," he added, with a small smile. "Now, come on. Jack's waiting outside in the car."

Nick didn't even have the energy to argue any more.

***

_Next Time: Will the rift between the two former lovers cost more than it should? Or will Jack intervene before things get out of hand?_


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33

Jack thrust his hands into his pockets with a deep breath as he looked around at his team. On the face of it, nothing seemed to be terribly out of place; he was sat in his office attempting to make a dent in the seemingly never-ending pile of paperwork that covered his desk, John and Ianto were logging some new pieces of debris that had fallen through the Rift onto the Mainframe system, Gwen was taking advantage of a momentary lull in proceedings to make a phone call to Rhys, and Nick and Andie were down in the autopsy bay examining the latest dead alien (which seemed to have been dead for quite a while if the strong smell was anything to go by).

Looking from a distance, this would have appeared entirely normal, Torchwood and the team just keeping busy and doing what they always did. But upon looking closer, it became clear all was, in fact, not as it seemed. Only Gwen seemed remotely focused on her job and that was probably because she was talking to her husband, the man she loved above everything, and everyone, else. Her posture was relaxed as she sat against the wall, her eyes bright with laughter.

But the others were all distracted in some way, shape or form. Even Ianto, ever the professional, wasn't entirely focused on the job in hand, as Jack could see that he was constantly looking at John. His typing was unusually erratic and intermittent as well; he had noticed that his lover had made four corrections to one paragraph in the last ten minutes. As for John himself, he was constantly twitching in his seat, his body almost unnaturally tense and stiff and his eyes were always flickering in the direction of the autopsy bay.

Slowly, Jack's eyes focused on the scene in the autopsy bay, where Andie was conducting an autopsy on the corpse that was spread across the table. As she made the incisions in the body, Nick came over and together they examined the creature's entrails, occasionally taking notes whenever they ran across something important.

At least, that was how it would usually be.

Today, however, the scene just showed again how much was wrong with Torchwood at the time. Instead of standing calmly beside Andie, Nick was standing stiffly at the table, his back resolutely turned towards the other occupants in the Hub, even Ianto. Meanwhile, Andie had to work around him, but her mind was also clearly elsewhere as she kept shooting apologetic looks in John's direction, always making sure to turn back to her work whenever Nick looked at her.

Jack sighed and rubbed a hand across his face. It was ironic, he thought; the one time he actually wanted to concentrate on paperwork (if only as a distraction from the awful mood surrounding him) was the one time that he couldn't. The atmosphere was just far too intense to be true – even if it was an improvement from four days before.

~*~

_The alien that the team had been tracking turned out to be a Hoix, something that, as Jack explained, 'lived to eat and didn't care what it ate'. That had soon proved to be a very accurate estimation; the enormous creature appeared to be literally sucking in the air and swallowing everything that stood in the way. Jack and John grimaced, recognizing this as the attitude of a Hoix which had not had a proper feed for some time and warned the team to be careful. Ianto had replied with, "What do you think we're going to do, throw ourselves at it?" But, at the same time, he had been very careful to do as he was told. On his other side, Nick shivered, half out of fear, but half out of anticipation. _

_Suddenly, and with a loud roar, a Weevil came out of the sewers and knocked them straight into the path of the omnivorous beast before lunging straight for Ianto, ripping his shirt open, even as the young man struggled with the spray can. At the same time, evidently taking advantage of the distraction, the Hoix lunged. Instinctively, Nick whipped out his gun and ducked to the side, hoping to get a clear shot at the creature. A moment later, however, Ianto's scream rang out:_

"_Nick, look out behind you!"_

_He was surprised, but did as he was told. As soon as he did, his heart lurched. In his desire to get a clear shot at the Hoix, he had inadvertently given it a clear opportunity to attack John, who had been stood behind him, ready and waiting. _

_And that was exactly what was happening now. John had barely even had a chance to move when, with a burst of speed quite astonishing for its size, the Hoix launched itself at him, its eyes burning with joy at the strong pheromones the former Time Agent was exuding. _

_Nick turned sharply, pulling the safety catch off his gun and focusing on the target. He was ready to shoot the Hoix…but then, he stopped, hesitating. _

_A cascade of thoughts was crashing over him; memories of what had happened barely a week ago racing through his head, playing like a hideous film, making his body spasm. _

_He could feel the blood rushing through his veins; hear the pounding in his ears. He knew what he had to do, but the memories of what John had done kept raging through him like a poison, leeching into his heart…_

"_Nick!" yelled Ianto. "Stop hanging around and do your fucking job!" _

_The words cut through Nick's skull, dragging him out of his thoughts and back to the present. His eyes widened in shock as he saw that the Hoix had pinned John to the ground and bent its head towards him. There was a pool of blood slowly growing beside him and the colour was rapidly draining from his face as he screamed in pain. Then, for the first time since Nick had walked out of the flat, their eyes met and the young doctor was shocked to see the fear in John's expression. _

_As the reality of the situation suddenly sunk in, Nick drew a deep breath and finally fired the shot. The bullet went straight through the back of the alien's head, but before it could fall, Jack ran forwards and pushed it to the side, never once looking at Nick. _

_That was just as well, because Nick couldn't take his eyes off John. _

_Back at the Hub, John and Ianto were instantly escorted into the autopsy bay where Nick set John down with a heavy cloth while he tended to the gashes Ianto had received from the Weevil. Jack sighed a little as Ianto fired Nick a hard look before he walked up the stairs again, leaving Nick and John alone. _

"_You know," John said after a while, once his shoulder had been firmly bandaged, "for a moment there…I thought you were just going to leave me." _

_Nick didn't say anything at first, but his shoulders visibly stiffened. When John hopped off the table and made for the stairs, Jack started to head for his office, but Nick's voice suddenly stopped him. It was quiet, but the seriousness of his words could be heard all around the Hub._

"_For a moment, so did I." _

_Jack swallowed, realising that Nick really could have just left John to die – that he actually almost had. It was then that the seriousness of the situation suddenly started to sink in and he realised what he had to do. _

_When John had settled himself at the computer, Jack slowly walked down to the autopsy bay where Nick was tidying up the bandages. He took a deep breath and sighed. _

"_It wasn't just John who thought you were going to leave him, you know." His voice was quiet, but everyone could hear the anger was simmering beneath the surface. Even Ianto stopped what he was doing and came down to watch. _

_Nick jumped and turned round. "Jack, I –" _

_But Jack waved his hand for silence. "Nick, you've got to put your personal issues with John aside and think about the team I understand that things haven't been easy for you recently, but what you did today –"_

"_I didn't do anything."_

"_And that's my point. Your actions – or lack of them – could have gotten someone killed." A new emotion was tingeing Jack's voice now – disappointment. "I thought you of all people would have known better than to let a fight interfere with the team." _

_There was a long pause as Nick digested these words. Jack stepped back and nodded, before starting to turn around. But before he could leave, Nick spoke. _

"_And could you have forgiven something like that?"_

_Jack whipped round, about to answer, when he realised that Nick's question wasn't directed at him, but instead at Ianto, who looked shocked and confused. _

"_What're you saying, Nick?" he asked, looking down._

"_I'm saying," answered Nick, who was shaking slightly, "that you wouldn't have forgiven Jack if he'd done something like this. And you," he turned back to Jack, "you wouldn't have forgiven him if they'd done it for you either – and you both know that." _

"_No one is saying that you have to forgive him, Nick," said Ianto quickly, as Jack appeared to be temporarily speechless. "No one's denying that what he did was wrong. But that doesn't mean –"_

"_It doesn't mean that you could just let him die!" interrupted Jack, a flash of anger burning his voice. "I'm not saying that what he did was right, but I wouldn't let it get in the way of the team!" He paused, but only for long enough to catch his breath. "Listen to me – I can't have my team being broken apart by this. So, you act like part of the team, or you will be out of here so fast, you won't know what's hit you. What's it going to be?"_

~*~

Jack leaned against the wall, running his hands through his hair. He had hoped that his talk with Nick would have had more of an effect than it actually had. While the doctor hadn't done anything as dangerous as what had happened during the fight with the Hoix, he still wouldn't talk to John unless it was about work. Every time he tried, Nick would change the subject, walk away or turn around to talk to someone else.

Jack could see how much this was hurting his former partner, even though he did his best not to show it. But John had been going out on Weevil hunts and Rift alerts alone more and more often and kept on coming back with increasingly severe injuries.

At first, Jack wondered if this was just an excuse to spend more time with Nick and try to talk to him. But gradually, when he saw that Nick's attitude towards him hadn't mellowed at all, he realised that it was something completely different.

_He's throwing his life away…living without Nick is killing him…it's as if he doesn't even care if he lives or dies anymore…his spirit's being crushed…_

He was distracted, however, when the man he had been observing suddenly leapt to his feet, despite Ianto's attempts to restrain him. A moment later, he realised that the Rift alarm was going off. Instantly recognizing what John was about to do, he came forwards and spoke. "Ianto –"

But John shook his head. "It's only Rift activity, Jack," he said, the deadened sound of his voice resonating throughout the entire base. "I don't need a chaperone."

To Jack's surprise, however, Nick turned away from the alien corpse and looked up to see what was going on. A strange look crossed his face as, for the first time in what felt like an age, his eyes met John's. For a moment, Jack wondered if Nick was going to say anything, even if it was just a simple instruction to bring whatever he found back to the Hub.

However, when he didn't, John cleared his throat and turned away. "I won't be long," he said, taking up his guns and pulling on his coat.

"John, wait!" Ianto moved to follow him. "I just –" he paused and nodded before reaching out and lightly stroking John's arm, a strange, tender look on his face. John looked surprised, but nodded and, clearing his throat, turned on his heel and raced out of the Hub.

Jack looked at Ianto in surprise. "What was that about?"

Ianto turned round and gave Jack a small smile. "Forgiveness," he said simply.

~*~

_Two hours later…_

Andie sighed as she cleared up the remains of the alien. "Right, I'm off home," she said.

"Okay," said Nick, who hadn't even looked up. "Is John not back yet?"

"No," she replied and then she came round and looked at him properly for the first time all day. "You're a good man, Nick," she said quietly. "I'm proud to call you a team mate and a friend." She paused and when she next spoke, it sounded as if she was on the verge of tears. "But you can be a real jerk sometimes."

Nick shrugged and watched her leave before he tidied his lab coat away, humming tunelessly to himself – and promptly jumped when he realised that someone had appeared in front of him.

"Ianto!" he exclaimed, clasping a hand to his chest. "Don't do that! I could've been carrying a scalpel or something then!"

Ianto ignored this and simply thrust a piece of paper at him. "I thought you might like to see this," he said, his voice chilly at best.

Nick looked puzzled, but took the paper and unfolded it. "What is it?"

"Just read it."

Puzzled, not to mention slightly worried by Ianto's frostiness, Nick hauled himself onto the autopsy table and read the letter. It was full of crossings-out and the handwriting was very shaky, but the message couldn't have been clearer:

_Nick,_

_I can see that I've hurt you and I'm sorry for that. I've had some time to think and I've realised that, while I still maintain that I did it for the reasons that I gave you at the time, I was wrong to do what I did. I guess I let some of the old me out. Perhaps you're right; perhaps I haven't really changed at all and I was just fooling myself into believing that I had._

_But if I did, then it was only because I love you so much – and I have done ever since your uncle's funeral. I wanted to tell you sooner, but something always got in the way – believe me, Nick, I did not want you to hear it the way you did hear it. _

_I know it's too late for us and I know that I've ruined what we had. But I don't want you to blame yourself in any way – I got exactly what I deserved; in fact, I expected worse. All I want is for you to take care of yourself and your family. I wish you luck and happiness in the future._

_Goodbye…and good luck. John. _

Nick looked up. "So, he says that he really does love me," he said quietly, folding up the paper and setting it down next to him. "And yet…and yet he still did what he did." He gave a small laugh. "How can you really call that love?"

He was surprised, however, to receive a stinging slap to his right cheek which almost knocked him off the table. When he looked up, Ianto was staring at him with an expression of pure anger. "Woah!" he exclaimed. "What was that for?"

Ianto grabbed his shoulders and shook him, hard. "Just listen to yourself!" he exclaimed. "You've been acting like a complete idiot recently and you know it! Yes, I understand that you were upset and shocked by what John did and yes, I would have been if it had been Jack. But that doesn't stop him being a good man, Nick!"

"But he wasn't always!" countered Nick. "You said so yourself –"

"Yes, and it's true that he wasn't. He's not denying it now and he is trying to change – and he's doing it for you…because he really does love you! I'd say that he loves you as much as, if not more than, he loved Jack!"

There was a long silence following Ianto's pronouncement and in it, the anger in Nick's eyes slowly began to fade as what his cousin had said sunk in. Now, he looked almost lost.

"I don't know what to do," he eventually admitted. "I know what you're saying but…how am I supposed to get over what he did? It was murder, Ianto."

"Yes, it was," admitted Ianto, his own voice softening a little. "And I can understand you being upset. But it's his past, Nick – just like the things that Jack has done are his past. I don't like it, but I've accepted it. You can do that too, Nick. I know you can."

He leaned forwards, touching Nick's hand. "Just look at what he's written…and look at what he's doing to himself. He's throwing his life away and taking stupid risks because what you're doing to him is killing him."

"But –"

"And besides," Ianto looked straight into Nick's eyes, the intensity of his gaze almost breaking through his glasses. "How is what John did for love any different to what I did for love?"

As soon as he heard those words, Nick realised that Ianto was right. He leapt off the table and ran upstairs to grab his coat, Ianto hot on his heels. "Can you use the tracker?" he panted.

~*~

_Half an hour later…_

"This way!" panted Ianto as they ran down a small side street. The tracker in Ianto's hand was beeping and flashing. "The tracker's saying –" he was cut off when Nick stopped and tensed up, frowning and cocking his gun. "What –" but a second later he looked down and realised what had brought his cousin to such an abrupt halt. "Is that blood?"

"Yeah," panted Nick, who was holding his torch between his teeth and scanning further up the road. "And unless I'm very much mistaken, there's a huge alien corpse up ahead of us." He caught the torch in his free hand and raced ahead to inspect it. "Yep, it's alien…and very definitely dead."

"Are you sure?" asked Ianto.

"Well, if it wasn't then, it will be now," answered Nick as he fired two shots into what was left of the alien. "Do you think –"

But Ianto had stopped listening. Something had flashed and caught his eye amongst the blood. Slowly, he reached inside and tugged it out. When he saw what it was, his mouth went dry.

"Nick," he whispered, holding it out to him. "Is that –"

"Yeah…" Nick's voice was almost toneless as he fingered the silver dragon, now hanging by a thread. "I gave it to him on New Year's Eve, the first time we…" he trailed off and cleared his throat. "Come on, we've got to find him."

"The tracker says he's –" but Nick had already run up the street. Ianto sighed and pulled himself up off the ground before following his cousin, the tracker flashing brighter and brighter.

Suddenly, he heard Nick's voice. "Ianto, I've found him! I'm in the second side street on your right! Hurry up, he needs an ambulance!"

Ianto's stomach lurched at the barely contained hysteria in Nick's voice and he sprinted off, following his direction, until he came to the side street.

Nick hadn't been exaggerating. John was in such a state that at first Ianto mistook him for a murder victim. It was only when he realised that his cousin was holding the former Time Agent's wrist strap and appeared to be using it as a scanner that he recognised him.

"Is he..." but he couldn't finish the sentence.

"No," replied Nick. "No, he's still alive, but very weak. He's been bleeding for quite a while and it looks like he's dislocated his shoulder." There was no mistaking the alarm in his voice. "He's breathing, but it's very shallow and his pulse is very slow."

"Can he hear what we're saying?"

"I don't think so." Nick swallowed and stripped off his coat, shocking Ianto when he found John's knife lying beside him and started ripping the coat to shreds.

"Nick, what on earth are you doing?!" he exclaimed. "You love that coat!"

"Some things are more important than coats. I've not got a first aid kit, so this is going to have to do for now if we're going to have any chance at stopping him from bleeding out." He turned round slightly. "Now shut up and call an ambulance."

***

_Next Time: Will John get to the hospital in time? _


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

For the rest of his life, Nick would remember these times as some of the darkest that he had known. It had only been three days in total, but to him, it had seemed more like three years.

~*~

_The first day…_

Without doubt, the worst part was the waiting in that dark street with the rain dripping off his hair and soaking his clothes. It was even colder now that he wasn't wearing his coat any more and the rain cut through him like a knife. Even when Ianto bent over and wrapped his own thick coat around him, Nick couldn't stop shivering. He couldn't feel anything but the cold. When the ambulance finally arrived, he could barely concentrate enough to give the handover to the paramedics. He ached all over and his mind felt numb.

Or maybe that was the fear taking him over at the sight of the usually strong Captain lying there looking so vulnerable and weak as he was taken into the ambulance. His eyes flickered open slightly, but they held none of the spark that Nick would usually have associated with the man sat in front of him. Even when their eyes met, the best that John could offer was a tiny flicker of recognition before his eyes fluttered shut and he started to lose consciousness.

Even when they arrived inside the hospital, John didn't even react when a very handsome doctor came to check him over, which surprised and scared Nick in equal measure, since he had often thought that the man would have been able to recognise that someone was good-looking even if he was asleep. But this time, there was no reaction at all; no flicker of his eyes, not even a tiny twitch of his fingers. He didn't even seem to hear them talking.

However, Nick did. "A blood transfusion?" he exclaimed. "He's lost that much?"

"If you hadn't got him here when you did, he would have been dead by now," answered the nurse rather bluntly. "He needs a transfusion as soon as possible – what's his blood type?"

Nick started to answer, but then froze when he realised, not only that he didn't know, but also that if he guessed, it wouldn't help, because John was from a completely different time – three thousand years in the future, to be more precise. He knew that blood from so far in the past, as far as John was concerned, wouldn't help and would probably only make things worse. Physiology had changed so much that men were able to carry and bear children. Surely, blood types were also going to change.

"Dr. Jones?" The nurse sounded impatient and Nick suddenly realised he had obviously been standing there silently for a long time.

"I…I don't know," he stammered. "I don't know his blood type. It isn't in any of his records that I can access."

"But there are records that can be accessed that will tell us," cut in Ianto. "However, there's only one person who can do that." He hit his earpiece and stepped outside to call Jack.

The nurse frowned. "This is extremely irregular," she said.

Nick snorted. "No, this is Torchwood," he muttered. "Keep the pressure on the wounds." Ignoring her rather scandalized squawk as she spluttered that she knew how to do her job, he walked away and sat down, resting his hands behind his head and shivering a bit as a storm began to rage outside.

"Well, well, well," said a voice suddenly "If it isn't Dr. Jones?"

Nick jumped. The voice sounded surprised and even slightly amused. Slowly, Nick turned around and found himself facing a very familiar pair of blue eyes. He managed a small smile.

"When did you start working here, Will?" he asked, looking up at the man who had been one of his best friends as a student.

"About two days after you left," answered the other man. "If you ask me, I think I was actually employed so they could replace you." His tone was light, but there was something slightly contradictory in his eyes.

"Will…"

But Nick's protests were waved away. "Don't worry. No hard feelings coming from me." He sat down and sighed. "You left in strange circumstances, Nick. It was like, I don't know, one minute you were there and then –"

"And then the next minute I wasn't." Nick gave a rather harsh laugh. "Story of my life, Will – it's the story of my life."

If Will was surprised, he didn't show it. Instead, he smoothly changed the subject. "Alison's mother was here a couple of days ago," he remarked, his voice casual. "She mentioned you – said that she saw you at her daughter's funeral with the man you brought in."

Nick groaned. "Nothing happened," he said. "I'd just had a talk with her that…well, it didn't go well, to say the least. John came in, saw I was upset and she just walked in and saw us –"

"Hey," Will held up a hand again. "Nick, come on, you know what I think of that woman. I'm not going to be the one who judges you here."

"Thanks."

Ianto came jogging up to them then. "Jack's on his way," he told Nick. "He said he can be here in ten minutes." He was ignoring Will, except for a slight twitch in his cheek, but Nick was too worried to pay attention to that as the situation began to wash over him again.

Will stood up. "Good to see you again, Nick," he said before slapping him on the back and walking away, without as much as a backwards glance.

"Ten minutes," said Nick a bit hollowly.

"That's what Jack said," answered Ianto, sitting down. "He'll come here, give them some blood and then – well, you know how it works, you're the doctor."

"It's that simple?" Nick's tone was ripe with scepticism.

"You'd be surprised what playing the Torchwood card can do," replied Ianto. "And afterwards," he added, his voice hardening. "I think you and I need to have a little chat."

Jack arrived a few minutes later, his coat and hair dripping wet and his eyes as stormy as the weather. He didn't stop to greet Nick or Ianto, but instead he marched straight up to the nurse and flashed his Torchwood ID at her. But she didn't appear to be especially impressed by him, even when he turned on the patented Harkness charm. Eventually, he snapped and Ianto and Nick heard his voice ring through the entire room:

"Listen to me, lady; I am the only one who can save this man unless you happen to have another fifty-first century Time Agent lurking in the back there! So, unless you want his death on your conscience, _step aside_!"

He didn't wait for an answer (not that he would have received one as the nurse looked rather gobsmacked) but instead he swept straight through the reception area and into the unit where John's injuries were being tended to, leaving the nurses trailing after him.

"Are you sure he knows what he's doing, Ianto?" asked Nick, who was watching a bit uneasily.

"Nick, I would trust Jack with my life," answered Ianto calmly. "Just let him do what he has to do."

"So we just wait?"

"Yes. We just wait here, for as long as it takes. I'm going to call Gwen, let her know what's happening and what you do is up to you." Ianto started to walk away and then turned back. "But we are still going to have that talk, Nick. Make no mistake about that."

Nick gulped. "Oh, I believe you."

Jack returned about twenty minutes later, rubbing his hands together. "Where's Ianto?"

"He's gone to the gents," answered Nick, who was sipping at a cup of water. "I'm guessing you've set up a drip with some of your blood for John?"

"Yep," said Jack. He pulled on his coat. "I have to go back to the Hub. You should go home and try and get some sleep."

"No!" Nick shook his head. "I'm staying here."

Jack snorted. "And now you suddenly care? You didn't seem too bothered four days ago when –"

"When I almost left him to die, I know," interrupted Nick. "Jack, I know. And yes, that was wrong and not a day goes by that I don't regret it." He looked his boss straight in the eyes. "And now, I am going to try and start to make things right – by staying with him here, for as long as it takes."

Jack sighed. "Nick, we need you at the Hub."

"And John needs me here," answered Nick rather belligerently. "Look, if it's an emergency, obviously you can call me. But otherwise – I am staying here. I need to put this right, Jack – and I'll do whatever it takes."

***

_Next Time: Ianto comes to the hospital and gives Nick another talking-to on the second day. But what will the third day bring? _


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

_The second day…_

Nick didn't know when he had fallen asleep, or even if he had fallen asleep or simply passed out from exhaustion. All he knew was that he had been in the waiting area of the hospital at one point, but when he next looked, he was sitting with his neck uncomfortably cricked in a high-backed hospital chair in one of the private rooms. He blinked in the light from the curtains which were being drawn back and laughed a bit when he recognised the doctor.

"Ah!" Will turned around with a smile. "So, Sleeping Beauty finally wakes!"

Nick groaned loudly. "I thought we'd got past the stupid nicknames in second year," he grumbled as he rubbed his eyes. "What time is it and where am I?"

"It's twenty past nine and you're in one of the private rooms," answered Will as he moved to open the curtain around the bed. "Well, it was either that or you would have slept outside in reception."

Sitting up, Nick felt his heart constrict as he saw the figure of the familiar man lying in the bed beside him. Dressed in that white hospital gown and hooked up to all those machines, John looked like a shadow of the man Nick knew he really was – of the _Captain _he really was.

"He's very lucky to have you, you know," remarked Will as he checked through the notes at the foot of the bed. "Not many people would brave these awful chairs all night."

"Has he woken up yet at all?" asked Nick, trying to stay professional and ignore the clenching that his friend's words were bringing to his stomach.

"Not yet. He was suffering from severe blood loss and hypothermia was starting to set in when you got him here." Will suddenly looked very serious. "Nick, I won't lie to you; if your friend in the big coat had been even a second later, John probably wouldn't be here right now. He lost a lot of blood in that attack and there were moments in the night when we weren't sure he'd make it."

Nick swallowed hard, the reality of the situation hitting him. "What…what are his chances now?" he asked, hoping his voice didn't show how sick he was feeling.

"Better than they were earlier," answered Will, putting the charts back in the holder. "He's a real fighter, this one." His smile softened. "And he's very lucky to have you waiting for him."

"I'll wait for ever if I have to," answered Nick without thinking, but even as he said it, he knew that it was true. "It's the very least he deserves after the way I've behaved recently." He gave Will a rueful smile as his friend finished his tests and left him to it. Then, and only then, he reached over and gently took John's hand.

"I don't know if you can hear me," he said softly, rubbing his fingers over the cuts on the other man's hand. "But if you can…what on earth were you thinking going off like that on your own? If you'd died that night…I'd be prepared to bet that Jack would have found some way to bring you back just so he could kill you himself for being so stupid. Mind you," and here, he gave a rather harsh laugh, "he'd have had to get past me first."

He smiled and took something out of his pocket; a piece of folded up paper. "Ianto gave me your letter," he added softly. "He was really mad about the way I've treated you and to be honest, I can't really say I blame him." He shook his head. "You have changed, John – I shouldn't have said that you hadn't; I was just shocked and angry at the time and it was stopping me from thinking straight. I mean, I'm still not happy with you for doing what you did…I mean, it was murder at the end of the day, but…the point is, I've had some time to think and I've started to understand what it was that made you do it." He gave another short laugh. "And I have to say – and don't think this is me advocating murder, because it isn't – if the positions had been reversed, I can't say that I wouldn't have been just as angry."

"People do stupid things for love," said a quiet voice at the doorway.

Nick jumped slightly and turned around. "Ianto!" he gasped. "How long have you been standing there?" Internally, he was panicking; how much of what he had said had Ianto heard?

"Long enough," answered Ianto as he stepped in and sat in one of the other chairs. "And you're right; I was mad – no, I am mad – about the way you've treated him. I can understand you not being happy about what he did and you're right, it was murder. But you acted like a total jerk to him when all he did was show you that he loves you. No, don't turn away," he added, reaching over and grabbing Nick's wrist, "you need to hear this. Yes, John did the wrong thing. But he did it for the right reason – he did it for love. Can you honestly say that you've never seen anyone do the wrong thing because of love?" He looked at him intently.

Nick squirmed uncomfortably. "That's…that's totally different!" he spluttered. "You didn't actually go out with the intention to kill anyone!"

"But I could have gotten the entire team killed with what I did!" protested Ianto. "Whether I set out with death in mind doesn't matter – the point is, I killed innocent people that day – people who had never done anything wrong," he added in almost a whisper.

"What…what are you saying, Ianto?" asked Nick, even though he knew he was losing the battle.

"I think you know perfectly well what I'm saying," replied Ianto calmly. "I have the blood of innocents on my hands from that day. But the men John killed – they weren't innocents, Nick! You could have been killed because of them and you know it!" He paused for breath. "Or others could have been hurt just like you. Would you have wanted that?"

"I – God, Ianto…" stammered Nick, knowing that he didn't have a leg to stand on. "You know I –"

"And finally," interrupted Ianto as he stood up. "Just remember that if the situation had been reversed…you would have done exactly what John did – and deep down, you know it. So while you're waiting there, just sit and think…and stop lying to yourself!" With that, he turned on his heel and swept out of the room.

Nick worked his mouth a few times, trying to deny what Ianto had just said to him. However, to his consternation, what he actually ended up saying was something completely different.

"When did Ianto manage to get to know me better than I know myself?"

~*~

_The third day…_

"Nick…Nick…"

Nick groaned and rubbed his eyes slightly. "John…?" he murmured, turning his head slightly towards the bed. He sighed in disappointment when he realised that the other man was sound asleep and probably couldn't hear him anyway.

But if John was asleep, then who on earth was calling him? Slowly, and ignoring the stiffness in his neck, he sat up and looked around, blinking slightly in the half-light from the corridor.

"Hello?" he whispered. "Is someone calling me?" He looked around the room, pulling out the little torch he always carried with him and using it to scan his surroundings. "Will, is that you?" he whispered. "Will…are you there?"

"Nick…Nick…Nick!" The voice was now becoming slightly frantic. "Nick! Dr. Jones!"

It wasn't until the final shout that Nick suddenly realised who was calling him. Blushing slightly at his mistake, he hit his earpiece. "Jack?"

"Ah, you are there?" Jack's voice filled the room. "Were you asleep?" Without waiting for an answer – which was lucky, because Nick didn't have one – he said, "Look, we need you; we've found a nest of orphaned Weevil babies in Queen's Arcade."

"How did they get there?" asked Nick, confused.

"I have no idea, but I think they've attracted all the Weevils in the sewers. Ianto's already been hurt and we can't get hold of Gwen. Can you get down here?"

As soon as Jack had said that Ianto had been hurt, Nick was on his feet. "I'll be there as soon as I can," he assured him and raced out of the room.

~*~

Jack certainly hadn't been exaggerating when he said that all the Weevils in the sewers had convened outside the shopping centre. It took Nick almost half an hour to get halfway across the first floor; fortunately, that was where he met Jack.

"If I didn't know better, I'd think that this was the centre of a Weevil convention," he panted. "Have you managed to get hold of Gwen yet?"

"Yeah, I got hold of her about ten minutes before you showed up; she's on her way now."

"Where's Ianto?" When Jack gave him the instructions, Nick sprinted off and winced when he saw his cousin slumped against a wall, one hand gripping his bloodstained shoulder. He looked up when Nick arrived and smiled weakly, even though he couldn't help but grimace in pain.

"I swear these Weevils are getting stronger," he grumbled. "One of them picked me up and threw me to the other end of the room where its mate decided to take a chunk out of my arm." He held up one arm which had several very deep gashes all the way down from his shoulder. His shirt was badly ripped and quickly becoming soaked with blood.

Nick rolled his eyes as he set to work. "What are you like?" he asked, his voice exasperated, but his eyes twinkling slightly as he took off his scarf and started to wrap it tightly around the injured arm. "Only you would go Weevil hunting wearing a suit!" When Ianto chuckled, but winced at the same time, he frowned. "Are you in pain?"

"Bit sore round the ribs," answered Ianto, knowing better than to lie to his cousin. He could, however, change the subject. "So…has John woken up yet?"

Nick stiffened. "No," he answered quietly. "Hmm, I think you need to go to hospital; it looks like you've cracked a few ribs and I want someone to have a look at that arm." When he realised that Ianto was about to protest, he held up a hand. "Don't try and change my mind here, Ianto; you need to get that looked at." He thumped his earpiece. "Jack? Ianto's got some broken ribs and his right arm is in a bad state. I've bandaged it up with my scarf as well as I can, but I think it's better if he goes to the hospital."

"Okay," said Jack. "Gwen's just arrived and she's helping me sort things out. We'll get the Weevils out of the way and sort out the cleanup and I'll meet you there."

"What about the babies?"

"They're fine; they're in the back of the SUV and sedated. We'll take them back to the Hub and see what we can do for them. You get Ianto to the hospital."

~*~

_One hour later…_

"Two blood transfusions in three days," muttered Nick as he sat down on the end of the bed. "That's got to be some sort of record, even for Torchwood."

"You say that like it surprises you," replied Ianto mildly, but he winced a bit as he tried to settle himself comfortably against the pillows. "Don't even think about it!" he remonstrated as Nick started to get up. "I don't need my pillows fluffing out!"

Nick smiled weakly. "They want to keep you in here overnight to check that there haven't been any complications with the transfusion," he said. "I'm going to prescribe you some painkillers which should help with your ribs, but even after you're discharged, you have to take it easy."

Ianto groaned. "I don't do taking it easy! You of all people should know that!"

Jack arrived while they were still recovering from that remark. "Andie's taking the baby Weevils back to the Hub," he said, taking the chair. "Gwen's staying to supervise the clean-up. I wanted to stay and help, but she insisted I come here and be with you." He reached over and stroked Ianto's hair gently. "How're you doing?"

While Ianto began to talk, Nick found his thoughts drifting slightly. The door to Ianto's room was slightly ajar and he kept finding himself looking down the corridor every now and again, listening to the doctors and nurses talking in hushed voices.

"Go." Ianto's voice cut through his thoughts. "Go on, go back."

"No." Nick shook his head, snapping out of his daze. "It's fine; I'll stay with you."

But Jack touched his hand, smiling gently at him. "You said that you were going to stay with John for as long as it took and that we should only call you in an emergency," he said. "Now, the emergency's over and you know that Ianto's going to be fine. Go on – go. I'll stay with him."

Nick sighed and stood up, pausing only to check Ianto's IV drip before he left the room. Then, however, once he was out of sight, he sprinted down the corridor, his heart pounding in his chest. He didn't pause once until he skidded round the corner into the other room – but then, he stopped abruptly, feeling the blood drain out of his face at the sight of the empty bed.

At first, he wondered if it was simply a joke – he knew that John had often liked to tease him by hiding in surprising places.

He looked around, but there was no one there except himself. Slowly, he lowered himself into the chair that he had occupied almost consistently and dropped his head in his hands, even though he couldn't even find the energy to cry.

He had been too late…and now he was going to have to live with that for the rest of his life.

_I never even had the chance to __say – _

"Nick?"

He jumped slightly as the slightly amused voice cut through his thoughts and looked up, feeling his heart lurch as he looked into that all-to-familiar pair of eyes.

***

_Next__ Time: So…what's happened to John? _


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36

The sight cut through him as easily as a knife cutting through butter. For a moment, he couldn't breathe, let alone speak. He couldn't even move; it was as if his body had frozen at the sight in front of him.

_He's awake…and he's alive…oh, God, he's alive…_

Will came in then and smiled weakly. "He woke up about ten minutes ago," he explained and then turned to the other man. "This one sat here waiting with you ever since you were brought in until he got called away because of an emergency at work."

"Everything okay?" asked John.

"Fine – just a bit of hassle at Queen's Arcade," stammered Nick, still unable to tear his eyes away. _He's here…he's standing in front of me…_

They sat in silence for a while after Will left, letting the sunlight stream into the room, filling it with light. Nick shifted a bit and chewed absently on his fingernails. He could feel the exhaustion starting to catch up with him after the worry of the past few days. He was almost falling asleep when he heard John give a small laugh and sat up in surprise.

"What?"

"Just thinking," muttered John and smiled. "You know, when I was a boy, I loved my mum…"

Nick blinked. "You had a mother?" he blurted out and then blushed. "Sorry, it's just all the talk about fifty-first century men being able to, you know, carry children, I thought –"

John chuckled. "Nope, not in my family, although some of my best friends came from same-sex families. Nobody really cares who's with who in those days." He picked up his wrist strap and pressed a button on it. Immediately, what looked like an ancient citadel made of clear stones and with trees and multi-coloured flowers growing around it and in the gaps, sheltering the residents from the sun, appeared. It was seven stories high and covered a vast area of land, yet there was still room for it to be surrounded by a huge lawn and what looked like a vast trackless jungle.

"Is this where you lived?"

"Yep." John switched the focus slightly and Nick's eyes widened as, on the horizon, he saw a wide blue ribbon of water. "And you see the sea there? People used to say that, on a clear night, you could see right across the ocean to the Boeshane Peninsula. Yes," he laughed gently, "the very place where Jack lived as a child."

"That's amazing – you and Jack lived across an ocean and you never met," mused Nick.

"Yeah; personally, I think it's because I was too busy in that jungle – I used to follow my mother there when she went to work…she was a botanist," he explained with a slightly wistful smile.

Nick smiled understandingly. "You must have really loved her."

"I did. I was an only child, so she spoiled me rotten – I was her little baby." He sighed. "Sweet goddesses, I miss her so much."

Nick turned to look at him. "Would you go back home…I mean, back to your time…if it meant that you could see her again?"

John snorted. "It wouldn't do any good," he murmured. "She's dead."

Nick's eyes widened. "Oh," he whispered, reaching over to hold his hand. "I'm sorry," he added, changing his mind and gently stroking the soft skin instead.

John swallowed. "She was killed…in the same way Jack's father was." He shuddered. "By…by the most horrible creatures you could ever imagine."

"Like the Cybermen?"

"No." John shook his head. "Worse than the Cybermen – much worse."

Now it was Nick's turn to swallow. "Worse?" he whispered, feeling chills break out over his arms. "What…what were they?"

"I don't know," John shook his head. "Nobody knows. I don't think they even had a name."

"At least you still had your dad though…right?"

That comment earned him a rather bitter laugh. "Yeah. Yeah, I still had him. But he changed after Mum died." He shrugged. "We'd never really been that close, to be honest, but…after she died, he became fixated on revenge."

"Revenge?"

"Yeah. He wanted to avenge Mum's death, but he knew that he wasn't as young and strong as he once was." John took a deep breath. "So, he tried to train me for four years…he tried to make me stronger…he wanted me to defeat the creatures who had killed Mum."

"How old were you?"

"Fourteen." John shivered. "I was fourteen years old and he was trying to train me to be a killer…he put me through hell for four years."

"Four years…" Nick looked at the picture of the shining citadel and tried to picture John's story. He gasped in surprise when he realised that he could picture it only too easily, and was very relieved when John switched off the picture and started speaking again.

"When I turned eighteen and heard that the Time Agency was recruiting, it was like a breath of fresh air. I realised that this could be a new start for me and I was determined to make the most of it. I didn't tell anybody where I was going; I just slipped out one night with the few possessions I had and there was an escort waiting for me. I never saw my home again."

"That was where you met Jack, wasn't it?"

"Yes. Jack was four years older than me and had almost finished his training, so at first we didn't speak much. But for the first time since Mum died, I was starting to enjoy my life again. Yes, we were learning how to shoot and how to kill, but that wasn't everything. We learned history and foreign languages and dialects as well. It was like I was finally learning to live." He laughed. "And the night life…oh the night life…believe me when I say that it could make university look tame."

Nick laughed softly. "I bet you lived it to the full."

John smiled at him. "Oh, yes. Anyway, you know that, after I completed the training, I was teamed up with Jack. I'd met him briefly on those nights out and I'd heard stories about him…I guess you could say I started to look up to him. Working with him was a dream come true. He toughened me up in a way that my dad never could; he was firm, but gentle. He knew when to stop."

A small, sad smile flickered over his face. "And he was kind as well. One night, shortly after we started working together, he found me sitting alone at a campfire just looking at a picture of Mum. I just found myself opening up to him and telling him what happened."

"And then he told you about his father?" Nick felt his eyes stinging as he pictured the two men sat somewhere, their faces lit by the campfire, sharing the unfortunate connection they had found.

"Yep." John swallowed, seemingly also lost in the memories. He coughed and shook himself and suddenly his eyes darkened. "But then, three years after we started working together, things changed very suddenly."

"The time loop?"

"Yes. I don't know how it happened and I don't know why. But something inside me changed during those two weeks or five years, depending on how you look at it. I didn't realise it until Jack was almost killed on a mission because we had been given faulty instructions." He shuddered, his smile completely gone. "I don't think you need to guess what happened while we were there, but I didn't stop there. When we returned home and Jack was being treated, I tracked down the people who'd given us the instructions and I killed them all. Their actions had put Jack in danger and there was no way that I could let them live after that. My only regret is that Jack wasn't with me so that he could have tortured them first. "

Nick shivered a bit; he could imagine that all too easily, especially when something very cold flashed in John's eyes. He was, however, chilled by the last sentence, remembering John saying something very similar to him after he had killed those men.

John continued. "That was the beginning of the end for me and Jack, even though neither of us saw it, but I never thought that it would end in the way it did. Three years after the time loop, Jack and I were sent to investigate a piece of alien weaponry which was being smuggled by some bandits." He laughed bitterly. "Well, we thought they were bandits anyway. In hindsight, I'd bet that the Agency was behind it and it was all a hoax."

"Why?"

"Because when we came within an inch of finding out what was happening, we were suddenly summoned back to the Agency," answered John. "Well, when I say summoned, I really mean we were forcibly ejected via teleport and ended up in one of the interrogation rooms there. We were both just sat there for hours wondering what the fuck was going on. And then," John's voice cracked a bit, "then, six Agents, higher up the ranks than either of us put together, came in and dragged us away in opposite directions, even as we tried to get back to each other." He shivered again. "The last thing I remember as our hands were ripped apart was Jack shouting that he'd come back and find me again…and then I woke up to find that it was two years later and the first thing I heard was that he'd gone rogue."

He paused and dragged his sleeve angrily over his eyes, evidently struggling to get a grip on himself. Slowly, Nick reached over again and started to stroke his palm, letting their fingers intertwine as he digested what he was hearing.

John looked at him in surprise, but he didn't pull away. Instead, he squeezed Nick's hand before carrying on, his voice suddenly much older than usual. "As soon as I got the chance, I left the Agency. I travelled through time and space for seven years trying to find Jack. Nothing else mattered except finding him." He shook his head. "I wasn't a good man, Nick. I killed anyone who got in my way, slept with anything that would have me, and even some that wouldn't…I was absolutely desperate."

"What did you do then?" asked Nick, still stroking his fingers. But when John stiffened, he immediately knew the answer. "You didn't," he gasped. "You went back to the Agency? You went back to the place that stole your memories?"

"I had to. It was the only place where I thought I could get the answers I'd been searching for. But when I arrived there, I found that it had shut down. There were only seven left. Five of them were people I wouldn't have recognised if they'd slapped me in the face. The other two?"

"You and Jack?"

"Yeah. It doesn't take much imagination to guess what happened to the rest."

John's voice had wound down slightly while he had been saying these last few words and now Nick knew that it was the end of his story. He swallowed hard; the man looked completely drained after reliving over twenty years of his life like that.

"Why…why are you telling me all this?" he asked, his voice hardly more than a whisper.

John looked at him. "When you and I were…barely talking, I had a lot of time to think," he said slowly, "and I realised that I know plenty about you, but you know hardly anything about me." He shook his head bitterly. "How can I claim to love you if I don't tell you anything?"

"Oh." Nick leaned back with a deep sigh, clasping his hands over his knees as he attempted to digest what he had just been told. It seemed so unreal…and yet it made so much sense.

"But I really do love you, Nick," John said, playing with the ends of his jacket. "And, believe me; I didn't want you to hear it the way that you did hear it. I've been trying to tell you how I felt for a long time now, but every time I got close something always got in the way. The first time I tried, you managed to go and fall asleep on me!" He gave a small chuckle at the memory, but then turned serious.

"I don't expect a big confession in return, Nick," he said calmly. "All I need…all I want, is –"

But Nick interrupted him. "No," he said, and his eyes flashed. "We've danced around each other for long enough and it nearly cost us everything. It's silly for us to hide from each other now. If Ianto can get over that silly stigma then I am damn sure I can." He took a deep breath and then finally spoke those four words.

"I love you too."

They both looked at each other for a long time, the walls that had been held up for so long crashing down around them at last as the words were spoken. And then, very slowly, they came together, their lips connecting in one deep kiss, a kiss which was filled with hope, strength, forgiveness and love.

When they eventually broke apart, they simply sat and held each other until Nick's eyelids started to droop. John smiled at him. "Get some rest," he whispered, stroking his hair gently as he laid him down on the bed. "You're going to need it."

Nick smiled weakly. "Thank you…" he whispered before his eyes closed. Within less than a minute, he was fast asleep.

"No," John shook his head and kissed the young man on the forehead. "No…thank you, Nicky," he whispered, feeling sleep take him over as well. "Thank you for waiting for me."

~*~

_The next day…_

"I can't believe you got them to discharge you so quickly," remarked Nick as he got rid of the rubbish that was scattered over the desk. "You still look like an injured soldier."

"I'm glad they're letting me go now!" retorted John. "I was going crazy stuck in this place." He glared miserably at the crutches next to his bed. "Guess I won't be doing any field work for a while, then?"

Nick looked up. "You won't be doing any field work until you've had written agreement from your doctor," he said. "Until he's satisfied that you're fully recovered, you're going to be resting and burying yourself under a mountain of paperwork."

"And who would this esteemed doctor be?"

"The esteemed doctor would be the one who's currently tidying this room up," answered Jack who had come in a few moments earlier. He was smiling, but his eyes were deadly serious. "You do whatever he tells you for as long as it takes. And you," he turned to look at Nick. "You use whatever means necessary to make sure that he does as he's told." With a nod, he swept out of the room.

John sighed. "Looks like I'm stuck with you for a while then."

"You certainly are," replied Nick. He zipped up the bag he had been packing. "Let's go."

"Nick, wait." John took a deep breath, readying himself. "Before we go, there's something I want to ask you." He waited until Nick was looking at him before he continued. "We didn't do things properly before and that nearly cost us a lot more than it should have. I don't want us to make the same mistakes again, so this time, I'm going to ask you something."

He reached out and took Nick's hands. "Will you move in with me…properly?"

***

_Next Time: Gwen faces a couple of home truths back at the Hub. Meanwhile what answer will Nick give to John's proposal? _


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37

"No more shopping in high heeled boots for you, Gwen Cooper," Andie chided her playfully as she finished strapping up Gwen's ankle. "It's strictly trainers for you from now on."

"I would have been fine if that Weevil hadn't decided to take a shit on the steps!" retorted Gwen as she stepped to the ground and tested her weight. "You try not tripping over that stuff!" Her voice was grumpy, but her eyes twinkled, showing that she wasn't really angry. The clean-up after the Weevil outbreak at the Arcade had taken the rest of the day and most of the night and then, to round it all off, she had skidded on some of the mess that the creatures had left behind, which had left her with a sprained ankle.

Andie recognised her friend's behaviour and gave a small chuckle. "You know, you're lucky you found a pathologist who knows how to do this sort of stuff!" Her voice was cheerful, but the slightly dark edge was clear.

Gwen nodded and limped back up the stairs. "I guess we are," she said. "And I guess Torchwood should always have an extra doctor on hand, just in case something happens."

"Something happening usually implies our own doctor getting injured," replied Andie. "It doesn't usually cover him sitting next to someone's bed for almost three days." She came upstairs and sat down on the sofa. "Nick's a good friend, but this time –"

"He was a real prat," agreed Gwen. "But do you know the ironic thing? Ianto had all the bases covered for if John ended up hurting Nick – and so he should. But none of us stopped to think about what would happen if John ended up getting hurt." She shrugged. "I guess it never really occurred to any of us that it would happen."

Andie sat down next to her. "It makes you realise that everyone can be hurt, even if you don't expect it to happen to them. I guess this really makes you think."

Gwen frowned, but quickly realised that her friend wasn't looking at her; instead she was looking up at the boardroom where Jack and Ianto were sat together at the table and quietly discussing something, possibly Torchwood's latest case. Suddenly, Ianto reached forwards and rested his hand gently on top of Jack's, though he didn't say a word. Jack turned round and smiled slightly, giving him an answering squeeze.

Andie nodded. "Ianto knew," she said quietly before turning her sharp gaze towards Gwen. "He understood that – he took the time to understand."

Gwen opened her mouth to reply, but then realised that she didn't have anything to say.

~*~

"I've not seen the Rift behave like this before," remarked Jack as he sifted through the large pile of papers which was quickly spreading its way across the desk. "It seems to be taking people in and spitting things out with increasing unpredictability." He scanned the printout of recent activity and sighed. "Look at this! There've been fifteen new inmates at Flat Holm in the past week!"

Ianto frowned. "And it's dropped off almost nothing," he agreed, looking through his own printout. "But last week it was going crazy; it seemed to be dropping things off on every corner. Since then, it's just been little bits of flotsam and jetsam coming out." He looked up at Jack. "What do you think it all means?"

"It seems like it's been behaving in a rather cyclical manner recently," mused Jack. "If I didn't know better, I'd think that it's trying to tell us something – trying to get a message out to us that something big is about to happen; something that will change this planet forever."

He gave a soft laugh. "I don't know how it's going to happen and I don't know why, but I know that something is going to happen, whether it's –"

He stopped, however, when he felt a light pressure on top of his hand, a presence that soothed him and stopped the dark thoughts that had been racing through his mind only moments before. He looked at Ianto, who was watching him with an understanding half-smile on his face, and squeezed his hand back with a small smile of his own.

"Things are changing out there."

"Yes they are," agreed Ianto. "And whatever happens, whatever the future may bring, we will all be facing it together." His words said 'As a team', but his expression said something almost completely different. "You said it yourself, Jack. The twenty-first century is when everything changes." He linked their hands together and squeezed gently. "And we will be ready."

Jack smiled softly, understanding exactly what it was that Ianto wasn't saying and slowly slipped his hands away, although the smile didn't fade until he picked up a file on one of the new inmates to Flat Holm. Then, his eyes dimmed with an almost unbearable pain.

Ianto shuffled a little closer to look. "Did you know him?" he whispered, nodding towards the file.

Jack nodded, his eyes misting over slightly. "Yeah," he murmured. "I knew him. We were good friends, but I knew him better than he thought I did. One day, I was going to tell him the truth."

He waited for Ianto to question him, but when he only watched him, he let out a small sigh and whispered, "I was going to tell him that I knew his grandmother when she was young." His voice, so steady earlier, broke at the end and his eyes misted over even more, reminding Ianto of rain clouds covering a bright summer sky as he whispered the final words.

"And now he'll never know the truth."

There was a long silence as Ianto digested what Jack was saying. Even though he hadn't actually come straight out and said the words, the implication was clear and it made his heart ache. He wasn't sad that Jack had never told him about this – that was his business. The sadness he was feeling was really caused by the volume of guilt he could see behind the clouds in Jack's eyes.

Very slowly, he reached over again and this time he held Jack's hand in his own, clasping it tenderly. Now wasn't a moment to worry about mixing a personal relationship and a professional relationship; Jack was hurting and he needed someone to stand by his side and to care; he needed a friend to comfort him and be there for him.

Ianto knew that he could be that friend.

Slowly, he began to rub small concentric circles in the little hollow in Jack's wrist, bringing his other arm up to massage his shoulder and neck, giving his lover all the support he could with these simple gestures. Reaching over, he brushed his lips over Jack's temple and whispered, "Don't have regrets for what's happened, Jack. Some things are supposed to happen; you know the Doctor taught you that."

He squeezed Jack's hand a little tighter. "I'm not saying that you shouldn't remember those who passed before you, but don't lose yourself in mourning for them. They wouldn't want that."

He waited for Jack to speak, but gasped when the only response he received was a small tear slipping down his face. "Jack," he whispered, not caring who was watching as he drew the older man into his arms and stroked his hair. "Jack, it's all right."

Jack was about to respond when the alarm sounded as the cog door rolled back to admit Nick, who had his arms wrapped around John's shoulders and was supporting him as they stepped into the Hub. From their position, they saw the girls get up and run (or, in Gwen's case, hobble) towards John, fawning over him until he waved them away, appearing irritated, but the small smile on his face showed that he was enjoying the attention. A moment later, Nick, also smiling softly, sat the girls down and said something which made both the girls squeal in excitement before they leapt up and hugged them both. A moment later, however, they took Nick aside and whispered something to him which made him swallow slightly and nod hastily. He looked nervous, but whatever he said must have placated them, because they stepped away, smiling.

Ianto chuckled. "I knew those girls wouldn't let him go without at least a slap on the wrist after the way he's behaved lately," he remarked. "We trained them well."

Jack smiled as he wiped away the last trace of his tears. "Yes, we did. Although I'm curious to know what our boys said to make them shriek so loudly." He rested a hand on Ianto's shoulder and together they left the boardroom and made their way down into the main Hub. "Okay, team, what's going on? You two," he nodded to Gwen and Andie, "sounded like a pair of hyenas, and you two," addressing the other two men, "are grinning like a pair of those comedy masks you find on theatre curtains and it's really creepy."

"What's going on?" asked Ianto, turning to look at his cousin and trying to read his expression, but all he could tell was that Nick was incredibly happy about something.

John looked at Nick. "Do you want to tell them, or shall I?"

"You can," answered Nick, moving one hand down to hold John's.

"Okay." The former Time Agent cleared his throat. "Well, earlier today, when we were packing all my stuff up, I asked Nick to move in with me properly, since we really didn't manage to do things the right way last time – and it almost cost us more than it should have."

"And," Nick took a deep breath, "I said yes."

***

_Next Time: The team help Nick move house – well, move flat really! _


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38

_One week later…_

In the event, Nick and John had to wait for another week before they were able to move in together, so that John would have enough time to recover from his stay in hospital. The former Time Agent had been most unhappy about this, even threatening to withhold what he called 'certain privileges' once they were actually together if they didn't do it straight away.

Clearly, he had forgotten about Nick's famous self-restraint.

Eventually, Jack had been forced to intervene and had reminded John that if he did himself any more injuries, then he would be in no position to enjoy the privileges that he had been threatening to keep back in the first place – and that, between them, he and Ianto would make sure that Nick wouldn't give him a 'helping hand' either.

That had worked like a treat and John had conceded, if not with the best grace, that the rest of his friends were right – although having Gwen and Andie threaten to chain him to his bed until all of them were satisfied that he was fully fit again could also have had something to do with it.

Now, however, the two men were busy in Nick's small bedroom, supposed to be packing up the younger man's clothes and personal effects. In reality, of course, what they were doing was completely different.

Nick's battered suitcase was lying open on the bed, it was true, but there were more clothes out of it than there were in it. This was because John was finding it very amusing to take them up and either hold them against himself or hide them in hard to reach places, such as down the back of the bed or down the sides of the wardrobe.

"You know, if you would just let me pack this stuff up, this process would be a lot quicker than it is now," remarked Nick once he'd retrieved a pair of black tartan socks from behind the radiator.

"True," admitted John, who was emptying one of the drawers in the closet. "But it would also mean that I wouldn't be able to get a look at that gorgeous posterior teasing me in those amazing jeans every time I – oh, hello!" He suddenly interrupted himself when he realised what he had just pulled out of the drawer and a filthy smile spread over his face. "And what, Dr. Jones, is this?"

Nick turned round from where he was stuffing the socks into his suitcase and smiled when he saw the black silk and lace corset his lover was holding up. "Oh – I thought I'd lost that!" He took it from him and laid it almost lovingly in the suitcase.

John laughed raucously. "Well, well," he drawled, coming over and slipping his arms around Nick's waist. "I had no idea you were into that sort of thing."

In response, Nick turned round. "Oh," he answered with a leer, "you'd be surprised what I could get into…_Captain_." He dropped his voice. "In fact…if you keep looking in that drawer, you'll probably find a pair of skinny black jeans, a box of jewellery and…a few other things besides." He cleared his throat. "And if later on…"

John's breath hitched, but before he could respond, there was a knock at the front door. "We will finish this discussion later," he growled as he went to answer it.

"Sorry we're late," said Ianto as he breezed inside, closely followed by Jack. "We just had a couple of little problems with one of the Weevil babies."

"Oh…oh, that's okay," stammered John, uncharacteristically flustered. "You didn't really have to come and help out, you know."

"Nonsense," said Ianto briskly as he made his way into the bedroom. "If we weren't here to help out, you two would never get anything done." His face was stern, but his eyes were twinkling and his voice was thick with amusement.

Jack chuckled softly. "I was all set to just let you two get on with it," he admitted as he looked around the room. "But, judging by the state of this place, Ianto's right – you wouldn't have gotten anything done if we'd just left you to it."

"Yes, we would!" retorted John, apparently mortally offended by the comment. "It would just probably have taken us two days longer – it's not my fault the man has the most fantastic body." His voice took on a slightly dreamy quality all of a sudden. "Just seeing him in those jeans...God, he really knows what they do to me, doesn't he?" He smiled softly at Jack, before hastily clearing his throat. "Right, well – let's get on with this."

"That's right," smiled Jack. "The sooner we get this done, the sooner you two are going to be living together – officially, this time. Hey, does that mean if I ever write to you, I've got to put Captain Hart and Dr. Jones on the envelope?"

"I don't know what reason you'd have to write to us, but yes," answered John with a laugh as he started to empty one of the drawers in the desk, which was full of old pictures and odds and ends; pens, pencil sharpeners, ink cartridges and –

"Hey," John interrupted himself as sealed piece of paper with Nick's name written on it suddenly caught his eye. "Jack, look at this."

"What is it?" Jack came over and looked at it and laughed when he saw it. "John, it's probably nothing; just a letter that he's not gotten round to opening by the looks of it. But one thing I can tell you, he won't thank you if you open it without telling him about it first. Put it in your pocket and give it to him later or something."

John frowned and flipped the letter in his hand a few times before eventually deciding that Jack was right and slipping it in the back pocket of his jeans. He didn't know why, but that simple little piece of paper was making him feel very uneasy.

~*~

"You really didn't have to help us," said Nick as he folded his clothes in the suitcase. "We could've managed fine – and besides, I don't see you actually doing anything."

Ianto chuckled from his position by the radiator. "Oh, I'm doing something – I'm here to make sure you don't try and escape until you've got everything packed."

"And why would I do that?"

"Oh come on, Nick, I know you – you're so desperate to get going, so you'll get stubborn, insist on lifting all this heavy stuff by yourself and injure your back again."

Nick snorted. "My back's already fucked – what difference is it going to make?"

"It's the difference between deciding what you're going to be doing tonight. It's the difference between wearing that black lace corset and stilettos tonight so you can christen your bed, or being stuck on those awful painkillers and having to wear those heat patches around your waist until you get better," answered Ianto with a smirk. "And, between you and me, I think that's quite an enormous difference."

Nick glared at him. "You do not play fair - and how the hell do you know about that corset?"

"If I told you, I'd have to kill you, though I don't see you denying its existence," answered Ianto as he came over and slung an arm around his cousin's shoulder. "So?"

So…what?" asked Nick, looking up at him.

"So…are you ready?"

Nick turned round and grinned. "Yes – yes, I am ready. John and I have both had time to talk while he's been stuck doing paperwork, and we've agreed; we're both done with being stupid." He took a deep breath and zipped up his suitcase before lowering it onto the ground. "We're both ready to do this."

~*~

_Later on…_

"So, how does it feel?" asked Jack, waving his hand around the room, a cheeky glimmer in his eyes. "I mean, really? How does it feel to be officially living together?"

John looked at him in amazement. "I've got the guy I love moving in," he said. "How do you think it feels?"

This pronouncement was followed by a long silence, in which the teasing expression in Jack's face softened to something more understanding. At the same time, Ianto started to rub his neck, apparently slightly uncomfortable, even though he was still smiling slightly.

At the same time, John himself began to feel apprehensive, as if he had crossed some sort of line in admitting his feelings publicly in such an intimate setting; despite saying the words to each other, he and Nick had never had the chance to talk properly about their feelings with each other and now he had opened up to his boss (and ex-lover) and his partner's (to all intents and purposes) brother. Admittedly, he had shouted it earlier but now he had said it in truth, quietly, in front of two of his best friends, rather than in defiance or as an excuse.

However, before anything more could be said, Nick reached across the table and linked their hands together, setting out his own public declaration of his feelings. John swallowed as he realised that he didn't even need to turn around and look at the younger man to know that their feelings were shared and his heart lifted.

Ianto broke the silence. "Well, I think you two have a lot to do tonight – a few rooms to christen and all that," he said, managing a small chuckle as he stood up. "We'll leave you to it." He clapped Nick on the shoulder and started for the door.

Jack nodded. "Yeah…we'll see you tomorrow." He worked his mouth a few times as if he was trying to say something else, but then gave up, nodded and left with Ianto.

After sitting in silence for several minutes, John coughed and stood up. "I'll get the dinner on."

"John, wait." Nick also stood up and followed him into the kitchen.

"Are you planning to cook tonight? If you don't mind me saying so –"

"No." Nick shook his head, knowing that if he didn't say this now he never would. "It's not that. It's that," he paused and bit his lip, trying to ignore the tears pricking his eyes. "A week ago, I almost lost you, twice, because I was too blinded by anger to understand why you did what you did. I won't that say I don't know what I was thinking, because I wasn't thinking at all."

John turned round, "Nick," he whispered.

"No, let me finish. John, I won't say I was happy about what you did, because I wasn't. But I shouldn't have behaved the way I did. That was just..." but he couldn't get the words out.

"Oh, come here," said John, drawing the young man tightly into his arms and stroking his hair. "It's all right. What's happened is in the past and that's where it needs to stay, okay?"

"I'm sorry."

"I know. But it's over now - time for a new start, yeah?"

"Yeah," murmured Nick, his voice muffled by John's shoulder. They held each other tightly, each of them silently thanking the heavens above that they had been given this second chance to make things right with each other.

John took a deep breath. "Nick," he said slowly. "There's something I want to show you." He started to reveal a small black box. "But you need to close your eyes first," he added, his voice strangely quiet. "It's a surprise."

"You're full of surprises sometimes," replied Nick quietly, but he did as he was told and shut his eyes. A moment later, he gasped when he felt John's warm hands around his neck and then something cool hit the skin above his chest. "John!" he gasped. "What're you –"

"Open your eyes." John's voice was oddly husky.

Shivering slightly at the tone of his lover's voice, Nick did as he was told and, to his surprise, found himself looking in a mirror. He gasped suddenly as he caught sight of a black leather necklace with a round pendant attached; it was made of stone, but the effect was more like swirling black light with strings of sliver flitting through it like sunlight on a river.

"It's a piece of Pizrra stone," explained John, "strong and virtually unbreakable. It was first mined in the forty-seventh century and by my time there was a roaring trade in it. People used to say that it was used like an amulet – for protection." Smiling softly, he stroked Nick's hair. "I want you to have it – I want you to be safe."

Nick bit his lip and swallowed hard as he turned round and took in the depths of love and devotion he saw in John's eyes. "I don't know what to say," he whispered. "It's…it's beautiful."

"You'll wear it then?"

Nick looked up, straight into those eyes that might have been cut from a piece of emerald. "For you, a thousand times over," he whispered, before leaning close for a kiss.

***

_Next Time: John and Nick have dinner with their closest friends and family, but as one relationship strengthens… is another about to fall apart? _


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter 39

_One week later…_

"I thought you were meant to be able to cook!" exclaimed Nick as he came into the kitchen and took in the burnt out pans on the stove and the stubborn stains on the worktop.

"I'm sorry!" cried John, throwing the towel he was holding onto a smoking roasting tray. "I'm just really nervous!"

"Nervous?" repeated Nick, looking confused. "John, it's only our team, my sister, her partner and my kids. What's there to worry about?" He shook his head in amusement and took John's hands, lightly kissing his fingers as he led him to the bedroom. "Look, you go and get ready and I'll clean up in the kitchen and order some Chinese." With a small smile, he pecked John on the cheek and gave his thigh a light slap before gliding into the kitchen to clear away the mess. He sang softly to himself over the sound of the pots bumping against each other in the sink, before picking up the phone and calling the Chinese takeaway. When he returned to the bedroom, he stopped in the doorway and burst into soft giggles at the sight of John, who was surrounded by at least six different shirts and wearing a seventh with the buttons done up wrong.

"You daft sod," he said with an affectionate sigh as he unbuttoned the shirt and ran his hands over John's well-muscled chest and caught his lips in a heated kiss. He pulled their bodies close together and devoured John's mouth before slowly pulling back with an affectionate smile. "Now, just relax, okay?" he said as he buttoned the older man's shirt properly and went to answer the door, smiling when he saw Jack, Ianto and Andie on the doorstep.

Over the next few minutes (and after the first six-pack of beer, drank rather quickly, Nick noticed) John seemed to calm down, comfortable in the familiar presence of his work colleagues. However, when the doorbell rang again, he stiffened and turned pale. With a soft smile and a whisper to get some more drinks and nibbles from the kitchen, Nick opened the door to find the rest of their guests outside – presumably, they had all gotten a taxi or a lift together. Whichever it was, Nick didn't know or care, because a moment later, little Trevyn had let out a cry of joy and wrapped his arms around his father's knees, a sight that made Gwen and Catrin chuckle and Rhys smile sympathetically.

When the Chinese food arrived half an hour later, everyone was chatting happily, the tour of the house complete, the kids playing contentedly on the floor; the adults lounged around in the various chairs in the room. John was sat in the comfortable arm chair with Nick sat on the arm, the doctor's fingers slipping from the back of the chair to brush the side of John's arm next every now and again.

Suddenly, John looked up and caught a familiar spark in Jack's eye. He smirked to himself – the game was on! Slowly, he picked up a pair of chopsticks and said "Pass me a spring roll, Jack."

Jack smirked. "Only if I can try one of your tasty sweet and sour balls, Johnny," he said as he passed the other man the carton. Slowly, Jack dipped his chopsticks into the other carton and dipped his chopsticks into the carton and speared one of the large balls on the end. Covering the round ball in dripping sweet and sour sauce he lifted it to his mouth, opened his lips wide and made obscene noises and he closed his lips over the entire mass of the ball, the shape stretching his cheeks.

After a moment's pause, John felt a smirk spread over his own face as he reached out and, with his hand, picked up a sizzling spare rib, groaning as he slowly licked the sauce from the meat (not to mention his fingers) and then began to run his tongue over the meat itself, sucking it tenderly as it dropped from the bone.

He was distracted, however, by a slap to the back of his head and turned round to find Nick watching him with an expression of exasperated amusement before looking round at the rest of the group who were all shaking with laughter, Gwen literally holding on to Rhys to keep upright, Ianto trying to glare at Jack but failing to keep his giggling contained and Catrin trying to cover Trevyn's eyes but not able to keep her hands straight because of the laughter raking her body.Nick shook his head affectionately and made his way into the kitchen where he dug some ice cream out of the freezer.

"Why did you hit me?" whined John who had followed him.

"Because there were children in the room!" exclaimed Nick, who was now rattling through the drawers after cutlery and bowls. "And don't even think about trying anything with the ice cream!" he added quickly.

"I wasn't," said John, who looked suitably chastised.

"Good." Nick smiled and turned round, wrapping an arm around John's waist and pulling him close. "And later on, I might just let you taste some___really _sweet and sour balls later on…" He gave John a quick peck on the lips before turning round and returning to the ice cream.

~*~

_Two hours later…_

"Well, even despite my apparent inability to cook when I'm nervous, I thought that was a rather pleasant evening," remarked John, his arm snaking around Nick's waist as they waved goodbye to the last of their guests.

"Yeah, it was," agreed Nick. "It was nice to see 'Stelle and Trev again. It's nice to see them so happy. Catrin and David are taking good care of them." He smiled sadly for a moment and then cleared his throat. "I'd better go and wash up – we've still got about fifty pots and pans in the sink that won't clean themselves," he added with a laugh before stroking John's arm and half-skipping into the kitchen, singing softly under his breath.

John smiled softly at his lover's retreating back and went into the bedroom to sort out the laundry so that he could do a load the next day while they were at work. He had realised earlier that he was rapidly running out of clothes and had learned the hard way that Nick's clothes weren't ever going to fit him properly…apart from the younger man's underwear, of course.

Smiling softly, he emptied dumped the basket of washing onto the bed and began to go through the pockets, just to make sure nothing had been left in there that shouldn't be. He still hadn't been allowed to forget the time he had washed a pair of trousers and then discovered that a rather large sum of money – all in five pound notes – had been left in the pocket. He certainly had no intentions of making the same mistake again.

As he reached out for an old pair of his jeans, he frowned as his foray into one of the pockets revealed that there was something inside that was disconcertingly sticky. Wrinkling his nose, he eased his hand slowly out of the pocket and discovered that, to his surprise, a piece of paper was sticking to his fingers. The seal had melted all over the back of the paper, thus explaining the stickiness. With a grimace, he prized it off his hands. He would have laid it face down on the table so that it wouldn't stain anything, but before he could, something caught his eye. Frowning slightly, he turned the page over and scanned it, his heart pounding violently as he realised what was written there.

"Oh my God," he whispered.

"John!" yelled Nick from the kitchen. "Where are those tea towels you bought the other day?"

"Oh, hang on – I'll get them." His mind racing slightly, John came into the kitchen, not quite able to hold back a smile at the sight of his lover up to his elbows in soapy water. Sighing softly, he removed one of the new tea towels from the cupboard and passed it to him.

"Thanks," said Nick, smiling as he dried the suds off one of the plates. "We had a nice evening with everyone tonight, didn't we?"

"Yeah…" John knew he sounded distracted, but the contents of the letter he had just read were weighing heavily on his mind. "Nick?"

"Yeah?" Nick turned round slightly.

"There's something," John hesitated and then nodded. "There's something you need to know."

~*~

_The next day…_

Ianto studiously buttoned his shirt up and straightened his suit jacket, smiling softly to himself as Jack followed him from his hole, slipping a fresh blue shirt on over his white T-shirt. His braces were hanging by his sides and his hair was ruffled from tossing and turning during the night when he had slept using Ianto's chest as a pillow. Now, he smiled softly and rubbed at his eyes.

"I've not had a good night's sleep in that bunker for a long time," he remarked.

"I know," replied Ianto, reaching out to touch Jack's hand. His lover had whispered Tosh and Owen's names last night as he fell into a fitful sleep. "It's going to be all right, Jack. All you have to do is take the time you need. I'll be here, right by your side, for as long as it takes."

Jack turned to look at him. "You…you won't get bored of me?"

"Jack!" Ianto half-laughed and stroked the older man's fingers. "You do come out with some ridiculous ideas sometimes." He paused to think. "What is it that the song says? Wherever you go…whatever you do…"

"I will be right here waiting for you." Jack joined in, his breath hitching on the final three words. He reached over and stroked Ianto's cheek. "You think I deserve that loyalty?"

"I know you do," replied Ianto as he straightened his tie. "You deserve it more than many people I've known." He stroked Jack's hand again and brushed his lips over his face before he went to make the coffees, relaxing as he felt Jack's smile behind him.

He was distracted, however, by a firm hand on his shoulder and turned round to see Nick watching him, his face perfectly calm, but his eyes unusually hard. He was holding a piece of paper in one hand.

"You want to tell me what this is about?"

***

_Next Time: What did the note say?_


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter 40

Ianto blinked in surprise at the strangely harsh tone he heard in his cousin's voice. "What are you talking about?" he asked, instantly forgetting about the coffee machine. Something about Nick's body language was commanding his full attention.

"What am I talking about?" repeated Nick, his eyes wide with incredulity and his voice rising in pitch as he spoke. "Well, there are all sorts of things I could be talking about, but this," he waved the piece of paper in front of Ianto's face, "would be the one I would be most likely to prioritise right now!" With a rather hysterical laugh, he shoved the page into his cousin's hands. "Have a look. It might jog some memories!"

Ianto took the letter, still staring at Nick in confusion. "I don't know what's going through your head, Nick, but you're really starting to freak me out."

"Just read that letter." Nick's voice was cold and monotonous, but his eyes would have showed that he was really just very deeply hurt if anyone had actually looked.

Now deeply chilled by the tone of his friend's voice, Ianto unfolded the paper from where it had become slightly crumpled in his fist. He shook it out and began to read it, his eyes widening as he took in the words on the page.

_Dear Nick,_

_If I had even half of your strength, I would be telling you this face to face rather than leaving it for you in a letter. But I'm not that strong and we both know that. When I told him, Ianto said that you had to know the truth about this, and he's right. But I can't face the thought of losing you, especially not now. It's funny how you only appreciate how much you love someone when you realise that you might be in danger of losing them._

_I know that what I did was wrong, Nick, and I regretted it every day afterwards, especially when I realised I was pregnant with Estelle. But I couldn't bring myself to regret it enough to tell you the truth. Whether it was because I don't love you enough or because I love you too much, I don't know, but I couldn't do it. How can you tell your husband that the child you're pregnant with may not be his, but instead might be the product of a one-night-stand with one of his best friends? _

_What happened between Will and I should never have happened. I knew it at the time, but I didn't stop myself. I have no defence and I won't pretend to make one now. Ianto said the same thing to me when I told him about it. I presume he's told you as well, so I won't rub salt in the wounds I've left behind me. _

_Anyway, one month ago, I took Estelle for a DNA test. The results are printed here. Ianto went with me once again; he was the only one who knew what I'd done. Will has no idea he has a daughter and I don't think I could ever tell him the truth. We haven't spoken since that night. _

_I can't even begin to imagine how much I've hurt you, Nick. All I can hope is that you can find it in your heart to forgive the stupidity of a desperate woman. _

There was a little more on a piece of paper attached to the bottom, some typed words in contrast to Alison Jones' flowing script, but Ianto didn't need to read it to know exactly what it said. He had seen the words before on that fateful day at the hospital when he had gone with the woman and her daughter.

_I should have just gone and told Nick straight away, or made sure that Alison told him. I was right; she was never good enough for him if she was prepared to lie to him…_

He jumped, however, when Nick suddenly let out a loud and bitter laugh. "So now you see, don't you?" he was saying as he reached over and took the letter back. "You knew that my wife had slept with my best friend and didn't tell me! What else are you hiding from me, Ianto?"

"Nothing!" exclaimed Ianto, his eyes widening in horror. "I'm not hiding anything from you, Nick! I could never keep anything from you, you know that!"

"Really?" exclaimed Nick. "Well, you seemed to be doing a pretty good job of keeping this," he waved the letter in the air, "from me!"

"What did you expect me to do, Nick? It's not exactly the sort of thing you can bring up in everyday conversation, is it?"

"No, but you could have at least taken me aside and told me!" Nick took several deep breaths and leaned on the counter, barely able to look at Ianto. "When I suspected that Lisa was having an affair, I told you straight away! I turned out to be wrong, but you said that you appreciated me telling you. I thought you'd at least do me the same courtesy if you _knew_ that Alison, who, let's not forget, is the woman I married, slept with my _best friend_!"

By now, Ianto was also beginning to get irritated. "I don't know why you're angry at me," he said. "I wasn't the one who slept with your wife. That doctor you called a friend did that."

"Is that why you were so tense with him after Estelle was born?"

"Yes!" Ianto shook himself. "My point is, if there's anyone you should be mad at, it should be him."

"Oh, I am mad at him, don't make any mistake about –"

"But," interrupted Ianto, "can you honestly tell me that you're more cross with me than you are with Alison? She was the one who cheated on you, not me."

The moment he said those words, he wished he could take them back. While they were true, nothing could have prepared him for the sheer fury he saw in Nick's eyes when he turned back round to face him.

Swallowing hard, he forced himself to calm down before he spoke again. "Nick, I –"

"You think I should be angry with her?" gasped Nick, his voice thick with so many emotions it was almost impossible to hear the words. "She's stuck in that awful place, locked away from everyone she knows and you're saying that she's the one I should be angry with?!"

"Nick, I'm sorry," stammered Ianto. "I didn't –"

"Stop it." Now, there was no mistaking what the emotion in Nick's voice was; it was pure anger. "I need to be alone." He brushed past Ianto and stormed out of the cog door, pausing only to brush one hand over his eyes.

Ianto watched him go until he was out of sight and then turned round to finish making the coffees, forcing himself to push his distress at what had just happened to the back of his mind. However, he was caught off guard when he felt a firm hand drop onto his shoulder and turn him around. A moment later, he was staring into a pair of blue eyes bright with confusion.

"What was that about?" asked Jack, his brow creased in a small frown.

"Nothing," murmured Ianto, going back to dealing with the coffees.

Jack sighed. "Come on, Ianto. I know you well enough to know when something's on your mind." He stroked Ianto's face gently. "What's up?"

"You, normally," answered Ianto blithely.

"Ianto," Jack sighed, now reaching out to hold the younger man's hands. "Talk to me. Tell me what just happened. I saw you and Nick talking just now and then he stormed off. What happened?"

With a sinking realisation that there was no way out of this, Ianto sighed and told Jack what had happened. He didn't know why, but once he'd started talking, the words wouldn't stop. He told Jack everything, right from the very beginning, unable to look at his partner as he spoke. When the tale was finally told, Jack's face was a picture of shock.

"Alison had a child with Nick's best friend and you knew about it?" he exclaimed.

"Yes."

"And you never said anything about it to Nick."

"No, I didn't."

Jack sat down at one of the desks, rubbing his forehead. "Why didn't you say anything to him?"

"Because I didn't know how to!" exclaimed Ianto. "Think about it, Jack; how can you tell someone their wife had a child with their best friend? Could you do it?"

"The old me wouldn't have," admitted Jack. "There would've been a time when I would have been perfectly happy to not tell them. Hell, there might have been a time when I would have been the best friend." He shook himself. "But I'm not like that now. If I found something like that out, yes, I would have told the person concerned, especially if I was as close to them as you are to Nick."

Ianto swallowed as he realised that it wasn't anger he heard in his partner's voice. Instead, it was pure disappointment, which made his insides shrivel slightly. Nonetheless, he stuck to his guns when he spoke. "I'm not the one who slept with her, Jack. If Nick should be upset with anyone, it should be Will and Alison."

Jack stared at him, momentarily incredulous. While it was true that Ianto hadn't technically done anything seriously wrong, he knew that what Nick valued above almost everything else was honesty and trust. "If you don't have honesty," he'd once said, "then you've got nothing at all."

Looking at it from that perspective, Jack could more than understand why the young doctor was so upset. While Ianto hadn't really lied as such, he hadn't been completely honest with him either when he had kept this news from him. At the same time, Ianto was his partner and Jack had to be prepared to trust his judgement and support him in every decision in his private life, even if he didn't necessarily agree with it. With a small cough and a nod, he clapped Ianto's shoulder and disappeared back into his office until the Rift alarm sounded.

~*~

_That evening…_

"You're going to catch a cold sat out here, you know," John remarked.

Nick shrugged. "It's not that cold."

"Can I join you?"

"It's a free country." Nick didn't exactly sound over the moon, but he was clearly tired and shocked. His hair was ragged, his face pale and he looked thinner than he had the previous night. Even behind his glasses, his eyes looked hollowed out.

John sighed and sat on the stone next to his partner. "It's not Ianto's fault."

"I know," admitted Nick. "I just think he should have told me. John, what Ianto did is almost as bad as lying and you know how I feel about lying and betrayal." He swallowed hard and turned to look at the older man. "Do you remember when we got attacked by the Chimera?"

John swallowed hard and shuddered, feeling a chill seep through him at the memory. "How could I forget? That was one of the worst moments of my life. The only times that were worse were those days after you left me."

"Well," said Nick, once he had recovered from that revelation, "I saw my greatest fear, just like the rest of you. But I never told anyone what it was." Slowly, he turned around to face John, his eyes saying more than his words did. "It just happened, John."

"What do you mean?" But John suspected he knew and Nick's next words confirmed it.

"I saw betrayal."

***

_Next Time: __How will Nick cope with this revelation and will the team give him the help he needs? Meanwhile, John takes Nick for a drive…_


	41. Chapter 41

Chapter 41

_One week later…_

Gwen wiped her brow as she emptied the last round of bullets into the target and tossed her training gun onto the table. "It seems like ages since I was last down here," she remarked.

"It's only been a week," replied Andie as she re-tied her long blonde hair. "Are you all right?"

"Yes, I'm fine."

"You just seem a little distracted. Are you having trouble with Rhys?"

"No…no, it's nothing," muttered Gwen as she started to tidy up, but the other woman caught her arm and looked at her with eyes that were a little too understanding.

"You're worrying about Nick, aren't you?"

"It's hard not to worry about him, right now," admitted Gwen. "Every time I've seen him recently, he's just looked…I don't know, lost, I suppose."

"Well, he is trying to deal with the news that someone who he thought was his friend has had a child with his wife," replied Andie as she sat down and leaned against the wall.

"I can't believe Ianto never told him."

"I know." Andie rubbed her head. "I've tried to talk to Nick, but I just can't get through to him." She sighed. "I'm not sure how much more of this he can take, Gwen."

Gwen shook her head. "I know. As if having his wife sucked in and spat out by the Rift and then having to give up his children wasn't bad enough, he then finds out that one of the children he's loved and raised isn't even his."

Andie shook her head. "Nick's biggest problem is that he cares too much," she said. "I've heard it said before about several doctors, but in his case, it really is true. One of his former colleagues saw us out together once and came to talk to me. She told me about something that happened to him in the past."

"What was it?"

"There was a young girl, I think she was fourteen or fifteen, who came to the hospital with symptoms no one had seen before; she was in a lot of pain, but she was so strong – a real fighter." Andie paused to compose herself. "Anyway, Nick apparently spent hours, whole nights even, researching the symptoms and carrying out tests. He took her on when no one else did. I think he started to look at her like a sister or something."

"What happened?" asked Gwen, feeling tears prick her eyes.

"The usual." Andie sighed. "The girl was eventually transferred to a more specialised hospital and four weeks later, news came through that she'd died."

"God, I bet he didn't take that well."

"No. He kept looking and researching – said he wanted to be prepared for if something like this happened again. His friend who I met said he didn't stop until their boss intervened."

"Oh my God," whispered Gwen, her voice shaking with emotion.

"I know. And I'd bet that that's not the first time something like that's happened."

"Oh, bless him," sighed Gwen. "I wish I could help; maybe I should talk to him."

But Andie shook her head. "No, I don't think that talking to him would help much." She thought for a moment. "Maybe John will know what to do. He seems to be the only one who can get through to Nick at the moment. Let's go and talk to him."

~*~

Jack rubbed at his neck for what felt like the hundredth time in the past five minutes. He was supposed to be doing paperwork, but the dull ache he was experiencing was making it very difficult to concentrate. It hadn't been life-threatening – Nick's quick work had seen to that – and he could feel it healing, but the pain wasn't going away.

Now, he was attempting to concentrate on a medical report, something which was not his strongest suite. Ordinarily, this would, of course, have been Nick's field, but with everything else that had happened, he had insisted on taking it on himself.

It was plain to see that the young doctor was struggling. The recent revelation about his wife's infidelity had been a shock, but that was just the tip of the iceberg. The real root of his problems lay deeper, much deeper…

Jack sighed as he thought about how he had treated Ianto directly after Canary Wharf and the aftermath of the death of the woman he had loved. He had only realised later on how desperate his young lover had been and had barely managed to save him before it had been too late. His early unwillingness to see past Ianto's connections to Torchwood London had been a terrible mistake – and he now realised he was in serious danger of making a very similar mistake with Nick as well.

As he saw Gwen and Andie come up from the shooting range and walk up to John, he made a decision. There was no way he was going to lose Nick the way he had almost lost Ianto. So, he was going to talk to the one person who he knew would be able to help him right now.

Taking a deep breath, he walked up to the others. "Mind if I have a word with John too?"

He couldn't undo what had been done. But he could at least stop the past repeating itself.

~*~

_Forty minutes later…_

John came down the steps and leaned against the wall, watching Nick clean up. It had been a quiet day, but someone had still managed to get injured, even from handling a piece of alien tech. In this case, it had been Jack who had fallen foul of what had appeared to be little more than a harmless hairbrush, but which had actually almost ripped his head off his shoulders when he had accidentally squeezed it. Apparently, it had turned out to be a tool used to aid doctors from the sixty-fifth century and beyond with autopsies and dissections. The good news was that Nick and Ianto had been on hand to deal with the situation quickly – Nick to treat Jack and Ianto to archive the artefact – and the damage had therefore been contained.

The bad news, however, was twofold. Firstly, the wound in Jack's throat had been bleeding heavily (it had been a miracle that Jack hadn't bled to death), which had meant that Nick, who was already exhausted from a week with hardly any sleep due to an unusually high amount of Rift and alien activity, had been left with a lot of extra cleaning up to deal with.

Secondly, things between Nick and Ianto were no better than they had been a week before. Both men were incredibly stubborn and believed that they were both right. While Nick was prepared to accept that what Alison had done wasn't Ianto's fault, he couldn't accept that his cousin hadn't told him as soon as he'd found out what had happened. On the other hand, Ianto still fiercely maintained that Nick had no right to be angry with him and that there was no way he could easily have told him the truth.

Personally, John could see both viewpoints; Ianto was right to say that it wouldn't be an easy thing to mention, but he could understand why Nick was upset as well. To hear something like that from a letter that your new partner had found had to be one of the worst ways to find out.

He started suddenly, realising that Nick was singing quietly to himself as he cleaned the bloodstains. Frowning slightly, he cocked his head and listened closer to the words spilling from his young lover's lips.

"_Take me to the roads where I used to drive  
Away from small town schemes.  
Cobblestones on bumpy roads  
To the life on silver screens.  
Memories from a life escaping  
When the dark is closing in  
After storms have passed I see at last  
The magic can begin."_

While it was true that Nick wasn't a gifted singer, the words sent chills rippling through the former Time Agent's body. He swallowed at the soft resignation he heard that the young man would never have that normality again.

"You can say something if you want to."

John jumped – he hadn't even realised that Nick knew he was there. He took a deep breath and cleared his throat, trying to decide where he should begin. Eventually, he decided to just come straight out and say it.

"Jack wants you to get some counselling."

"I know."

"You're not keen on the idea?"

Nick turned around, his voice painfully quiet. "The things I've seen…here, Canary Wharf…" he shook his head. "John, what counsellor on this earth is going to believe me?"

"Who says it has to be someone from this planet?" asked John, coming forwards. "This is breaking you apart inside, Nick. I don't want to see someone I love this much –"

"Don't!" interrupted Nick. "Just don't!" Without waiting for another word, he turned away and swept out of the room, only to walk straight into someone, who he soon realised was Jack.

"Hey!" exclaimed Jack, catching his shoulders. "Easy on the dramatics there, son!"

"Sorry," muttered Nick, keeping his gaze focused on the floor so that the older man wouldn't see that his eyes were watering behind his glasses. However, a moment later, a large hand was placed under his chin, tilting his head up until he was looking into a pair of bright blue eyes.

Jack smiled sadly and dropped his hand down so it was resting on Nick's shoulder. "John's right, you know," he said quietly. "You need some help. I don't want to watch someone with a heart as big as yours fall to pieces like this. Just think about it, okay?"

Nick shook his head. "It's not that I don't appreciate this, Jack, but…who is going to believe me? If I go in there talking about Daleks and…and Cybermen and all that, everyone is either going to think I'm either going insane or that I'm already insane."

John was by his side in a moment. "All right, even if you don't want to share the Torchwood-related stuff, at least try to talk to someone about the rest of it."

"We will find someone, Nick," promised Jack. "I left it too late to help people I cared about before. I won't make the same mistake again." He tilted Nick's face up again. "But, for now, at least do what John suggested before it tears you apart."

Nick's shoulders slumped. "Okay," he whispered, not having the energy to fight any more.

"Good man." Jack clapped his shoulder. "Now, go and get changed and get yourself out of here."

Once Nick was out of earshot, Jack turned to John. "Take him out somewhere for a while. Give him some sense of normality again. Don't let him sit at home and dwell on all this."

John nodded. "Yeah, I was going to do that anyway." _And I know exactly where to take him._

~*~

_Twe__nty minutes later…_

"When we get back to Cardiff, I'm going to find Will and I'm going to have it out with him," growled Nick, clenching his fists and not paying attention to the countryside they were driving through.

John turned to look at him, frowning. "What's the point?" he asked. "I mean, if you really do want to go and beat the life out of him, fine, I'll come along and help you out, but what will that do? Will you feel better? Will it change what happened?"

He paused for a moment, his fingers flexing on the cool leather of the steering wheel as he pushed the speed limit on the Jaguar a bit, moaning slightly as he felt the power rumbling through the car. "Will it make Estelle any more your than she already is in the way that matters most? Really Nick, what good will it do?"

Nick turned sharply and stared at him. "Way to go for the jugular there, John," he murmured.

"Well, will it?"

"It might make me feel better," answered Nick. "I just…I feel like I need to do something, John – I feel like I'll just explode if I don't."

John turned down into a street lined with old-looking shops. "Well, maybe later, we can go down to the training room and put that aggression to some use," he said without a hint of innuendo in his voice. "And," he added as he pulled into a parking space, "if you need to let off steam, you know I'll be there for you."

"Thanks." Nick looked out of the window, about to ask where they were, but then he caught sight of a very familiar sign with faded gold lettering on it.

_Jones and Sons, fine tailors, established 1869. _

His shoulders slumped slightly as he took in the dilapidated shop front, with the blue paint chipping off the front door. "It hasn't changed a bit since I last saw it," he muttered. "And that was nearly ten years ago." His eyes flickered to a small house with a yellow front door a few minutes down the street. "Neither has that."

John nodded softly. "Do you want to go on your own or do you want me to come too?"

Nick hesitated. "I want you to come with me…but I need to do this on my own."

"Okay. I'll wait in the car."

"Thanks." Taking a deep breath and, with a quick peck to John's lips, Nick stepped onto the street and walked up to the tailor's shop, feeling his heart jump as he heard the bell ring.

He swallowed hard as he realised that everything was as it had been the last time he had been inside the shop. The rolls of fabric were still balanced on the shelves, the elaborately dressed mannequins still stood in the window, and even the small scribbles where he and Ianto had played when they were young were still on the floor.

The only difference was the pram sat beside the windowsill with the two peacefully sleeping babies curled up underneath the blanket. Swallowing, Nick brushed a small tuft of auburn hair underneath one of the little hats and bent down, whispering to them in Welsh.

A door clicked open suddenly. "Can I help you?"

Nick jumped and turned around, intending to say no, but when he saw who was speaking, the words died in his throat.

The other man's eyes widened. "Oh my God…"

Somehow, the shock he heard gave Nick courage to speak. "Hello, Dad."

***

_Next Time: Nick talks with his father. _


	42. Chapter 42

Chapter 42

For several minutes, there was silence. Father and son simply stood and looked at each other over the counter where several bits of cloth still lay. Never before had such a small distance felt like such a chasm.

When the tension showed no sign of diminishing, Nick cleared his throat. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I shouldn't have come…this was a mistake." With a small smile and a pause to glance for one last time at the sleeping babies, he turned and started to walk back outside.

"Nick…"

The voice was quiet and the word almost inaudible. But something there made the young man stop and turn back. He felt something inside him tighten as he watched the older man walking slowly forwards, his eyes wide with shock as he gripped onto the counter for support.

Somehow, feeling as if he was a magnet, Nick found himself drawn towards the haggard man before him, his throat constricting as he took in the stripes of grey in rapidly thinning brown hair, the pale skin, prematurely wrinkled and the eyes haunted by shadows of the past. His heart almost stopped when he saw his father's trembling hands reach for a pair of glasses and shakily place them on the bridge of his nose.

"Nick…" The voice was almost worn away, ravaged by years of depression, but still holding, deep down, that soft Welsh twang that was so typical of the Jones clan. "Nicky…my son…" he whispered, reaching forwards with one heavily lined hand.

"I'm here," gasped Nick, shaking slightly as he felt skin as worn as an old parchment touch his cheek. He reached up slowly with his own hand. "It's me, Dad…it's me. I'm here."

Evan Jones' watery blue eyes shimmered slightly. "Nicky…" he whispered again. "You…" Suddenly, he stopped and gave a tiny laugh. "You look so much like your mother, you know – you and your sister both do."

"But I inherited your eyesight," Nick half-joked, running his finger along the frames of his glasses.

He received a small chuckle in response. "Probably the only thing of mine you did inherit."

Nick smiled and looked around. "The place looks exactly the same as it did the last time I saw it," he said. "Even the scratches Ianto and I made on the floor are there." He tried to ignore the sharp pang in his chest as he said Ianto's name.

"Well, this place played a big part in your upbringing. Your uncles and I didn't really have the heart to change it." He was making an attempt at the trademark dry humour, but his eyes gave away too much.

"How's business?" asked Nick, who was pretending not to notice.

"Oh, you know." Evan gave a shrug of attempted nonchalance. "Credit crunch isn't really helping anyone these days. People don't appreciate fine tailoring as much these days."

"I've noticed." The reply made Nick sound older than he intended it to.

His father gave a rather sad smile. "You've grown up, Nick," he remarked. "The last time I saw you in here, you were a shy teenager whose idea of a good time was to shut yourself away with one of those big old books none of us could get through."

"Dad…"

"And now look at you." The creased hand returned to Nick's face. "My son…a doctor and, from what I hear, working in a Special Ops team. Who'd have thought it?" He smiled; a genuine smile this time that lit up his prematurely aged face. "I'm so proud of you, son."

"Yes, well," Nick shifted uncomfortably. "Someone's got to do it."

"And not only that," his father continued, the pride in his voice almost bubbling over, "you've also given me two beautiful grandchildren."

Nick couldn't suppress a flinch at the unwitting reminder, not only of his friend's recent betrayal, but also of how he had sacrificed what was left of his family so that he could do his job. As much as he told himself (and as much as the others told him) that he was doing it to protect them and keep them safe, there was still a huge part of him that felt as though he had just discarded them.

"Don't even think that you've discarded them, Nicky." Evan tilted his son's face upwards slightly so that blue eyes met hazel. "Catrin told me what happened and she was right. You're doing everything you can to keep them safe. I don't know the full extent of what you do, but I don't think I'd be wrong in saying that it's," he paused for a second, "dangerous."

Nick couldn't help a slightly hysterical laugh. "You have no idea, Dad. No fucking idea at all."

"Well, there you go then. You're doing something to protect us all. You're doing what's best for those little ones, son. Don't ever let anyone tell you you've abandoned them."

There was an unusual note of steel in the older man's voice as he spoke those final words, something that Nick couldn't remember hearing before. It unnerved him slightly, but at the same time it gave him the strength to actually start to believe that he had done the right thing. Already, he felt a huge weight begin to lift and he could feel his body relaxing.

It also spurred him on to say something that he knew he should have said as soon as he had walked through the faded front door.

"Then make sure I don't ever see you letting anyone say that you abandoned me, Dad."

His father turned around sharply at those words and in that moment, Nick knew that he had just spelt out one of the man's greatest fears. _Oh, Dad, _he thought, feeling his heart swell with sympathy for someone who he had hardly ever properly spoken to, but who he felt like he had known all his life. _Dad, none of what happened was your fault. _

His thoughts were broken by a very soft chuckle. "My brother raised you well, Nicky," he said in a quiet voice. "He would be so thrilled if he could see what a kind and considerate man was stood here, protecting the feelings of a broken man."

"I'm not protecting your feelings!" exclaimed Nick, crossing the floor and gripping his father's hands in his. "Everything I said is the truth – I could never lie to you, even if I wanted to."

He closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. "Dad, I've worked in a hospital – I've seen what depression can do to a person. Believe me when I say that none of what happened is your fault – that you did the right thing."

There was a long pause before he spoke again. "Do you know why I came here, Dad?"

Evan sighed softly. "I know why I want to think you came here."

"And you'd be right," continued Nick. "I came here because I wanted to see you properly. I wanted to know who my father is." He swallowed. "I wanted to say how sorry I was for all these years I refused to look at you as a father. But most of all…I wanted to tell you how much…" but the last words faded in his throat as he felt himself swept into a pair of unusually strong arms.

"You don't need to say it, Nicky," a voice rough with unsaid emotion whispered into his hair. "Just having you here is enough. I understand."

Nick didn't reply with words; there was nothing left to say. Instead, he tightened his arms around his father's too-slim waist, hoping to stave off the shivers that were racing through his body. He bit his lip hard so that he wouldn't end up spilling the real truth about what he did for a living. There was no need for the man holding him to know that his only son could die any day – assuming he hadn't figured that out already.

He was distracted, however, when his father spoke again. "Who brought you here, son? That's not your car, that's for sure, unless you've had an upgrade."

"No, I haven't," replied Nick, forcing himself not to shudder at his father's choice of words. "That car belongs to…" he paused, suddenly feeling as if his intestines had turned to masses of writhing snakes. "Well, he's a friend…no, he's more than a friend…but I didn't think…I wasn't sure…" He trailed off, hating the burning feeling in his face as he struggled to explain.

A moment later, however, he realised that the other man was laughing softly. "I may not have seen you for most of your life, son, but there are times when I can still read you like a book," he said. "Now, why don't you stop being daft and get that young man in here?"

Very conscious that he now resembled an overripe tomato, Nick stepped out of the door, returning a few moments later with a rather nervous-looking John.

Evan raised an eyebrow. "Now, now, young man, there's no need to be shy!"

"Oh, John's not shy, Dad – believe me, John is not shy!" retorted Nick, giving his lover a slight push forwards so he was standing in front of his father. "Dad…this is John Hart."

John groaned. "Captain, _Captain _John Hart."

"Evan Jones, Nick's father." The two men shook hands. "So, you're a Captain?"

"A Captain who's watched Pirates of the Caribbean too many times," muttered Nick, but without any rancour as he examined a roll of heavy green fabric.

John smiled softly. "Not exactly how I'd envisaged meeting my boyfriend's parents for the first time, I have to admit," he said. "Mind you, I don't think I'd actually envisaged meeting you at all."

"You're serious about my son, then?" asked Evan, tilting his head slightly, his previously sunken eyes suddenly more alive as he appeared to scrutinize John.

"I am," replied John, taking a couple of reflexive steps back. _He may have been torn apart by the past, but I'd bet he could still pack a punch if he had to. _

"Dad, really, enough with the protective parent thing!" exclaimed Nick, not even trying to restrain himself from rolling his eyes. "I am old enough to know when I've picked the right guy, you know!"

"Believe me, Mr. Jones," continued John, his voice now very serious. "I would never do anything to hurt your son. He's a good man and…" his voice dropped, "I can honestly say I don't remember a time that I felt this way about anyone else before." He stood in silence for a moment, before clearing his throat. "Besides, I reckon Nick would be the first one out for my blood if I even considered hurting him…that is if Ianto didn't get to me first."

"Oh, I don't doubt that," agreed Evan. "My nephew has a protective streak in him that's over a mile wide." He smiled broadly. "Welcome to the family, young man."

~*~

If he was going to be honest with himself, Nick would have had to say that he had been worried about seeing his father again after so many years apart but as he sat in the shop front with his dad and his lover he found that he really couldn't remember why he'd been worried. While his father's physical appearance was worrying – and something that Nick was determined to help with – the way the older man sat, the way he waved his hands around gesticulating as he talked, laughed and listened…that certainly hadn't changed.

_And I hope it never does, _he mused, smiling as he felt a rush of love for the man flow through his veins, soothing and relaxing him in a way that he thought only John could.

_He's bruised and battered inside, but there's still strength there – strength that shows that he's not completely broken yet. _

A few moments later, John smiled and, shaking Evan's hand, stepped away, apparently to look at some suits, but really to give his lover some time alone to enjoy the new found relationship with his father. If nothing else, Torchwood at least owed Nick that.

_It was too late for Ianto. There's no way I'm letting it be too late for Nick. _

With a small sigh as he watched Nick come and stand beside him, Evan looked out of the window towards the rapidly setting sun, staining the sky blood red. It cast an eerie light over the small shop, sending shivers down the tailor's spine. He looked down and sighed as the light burned over Nick's glasses.

"Things are changing out there," he murmured, holding his son close. "Something's going to happen – and it's going to happen soon."

"I know," replied Nick as he rested his head on his father's shoulder. "And we'll be ready."

***

_Next Time: __Real-life returns with a bang when the Rift once again begins to act up. _


	43. Chapter 43

Chapter 43

_Two days later…_

The Rift sent them to what appeared to be a derelict old barn on top of a hill somewhere in the Welsh countryside – though, thankfully, far away from the Brecon Beacons. Ianto parked the SUV at the foot of the hill and he and Jack led the team towards the barn, their guns shining in the faint streetlight from the road behind them.

Behind them, Gwen was grumbling about the early hour and the steep walk, until Nick finally snapped and told her that if she got a move on, they would be done sooner.

"Don't you bring my bloody hormones into this, Dr. Nick Jones!"

Jack and Ianto shared a grin when they heard that – they had known Gwen long enough to know when during the month to leave her alone.

A moment later, however, John distracted everybody when he winced and clapped his hands to his head as if he was in pain. Immediately, Nick was at his side.

"Are you all right?" he asked, his voice thick with concern. "What is it?"

John looked at him in surprise. "Can't you hear it?"

"Hear what?"

"That voice," John shivered, "calling out to me…" He frowned ahead of him for several seconds before turning round to find Jack and Nick watching him with a mixture of worry and confusion. He shook himself and forced a smile. "Don't worry," he said, trying to reassure them. "It's probably just me going a bit mad."

They carried on walking for a little while longer, but just as they entered the barn, Nick stopped dead and hissed, scrunching his eyes shut as if he had been blinded, even though the sun had not yet risen. This time, Jack came over to him, frowning slightly.

"What is it?" he asked.

"The Rift," gasped Nick. "I can see the residue shining at me…it's getting stronger…" He pointed to a door at the opposite end to where they had entered and shivered. "It's in there…"

Jack bit his lip. "Gwen, Andie, go outside and circulate the perimeter. Make sure it's safe and keep any members of the public who come up here out of the way. Ianto, take Nick up the ladder and into the roof space. I need you two fit and ready. John, come with me."

Quickly, Nick shook off his confusion and followed Ianto up the ladder and into the loft, dusting himself down as he reached the top and rolled out onto the floor, steadying himself before he reached the edge. Steadying himself as he moved backwards, flicked on a light switch and looked down.

Jack and John were standing in the large room below, inspecting a medium-sized and, apparently heavily polished, silver box with a small blue circle set in the top. Looking down, he could see that a frieze of strange shapes had been carved into the metalwork, which unnerved him more than it excited him; he could tell that, even though the artefact was beautiful, it was also dangerous.

"Nick? Ianto?" Jack's voice cut through his thoughts. "Are you both all right?"

"We're fine," answered Nick quietly, hoping that he didn't disturb the box. "Jack, what is that thing? It feels as if…"

"As if it's alive?" Jack nodded. "I know."

"But what…what is it?"

"I have a theory," answered Jack, his voice tense. "I just hope I'm –"

But before he could say anything more, there was a crackle and then - silence. Nick frowned and thumped his earpiece several times, but to no avail. The comms were dead. Now, all he could do was look and watch what was going on below him.

For a moment, nothing happened at all. It was as if they were simply waiting in a barn on a totally normal day – in fact, Nick half expected to hear horses whinnying nearby. But then, the box began to rattle slightly, almost imperceptibly, but the noise rippled through the silent room like gunshots. Then, a moment later, darkness seemed to take over the entire room, blotting out everything that stood in its way for several seconds, during which Nick heard a very familiar moan from below. Then, suddenly, the dark mass slowly began to change shape. It started to shrink first and then mould itself into something more humanoid, though there was nothing human about the shadow it was casting over the room – the shadow where Jack and John were currently imprisoned. While Jack was still on his feet and seemed to retain some of his control, John was slumped against the back wall, all the colour drained from his face and his eyes wide with terror and distress.

Nick didn't know when he started shooting at the creature, or how long he carried on for, but he was only stopped by a sharp pain to the side of his head. Blinking slightly, he turned round and spotted a large block of wood which had clearly been thrown in his direction. Turning round, he saw Ianto pointing at something and trying to get his attention, but it was several moments before he realised what he was shouting about.

"Look at the windows!"

Slowly, Nick turned around and, even through the layers of dust, he could see that the sun was rising and shards of light were falling through gaps in the dirt and lighting up the barn.

_It's recoiling away from the sunlight….but I've had a light on up here the whole time and it hasn't had any effect at all…it's a long shot, but I wonder if it could work..._

As this new idea began to formulate, Nick looked around the barn trying to work out how he could actually pull it off. It was only then that he noticed the rope attached to the middle of the long beam which ran all the way across the ceiling. His heart pounding in his throat, he reached over and looked for the end, which he soon realised was near the back of the space where he and Ianto were sat. When he pulled it out, he folded it and tied a large and firm knot so that it hung just above the floor and dragged it along so that the top of the ropes was at his end of the long beam. Finally, and with a deep breath, he sat himself down, wrapping his legs around the large knot, just as he used to when he was a child swinging on the rope hanging from the large tree in his uncle's back garden.

_I used to do this for fun. Now let's see if I can do it in the real world._

He gripped the rope with one hand and his gun with the other and then, with a combination of fast movement across the floor and a firm push from Ianto, he swung out of the roof space, barely looking where he was going as he fired a bullet into the window pane facing him. Wincing slightly as the glare of light hit his face and bounced off his glasses, he planted his feet in the window frame and looked down, smiling slightly as he saw life flickering in John's eyes again as the creature was visibly struggling to keep control over him and Jack. Watching him, Nick felt a great weight lift off his chest to be replaced by hope.

_Hang on, it's not over yet, _he reminded himself. _Yes, it's weakening, but that's not enough. You've only done half a job here, Jones – now, you have to finish it. Then, if it works, you can celebrate later. _

Gritting his teeth and finding his heart filled with determination, Nick wrapped his legs around the knot and used all the momentum he could to push himself off the ledge and swing through the air once again. At the same time, he fired a second bullet into the opposite window pane, but this time, when he heard the sound of glass smashing and falling, he kept going until he reached Ianto, and then he let go of the rope and sank down onto the floor at his cousin's feet.

He didn't even have to look up to know that his plan had worked. The loud roar of agony filling the room was enough to tell him that. Rolling forwards so he was sitting up, he put his gun away and dusted himself down. But before he could speak, there was a loud bang accompanied by a blinding flash of white light which caused the barn to shake. Quickly, both of them turned around, just in time to see what looked like the last remnants of a fire fall to the ground and encircle the box, which had now lost much of its lustre. Swallowing hard, he thumped his earpiece. "Jack, can you hear me?"

"Yes." Jack sounded a bit dazed. "Yes, I can hear you. Are you and Ianto all right?"

"Yeah, we're both fine. Jack –"

But before Nick could finish his sentence, he suddenly noticed that the stone on top of the box was starting to glow, sending eerie blue light throughout the room, almost blinding everyone in it. A moment later, he heard a loud crack and the next thing he knew, the roof space where he was sat began to collapse, apparently under the pressure exuded by that light. He managed to roll out of the way as one of the supports fell down and narrowly missed it hitting his head. Ianto, however, was not so lucky and the next thing Nick heard was a scream as the heavy wood fell on top of his wrist, before the roof itself began to fall.

Knowing that he had only seconds, Nick raced over and, ignoring the pain-filled gasps, pulled his cousin out of the wreckage and dragged him over to the edge, grabbing onto the rope seconds before the platform collapsed underneath them. He grabbed Ianto and hauled him onto his shoulder so he wouldn't be hurt unecessarily when, moments later, he jumped onto the ground in front of the two former Time Agents.

Jack stared at them in astonishment for a few seconds before he realised that the place was literally crumbling around them. He thumped his own earpiece. "Gwen, Andie, move out, back to the SUV, now!" he shouted. "We're on our way now; the barn's collapsing on us!"

The four men raced out of the room, ducking around the heavy beams as they crashed around them. It wasn't until they were almost out that Nick remembered something.

"Jack, what about the box?" he shouted. "Are we just going to leave it here?"

"Shoot it!" ordered Jack. "Shoot it on the blue stone!"

"_Shoot it_?!" squeaked John, speaking for the first time since they had arrived at the site. "But –"

"Trust me!" interrupted Jack. "You don't want one of those lying around the Hub, or anywhere else for that matter! Shoot it and destroy it!"

John and Nick both looked at each other, shrugged and took out their guns, before they each fired a shot at the same moment. They stopped and waited for a second, watching as the two bullets hit the blue stone, smashing it into pieces and sending violent rays of blue light burning throughout the entire building, smashing the windows and bursting through every single gap in the woodwork.

And then, just as suddenly as it had started, everything stopped. There was a long moment of silence, in which the only thing to be heard was a small hiss of pain from Ianto and a whispered 'sorry' from Jack, who had accidentally squeezed the younger man's wrist.

But then they heard it; very faint at first and easy to mistake for the ticking of someone's watch. However, it soon grew louder and more threatening, until finally there was no mistaking what it could be.

"Run!" shouted Jack, who was already tearing through the crumbling halls, Ianto hot on his heels. "Don't just stand there staring at it; run!"

The words didn't need to be shouted twice. Without looking back again, John and Nick raced through the halls, still avoiding the beams as they fell, one of them catching Nick's face and leaving a deep cut in its wake. The young doctor cursed in pain, but said nothing, knowing that they didn't have time to waste now.

Once they were outside, they quickly caught up with Jack, Ianto and the girls and raced towards the SUV. But they were only halfway down the hill when the explosion took place and, moments later, a terrible cry ripped through the air. When they finally turned back, the last thing they saw were several dark fragments soaring out of the ruined barn and disappearing into the air where they were lost amongst the clouds.

No one said anything for several minutes; they were all too busy catching their breath. Then Ianto cleared his throat. "That's the thing that was in the box."

"Yeah," panted John. "That's the thing that was in the box." He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, leaning against the side of the SUV.

"So is that thing related to vampires then? I mean, if you kill it using –"

Jack snorted. "Don't believe everything you see on horror films, Nick," was all he said before he unlocked the door and bundled the team into the car.

~*~

"You didn't leave me behind," Ianto said quietly, looking around the autopsy bay.

"Of course I didn't," replied Nick, a hint of surprise in his voice. "I'm not someone who makes the same mistakes twice." He finished strapping Ianto's wrist tightly in the bandage and placed it in a sling. "Keep it rested and don't over-exert yourself," he said firmly, his professional capacity taking over.

"I don't think Jack's going to be too pleased with piece of advice," replied Ianto and laughed softly, trying to clear the tension in the room. But when Nick didn't even crack a smile, he sighed. "Nick, this is ridiculous. I can understand that you're upset and yes, maybe I should have told you the truth about what Will did. But you and I are working together – we're seeing each other every day and we can't hope to function as a team if we're not speaking to each other."

He took a deep breath and gripped his cousin's hand. "You said that you don't make the same mistakes twice. Well, now's your chance to prove it. I'm calling for a truce, at least at work."

Nick looked astonished for a second, but he nodded. "And I accept."

~*~

Jack looked up from his paperwork when he heard the door to his office opened and closed slowly. He was surprised to see John leaning against the doorframe, his pose relaxed, but his face was uncharacteristically serious. Even now, after all this time working at the Time Agency, being manipulated by Gray and finally joining Torchwood, it was very strange to see the roguish man with absolutely no humour or innuendo in his eyes.

He shoved aside the paperwork he had been attempting to make a dent in and rested his hands on the desk. "Come in," he said, "sit down. I'm sensing this could take a while."

"What was the giveaway?" asked John as he sat down on the opposite side of the desk.

"Could've been the fact that, when I saw your face, there wasn't even a trace of a joke or any hint of a sexual innuendo there," answered Jack, raising an eyebrow. "I know you better than most people know you, John and I can tell when there's something bothering you." He looked up at his friend and former partner. "Now, what's bothering you?"

John sighed and leaned forwards. "It's time," he said slowly, "for me to tell you the real reason I came here – and, believe it or not, it wasn't to try and torture you or anything."

"I know. But why did you come?"

"I came because…because I needed answers – answers which I think only you could give me." John thought for a few seconds. "Jack, do you remember that mission where we got to within an inch of finding out what was happening before we were summoned back to the Agency?"

Jack nodded. "Of course I remember," he said quietly. "Those hours we spent sat in that room, wondering what was going on were some of the worst hours of my life."

"They were some of the worst hours of my life as well," admitted John quietly.

"Then why would you want to remember them?"

"I don't want to remember them!" retorted John angrily. "Jack, the last thing I want to do is remember them, but I need to know what happened next! I need to know why the last thing I remember hearing was you shouting that you'd come back for me, until I heard that you'd gone rogue – two years later!"

He paused for breath. "I spent years trying to find you, Jack. I need answers – I need to know what happened!" The last sentence was almost a screaming plea as he slammed his fist against the desk and leaned back, panting heavily. But a moment later, he heard a soft moan in front of him and looked up, only to gasp in shock at the tears running down his former partner's face.

"Jack?" he whispered, worried that his words had hurt the older man – that had not been what he had intended at all. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to hurt you; I just –"

"You didn't hurt me." Jack's voice was very quiet, but he sounded hurt. "It wasn't you who hurt me." He looked up. "The only thing that's hurt me now is that now I know that…that they did it to you as well."

John stared at him, confused. "What do you mean, they did –" but then he caught the horrified look on Jack's face and it all fell together. "Oh my God…"

"I lost those two years as well," murmured Jack, not even making the effort to wipe away the tears; he had realised that if there was one man besides Ianto who he didn't mind opening up to, it was John – the other man knew him; he knew the man he had once been. "I can remember being dragged away from you, but the next thing I heard was two years later – and it was that you'd gone rogue."

By now, both men had tears on their cheeks. "So you don't know what happened?" asked John, swallowing hard.

"No," sighed Jack, finally wiping his eyes. "I've spent years looking for answers, just like I'm sure you have, but I've found nothing. I'm sorry."

John bit his lip. "I went back to the Agency," he admitted. "When I thought I was never going to find you, I went back to the one place where I thought I could at least get some clues, if not necessarily answers."

"And did you?"

"No. When I went back, the only thing I found out was that it had shut down." John rubbed his forehead. "When I first saw you, I told you that there were only seven of us left. But what I didn't tell you was that two of them were us. The other five were people I don't even know."

"Us?" repeated Jack. "But –"

"We went rogue, I know. But we were still officially listed as Time Agents." He sighed. "Anyway, no one had any idea what had happened to me, or if they did then they weren't telling."

Jack nodded. "There's still something I don't understand, though. You just said that you were searching for me for years."

"I did."

"So," Jack bit his lip, wondering how to put this. "How…how did you find me here? What brought you to twenty-first century Cardiff?"

"Gray," answered John. "There are only two other people who I've told my life story to. One of them was Nick. The other one was Gray." He sighed. "When he found out that I knew you, he told me that he could take me to you and give me the answers I'd been searching for. He said he wanted to see you too. He told me you were here."

"He was manipulating you from the start," Jack realised, feeling more tears prick his eyes at the thought of what his brother had done. "He told you I could help you, but all he really wanted was to get to me and he used you to do that." He shook his head. "I'm sorry, John."

But John merely shrugged. "It's okay. I think deep down I knew that he was lying, but I was so desperate I didn't want to believe it. All I wanted was to find you and to find out what had really happened to me." _And to tell you that I still loved you_, he thought to himself.

"I know." Jack leaned forwards. "I understand that, believe me, I do."

"But," John continued, "when we were in that barn, something happened. It wasn't clear, but I saw something."

"What?" asked Jack, sitting up. "What did you see?"

"Just," John struggled visibly to recall, "just snapshots, really. But there was one that stood out among the others. A burning city, brought to ruin and smoke rising through the sky. The air was rank with the scent of ash and the water in front of me was red with blood." He shivered. "I walked out of one of the houses, screaming in my wake. My clothes and weapons were stained, but I felt triumphant. And then it was gone – but I didn't recognise it anywhere. It wasn't from my days at the Agency and it wasn't from after I went rogue..."

Jack's eyes widened. "You think that what we caught triggered something?"

"I have no idea, but it might have done." John shrugged. "Did you see anything? It seemed to affect you, too."

"There was something," admitted Jack. He looked slightly unnerved. "But I didn't see anything clear; it was just blurred images with a few faces, but I didn't recognise any of them."

"Oh."

Jack leaned over and gripped his hands tightly. "We'll find the answers," he said. "We'll find them, for both our sakes. I promise."

***

_Next Time: Jack realises that Nick isn't the only one in need of help when he has a talk with Ianto. _


	44. Chapter 44

Chapter 44

_The next day…_

"Rift activity!" shouted Gwen from the sofa. Sure enough, the monitor was beeping loudly.

"I knew today was too quiet to be true," muttered John, who was already picking up his coat "Where's the signal coming from?" he asked.

"It looks like the old wasteland in front of the docks, up near the warehouses," answered Nick, as he went to grab his own coat. "Come on, John."

Ianto came back upstairs from where he'd been organising something in the Archives just in time to hear this. "You…you two are going on your own?" he asked, trying (and failing) to keep the surprise out of his voice.

Nick blinked at him a few times. "Of course we are," he said. His voice was deceptively calm; it was his eyes which were doing all the talking. "It shouldn't be a problem for just the two of us, should it, John?"

"Not at all!" smiled John, tossing his coat around him like a cape. "No job is too great for Captain John Hart and his trusty partner, Nick Jones!" He was acting the clown, but everyone knew perfectly well that he was being serious.

Ianto shrugged and nodded, watching the two men leave. "Just," he started to say before realising that his cousin wouldn't appreciate it and stopping himself. However, the words simply tumbled out of his mouth anyway. "Just be careful!"

Nick stopped. Slowly, he turned around and looked at Ianto. No one said anything; they all wanted to see how this would pan out considering the tense atmosphere between the two young men at the time. However, Nick simply set his face, nodded and turned away to leave with John.

There was a long silence, broken only by the closing of the cog door. Everyone looked at each other for several moments. No one seemed sure what to say or do. Even Myfanwy seemed to sense it; she wasn't even scuffling around in her nest as she would often do.

Eventually, however, Jack called out from his office. "Come on, kids, back to work – there's nothing to see here!" His words were light, but his voice held an undercurrent of tension that nobody could have missed, even if they had tried. Gwen went to her desk to do some more of the pile of paperwork that she had been putting off recently, while Andie made her way back down to the autopsy bay, in case she had to prepare for another alien form coming through the Rift.

With a small sigh, Ianto disappeared into the kitchenette and started making Jack's cup of evening coffee, gently stroking the blue and white striped mug. The older man had been unusually tired lately; the stress of the last few weeks had caused him to lose a lot of sleep, which was a worrying occurrence, although Ianto couldn't deny that he liked waking up in Jack's arms, even if he was being held a little too desperately.

"Thanks, Ianto," murmured Jack, taking the time to look up and give his lover a small smile, even though his heart really wasn't in it. "What would I do without you?" he murmured, closing his eyes as he savoured the rich taste of the coffee on his tongue.

"Be completely caffeine-deprived," answered Ianto with a small laugh. It was true; no one else in the Hub was allowed to touch the coffee machine, simply because no one else could make anything remotely resembling a decent cup of coffee.

He was about to continue this train of thought out loud, when something caught his eye. It was a picture frame resting calmly in the corner of Jack's desk. His stomach contracted sharply when he realised that it was a picture of when the team had gone for an impromptu trip into the city on Boxing Day. It didn't sound too exciting put like that, but in reality, it had been one of the best days out Ianto had had in a long time.

Jack saw what he was looking at and laughed. "That was some day, wasn't it?" he remarked. "Look at us; it's as if we've just walked into the middle of the Alps. We look –"

"We look happy," interrupted Ianto, who had suddenly reached out to stroke the glass. "We _were_ happy," he amended hastily, perching himself on the edge of the desk. "It wasn't exactly what we planned to be doing, but we were happy. Gwen got to spend some time with Rhys, you had the chance to be who you really are…and Nick got to be with the kids…" He swallowed softly, unable to tear his eyes away from his cousin's smiling face; he was grinning even as little Trevyn was making a grab for his glasses.

Jack sighed. "It seems like such a long time ago, doesn't it?" he remarked. "It seems like such a long time since…oh, Ianto, I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" repeated Ianto, turning round sharply. "What are you sorry for?"

Jack sighed. "You told me how broken Nick was; you said you hoped that I could save him the way…the way you said I saved you." He laughed slightly bitterly. "But I haven't saved him, have I? All I've done – all Torchwood has done – is break him even more."

Ianto almost fell of the desk in shock. "You think you've broken him?" he exclaimed incredulously. "Jack, that's ridiculous! You're the one who's saved him. You've shown him how to live again after everything he's been through. Look at him yesterday – look at how brave and determined he was. You did that to him, Jack. You brought him back from his lowest point. John may have shown him that he can love again, but you're the one who saved him so that he could do that."

He didn't give Jack a chance to reply before he added, much more quietly, "If anyone's got to take responsibility for hurting him, it's me."

Jack stared at him. "What are you talking about?"

"I've betrayed him, Jack!" Ianto was quickly starting to lose the last remnants of his self-control. "I was so desperate to have control over…over knowing something that I kept what Alison did from Nick and now look what's happened! I've hurt him so badly, Jack…he's torn apart over what I kept from him…and yet, he still saved my life yesterday…"

He trailed off, his body shaking with heavy sobs as he waited for the sound of footsteps moving away from him. It was the least he deserved after what he had done to Nick.

However, to his amazement, he felt a hand drop onto his shoulder and a pair of strong arms wrapped around him and held him against a firm chest. At the same time, gentle fingers began to wind their way through his hair and a pair of soft lips brushed against his forehead.

"It's okay, Ianto." Jack's voice was quiet and gentle. "I'm here now, just calm down and breathe slowly." He stroked Ianto's back and rocked him, slowly soothing him until the despairing sobs had deteriorated into quiet sniffles. Slowly, he tilted Ianto's face upwards and wiped away the tears. "Come on, sit down here."

Once Ianto was safely perched on his lap, Jack wrapped an arm around his waist and looked straight into his eyes. "Now, what's the matter?"

"It's just," Ianto shifted uncomfortably, "Jack, all my life, I've been surrounded by secrets – secrets of my own and secrets that other people keep. It's been going on from when I was a child and thinking for years that Nick was my brother right up to working in London."

"What do you mean?"

"I was a junior researcher in London, Jack; I was barely told anything that wasn't strictly necessary. I was almost completely in the dark about what Torchwood was really about and what little I did know was what I'd looked up myself. I understood the reasoning – having too many people knowing too much could be dangerous – but it made me change myself too. I became obsessed with having secrets and I stopped opening up to people as easily as I used to. I had even started shutting Nick out of my life by then. The only reason he knew about Torchwood was because he was there when the Tower was destroyed."

Jack nodded. He understood where Ianto was coming from only too well. It was all very well keeping things under wraps when it wasn't necessary for people to know them, but that made it very difficult to distinguish between simple privacy and dangerous secrecy.

"Somewhere between adopting the 'If it's alien, it's ours' policy and the battle, Torchwood London crossed that line," he murmured. "It's one thing to have some secrets; no one expects to know everything about you, but the secrets you keep could cost lives…"

"Or could seriously hurt someone else unnecessarily," interrupted Ianto. "Secrets can be disastrous if you keep the wrong ones." He sighed and rested his head on Jack's shoulder. "I've had so many secrets to keep and kept from me, Jack…and now, it's all suddenly come to a head and sometimes I don't know where my secrets start and the others end."

Jack felt something inside him clench as he heard Ianto's voice tremble at the end. "I know." At that moment, he realised just how young his lover really was – far too young to have suffered everything that he had. Torchwood had taken so much away from him; there was no way he was going to lose anything else.

"Listen," he said cautiously, running his hands through Ianto's hair. "I've set things up for Nick to go and see a counsellor I know in a couple of days. I understand that you're not sure about saying too much to a stranger, but if you think it would help, I can ask her to see you too."

Ianto looked uncertain. "What about you?"

"I'll be with you every step of the way. I want you to have the help you should have had right from the start – right from when I recruited you. I made some terrible misjudgements then, and I'm truly sorry for that. I can't turn back the clock, but I can at least try and help you now." He stroked Ianto's cheek gently. "You don't have to make a decision now – just think about it."

"I will," replied Ianto. "I will think about it. Thank you, Jack."

Jack was about to answer, but before he could, he suddenly realised that the Rift monitor was beeping. He stood up and frowned. "Did that even stop?"

A moment later, Gwen knocked on the door, looking flustered. "Jack, something's happening. It looks like the Rift spike that John and Nick went to deal with is moving."

"Moving?" repeated Jack, racing out of the door and towards the monitor. "Where's it going?"

Ianto's swift fingers pressed the keys, tracking what was happening. "It looks like it's coming towards the Plass," he said. "I don't think I've ever seen anything like this before."

"I can't reach John or Nick on the comms either," said Andie, her face worried. She came over and helped Ianto with what he was doing. "Wait, it's stopped. It's down the end of the Plass nearest to the water."

"It's not moving," Ianto said quietly. "It's spreading."

"Could the spike be drawn to something over here?" asked Gwen. She turned round to look at her leader. "What do you think, Jack? Have you ever seen anything like this before?"

But Jack was watching the screen, his face slowly turning white with shock and confusion. "No," he whispered. "Ianto's right. It's not moving." He fiddled with something. "It is spreading."

Everyone was stunned into silence after that statement. Gwen and Andie looked at each other in astonishment, both of them silently asking the same question: _Has this happened before? _

"Jack?" Ianto finally broke the silence when he reached over and cautiously touched his lover's hand. "What is it?"

"It can't be." Jack seemed unaware of Ianto's touch. "It _can't _be."

"What can't it be?" asked Andie, who was tapping her foot against the floor, the only suggestion of the true level of how agitated she was. "What is it, Jack?"

But at that moment, Jack snapped out of it and raced into his office, pulling on his coat as he came out. "Come on!" he shouted, his eyes suddenly alight. "Let's move!"

"What's happening?" asked Andie as they followed the older man to the garage and jumped into the SUV. "What's going on?"

"I don't know," replied Ianto, turning round from where he was sitting in front. "But it certainly doesn't look good."

***

_Next Time: What's happening with the Rift? _


	45. Chapter 45

Chapter 45

The wind blowing in from the Bay sent swirls of stray leaves scurrying around the two men's legs as they stood, awed, on the Plass. John stared at the collected energy vibrating around them, burning like a deadly flame. "I wondered if this day would come," he admitted. "But I never thought it would be so soon."

"What is it?" asked Nick. "John, what's going on?"

"I came to this time via the Rift in time and space," answered John. "This Rift has survived through legends, even up to my time. At first, I wasn't sure whether or not to believe it, but when I heard about Jack and finally came here myself, I realised that the stories were true."

"Never mind stories!" retorted Nick. "What are you saying?"

"But the stories are important – well, at least one of them is." John rubbed his eyes. "Nick, I have to tell you something…and I think that this may be my last chance."

"What do you mean, this could be your last chance? What more is there that we need to say? You know how I feel about you…and I know how you feel about me…"

"It's nothing like that," sighed John. "It's about my time at the Time Agency. You see…among the stories about the Rift, there was one that a lot of people believed. It was treated rather like a prophecy, I suppose. Everyone feared it, but at the same time, they waited for it."

"Why? What did it say?"

"It said," John paused, his eyes momentarily shimmering with strange gold flecks. "I never knew the exact wording, none of us did. It wasn't thought proper to ask. But…it talked about how, one day, one of us would…fall through time and space to a long distant past. And…there would be another, who would follow him soon after and do all he could to find him, but it would be too late. He would wander through centuries, perhaps millennia, before finding his partner again…only for them to be separated when the calling came and the follower was lost…for the greater good."

He shook his head. "Jack and I dismissed it as a fanciful story. I don't think, even now, that Jack believes it. We both thought it was a legend, a false prophecy someone had made about the Rift to scare arrogant Time Agents long ago."

"But what have you and Jack got to do with it?"

"We were stupid and arrogant, Nick." John's voice seemed to be growing fainter. "We never once considered that it might be true…the implications of what it could mean never occurred to us."

"Implications? What are you –" but the words died in Nick's throat as the answer dawned on him. "No!" he gasped out. "It can't be you…it can't be!"

John sighed. "There were only two who went rogue from the Time Agency and survived. Jack was one. I was the other. I did what the story said…searched for him for almost an eternity…" He paused for a second. "Nick, do you remember that silver artefact we found yesterday?"

"Yeah."

John smiled gently. "You noticed the remnants of Rift energy at the scene. No one else could see them, but I knew that they were there…I heard it." He paused for breath. "I heard the Rift…calling out to me…and I'm hearing it again now. It's telling me that it's time."

"Time for what?"

"Time for me to show that I have changed. It's time for me to…start to close the Rift. That's what the prophecy meant by one being lost for the greater good."

He reached out and stroked Nick's hair off his face, smiling slightly as he saw that his fingers were slowly becoming covered in golden dust. "Don't forget that…"

"No," interrupted Nick, his eyes suddenly flashing. Without pausing to think, he grabbed John's hand. "Jack would never let you do this! And neither would I."

"There's nothing Jack can do." John's voice was fading again. "It was prophesied long ago…I'm becoming part of the Rift…there's nothing to be done."

"Then there's only one thing for it," insisted Nick, wrapping one arm around his lover's waist. "If you're getting sucked into the Rift…then I'm going with you."

John looked stricken. "Nick, no!" he exclaimed. "You can't –"

"Yes I can. I've already lost my wife and my children. I am not going to lose you, not now. I –" but he never finished as, moments later, Jack, Ianto and the girls came rushing up. Jack took one look at the scene and turned white.

"Oh, my God," he whispered. "It was true…it was true all along."

"What?" Gwen had gotten out of the car and was racing after Jack. "What was true? Jack, what's going on?"

But Jack wasn't listening to her; or if he was, then he was ignoring her. "John," he whispered, his voice quiet, "please tell me this isn't what I think it is."

John shook his head. "Don't say that, Jack," he said quietly. "We both know it's true and fighting it won't make it any less true."

Jack shook his head. "No."

"There's nothing we can do, Jack. It's prophesied, you know that. You always talk about fighting and doing what we do for the greater good. You've done that for so long. Now...now, it's my turn."

He took a deep breath. "And if I have to do it alone...then so be it."

At those words, Nick started. "You won't be alone!" he half-shouted. "I've told you, I'm going with you. I am not letting you go through this by yourself."

"Going where?" shouted Gwen. "What's going on?"

John ignored her. "Nick, please don't make this any harder than it already is. I can't stand the thought of leaving you behind. But this is something that I have to do. I can't ask you to –"

"Let me ask you something," interrupted Nick, that familiar stubbornness flashing in his eyes. "If it was me facing this...if I was the one who had to do this – would you have let me leave you behind?"

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jack flinch. John gasped. "Don't ask...you know...I could never do that."

"Then don't ask me to do it."

"But…I can't ask you…I don't…"

But Nick wasn't listening. He could dimly hear Jack and John trying to talk to him, even as they argued with each other, and he vaguely registered Gwen still shouting questions at Jack, even as he ignored her. But his face was drawn, instead, towards Ianto, who was standing beside Jack, silent tears running down his face.

And yet, at the same time, he was smiling in understanding. He stood calmly, his blue eyes taking in the scene facing them, but never leaving Nick's face. The connection that had been lost for so long suddenly felt renewed with such power that the young doctor could almost hear his cousin's voice speaking to him, though Ianto's lips never moved.

_You really love him, don't you? _

It wasn't a question and so Nick didn't treat it as such.

_You'd go with Jack. _

He didn't need to see Ianto's gaze waver towards his own Captain, friend and lover to know that the words were true. Even though he hadn't spoken them, he knew that Ianto had understood. And, if he hadn't known it, the small nod would have confirmed it.

The picture, however, was broken by Jack, who also had tears pouring down his face, coming to stand next to his lover. He looked exhausted and resigned…but also calm, as if he knew that he was doing what he had to do. When Gwen came rushing over to him, ready to berate him, Ianto just gave her such a look that she hurried off to stand with Andie, who had just arrived and was watching the scene with a mixture of shock and sorrow.

"There's no talking you out of this, is there?" whispered Jack.

Nick shook his head. "No. It's not just about me saying that I don't want to lose anyone else I love. It's more than that – so much more than that."

He took a deep breath. "I've said this before; I would die to protect my children and everyone in this world…and if that means doing this…then so be it. It's all for the greater good – and you know it."

Jack swallowed hard, almost choking on the unshed tears he could feel deep in his throat, but Nick wasn't finished. He took a deep breath and turned to look at his leader, stealing himself for what he was about to say.

"Thank you," he gasped out. "Jack…I was almost broken when you came to me and offered me that job. But you've saved me…just like you've saved so many others." He could feel a single tear running down his cheek, but he ignored it. "You taught me how to live…and helped me to find someone who taught me how to love again."

Jack smiled at him. "I'm going to miss you, Nick Jones," he said. "You were a good friend and a brave man. You never gave me any reason to regret recruiting you…and, most importantly, you stayed true to yourself and you never let this job change who you are."

Nick nodded his head in deference to his Captain, his throat tight with emotion. He looked at Jack as the other man continued, noticing the brightness in his eyes, even as his own vision was slowly being clouded over by the golden Rift sparks swirling around them.

"You take care of yourself, Dr Jones and..."Jack gave a stuttering, rueful chuckle and nodded towards John, "Look after that idiot, will you? Keep him out of trouble?"

Nick huffed in acknowledgement and amusement, the noise harbouring an edge of hysteria as he fought to keep his emotions in check.

"You don't have to do this, Nick," whispered John, whose voice was fading as the golden energy began to consume them. "You don't have to follow me."

But Nick ignored him. "Gwen, Andie…you've shown me friendship. I know our time together wasn't always easy, but I wouldn't have changed it for anything. Thank you…both. And…and all I ask is that…" but the words wouldn't come.

"We will," Andie assured him. "Don't worry; we'll take care of them."

Nick paused again for a second and when he spoke again, his voice was much thicker. "Ianto," he whispered, "come here…" He waited until his cousin was in front of him. "I…I just –"

"Nick, wait," interrupted Ianto. "I need to say something too…I just want to say that…" he paused for a second, forcing himself not to choke on his tears.

"Ianto," interrupted Nick, reaching out to caress his cousin's cheek. "You don't need to say it. I understand. And," he paused, smiling gently as the golden dust began to cover him. When he spoke, his voice was almost a whisper, but everyone heard his final words.

"I forgive you."

Ianto collapsed onto the ground, tears soaking his shirt as he watched the golden cloud expand, encircling the two men. It still looked so fragile, as if it was merely made of the small flecks of ash you find on a bonfire, but he knew that it was so strong.

He started suddenly as he felt Jack's arms wrap around his waist and pull him close, only to gasp in pain as he felt his lover's tears mingling with his own, soaking his cheeks. He didn't even have to think as he wrapped his arms around Jack and held him tight, both of them sharing their grief.

Neither of them looked up to see the cloud burn brighter and brighter, before it suddenly started to fragment and fade away, taking both men with them. But as the sun set over the bay, they both thought that they felt a feeling of calmness and of comfort wash over their minds, soothing their thoughts and calming their souls.

Jack smiled softly through a mist of tears. The sun had set on two more of his beloved team-mates, but it would rise again one day. Just as had happened with Owen and Tosh; they were gone, but never forgotten.

And, right there, Jack made a promise that, while they may not be with them, Captain John Hart and Dr. Nick Jones would never be forgotten.

***

_The End. _


End file.
